Cinder

by Jessica Sorensen

  Weeks of silence and suddenly she’s barging into my home like we’re still friends? My initial reaction is to run and hide, like I’m a little kid, but I’m not a little kid and I know if I stay up here, then she’s just going to come up. So I reach for the knife I leave on my nightstand—the one I stabbed the guy with—then walk out of the room.

  When I reach the top of the stairway, I spot her standing in the foyer, twisting a strand of her bubble gum pink hair around her finger. She looks like she always does; sapphire eyes framed with glitter, glossy lips, wearing black high-heeled boots and a short dress that matches them. There are only two differences between the Raven I met when I was a kid and this one standing in front of me. This one has a fresh scar on her throat where the fake detective—that was really part of the Anamotti—slit Raven’s throat.

  “What do you want?” I start down the stairway, slipping the pocket knife into my back pocket, knowing there’s no way I’d actually use it on her, but I wouldn’t hesitate to use it on the Anamotti.

  She beams at me like there’s nothing going on, as though we haven’t been ignoring each other for weeks and that she never had secret rendezvous with my brother every night. That she’s not possessed by the Anamotti, even though the X branded on her arm suggests otherwise.

  “I just wanted to say hi to my best friend, silly.” She meets me at the bottom of the stairs and then loops her arm through mine. I wince from the contact, her death smothering me like a heavy blanket. Standing on the ledge. Someone begs her to jump, so she does, falling to her death. She glances down at my wrists, noting the gloves I have on to cover up the lines on my skin from drinking Cameron’s life. “What’s with the arm warmers, you weirdo? You’re not even outside.”

  “I always wear stuff like this,” I say, which is the truth and normally she wouldn’t question it.

  She flicks the edge of the fabric with her finger. “Not when you’re just hanging at the house.” She dithers, releasing my arm with a suspicious look on her face. “Wait a minute… are you going out on a date or something?”

  “You know I have no one to go out on a date with,” I remind her; or whoever’s controlling her. “Unlike you, who seems to be going out with my brother at the moment.” It’s a challenge. I’m not sure they’re still meeting up, but I’d like to find out.

  She doesn’t miss a beat, managing to breezily dodge my question and focus the conversation back on me. “Maybe you have a date with that guy that moved in across the street. You know, the one that creeper Cameron lived in.”

  “His uncle?” I ask. “He’s really old.”

  She shrugs with a malicious twinkle in her eye. “Maybe you like old dudes now. I mean, I feel like I barely know you anymore.”

  “I’m the same as I’ve always been.” I maintain her gaze, wishing I had that book again so maybe I could figure out a way to bring my friend back. “I think you’re the one that’s changed.”

  “No, you’re different,” she replies. “In fact, you seem even crazier than when we first met.”

  I shake my head, knowing she’s trying to get a rise out of me. “Raven, why are you here? Other than to insult me. Did you just stop by to see Ian?”

  “Why would I want to see Ian?”

  “Um, because you’ve been letting him paint you.” I resist an eye roll at her feigned lack of remembering. “I know you’re his secret muse that sneaks into the house.”

  “Oh, I haven’t done that in a few weeks,” she says, discounting the truth. “I only came over here to see you.”

  My mouth sinks to a frown. “Why?”

  She grins. “Because we’re friends and I want to hang out.” Then she grabs my arm again and starts to drag me towards the front door. “I thought we could have some fun like we used to.”

  “You haven’t talked to me in weeks.” I plant my feet firmly on the floor, refusing to budge. “And now suddenly you want us to be friends again?”

  “So I was thinking we should go bowling tonight.” She tugs on my arm, ignoring me.

  “Bowling? Seriously? That’s why you came over here?” I refuse to move and walk into whatever trap is lying ahead of me.

  “Yeah, it’d be fun,” she says with a huge smile plastered on her face.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” I ask.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” she retorts in a whiney sing-song. We stare each other down until she ultimately lets go of my arm and then stomps her foot against the floor. “Oh, come on, go bowling with me. Please? It’ll be fun.”

  “No way,” I say, retreating for the living room. “It would be weird and awkward like this whole conversation.”

  “What do you mean?” She tilts her head, confounded. “There’s nothing weird about this conversation. We’re just two best friends hanging out.”

  I stop backing away when I reach the doorway of the living room and then point at the front door. “No, we’re not and you should go.”

  Now, Ember, is that any way to speak to your best friend. Cameron’s voice reemerges in my head.

  How the hell do I get you out of my head? I say loudly inside my head.

  You don’t.

  I hate you.

  No you don’t. You want me, more than you’d like to admit.

  “Shut up.” I don’t mean to say it out loud, but it slips out.

  Raven gapes at me like I’ve lost it. “Em, are you okay?”

  I cross my arms over my chest. “Oh, like you already don’t know that I’m not okay. That nothing is okay.”

  She doesn’t know about me, Cameron hisses in my head. I already told you I’m not part of the Anamotti and that Reapers hate me and my family, and if you know what’s best for you, you won’t utter a word to her about me.

  Well, if that’s what you don’t want me to do, then it’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m not really planning on telling her, just making a threat. When I open my mouth, my jaw snaps shut of its own accord.

  I guess we’re going to do this the hard way then. He sighs, like he’s so disappointed. I really would rather not, but you give me no choice.

  Suddenly, my mouth turns upward into an enormous grin as I span my hands out to the sides of me. “I’d love to go bowling.” The voice belongs to me, but I’m not controlling it; I’m suddenly nothing more than a puppet, just like everyone else at school.

  Cameron, knock it off! I try to run towards the stairs and grab ahold of the railing, but my feet remain planted in place.

  No, you need to go with her. It’s important. He sounds serious, which is weird for him. It might help us figure some stuff out.

  Us? There is no us. With a loud grunt, I manage to get my foot up and then step back very ungracefully, bumping my hip into the corner table.

  “Shall we?” I ask Raven in a very cordial tone.

  Cameron chuckles. Shall we? I guess I probably should have done better than that.

  I feel a hot sensation whisk through my body and then he swiftly takes over, making my legs move, bringing my knees up a little too far so it looks like I’m marching in a parade. Raven follows after me with a perplexed look on her face as I stumble to the door.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Raven asks as I open the front door and stumble over the threshold. Sunlight shines down on me, yet I feel like I’m stuck in the shadows. In the cold.

  You’re feeling me, he explains. I know it’s not the best sensation, but bear with me.

  “I’m fine.” My mouth moves as I trip down the stairway and onto the lawn. “I’m perfectly okay.” I plaster a smile on my face, but on the inside I feel completely hollow. So cold. As though I’m losing control of who I am as well as what makes me feel things. I think I could do anything at the moment—good or bad—and be okay with it.

  Cameron, what is that? Why is everything so cold? It feels almost like that night in the room when the shadow dove into me.

  I have no idea what you’re talking about, he says. I can’t tell if he’
s telling the truth or not. But that coldness you feel is the feeling of death, he explains. You’re feeling me right now and the energy of the souls I’ve stolen. I’m part of you at the moment, Ember; part of your mind, body and soul. I just wish I could figure out how to take it. And who knows, maybe you’ll break down and tell me.

  Part of my soul?

  Oh, God. I’m in deep shit.

  Chapter 6

  The cops that are always parked out in front of my house are gone, probably taking one of their very rare breaks. The sun is shining down on the neighborhood, but it’s eerily quiet with everyone too afraid to step outside or something. Leaves shower from the trees and land on the frosted ground, crunching underneath my boots.

  “I made them leave,” Raven states as we cross the piece of lawn between our houses to her car parked in the driveway next door.

  “Made who leave?” I work to stay upright as Cameron ungracefully controls my legs.

  She grins as she rounds the back of her silver car. “The cops.” She unlocks the door, smiling to herself. “I know they’ve been watching you.”

  I swallow hard as my arm stretches out and my fingers wrap around the door handle. I give it a tug and the door swings open. Then, bumping my head on the ceiling, I climb in. Raven gets in too and starts up the car.

  “They think you killed all those girls,” she says as she starts the engine while I buckle my seatbelt.

  See, I care about you, Cameron says as he forces me to buckle it.

  Yeah, I’m sure you do. And that’s why you’ve made me get into a car with a girl that’s possessed by the Anamotti and is probably leading me straight into a trap.

  Just trust me. That’s what we want.

  I already told you that you have to earn trust and this isn’t the way.

  “So, this should be fun,” Raven says as she backs down the driveway and turns onto the street.

  “Yeah, I guess,” I mutter.

  What do you mean this is what we want? How are you doing this, Cameron? How are you controlling me? I thought the Anamotti couldn’t control me like they control part of the humans.

  I already told you that I’m not part of the Anamotti.

  Yeah, but you weren’t able to do this before… make me move like this and talk inside my head. So what’s changed?

  You.

  What do you mean?

  I sit quietly in the passenger seat of Raven’s car, waiting for an answer, however he offers me none. I rack my brain for something that might have changed over the last few days, but I draw up a blank other than the fact that I’ve gotten lonelier.

  Is that how you’re doing it? I ask. Because I’m lonely and vulnerable.

  He stays silent and I wonder if he’s still inside me. I’ve gotten less cold and the hollowness is starting to fill again. Perhaps he lost his hold over me. How can I find out for sure, though? I glance at Raven and then at the door handle, deciding to give it a try. I wait for her to slow down at the stop sign at the end of the road and then I focus on moving my hand towards the handle to jump out of the car, but it won’t budge—nothing will. Not my legs. My feet. My arms. Dammit!

  I sit up straight in the seat with my hands on my lap, doing the only thing I can do. Nothing. Raven has the air conditioning cranked up even though it’s cold outside with frost glazing the leaves and sidewalks and everyone walking up and down the sidewalk is wearing jackets. I didn’t even think to grab mine, but then again, I wasn’t really thinking on my own when I left the house.

  Relax, you look beautiful, Cameron assures me. You always do.

  “Oh, shut up,” I say and Raven shoots me a stunned look.

  “Excuse me?” She says, turning down the radio with one hand while she grips onto the steering wheel with the other.

  “It’s nothing.” I sigh and rotate towards the window, knowing there’s probably a very slim chance that I’m just going bowling. Cameron starts laughing in my head again while Raven mutters something under her breath about me losing my mind. I need to calm down. Get myself together. Yes, Cameron has control of my body, but he doesn’t have control of my mind. I start creating poetry, putting letters and words together.

  Wings of freedom

  Eyes of light

  Touch that stills me

  And Comforts

  Like rays of sunshine

  Instead of shadows

  I start to relax, but then Cameron’s and my thoughts mingle, and he takes over my internal poetry.

  Through the whispers of the willows,

  One leaf strives to survive

  But endangered from the wind and branches,

  It slowly starts to die

  Though maybe that’s what’s better for it;

  To give up, surrender, and make peace

  Then perhaps it will taste the powerful freedom

  Of the wind.

  The darkness.

  Surrender and give in.

  I keep my thoughts to myself, pretending that Cameron isn’t inside my head, that this isn’t happening, but he chortles, reminding me that he’s there.

  “So how’s school, Emmy?” Raven asks as she merges the car onto the highway. She’s using my nickname to get to me. She knows that’s what my dad used to call me and that it hurts whenever I hear it.

  “Schools great,” I lie with a tight smile, wondering if she knows what’s been going on there. “I haven’t seen you around much, though.”

  “That’s because I spend most of my time in the art room.” She beams from ear to ear.

  “That’s good.” I keep my tone light. “I’m sure you’ve been very happy then.”

  “Oh superbly happily,” she says. “In fact, I’ve been spending a lot of time with the art Mr. Morgan.”

  “You’ve been spending time with Mr. Morgan?” I question in doubt. How can that be if he’s good?

  Raven nods while she checks her reflection in the mirror as we drive over the bridge. “I have. In fact, we meet up every day after his last class.”

  See I told you, Cameron says. Don’t trust anyone.

  Just because he’s spending time with her, doesn’t mean he’s bad.

  Do you really believe that?

  I’m not sure. And that’s the painful truth. I thought it was a little weird to begin with that Asher’s uncle abruptly approached me and handed all that information to me on a silver platter. Not to mention that he then gave me the blank book that doesn’t make any sense.

  “He’s super hot, too, just like Asher,” Raven says, interrupting my thoughts.

  My heart tightens in my chest at the mention of Asher. God, I miss him, more than I allow myself to. I wish he was here with me, filling me with the quiet and fulfillment his touch brings whenever he feels me, kisses me—

  Wow, living in your head is kind of disturbing. Cameron sounds annoyed.

  “You know, you never did explain to me where Asher went,” Raven says, adjusting her mirror. “After that whole fiasco in the cemetery.”

  My mouth moves on its own. “I think he died.”

  “What?” Raven gapes at me, genuinely stunned.

  “Yeah, back in the cemetery.” I have no control anymore.

  She seems unconvinced, shooting me a doubtful look. “You don’t seem that upset about it.”

  “I guess it’s because I was really in love with Cameron.” I try to shake my head at Cameron, but fail.

  What? He asks innocently. Weren’t you in love with him?

  I’m not sure… just like I’m not sure why I’m talking to you about this.

  Raven gapes at me in disbelief for a moment before she returns her attention back to the road, grabbing her sunglasses from the cup holder between us and putting them on. I watch Hollows Grove blur by; Phil’s Shenanigans and Fun, the bar Asher and I had our first date in, the outdated buildings that make up Main Street, an auto shop, and the trailer park. Finally, at the end of it—near the mouth of the canyon—we pull up in front of Dina’s Bowling Alley. An open sign flashe
s in neon pink from the window and there are groups of people hanging around by the front door.

  “Wow, there are a lot of people here,” she remarks as she puts the car into park and turns off the engine. “This should be fun.”

  “I guess so.” Even though I don’t want to, my fingers find the buckle of the seat belt and unfasten it. Then I get out of the car and meet Raven at the front, hyperaware that there are a lot of eyes focused on me. Things only get stranger when we enter the building and it’s packed. Everyone looks really happy, too; too happy. Laughing. Chatting. Smiles. Drinks. It’s not like at the school, yet there’s still something off about it; like I’ve stepped into a 1950s sitcom where everyone is eerily cheery.