A is for Alpha

by Kate Aster

  My eyes slam shut, seeing nothing but a blaze of light behind my eyelids and feeling nothing but his body melding completely into mine.

  As we share the last shudders of passion… as he moves me to his side and gently brushes the hair out of my face… as his lips meet mine again so tenderly… I feel no regret.

  But I’m sure it will come.

  Chapter 17

  - CAMDEN -

  Fuck.

  Yeah, that word just about sums up what I’m feeling right now, as I fill a glass with water and feel the need to toss it into my face just to cool down.

  That was just about the best fuck of my life.

  Yet it felt like more than that, which is what scares the hell out of me.

  She’s not who she says she is. I know that now. I’ve known it for two days and managed to keep my mouth shut, not ask questions even though they’re burning inside of me.

  Everyone jokes about having a doppelganger somewhere in the world—someone who looks just like us. And that was my first thought when I saw the picture in the CNN article Lancaster sent me. I’ll be damned. Annie’s got a doppelganger.

  But then I saw the name. Arianna Bradshaw. Ari-anna. Annie.

  Nope. That’s no doppelganger. And the girl who’s taking care of Stella is the same one that screwed some fucking senator. A married senator, at that. My brothers would say I pretty much don’t have any specific rules when it comes to women. Except the married ones are off limits.

  And he was her boss.

  Now, with the taste of her still on my lips, I can’t help seeing the pattern. Now that I can see straight, that is. Annie screwed her last boss.

  And now she’s screwing me.

  This very fact should make me furious with myself. I have some standards, for God’s sake. But none of this makes sense to me. It didn’t two days ago and it doesn’t now. I remember that photo I saw down deeper in the article—a dark photo of his thin lips on hers in an embrace in a car—and all I can think is that something doesn’t add up here. The Annie I know wouldn’t do that. As I tried every moment since Lancaster’s text to suppress the image of her in that car with him, I reminded myself that I know there’s a hell of a lot more to this story than what they said in that article, or in the four others I pulled up on the web since.

  Trust is like taking a cliff dive, I’ve come to discover. There’s no stepping your toe in to see if the water below is warm first.

  You either jump, or you don’t.

  After taking the jump twice in my life only to see that the water below me was too shallow, I’m a little slow to take another dive.

  Yet here I am, standing on the edge of the cliff again.

  I suck down an entire glassful of water before grabbing a second glass for Annie. My eyes shut, remember the feel of sliding into her, those first moments when our bodies fused. I might have been taken by surprise when she showed up at my door today, but I knew what I was doing when I carried her off to my bedroom. Lord knows I’d rehearsed it a million times in my head since I met her.

  So I jump off the cliff.

  I fill her glass with ice and pour some bottled water into it. Tap water’s fine for a guy like me, but I feel the need to upgrade things when it comes to Annie.

  Sure hope she thinks I’m an upgrade compared to that last asshole she was with.

  “Hey,” I say when I re-enter the room, surprised to find her already fully dressed. I feel at a disadvantage, still buck naked. Or maybe it’s an advantage considering she seemed rather curious about my body not long ago. “What are you doing?”

  Stella won’t be home for another hour or so, and, like any warm-blooded male, I’d hoped to maybe have another round of sex before luring her into the shower with me.

  “I should go,” she stammers.

  “No need. My brothers are kiteboarding, so won’t be back till the wind dies or the sun sets. And I don’t have to pick up Stella for another couple hours.”

  “No, I—” Her eyes glance toward the door of my room as though she’s poised to bolt. “I need to go. I should really… go.”

  “Why?”

  “This was so stupid of me.”

  I can’t help thinking of that photo of her locking lips with a married senator. And she thinks this is stupid?

  “Why was this stupid?”

  “Because I need this job.”

  “Then stop thinking of it as a job. You’ll be working at the Queen K full-time before you know it, anyway.”

  She sighs. “I was just fired.”

  “What?”

  “I found out just before I came here. And I—” Her voice comes to a sharp halt.

  “—needed comfort and instead, you ended up getting fucked,” I finish for her, the words acid on my tongue. “Shit. I’m sorry, Annie.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry about. I threw myself at you. Not the other way around. Believe me, if you’d turned me down, I’d be feeling a lot worse right now. I just needed to feel something good.”

  “Then would I sound selfish if I told you I’m hoping you’ll need this more often?”

  “No, I’m—happy to hear it, actually.” She laughs, and even though it sounds forced, I see something close to a flash of hope in her eyes. “I need to tell you something. It’s about why I was let go at the Queen K. I—” Her eyes well up and I can’t stand the sight of it.

  “I know, Annie.” The words slip from my lips before I can think twice about it. I just can’t stand the sight of anyone in agony, unless it’s in the octagon in an MMA fight.

  Any trace of color in her face dissipates. “What do you know?”

  “Lancaster sent me a link a couple days ago. A news story about some senator and… you.” I hate saying it out loud even more than I hate thinking it.

  “Why didn’t you say something?”

  “If people confronted me every day about all the mistakes I’ve made in my life, I’d never get any sleep.”

  Her brow pinches. “But I didn’t make a mistake, Cam.”

  This isn’t what I was expecting. “I get it,” I try to soothe her. “We’ve all fallen for the wrong—”

  “I didn’t fall for anyone. I didn’t even sleep with him. That photo was taken when he made a pass at me. No, more than that. He tried to force himself on me. I said no. I fought him until I was able to get out of the car. But apparently that wasn’t a good enough photo op for whatever asshole stood there with a camera and let the whole thing happen without even helping me.”

  “Then why did he—”

  “I don’t know why he did anything, dammit.” A tear falls. “I don’t know why he’d try to fuck me in his car, and I don’t know why he’d cheat on his wife who gave him two beautiful children, and I don’t know why he’d confess to something he—”

  I hear the door open and my brothers’ voices coming upstairs. Shit. Of all the times.

  I lunge for the door but their two faces appear on the other side of it before I make it.

  “Hey, the winds were down so we—” My brothers freeze outside my bedroom door. Their eyes travel from me, buck naked, to Annie, fully clothed with the added accessory of tears rolling down her cheeks.

  Dodger’s eyes narrow. “Dude, you sure better have a good explanation for this.”

  “Annie, should I punch him for you?” Fen throws in for good measure.

  “It’s not how it looks,” I tell them.

  Dodger’s brow arches. “Said Harvey Weinstein to like… everyone.”

  She raises both her hands. “He’s right—it’s not—he’s not…” She shakes her head and strides out the door muttering, “I’ve gotta go…”

  “Dammit,” I curse. “Annie, wait—” I reach for some shorts and a t-shirt as I hear the front door slam.

  “What the fuck was that all about?”

  I’m not even sure which one of them said it to me as I charge down our stairs, only half my clothes on, wishing for the first time since I was ten that I was an only child.

/>   Tugging my shirt over my head, my eyes search for her when I open my front door, and I dart barefoot to her car. But she’s not in it. I look around till I hear the sound of the surf and I know exactly where she’s gone.

  I walk to the break in thick hedge that leads to the beach, and see her immediately, striding with purpose to the water. She sits just at the water’s edge and hugs her knees close to her body.

  “Annie,” I say as I approach her. She doesn’t respond and I sit beside her. “I’m sorry about my brothers. They mean well.”

  “I know. I’m just kind of tired of things not looking the way they actually are.” She sniffles, unapologetically wiping her nose on her hand. “My life was pretty close to perfect back then, you know? I had just gotten my bachelor’s. I’d already applied for a full-time job as a teacher’s assistant at a really good private school in D.C. It’s one of the top ten elementary schools in the nation. It would even pay enough where I could afford to start night classes for my master’s. They’d called me back for two interviews and I was sure they were going to hire me. Then one night, one photo, and everything I hoped for just vanishes. And I didn’t even do anything wrong.”

  I gaze at her profile as she stares out to the horizon, and I think about what she’s told me. It seems so implausible, yet in my heart, I know it’s the truth.

  “It’s okay if you don’t believe me,” she sighs.

  “No.” I shake my head. “No, that wouldn’t be okay at all. In fact, that would be pretty messed up. You’ve never done anything that made me think I can’t trust you.”

  Her features soften. “I wish the rest of the world thought that.” She turns to me only a moment before moving her eyes back to the horizon. “I tried denying it, you know? But no one listened. I mean, why would they? He’s a senator. He can hold a big press conference. Who’s going to listen to a nanny?”

  “Why do you think he’d confess like he did?”

  “I’ve asked myself that for two months. For a while, I thought it was revenge. You know? Just to get back at me for pushing him away like that. But it can’t be that.”

  “Why not?”

  “He doesn’t give a crap about me. I’m just another nanny to him. He forgot about it ten minutes after it happened. I went back to his house with Sam that night just because I didn’t want to face him again alone. I quit and packed my bags. But he wasn’t even there. I can guarantee he went straight from me to some other woman. The guy is a lech and his wife knew it. When that photo hit the news, he probably confessed to cheating with me just to save his ego, because how would it look if he admitted that I’d turned him down?”

  “I’m going to find a way to clear your name and make him pay, Annie.”

  She tilts her head. “Now, don’t go getting all Army Ranger on me, Cam. This isn’t some enemy you blow to bits. He’s a well-connected politician. And like all politicians who give weepy confessions, he’s been forgiven by everyone.”

  “Except his wife, apparently.”

  “Yeah. She filed for divorce. About time, actually. I don’t know why she stayed with him for so long.”

  “Money, probably. But with a confession, she might have been able to get more money out of him.”

  Her gaze turns to me again, this time for an extended look as she sighs, long and deep. “You really believe me?” she asks.

  “Of course I do.”

  Again, her eyes well up behind her glasses.

  I tug them off her face before wiping one tear off her cheek. “I knew something was up when I cleaned your glasses the other day. No prescription. And no offense, but your blonde roots are showing.”

  Immediately, her hand touches her scalp. “You noticed? I was hoping it just looked like my hair was lightening from all this sunshine.”

  “Nope.”

  She stretches her legs in front of her and the water touches her heels as it rolls in with a gentle wave. “What am I going to do now? I came here just to let the dust settle. I mean, things blow over in the news.”

  “Yeah. He’s just another cheating senator.”

  “Exactly. And no one follows politics on the Big Island.”

  “You got that right. I hadn’t heard anything about it and that TV is on at the bar all the time. But it’s mostly just surfing competitions or the occasional football game if someone asks us for it. No one comes here wanting to know what’s happening on the mainland.”

  “But I should have known,” she says. “I work with tourists, you know? They’re not from here. When I think about it, it’s lucky someone didn’t recognize me earlier.” She shakes her head. “I can’t go to another resort and just go through the same thing.”

  “So, we’ll find you something else. You were right to come here. Things will blow over in a couple more months and no one will even raise an eyebrow at the name Arianna Bradshaw.”

  “I hope so.” She dips her toes in the moist sand in front of her. “I need my master’s and can’t get that here, except online. But back there, there are plenty of schools—and jobs for people like me. There’s too much competition here—too many people wanting to live here and not enough jobs to go around.”

  I can’t deny that she’s right about that.

  “But you speak Japanese. That’s an advantage on this island.”

  “Not enough of an advantage for them to want to keep me at the Queen K. And now that they know…” Her voice trails. “This island is like a small town, Cam. You know that. Resorts talk to each other. The others are bound to find out.”

  “I’m going to get more of your fliers out around this community. And I thought I should take some into the bar, too. That place is crawling with parents who’d love a night out without the kids. And maybe we’ll figure out a way to design you a website without having to stick your name on it.” I tell myself that it’s for Stella’s sake that I want her to stay here as long as possible. But I know that’s a load of crap.

  “Thanks.”

  “And—” I hesitate. But I know I have to say it. “I’d like to tell my brothers. About you. The truth. So they don’t hear it elsewhere like I did.”

  She frowns. “Do you think they’ll believe me?”

  “Of course they will. If you want people to believe in you, you’re going to have to believe in them.”

  Her chin lowers as her eyes are drawn from the ocean to me. “You’re a wise man, Camden Sheridan.”

  I guess I’ll let her think that. For now.

  Chapter 18

  ~ ANNIE ~

  “Oh my God. You’re famous and you didn’t even tell me?”

  I’m stupefied by the words coming out of Kaila’s mouth right now.

  Since I got a text from her this morning asking why I wasn’t at work, we’d agreed to meet on the beach during her lunch break.

  I’d imagined a dozen different reactions from her. But this wasn’t one of them.

  “I—I wouldn’t say famous is the right word, Kaila. Infamous, maybe?”

  “You can’t be infamous if you never screwed around with him.”

  “Yeah, but that’s not what people think happened.”

  She slices a hand through the air. “Then people are stupid. Seriously, anyone who believes a word coming out of some of these politicians’ mouths isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, anyway.” Her eyes widen. “Oh, so that’s why you never got a website for your babysitting business. You didn’t want your name on it and people to figure out where you disappeared to.”

  “Exactly.”

  Her gaze settles on me for a beat. “And that explains the lousy dye job.” She reaches out and takes a tendril of my hair between her fingertips. “You should try red next time. I think it would look better, and if you’re a redhead named Annie, believe me, the last thing people will be thinking about is some girl who was accused of screwing a senator.”

  I can’t resist a small snort. It feels so good, considering that only a moment ago I felt like I was confessing to all seven of the mortal sin
s. “So, you believe me?”

  She screws up her face. “Of course I believe you. Why wouldn’t I?”

  I frown. “I’m starting to wonder why I didn’t just fight this more back on the mainland, you know? First, Cam believes me. Now you. Maybe I should have just stayed in D.C. and made someone listen to my side of the story.”

  “Wait a minute. You told Cam?”

  A blush heats my face. I sort of left out that detail. “Yep. Just after we had sex.”

  “Holy crap! Why didn’t you tell me that first? I mean, I only have fifteen more minutes before I have to go back to keiki care,” she says, tossing a chin in the direction of the resort within our sight. “The clock’s ticking.”

  I laugh. I’d told Sam what happened with Cam as soon as I had two minutes alone with my cell phone, of course. But I hadn’t thought of sharing the news with Kaila. Maybe now that I’m not working at the Queen K with her outranking me, I can consider her a friend.

  I like that idea.

  “After I got fired, I just… went a little nuts.”

  Her eyes flash at me as she sucks in her bottom lip momentarily. “I love that kind of nuts, don’t you?”

  I can’t resist laughing. “Me too. I felt like, hey, if the whole world is going to condemn me for sleeping with my boss when I didn’t do it, then I might as well be doing it, you know?”

  “And how was it?”

  Sighing, I can still feel that hum you get in your body after really amazing sex, even though it’s been a full day since our bodies joined. “Incredible.”

  “So this won’t be just a one-time thing?”

  “I hope not. He’s taking me out right after I see you.”

  Kaila frowns. “A lunch date? That’s not very promising.”

  “Stella’s in preschool during the days, so if there’s any chance of me getting lucky again, it will have to happen before three o’clock.”

  Kaila glances at her watch. “Damn, I have to go back.” Her eyes move to the austere resort in the distance. “I still can’t believe they fired you. I feel like quitting on principle.”