A Lesson in Forgiveness

by Jennifer Connors

  It was all too much for Ginny. Pulling away, she stood and put some distance between them. Turning her back to him, she tried to control her racing heart. She wasn't ready for this. She wasn't ready to open herself up this much to him. The last time she did that, he left her, exposed, forgotten. It reminded her too much of how she had let him do that to her. The old fears crept into her heart, the one she tried to forget.

  “I am sorry, Bethany. I did not mean to scare you. I promise to behave myself.” Colin felt like he was talking to a virgin. It occurred to him that in some ways, she was. They had only had sex once, and although she may have kissed Clarendon, she never allowed him in her bed. It would take time, and he would have to be patient.

  Turning back to him, she smiled. “I had promised to forget, Colin, but I'm only human. Our wedding night was very humiliating for me. When you didn't speak to me, never kissed me... when you left after it was over, not bothering to see if I was alright...” The tears were falling now, a reminder of the humiliation she felt that night. Ginny didn't want to hurt him more, but she needed to have her say. She needed to be reassured that it would never happen again.

  The shame was written on his face. Colin turned away before she could see the depth of his pain. He could recall that night, his anger at being married. He remembered how he wanted to punish her, but was determined to consummate the marriage so she couldn't seek an annulment while he was gone. To call him a bastard was too kind. He had truly ruined her that night.

  “I can never express the shame I feel for what I did. I remember wanting to punish you, but instead I ruined a beautiful, young woman. I swear to you that I would never behave like that again. I would sooner die a painful death than treat you so abominably again.”

  “I know you wouldn't, Colin. I just need some time. I'm just not ready yet. I'm sorry.”

  “You have nothing to apologize for. I will wait forever for you to be ready.”

  His simple declaration did wonders for Ginny. She smiled and said goodnight and promptly left him behind. Her feelings were confusing to her. Part of her wanted him to come to her bed again, wanted that relationship. The other part, never wanted him near her again. She wondered if there would ever be a middle ground, a point where they could be happy.

  As she walked back, she spotted the Diana statue. Stopping in front of it, she remembered the kiss that started the whole mess. She remembered how she knew that it would not be enough, that it would lead to other things. What she didn't know at the time was that it would lead down a path of pain and unhappiness. But that was behind her, to be kept in the past where it belonged, with anything else that she couldn't change.

  The man on her wedding night was not the man she had just left behind in the maze. The latter was more mature, recognized his culpability, felt the depth of the pain he caused. And most importantly, would never commit those sins again. He was human and would make mistakes. They would argue and hurt each other's feelings, but she knew he would never hurt her as badly as he did that night.

  It was time, she decided. It was time to move on and let go. She let those feelings overwhelm her in the maze, but they wouldn't again. What happened that night, over a year ago, happened to two different people. It was time to make a new life, be married and hopefully, move on. Smiling, she walked back to the house to change for bed. She had no intention of sleeping in her own bed that night. She had every intention to be the first bride in history to relive her wedding night.

  Chapter 24

  Colin sat for a long time on that bench in the middle of the maze. Quietly chastising himself over his pushing her too hard. He needed to slow down and make things perfect. More wooing, more courtship, and especially, more understanding.

  Eventually, he made his way to his bedroom and got undressed. His valet, Charles, helped him with his boots, took his dirty clothes and promptly left him alone. Standing in just his nightshirt, Colin formulated a plan for a romantic day with his wife. Perhaps a picnic by the lake, where they could just talk. It sounded wonderful.

  Climbing into bed, he went to blow out the last candle when there was a knock on his door. “Come in, Charles.”

  “It's not Charles.”

  Colin was out of his bed as soon as he realized it was his wife. She walked over to him and stood before him wearing only a thin nightgown. He wanted to touch her, but knew he couldn't. He simply waited for her to explain.

  Ginny didn't know what to say. She didn't want him thinking she was going to keep seducing him to stop him cold. It suddenly occurred to her how to bridge the gap. Hoping she didn't sound too silly, she asked, “May I sleep in your bed tonight?”

  “Pardon me?” Colin was sure he didn't hear her right. Did she ask to sleep in his bed? Did she mean to actually sleep? The confusion was written on his face, but since the candle was behind him, she couldn't see it.

  “I was hoping that I might share your bed tonight.” As Ginny said it, she realized how cryptic is sounded. Wanting to elaborate, she carried on, “I just want to sleep with you, if that's alright.”

  “Of course, my dear.” Moving out of her way, he watched as she climbed into his enormous bed, pulling the covers over herself and waiting for him to join her. Colin blew out the last candle and climbed in next to her. He laid down, not sure what to do next, when he felt her snuggle up to his side. Placing his arm around her, she laid her head on his chest while wrapping her arm around him. She fit perfectly against his body, as if she were made just for him.

  “Are you comfortable, dearest? Is there anything you need?” he asked tentatively, not wanting to break the intimacy.

  “No, this is good. Thank you.”

  He gently placed a kiss on the top of her head. This is good, he thought to himself. It wasn't long before he felt her breathing even out and he knew she was asleep. Closing his eyes, he decided to join her.

  Colin was having the best dream. He and Bethany were having their picnic, making love in a field of wildflowers. Her hands were stroking the hair on this chest, playing with his nipples. Her lips were kissing his jawline, down one side and up the other. He moved his hands to grasp her face and began to kiss her lips. It was then he realized he was not dreaming.

  Pulling away, he looked at her face. The features were dull, but there was enough moonlight to see a smile on her face. “Is this what you want, Bethany?” His voice sounded shaky, from both sleep and passion.

  “Yes, Colin. This is what I want.” Her voice sounded determined.

  Colin kissed her again, invading her mouth, stroking her short hair. His hands made their way down her back, rounded her bottom and grabbed at the hem of her nightgown. Without thinking, without considering how quickly he was moving, he pulled the hem up and over her head. Bethany was kneeling in front of him, naked and glorious. He could do nothing but stare at her body.

  Ginny felt her heart begin to race again with the same fears. Taking a deep breath, she trusted that it was different. This would be her wedding night, she silently vowed. This would be their beginning. Smiling, she reached over and began to tug the bottom of his nightshirt. He finally realized her intent and allowed her to pull the shirt over his head and drop it to the floor.

  Colin was slightly dizzy, partly from being abruptly woken up and mostly from having his desire overcome his senses. Tentatively, he reached out and caressed her breast, first stroking, then cupping it in his hand. Bending over, he began to suckle the nipple, flick it with his tongue. Hearing her gasp, Colin reached behind his wife and lowered her onto her back. Stretching out beside her, he cupped her face and kissed her gently.

  It was nearly perfect as far as Ginny was concerned. She felt all the tension giving way. This was how it was supposed to be, no pretension, no anxieties. Just two people rediscovering what had originally attracted them to each other. At the moment, Ginny didn't care if they only kissed all night. His lips were soft, his tongue was carnal and his hands were stroking her body.

  She felt his hand on her stomach, ca
ressing the soft skin. It was so close to her juncture, it made her burn inside. The heat was spreading to her legs and up to her chest. Colin began to kiss her neck, moving his body down, moving his hand lower to play with her soft curls. Colin used his hand to move her legs apart, giving him better access to her.

  Ginny laid still, waiting to see what he would do next. When his fingers parted her, rubbed her intimately, she sighed from the feeling. He used small, circular motions that were quickly building the sweet pleasure inside her. While his thumb continued to rub her, his finger entered her sheath, demonstrating without words how titillated she was.

  Feeling the wetness on his finger, Colin longed to taste her as he did their one other night. He wanted this encounter to be perfect, her pleasure all consuming. He kissed his way down her body, until he was situated between her legs. Using his tongue, Colin was determined to show his wife pure enjoyment.

  Ginny arched her back to the sensation. Colin was making her feel like she was a delicious dessert, simply for his own delectation. It was a heady experience, knowing this man wanted nothing but to make her orgasm. His tongue worked wonders, as his finger continued penetrating her deep recess. The ecstasy kept building, until it spilled over and Ginny was rocked by the gratification. The deep burning burst out and stunned her momentarily. Arching her back, trying to keep the surge of pleasure going, Ginny felt the incredible numbness that always follows a truly good orgasm.

  Looking down at her husband, she noticed he was watching her face, with a goofy grin that spoke of smug pride. Closing her eyes again, smiling, she thought how most men took such pride in this accomplishment. She supposed it was warranted, as the female orgasm was anything but guaranteed. Some men treated it as though they'd reached the moon and back without the aid of a rocket.

  Moving back to his position beside her, Colin slowly moved his hand up Bethany's body and began to play with her breasts again. Carefully turning her body away from his, Colin lifted her leg up and entered her from behind. After her orgasm, she was so wet that he slipped right in. The pressure of her walls closed in on his erection, making him weak with desire. He tried to slow himself down, not wanting the moment to end, but after so long, it became too much. His movements quickened, he felt his wife panting over his invasion. When he felt her body close in on him tighter, he let go, freeing his seed and enjoying his own release.

  They laid spooned together for a long time while each recovered from the experience. Colin remained inside of her, still hard, but no longer aching with need. After a few minutes, he gently rocked back and forth, to try to bring his wife to orgasm again. When he heard her moan, low at first, but then building in intensity, he continued his ministrations. Suddenly, he could feel her spasms, hear her calling out his name. She arched her back against him, then relaxed into a puddle of contentment.

  Colin moved away, but quickly pulled her into his arms, cradling her. He wanted to tell her without words that he was still here and would remain here, forever. Colin had never been one for sentimentality, but he found himself whispering endearments into her ear, watching her face as she woke from her erotic dream.

  Ginny opened her eyes and looked to her husband's face. Reaching up, she rubbed the day old beard on his cheek, ran her thumb against his lips. Lowering his head, he kissed her so sweetly, Ginny felt the tears forming in her eyes. Before she could stop them, they spilled over and down her face.

  Concerned, Colin asked, “What is it? Did I hurt you?”

  Wanting to laugh, but not wanting to insult her husband, Ginny just smiled. She was always amazed at how men thought they were so big, they could actually hurt you. To put him at ease, Ginny replied, “No, I'm fine. I'm better than fine. I'm going to ride this high for days.”

  Confused by her words, he said, “This high will be nothing

  compared to what I plan for you later. For now, you might want to get some sleep. I shall be waking you soon enough.”

  Ginny did laugh at that. She turned her back, so they could snuggle against each other for a bit before she moved over to sleep. To her surprise, she fell asleep against his warm body. Colin knew instantly that she was dozing. He listened to her steady breathing for a few minutes, then succumbed to his own sleepiness.

  He did wake her two more times before the sun rose. They were both exhausted, but content. When Ginny woke at her usual time, Colin suggested breakfast in bed. Pulling the sheets up to cover his wife, he pulled the bell pull by the side of the bed. When Charles entered, saw his mistress in his master's bed, he turned his back and asked of how he could be of service.

  “Please have a bath readied for my wife, Charles. First, we would like coffee and toast in my chamber. Inform Lady Whitmore's maid that she will be running a little late this morning.” The last part he said while smiling at his wife.

  “Yes, my lord.” Charles wanted to be as far away as possible before those two started anew.

  “Maybe we should get up. Your sister and brother-in-law are still here.” Cuddling up to her husband, Ginny didn't really care what his relatives did.

  “They can fend for themselves. I believe I might be very busy today.” Ginny laughed until Colin began to describe all the things he planned to do to her that day. Her laughter ceased, mostly because she was too busy allowing him to get his busy day started.

  Charles returned too quickly with their breakfast. He set up the tray on a table by the hearth and left to take care of the bath. Colin got up and retrieved each a cup of coffee and some buttered toast. Ginny watched him, admiring his naked body, while he gathered the offering.

  She sat up and leaned against the pillows and headboard. Colin handed her a cup and watched her as she drank deeply. Lifting her eyes from her cup, she watched him watching her. After one more sip, Colin took the cup from her hands, gingerly placed it on the side table and began to take advantage of his wife one more time.

  “You have quite a bit of energy for someone who only had a few sips of coffee,” she stated as Colin nuzzled her neck.

  “Love will do that to a man.”

  Ginny stiffened. “What?”

  Colin sensed the change and stopped what he was doing. “I love you,” was all he replied, staring deeply into her eyes.

  Ginny knew he wasn't lying, he did truly love her. And it scared the hell out of her. Did that mean she would leave? When would it happen? She didn't leave Ian until she was pregnant. Would it be the same now? The panic began to set in and her eyes widened in what must have looked like horror.

  Watching her, Colin misunderstood. “Bethany, I will never leave you again. I promise. I am exactly where I want to be.”

  Trying to calm herself down, she took a deep breath. “I'm sorry, Colin. I'm just tired and I guess I'm overreacting. I know you won't leave me again.” But I may be leaving you, she thought somberly.

  He smiled and pulled her against him. “You should get some more rest. I will tell Charles to hold off on the bath...”

  “No. I think the bath will help. Perhaps you will join me?” She smiled slyly, letting him know that she had every intention of being naughty.

  He raised his eyebrow in response and bent down to kiss her soundly. “I shall make sure that the tub is not filled too high. I will be back for you in a moment.” With that, Colin got out of bed, put on his nightshirt and walked through the door.

  Ginny sat back and thought about what was inevitably going to happen. Did she do it right? Would she go home this time? If she didn't get to go back to her own time, she would prefer to stay here. She couldn't claim love yet, but everything was right. She would eventually love him and she had no doubt they could make a life together.

  But Ginny didn't get a choice. So when the dizziness came, she drew in a deep breath and whispered, “Goodbye, Colin.” And like before, there was nothing.

 

 

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