Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life

by Wayne W. Dyer

  Do the Tao Now

  Today, practice experiencing the unfolding of the Tao with someone who usually causes you distress. Consciously initiate a conversation with that in-law, ex-spouse, bullying co-worker, or family member, inviting the Tao to flow freely. Notice how, what, and where you feel; remain warmly and tolerantly in touch with the sensations within your body. You’ve entered the space of self-mastery in this moment.

  Here’s what A Course in Miracles offers on this verse of the Tao Te Ching: “This is the only thing that you need to do for vision, happiness, release from pain. . . . Say only this, but mean it with no reservations . . . I am responsible for what I see. I chose the feelings I experience . . .”

  34th Verse

  The Great Way is universal;

  it can apply to the left or the right.

  All beings depend on it for life;

  even so, it does not take possession of them.

  It accomplishes its purpose,

  but makes no claim for itself.

  It covers all creatures like the sky,

  but does not dominate them.

  All things return to it as to their home,

  but it does not lord it over them;

  thus, it may be called “great.”

  The sage imitates this conduct:

  By not claiming greatness,

  the sage achieves greatness.

  Living the

  Great Way

  In this verse, Lao-tzu asks you to reevaluate your perception of greatness. Typical definitions tend to center around the amount of fame and fortune that an individual accumulates in his or her lifetime. As the previous verse emphasized, the power to dominate and control others can also be used as a benchmark of this quality: Commanders of huge armies and heads of state who attract worldwide attention are considered great. Yet great men or women are often thought of as having been instrumental in affecting the course of human events in a positive way, making the world a better place on either a local or global level. Greatness, then, is a claim made by or for individuals who stand out from the crowd.

  Verse 34 of the Tao Te Ching describes greatness in an entirely different manner: Such a quality is the Tao, which is so all-encompassing that every plant, creature, and human originates and lives because of it, yet it doesn’t seek to dominate anyone or anything. The Tao doesn’t ask for recognition of any kind, for it has no interest in fame or being thanked for all that it provides. It is this indifference toward notoriety that makes true greatness.

  When you change the way you think about this quality, you’ll see your world in an entirely new way: You’ll no longer be gauging appearances and accumulations, and you won’t notice how much power you or anyone else uses to exact dominance or control over others. Rather, your new way of thinking will allow you to look for the unfolding of the Tao in everyone you see. Perhaps for the very first time, you’ll notice greatness in others, as well as yourself, in terms of the Tao that includes all. You’ll be able to look at the sky and see its grandness, which demands absolutely nothing in return.

  As you change your enculturated view of greatness, you’ll begin seeing a different world. You’ll see the importance of everyone, including those individuals you’ve previously identified as difficult or unreasonable. You’ll begin to see that the holiness that ferments the galaxies is working in you, in me, and in everyone. You’ll begin to trust that greatness is every person’s heritage. The Tao is everywhere; therefore, this quality will be visible in all things and people.

  Here are my suggestions for applying the 34th verse of the Tao Te Ching to your everyday life:

  Discontinue deciding what anyone else should or shouldn’t be doing.

  Avoid thoughts and activities that involve telling people who are perfectly capable of making their own choices what to do. In your family, remember that you do not own anyone. The poet Kahlil Gibran reminds you:

  Your children are not your children.

  They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

  They come through you but not from you . . .

  This is always true. In fact, disregard any inclination to dominate in all of your relationships. Listen rather than expound. Pay attention to yourself when you’re having judgmental opinions and see where self-attention takes you. When you replace an ownership mentality with one of allowing, you’ll begin to see the true unfolding of the Tao in yourself and other people. From that moment on, you’ll be free of frustration with those who don’t behave according to your ego-dominated expectations.

  Discover a new definition of greatness.

  Offer yourself a definition that doesn’t use any standards of appearance or traditional external measures of success. Notice those who give much, boast little, nurture others, and decline recognition or credit, and put them in your greatness file. Encourage yourself to practice these same kinds of behaviors. Begin noticing how the Tao is always flowing in an all-providing, no-boasting, nondemanding, nonpossessing manner. Can you see how great that truly is? There are many people in your daily life doing just that. Seek them out and acknowledge them, while quietly emulating what they do. Remember that a great sage never claims ownership of greatness, so when you change your definition, you’ll see that quality cropping up everywhere, especially within yourself.

  Do the Tao Now

  Make a decision to spend a day seeking out several people who fit the model of this verse of the Tao Te Ching. Silently convey to them that you sense their greatness as an unfolding of the Tao. Then notice how your interactions with them differ when you’re not making judgments based on their age, sex, title, conduct, manner of dress, height, weight, skin color, religious affiliation, or political beliefs.

  35th Verse

  All men will come to him

  who keeps to the one.

  They flock to him and receive no harm,

  for in him they find peace, security, and happiness.

  Music and dining are passing pleasures,

  yet they cause people to stop.

  How bland and insipid are the things of this world when one compares them to the Tao!

  When you look for it, there is nothing to see.

  When you listen for it, there is nothing to hear.

  When you use it, it cannot be exhausted.

  Living Beyond

  Worldly Pleasures

  Take a few moments before reading this chapter and ask yourself the following questions: When I think of pleasure, what activities readily come to mind? How do I distinguish between what I find enjoyable and what I don’t?

  Generally, pleasure is described as something experienced by the senses and available here in the world of form. Perhaps you experience it in a sumptuous meal, in your favorite music, or on the golf course, but it’s most certainly a welcome motivating force for you. Problems can occur, however, when such pursuits become the primary focus of life. In other words, an emphasis on worldly pleasures can quite easily create an imbalance in your system, leading to upset and disease. Obesity, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, addictions of every description, and preoccupations with plastic surgery are just a few of the undesirable results.

  Most everything defined as pleasurable is temporary, so if you need more and more of it, then it has a grip on you. What you desire so strongly has become your jailer, trapping you into believing that it will bring you peace, security, or happiness . . . but it never does. Worldly pleasures only seduce you into becoming dependent on them, and they leave you always wanting more. It’s a craving that can never be satisfied: You need another great meal in order to have that pleasure again because it vanished almost immediately upon the completion of your dessert. You need to keep the music playing because when it stops, your enjoyment stops, too. All addictions scream out this depressing message: “You’ll never, ever get enough of what you don’t want.”

  Contrast this bleak picture of pleasure, which Lao-tzu calls “bland and insipid,” with the ecstasy of the Tao. Just for a
moment, imagine having the perspective of the Tao as you read this verse, and see if you can change the way you look at this idea of pleasure. The benefits of having a concept that harmonizes with the Tao are outlined in the opening lines: All people will flock to you, and they’ll find peace, security, and happiness when they do. The reason why they’ll discover these three jewels is because you exude such qualities. Your emphasis is on the Tao—it’s who you are and therefore what you have to give away.

  You are now changing the way you look at things, so your idea of pleasure shifts beyond the worldly nudges of your senses. You taste your food, but you’re in awe of the magic that produced the delectables you’re eating, as well as the perfection of this incredible cycle that continues in the elimination and reuse of what you’ve consumed. The constant behind this ever-changing world becomes your new Source of pleasure, expressed in the wonder and bewilderment you feel. Yes, of course you continue to enjoy your meals, but your pleasure is in being at one with what allows it all to transpire.

  You know that you can’t find, hear, see, or touch the Source, yet it’s always available and can never be depleted. The music that you hear isn’t the Tao; the Tao is the invisible energy that fills the empty spaces that give you so much joy. And that happiness you feel is the eternally available and longed-for pleasure of transcending the physical limitations of a human body. Touching the Tao is way beyond any of the sensory pleasures that we somehow believe will satisfy that longing for transcendence.

  Addictions become impossible because you no longer try to get worldly pursuits to satisfy you. It’s like realizing that you can fly when you’ve been walking faster and faster, but never getting enough speed or altitude—you kept trying to satisfy a natural longing to be aloft through the pleasure of rapid walking. Now you observe the way nature flows: You clearly see it never asking for more, never using up more, and absolutely never demanding that it be provided with more than is necessary to maintain a perfect balance. The realm of passing pleasures is no longer your central place of 35th Verse self-identification. You’re at peace, feeling secure and happy because you’ve changed your worldview to include the infinite Tao . . . how could addictions ever compare?

  Imagine a heroin addict believing that peace, security, and happiness are available with an inexhaustible supply of opiates. That scenario is impossible because the pleasure that drugs bring lasts but a few seconds, and then the opposite of peace, security, and happiness clicks in. The addict keeps trying to fly by running faster—ultimately he comes to despise his life and destroy himself in the process. Such is the destiny of those who seek the pleasures of the world of the senses to fulfill their longing and natural ability to transcend the physical plane.

  Here’s what Lao-tzu is offering you in this profound verse of the Tao Te Ching:

  Notice the eternal bliss that’s always with you—even when the delicacies are out of sight!

  Change your way of thinking of yourself as a totally physical being. Instead, recognize that worldly pleasures that tend to be overdone are attempts to transcend the physical, which isn’t going to happen without tapping into your natural connection to the Tao. Stop equating sensory delight with the Tao-inspired bliss that’s available to you. Enjoy all that you experience through the senses: Love your fine dining, bask in the melodies of your favorite music, and be appreciative of the excitement of sexual energy. But notice that this is all coming from your sensory self, which is happily adaptable to this world. Then seek your “Tao self,” which transcends the physical, and explore its pleasures.

  Reexamine what true, lasting, enjoyment is. Even though the effects of the Tao may initially have no appeal to your seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, and smelling faculties, they’ll fulfill the longing you’re trying to sate with worldly pursuits. When you’re chasing any passing fancy, begin recognizing its value in the here and now, but stop trying to get it to satisfy a greater longing.

  Introduce transcendent thankfulness to your everyday life.

  Make it a daily practice to give thanks for the presence of the eternal Tao that’s always with you. From an appreciative viewpoint, the world that you formerly desired will begin to look different. In the grateful Tao awareness, feelings of being incomplete when worldly pleasures are unavailable are replaced with a transcendent thankfulness. What used to be a need for a worldly delight is replaced with gratitude and contentment for being aware of the aspect of you that is the Tao, free of physical and earthly limitations and confinement. Living with conscious appreciation of the Tao will attract more people and experiences, enriching your balance of mortal and eternal awareness. Open yourself to the unlimited love and abundance of the Tao and you’ll attract more of that same love and abundance to you. Your world has changed because you see the Tao where you previously only noticed your mortal self needing worldly pleasures.

  Do the Tao Now

  Go on a 24-hour fast. When you feel hunger pangs, switch your thoughts to gratitude for the eternal force that’s always with you. Warmly let your physical self know that it will be fed when the fast is over, then switch to the Tao self that’s unaware of hunger. Enjoy the different nature of the Tao self by concentrating on locating its energy flowing through your body. It will reveal itself—perhaps as contented, exhilarated, or blissful. Note the difference between how this feels compared with worldly pleasures.

  36th Verse

  Should you want to contain something,

  you must deliberately let it expand.

  Should you want to weaken something,

  you must deliberately let it grow strong.

  Should you want to eliminate something,

  you must deliberately allow it to flourish.

  Should you want to take something away,

  you must deliberately grant it access.

  The lesson here is called

  the wisdom of obscurity.

  The gentle outlasts the strong.

  The obscure outlasts the obvious.

  Fish cannot leave deep waters,

  and a country’s weapons should not be displayed.

  Living in Obscurity

  A large part of your growing-up life lessons revolved around the words Notice me! You were taught that the more attention you received, particularly for being a “good little person,” the more status and approval you’d get from your peers (as well as the adults you knew). Become number one, you were told, earn that gold star, win that championship, get the best grades, become valedictorian, attain that letter sweater, gather up trophies, and so on. Such lessons were all about rising to the top of the crowd and evaluating yourself based on how you stacked up competitively with everyone around you.

  When you change the way you think about your place in the great scheme of things, you’ll discover that “the wisdom of obscurity” allows you to eliminate competition from your life and retreat into quiet strength. In other words, Lao-tzu is asking you to take it easy and base your view on entirely new criteria. As you do, your world will begin to reflect a gentle, low-key soul who outlasts those who measure their strength by how much status they have compared to their peers.

  This verse opens with the idea of understanding the dichotomous nature of the material world and then encourages you to become an astute observer of your life. Feeling belittled means that you must know what it’s like to be important; the idea of being weak grows out of having known what it’s like to feel strong. As one translation of the Tao Te Ching (The Way of Life According to Lao Tzu, translated by Witter Bynner) reminds us:

  He who feels punctured

  Must once have been a bubble,

  He who feels unarmed

  Must have carried arms,

  He who feels deprived

  Must have had privilege . . .

  Avoid the pitfalls of feeling weak, unimportant, stressed, or fearful by transcending the thinking that got you there in the first place. Keep in mind that if you feel weak, you must have had the opposite perception of being strong at leas
t once. If you experience stress, you have an idea of what being unstressed is like. By becoming independent of the need to compare yourself and fit in, you choose the path that Lao-tzu calls “the wisdom of obscurity”—that is, you release your need to be more anything in the eyes of others.

  Lao-tzu concludes this elegant verse with the metaphor of fish leaving the deep water—when they try to examine the surface and see the “big world” beyond those depths, the little guys no longer endure because they’re captured by a net. Hence, you find the great lesson of this 36th verse: Stay under the radar and you’ll outlast all who strive to be recognized. When you shift to this viewpoint, your desire for obscurity will surpass your need to be seen as strong and above everyone else—and you won’t end up all alone in your trophy room!

  Here’s what Lao-tzu offers you from 25 centuries ago, when he dictated this enduring tome of wisdom:

  Strive to know oneness by seeking awareness of opposites.

  Make every effort to stay in a state of oneness in your mind. For example, if you’re tired, remind yourself that you know what being rested is like. Recognize the opposing feeling so that you can know both of them simultaneously. Do this with any sensation: If you’re depressed, weak, jealous, unloved—anything—the antithesis of what you’re going through is within your experiential framework. Seek the 36th Verse opposite feeling right in the moment and be at one with it in your mind, for this will provide you with a balanced sense of being at peace within yourself. This is oneness, wherein you entertain extremes and use your mind to be like the Tao, which never divides anything. How can oneness be broken apart? It would no longer exist if you could split it up.