Brazen Ecstasy

by Janelle Taylor

  He chuckled and lifted her chin to join their eyes, alluring green meeting rich ebony. “You wonder what it was like between us?” he asked as if reading her mind. When she rosed an even deeper color, he laughed mischievously and hinted, “But you are afraid to ask me about such times?”

  “Naturally I’m curious about our life together. But I think it would be best to… to…” she faltered as she sought the words to explain her feelings. “I know you’ll tell me the truth about us, Wanmdi Hota. But I think I would find such words alarming. I think it would be best to move slowly.”

  “You wish to watch me for a time, to learn Gray Eagle’s ways with your own ears and eyes?” he asked to make sure he was understanding her.

  “Sha. If I’m to feel at ease with you and learn to… love you again, it should come from me and not from your words. I would feel pressured and obligated to behave the way you described. I couldn’t relax if I felt you expected certain things from me. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?” she anxiously questioned, dismayed at not knowing how to get her real points across.

  “You are not ready or willing to be my wife so soon,” he concluded.

  “I’m sorry, Gray Eagle, but I can’t. Not yet. I have to get to know you again. I know this situation must be as difficult for you as it is for me, but I cannot simply become the wife of a man I don’t know. Please forgive me. Please understand,” she beseeched him.

  “It is hard, Shalee. My heart knows great pain at your loss. I hunger to reveal my love to you. I have given this much thought. It is hard to think of what fills your mind and heart. It is hard to accept your withdrawal when fires flame within me, fires only you can put out. Yet, you do not reject me. You try to reach out to me. For this, I will learn patience until love also burns within you. The moon will come when you love and desire me again,” he vowed in self-assurance, smiling into her eyes.

  “Yes, I’m sure it will,” she agreed. “Tell me what I should say and do when we reach your camp.”

  For a lengthy time, they discussed and planned their story and actions. When the matter was settled, they mounted up and rode off. He halted shortly after two o’clock and gazed down at her. “The camp is near.”

  She tensed in dread and anticipation. She forced a smile. “Please help me not to offend anyone. Most of all, please don’t let me hurt Bright Arrow.”

  He smiled tenderly. “Such is not in your heart, Shalee. This new challenge will grow easier with each new moon.” He kissed her lightly at first; then, the kiss deepened as she helplessly responded to him and to the solace he offered. Afterwards, he held her tightly for a moment. “All will be as before when the Great Spirit wills it.” With that promise, they entered the camp during the period of afternoon slumber.

  “Where is everyone?” she asked, glancing around at the numerous conical dwellings in a camp which appeared deserted.

  “My people rest at this time of day. They work in their tepees. We will see our son first.”

  Again, she uncontrollably stiffened. Her son… which feeling was greater: suspense or dismay? How could she forget so many vital facets of her life? God, help me, she prayed, for this unknown terrifies me.

  They halted before a tepee and his feet slid to the ground. He called out in words she did not comprehend. A masculine face appeared, followed by a lovely feminine one. Surprise and pleasure filled both pairs of eyes as unknown, but genial, words spilled forth from their lips. They smiled at her and chatted; the young woman embraced her fondly. It was obvious they were relieved to see her alive. Affection and respect greeted the startled Shalee.

  As Gray Eagle’s voice grew solemn, she wondered what he was saying, what words were inspiring the looks of shock and distress on those two strangers’ faces. They both stared at her, then listened intently to the words of Gray Eagle. Several times they asked him questions, shaking their heads sadly as he replied. When they spoke to her, Gray Eagle translated their words. She smiled and thanked them for their offers of help and sympathy. Their tones waxed grave and quiet. The woman disappeared into the tepee, to return with a small boy with raven braids and coppery skin. His dark eyes widened as he stared at her.

  Then tears and laughter burst forth as he lunged forward to encircle her legs with eager arms. He babbled in excitement and happiness. He raised his arms in a vivid plea to be lifted up to her face. In panic, her gaze flew to Gray Eagle’s somber face. He softly informed her, “Your son wishes to hug and kiss his mother.”

  She glanced down at the entreating boy. This was not the son of these two Indians; this was her son! She did not recognize her own child? Tears filled her eyes as she wavered in distress. “Pick him up, Shalee. Hold him tightly. He needs such contact with you,” Gray Eagle advised to shatter her fearful indecision.

  She instantly obeyed him, gathering the child into her arms. Bright Arrow looked at her and smiled. He flung his little arms around her neck and hugged her fiercely, clinging almost desperately to her. Gray Eagle softly translated his rapid flow of words as the boy wiped away her tears. “He says you should not be sad or afraid. He says you are home and safe. He says he will care for you. He swears… revenge upon the Bluecoats who harmed you.”

  Shalee’s gaze met Gray Eagle’s, each knowing revenge had already been taken. “My son? Our son?” she whispered incredulously.

  “Sha. Our son, Shalee,” he murmured, his heart touched deeply as she embraced Bright Arrow.

  She lay her tear-streaked face against the dark head and hugged him tightly, swaying from side to side in a comforting rocking motion. But the words of solace and assurance came forth in English. Bright Arrow’s head jerked upwards and he stared at his mother. His small hand touched her lips and he asked why she spoke in the white man’s tongue. His brow furrowed in confusion at the look upon her face and her refusal to answer. “A’ta?” he called to his father, sensing some frightful problem.

  Gray Eagle placed one hand upon the boy’s back and one around Shalee’s shoulder as he spoke to him. The child’s eyes widened in puzzlement as Gray Eagle explained, “Your mother is injured, Bright Arrow. She is very weak. She must have rest and food to make her well again. When the Bluecoats struck her head and knocked her into the cold water, the firestick hurt her head where the words of the Oglala lived. The blow drove them from her keen mind. She must learn to speak and to hear Oglala again. You are smart and cunning. You must help me teach your mother our tongue.”

  This was a trying problem for such a small child to comprehend. “My mother does not hear my words? She cannot speak our tongue? How so, Father?”

  “Have you forgotten the story I told you many times about Shalee? When she was two winters old, the whites stole her from the camp of her father Black Cloud and took her far away. When the Great Spirit called her feet back to the land of her people, she had forgotten the words she learned as a child. She spoke the white man’s tongue. Often when you dream, the dream is forgotten when you awake. It is this way with your mother; her life with us is like a dream. The blow hurt her head. When she awoke many moons after falling into the cold river, her life was like a dream and she cannot recall it or the words I taught her. We must help her learn our words and ways again. Can you be brave and cunning? Can you teach her such things? One day, the Great Spirit will remove the cloud upon her mind and she will remember all.”

  Most of what Gray Eagle said was absorbed by the child. But one fact fortunately did not enter his mind: that his mother did not know any of them! Such an incredible fact was not within the range of his comprehension.

  “It will be a game, Bright Arrow. It is a challenge. We must see who can teach Shalee the most words,” he tempted.

  The child laughed, enticed by such a delightful sport. “I will win, Father. Bright Arrow will teach her all Oglala words,” he boasted.

  When Gray Eagle interpreted the child’s words, Shalee smiled and hugged him once more. “Waste cedake, Michenkshe,” she murmured.

  “You cheat, Father,” he t
eased merrily when his mother said she loved him and called him her son.

  Upon translation of this, they all laughed. Perhaps this situation wouldn’t be so distressing after all… Shalee’s softened gaze fused with Gray Eagle’s smoldering one. He read the gratitude and serenity revealed there. He smiled and nodded knowingly. “Never forget, Little One, you are loved and needed here,” he whispered, for her ears alone.

  She smiled, slipping her arm around Gray Eagle’s waist as he took the boy from her arms. Bright Arrow initially resisted his next words, which asked if he could remain with Little Flower and Talking Rock for a few days while Shalee regained her strength. An obedient child, Bright Arrow gave in to his father’s explanation and logic, for even his youthful gaze and mind could note his mother’s weakness and confusion. When the matter was settled and Gray Eagle was leading Shalee toward their tepee, they confronted a white girl.

  Shalee and Leah stared at each other. “I don’t believe it! I thought you were dead! How did he find you?” the young woman shrieked, her disbelief masking her hatred and bitterness.

  Bewildered and stunned, Shalee asked, “Who are you?”

  Leah’s gaze widened in astonishment, for the look upon Shalee’s face declared her ignorance. Leah’s eyes shifted to Gray Eagle’s belligerent face. “What’s wrong with her?” she demanded, sounding as if she had the right to an explanation.

  Gray Eagle shoved the offensive slave aside and pulled Shalee toward their tepee. Shalee hung back as she glanced over her shoulder at the ashen-faced, infuriated white girl. “Who is she, Gray Eagle? Why were you so rude to her?”

  “She is a white slave. It is not her place to question me,” he snarled from unleashed anger at the memories of Leah’s brazen attempts to seduce him, to dishonor him, to humiliate him with a self-betrayal during his madness and grief. How dare she approach his love and shout at her! How dare she behave so brazenly to him!

  “A white slave? You mean she’s a prisoner here?” she pressed.

  “She belongs to my father. She serves his needs. He is old and has no wife,” he half-explained.

  “She’s your father’s… woman?” she blurted out in disbelief.

  “Hiya!” he forcefully and repulsively stormed before thinking or mastering his outrage at her innocent assumption. “Running Wolf would never defile himself with the touch of a white slave! No Oglala warrior would dishonor himself in such a manner!”

  Astounded by his fury and stinging words, she declared, “But I am white, too! Did you defile and dishonor yourself with me?” her own temper flared to match his. “Is that how you view me? How you truly feel about me? Why did you marry me if such hatred lives within your heart?”

  Catching his error, he quickly responded, “You are half-Indian! You are the daughter of Black Cloud.”

  She halted her denial, pondering the contradictions in his words—past and present. “Why was she so shocked to see me alive? Is she a friend of mine? Were we captured at the same time?”

  “Leah, your friend? What madness is this? Leah was captured last summer by White Arrow and given to my father as slave to do his chores. She has never been your koda! She is but a slave.”

  “Why are you acting this way? How can you be so cruel to a helpless prisoner? Why do you hate her so deeply? I do not understand you. She looked upset; she sounded concerned about me. Why didn’t you answer her question or allow me to speak with her?”

  “She is not concerned about you. She is only upset you have returned to my side!” he sneered, dropping a clue he wished he could take back.

  “Why would my survival offend her? We are both white.”

  “Leah is strange. Trust me, Shalee; she is not your koda.”

  Something in the way he looked and spoke sent suspicions racing through her mind. Why would this Leah be unhappy at her return? Why was her husband being so defensive and angry? “Is there something between you and Leah?” she helplessly asked. “Is that why she resents my return?”

  His head jerked around and he gaped at her. “Leah and Gray Eagle? I would die before taking her to my mat in your place! Speak of her no more.”

  But Alisha Williams could recall all too well the stories about men and their carnal needs, how widowers flocked to easy women soon after the deaths of their wives, as did men whose wives were heavy with child. Was he embarrassed to admit Leah had played this role for him when he assumed she was dead? Was he afraid Leah would tell her such things? She studied the fierce look upon his face. “You’re saying Leah has never touched you?” she softly demanded.

  A brief look of uneasiness flickered within his gaze before he stated clearly, “My manhood has never entered her womanhood. Why do you ask such a thing?”

  He spoke with such honesty and vehemence that she could not resist believing him. Perhaps he had only been tempted to take her; thus, his defensive guilt. “You do not believe the words of Gray Eagle?” he probed.

  “Yes, Gray Eagle; I do believe you. Still, something passed between you out there,” she insinuated boldly.

  “I have slept with no woman but you, Shalee, not since the first time my eyes touched upon your face. Leah has cared for our son since you were lost to me; she has gathered my wood and cooked my food. She has been a slave to me and Bright Arrow, but she has not been a woman to me.”

  “You don’t find her pretty or appealing?” she annoyingly went on.

  “She favors you; that is all,” he unwittingly confessed.

  Her eyes widened in enlightenment. “You desired her, but you didn’t touch her?”

  “I want and need no woman except you,” he vowed truthfully.

  “But Leah desires you, doesn’t she? She thought she could win your affections if I was out of the way? Isn’t that true?”

  Trapped, he confessed, “Yes, Shalee; Leah desires Gray Eagle. She offered herself to me many times while I grieved for you. I am a man; my body burns for such things. But I did not make love to her.” He used the white man’s term for clarification.

  “Is she in love with you?” Shalee demanded, jealousy and anger rising strangely within her.

  “She spoke such words, but they meant nothing to me. She tempted me many times, but I did not take her. I took no woman; my heart ached for you. She wished to replace you, but I refused.”

  “If she had been Indian, would you have refused her?”

  Taken by surprise, he inhaled sharply. “My heart and mind say no, but my body cannot answer truthfully. In time, perhaps. My thoughts were not clear while I suffered your loss. It is enough that I love and desire only you.

  She wisely did not sneer: when I’m around and available! So, one rival had been Indian and another possessed white skin… how many more rivals would she learn about soon? How many more women would grieve over her unexpected return to life? Fury filled her. Gone less than two weeks and other females tempted him to forget all there had ever been between them! The grieving widower, my foot! Shalee didn’t realize she could not place Gray Eagle in the same category with the men she had known in England while growing up or the men she had met here in America….

  “Again I feel I should have spoken falsely to you, Shalee. The truth causes more troubles than a kind double-tongue would. If you could remember me and our love, you would understand; you would trust me. I am deeply troubled and pained by the things I see in your eyes and sense within you.”

  “How do you expect me to feel, Wanmdi Hota? I return to find another woman hotly pursuing you?” she angrily shouted.

  “Hear your own words, Shalee; Leah desires me, I do not desire her.”

  “It’s the same thing!” she argued irrationally.

  “No, Shalee; it is not. I want and need only you, Little One. I love you, Shalee,” he vowed huskily.

  “If only I could remember,” she wailed in renewed despair.

  “In time, my love, the Great Spirit will open your mind,” he offered.

  “When? I don’t know what to think or who to trust! Do you kno
w how that makes me feel?”

  “I am trying to understand. It is difficult. You must help me.”

  “Help you? How can I help you when I can’t even help myself?”

  “You are weary. You must rest. This time is hard for you, Grass Eyes. But it is also hard for me.”

  Why was she being so selfish and unfair? He was right. Who was this quicksilver man? Why did he fluctuate between tenderness and brutality? Why did he both attract and repel her? What was happening to her? “I am tired. May I rest now?”

  “Sha. Istinma.”

  At her confused look, he stated, “Yes. Sleep.”

  She went to lie down. He touched her cheek and smiled. “It will end soon, Little One.”

  “Will it, Gray Eagle?” she asked, not really offering a question.

  “Sha.”

  She smiled faintly and closed her eyes. He was ducking to leave when she opened them to add, “I’m sorry, Gray Eagle. I truly am.”

  “Waste cedake, Shalee. Istinma, Pi-Zi Ista.”

  She smiled, knowing those few words by now, and slept.

  Chapter Nine

  Persistent drumming forced its rhythmic beat into Shalee’s slumberous mind, pulling her to awareness. She sat up and glanced around. The intruding noise was not the threat of some ominous storm; it was some sort of music. Unsure of her position, she didn’t know if she should remain where she was or if she should look outside. Who were these strange people? What was expected of her? Who was the mercurial man who had urged himself into her life a few days ago, who fiercely desired to do the same with her heart and body? She rubbed her sleepy eyes and sought to clear her wits.

  Gray Eagle ducked and entered the tepee, walking directly to her. He sat down cross-legged before her. “The can cega has disturbed your rest?”

  When he realized her puzzlement, he grinned and said, “Kettle drums. Our people celebrate your return to us.”

  A celebration without the guest of honor? As if reading her skeptical thoughts, he added, “I told them you were weak from our journey and still injured. I knew such a large gathering might frighten you. They will sing and dance and offer prayers of thanks to the Great Spirit. Do you wish to go out and speak with them?”