Keeper of the Heart

by Lindsey, Johanna

  “I—I’ve changed my mind, Falon.”

  His answer was to lift her with an arm around her waist and carry her back to the fur pelts. Shanelle’s anxiety turned into panic.

  “Didn’t you hear me?” she wailed.

  “Indeed,” he said as he laid her down and came down to half cover her body with his. “Yet have I not changed my mind, so best you change yours again. You wanted me. You chose me, woman.”

  “That was before you started acting so damn warriorlike. But you couldn’t be enough like a warrior where it counts, could you?” she accused him. “You had to be too emotional. Well, you’re toe farden big to be that intense!”

  “And this frightens you?”

  “Are you kidding? I have strange reactions to pain, Falon Van’yer. I get hysterical. Now let me up.”

  Slowly he shook his head. “I regret your fear, kerima, but I have told you I will not hurt you. The proof will be in the doing.”

  “Wait!”

  Shanelle didn’t have a chance to say more, for he was discovering the benefits of Kystrani clothing. It was designed for quick and easy removal. A tug, a push, and it simply fell away from the body. But it had never come off as fast as it did in Falon’s hands. And then his hand held her mouth still for his ravishment, while his other hand discovered the shape and responsiveness of her breasts. And there was nothing she could do to stop him. Then suddenly … she wasn’t sure anymore that she wanted to stop him.

  He wasn’t hurting her. The only intensity just then was in his kiss, and it was stirring up all those powerful sensations she had felt when she had first seen him. Had she been wrong to let her cowardice take over? The man was showing her that the proof was in the doing, and the doing was calming her fears enough to let her body delight in what was happening.

  In less time than she would have thought possible, he made her want him again, really want him, and her hope returned that this was the man she could accept as a lifemate. Her fear wasn’t completely buried, but it became secondary to her first taste of passion, which nearly overwhelmed her as she experienced Falon learning her body.

  Stars, he wrung gasps from her, but before long, only half of them were from pleasure. The man had too much strength in his hands, and it was his wont to touch her everywhere. Yet the pleasure was there, undeniably, and in unrelenting control of her. He found areas of her body that she had no idea could be so sensitive. His mouth tasted, bit, stirred a trembling heat within her that spread throughout her body, and she wanted more.

  There was no embarrassment, no shyness left to make her awkward or hesitant. She was open to him, his to command, a mindless body in the throes of first passion, a mere puppet to his slightest whim. Even the sporadic roughness that kept her fear just beneath the surface was understandable, for she discovered her own need to hold to him tightly, to ease the wild inner turmoil now raging inside her by squeezing, even biting him. The strength of her desire made it almost a compulsion—and it made her finally beg him to take her.

  That was a mistake, letting him know just how much she now wanted their joining. The knowledge affected Falon in a way she had hoped to avoid. His breathing became rough, his hands rougher still as he positioned her, and Shanelle’s worry became reality. He lost control to his passion. There was more pain than pleasure now as his arms wrapped under her and tightened as he claimed her. Her ribs were about to crack, she could barely breathe, and the scream that was torn from her at his swift penetration was lost in his kiss.

  Mercifully, she lost consciousness.

  Chapter 8

  The moment Shanelle returned to awareness she opened her eyes, then wished she hadn’t. It was all real, Falon, the pain—and it wasn’t over. She was still there, in his tent, naked. But at least he wasn’t still crushing her with his weight, or causing that excruciating pain with his …

  He lay beside her on his side, leaning on one elbow as he watched her closely. He wasn’t touching her. Right now she’d probably scream if he did.

  Oh, Stars, how could she have been such a fool to give herself to a man of completely unknown qualities? Just because her body had demanded she do so was no excuse. He’d hurt her. He’d allowed his passion free rein and crushed her in those powerful arms. She felt bruised all over and she wouldn’t be surprised if something was broken. And inside her, she was probably ripped apart. That pain had been so terrible she’d fainted to avoid it.

  To think her hopes had returned, and so strongly, that he was the right man for her. Her disappointment was almost as painful as the rest. She knew a warrior would never have hurt her like that. A warrior was always gentle with a woman because of his size. But Falon wasn’t a warrior. He didn’t have a warrior’s control over his emotions. He’d claimed he did, but it had been proved otherwise. So no matter how much he had attracted her, he wouldn’t do for anything permanent. But, oh, Stars, what a shame.

  She had to get out of there and quickly, before her disappointment put tears in her eyes. She’d been so sure of Falon to begin with, then again at the end, sure enough to want to join with him and leave the getting to know him for later. How was she ever going to find another man who could make her feel what this one did, in the short time she had before her father made the decision for her? And even if she did manage to find one, she’d probably be too afraid to test for compatibility again. She could no longer trust her instincts in the matter.

  With those depressing thoughts, Shanelle started to get up, groaned with the movement, and got a large hand pressed to the center of her chest until she was lying flat again. “You will lie still until the bleeding stops.”

  She paled at those softly spoken words. “Bleeding?”

  “A normal occurrence for a woman’s first time, yet is there some excess. You should have told me.”

  Why was she now blushing? “I don’t see that it would have made any difference.”

  “I am not a wild beast,” he said reproachfully.

  That was debatable, but all Shanelle said was, “I have to go.”

  Again she tried to get up. His hand came back to her chest and stayed there this time.

  “We will talk first,” he told her.

  She put some reproach in her own tone. “I think we should have talked a little more before. Now there’s nothing more to say.”

  “There is much to say, and you will begin by telling me why you gifted me with your first time.”

  The blush wasn’t leaving her cheeks. “It’s no big deal where I come from.”

  That was only a partial lie, since she had just come from Kystran, where virginity was considered an unwanted inconvenience. In fact, it was usually gotten rid of painlessly in a meditech before a woman started sex-sharing. On Sha-Ka’an it was another story. Here it was prized and expected to be gifted to a woman’s lifemate.

  Shanelle knew that, but she was only half Sha-Ka’ani. She had hoped she would be giving that prized gift to her lifemate. She’d held on to it for just that reason. But she wasn’t devastated that it wasn’t going to turn out that way. She had too much of her mother’s philosophy to be upset over a piece of torn membrane—that was bleeding excessively.

  “I have to go,” she reiterated firmly.

  “You are welcome to try.”

  The hand on her chest said Don’t bother. “You can’t keep me here, Falon.”

  “I can and I will,” he stated simply. “Until the fear leaves you and you know—”

  “I’m not afraid of you,” she insisted.

  “That is an untruth, woman. You tremble beneath my hand.”

  Shanelle closed her eyes. She tried to relax. If it was just a matter of that damn trembling, she’d will to go away. But his hand on her was bothering her, and she was afraid of him now.

  “You must let me show you that you have no reason to fear me,” he continued. “I will not shame myself again. This I swear to you.”

  She glanced at him suspiciously. “What are you saying?”

  “We must join
again.”

  “Not… on … your … life!”

  Fear gave her enough strength to shove his hand off her and roll away from him. But too easily his long arm stopped her and drew her back. And now he held her against him, held her against that hard body that had hurt her, and she couldn’t get loose.

  “No, please, Falon, I can’t. Not again!”

  “Shh, kerima. It must be, but it will not be now. Your fear unmans me.”

  His hands were soothing on her back. His heartbeat was steady beneath her cheek. She stopped trying to push away from him. She needed this comforting. She would prefer to receive it from someone else, but she still needed it.

  It was a while before she tried again to leave. “Falon, I’m all right now. And I really do have to go. My friends will start to worry if I don’t show up soon.”

  “You may go do you promise to return this moonrising,” he told her.

  “I can’t tonight. I’ve already made other—”

  “Then on the new rising.”

  “All right,” she agreed, willing to say anything to get out of there.

  Freedom came with that answer, his arms opening so she could move away. She did so immediately, but her aches returned to remind her to go slowly.

  She’d just reached her clothing when Falon said, “I feel you do not mean to keep your word to me, woman.”

  A word given under duress? Of course she wasn’t going to keep it. But she wished he hadn’t figured that out. Farden hell. Couldn’t he have waited until she’d got her clothes on to mention it? Then she could have simply run like hell.

  She tried not answering, but that merely encouraged him to say, “Do you fail to come to me, then must I come to you. This I will do.”

  She swung around to look at him, anxiety returning with a vengeance. “Why? You knew this was only temporary, Falon. You understood that, even complained about it. There’s no… point…”

  The words trailed off when what she was looking at finally got through to her panicked senses. The man was lying there completely naked, completely relaxed, and still so sensually appealing he took her breath away. She simply stared at him—until she realized what she was doing and whipped around again, then had to bite her lips to hold in the gasp the sharp movement caused.

  Good. She obviously needed the pain to remind her that he was now off limits. But she was appalled that she did need reminding. It wasn’t normal to still find him so desirable after what he’d just put her through. What it was was dangerous. And the only way to avoid that danger was to get out of there and never cross paths with him again.

  She had her skirt and blouse on in record time, despite her aches. She was bending for her belt when she was grasped and straightened and drawn back against a rock-hard chest. It did no good to pull away. The hands on her upper arms weren’t hurting her, but were nevertheless locked steel.

  “I understand you are not mine to command, woman, yet must you understand my need to mend what I have wrought, which goes beyond rights. I have given you a fear of joining that you lacked before, which now must be removed. You gave me a gift beyond price. I cannot repay you by leaving you with this fear.”

  His voice was soft, breathed by her ear, but there was a determination in it that increased Shanelle’s fear. Prevaricating just wasn’t going to work with a man whom only plain speaking seemed to reach.

  “You’re not. I don’t fear sex-sharing,” she told him, hoping that was true. “What I fear is you. You’re too rough for my taste, and I’m not just talking about the last of what happened, but everything. I wasn’t feeling it all because I was so caught up in specific feelings, but I’ll damn well feel it later when the bruises start appearing.”

  “I have sworn—”

  “I don’t care,” she cut in, turning to face him so she could stress her point. He allowed it, but his hands merely changed arms, and that annoyed her enough to add, “You lost control, damn it! It can happen again whether you want it to or not.”

  His face darkened considerably. He really didn’t like hearing that, and too late she realized she had probably insulted him with that swearing business. Men tended to take such things pretty seriously. But his hold on her didn’t tighten to painful. She’d hate to find out what he was like when he got mad, but it wasn’t going to happen now.

  “A woman must frequently be shown a thing to know it is so,” he said just before drawing her closer.

  He was kissing her again. She hadn’t been expecting it, wasn’t prepared for the heady taste of him, or for the careful way he gathered her in to hold her against the length of him. A kernel of desire was actually coming to life, swiftly, so swiftly … Shanelle mentally stomped it to death and shoved out of his arms.

  “That—that isn’t the part that got out of hand, Falon. Look, I know you mean well and I appreciate it, I really do, but there isn’t anything to mend or prove. I wanted you, or I wouldn’t be here. I had hoped something more per—” She stopped, horrified by what she had almost told him after he himself had admitted to such frustration in not knowing of a way to have her permanently. If he knew that all he had to do was convince her father instead of her … “But I don’t want you anymore,” she continued quickly. “It’s that simple. There isn’t going to be a second time.”

  “This is your final word on the matter?”

  Was he actually going to be reasonable? she wondered. “Yes.”

  “Then hear mine. You will remain here after all, until the new rising.”

  She just stared at him while all the implications of that statement ricocheted through her mind; then she wailed, “You haven’t listened to anything I’ve said, have you?”

  “Indeed I have, and what I hear is your fear. It is you who have not listened.”

  “Well, here’s some more fear for you,” she said with rising panic. “If you touch me again, Falon Van’yer, I’ll farden well scream my head off. I’ll have every warrior in this park here in a matter of moments.”

  She’d do no such thing. She didn’t want the stubborn man to die, just to let her go. But he wasn’t being reasonable. Not even a little. He wasn’t even being rational. He ought to know he couldn’t get away with keeping her against her wishes, even for a short time. Had he lost sight of where he was and what laws governed here?

  His next words answered that question and said he didn’t care. “Does it become necessary to fight for you, woman, this I will do.”

  That utterly infuriated her. “That’s right! Be civilized about this, why don’t you? For once I almost wish you were a warrior, when that is the last kind of man I’d want. But at least they don’t fight over women unless it is to protect them—and what the hell are you grinning about?”

  “You have a temper.”

  Again she stared at him. Her temper amused him? Was there no avenue for reaching this man, then, not even anger?

  Shanelle took a deep breath and tried calm reasoning. “Look, you had your fun, Falon. Why can’t you just let it go at that?”

  “Is it your thought that I took pleasure of your unconscious body?”

  “Well, didn’t you?”

  “No, I did not.”

  He sounded offended now. Shanelle was merely horrified by his answer. She’d thought all that turbulent emotion of his had been expended, released within her body. She had the aches to say it should have been. But he’d been deceiving her with his calmness. That intensity was still there, hidden, just waiting to finish her off.

  “All right, so it’s been a disaster all the way around,” she said, hearing the anxiety back in her voice, but unable to help it. “I’m sorry, Falon, but I’m not going through that again—not with you.”

  This didn’t disturb him. He merely pointed out, “You have admitted to wanting me. When your fear is gone, you will want me again. Then do we see your first joining ended properly.”

  “No … we … won’t! I won’t. And in case that still isn’t clear enough for you, that means I refuse to share sex with
you again, flatly, no mind-changing about it. I’m also through trying to convince you of that fact. I have people waiting for me. I’m leaving.”

  “You are welcome to try.”

  Once again she recognized the “don’t bother” in those words. And he said it so calmly, unaware or uncaring of the avalanche of trouble that was going to roll down on his head if she didn’t return to her father’s pavilion before the end of the day. All her mother had to do was get to her own computer-link unit and ask Martha where she was. Martha… Stars, how could she have forgotten?

  Shanelle bent and swept up her belt with the attached computer link before Falon thought to stop her, then hit the voice-activator button. “Martha, I need help!”

  Out of the unit came a very bruised voice. “So now I’m nice to have around, am I?”

  “Get out of sulking mode, Martha. You can rub it into the ground later all you like; just do something now!”

  The last word was said as Shanelle dodged Falon’s reaching hand. She’d spoken in Kystrani, but that could be a language he understood. Whether he did or not, he’d heard Martha’s voice and wasn’t too happy about it. Martha was amused, however, and chuckling to show it.

  “It looks like warriors aren’t the only hardheads around this place,” she purred goadingly in Sha-Ka’ani so Falon would understand.

  “Don’t get him angry!” Shanelle snapped.

  “But men are so amusing when they get—”

  “Martha, please!” Shanelle was still having to dodge Falon’s hands.

  “Oh, all right,” Martha said grudgingly. “Pay attention, Mr. Van’yer. I’m a Mock II computer. If you haven’t heard of me—”

  “I know computers,” Falon almost growled.

  Martha gave a perfect simulation of a sigh. “And here I thought I was going to get to brag a little.”

  “Turn it off, woman,” he ordered Shanelle.

  She slowly shook her head. She knew he was angered by Martha’s inclusion in their little party, but she wasn’t sure he understood what a Mock II was capable of, especially one in control of an entire spaceship. She almost felt sorry for the frustration he was going to experience—almost.