Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life

by Wayne W. Dyer

  The 77th verse of the Tao Te Ching suggests thinking about the surpluses we can put back into circulation to decrease deficiencies that exist elsewhere in our world. Lao-tzu asks you and me to put the wisdom of this verse to work in our personal lives by seeing what we have but don’t need as an opportunity to be “Tao people.”Lao-tzu isn’t asking our government, political leaders, or captains of industry, but us personally: “What man has more than enough and gives it to the world?” The answer is, only the man or woman of the Tao. When there are enough of us, there will be a pool from which we Tao-centered people emerge to govern. Then we’ll put into place the way of living offered in this verse.

  It’s fairly simple to understand a surplus of money or possessions, but the word actually symbolizes much more. For example, there’s the surplus of joy you feel that you can offer to yourself and your family. Then there’s the excess of intellectual prowess, talent, compassion, health, strength, and kindness you can share with the world. Whenever you see deficiencies in joy, abundance, educational opportunities, perfect health, or sobriety, make your own surpluses available. Lao-tzu urges you to look at what’s deficient and be an instrument of increasing, rather than a collector of more, which marginalizes and divides the oneness that is all of life.

  Practice these new ways of being that are more aligned with the way of the Tao:

  Reduce surplus.

  Reduce what’s in excess in your life and then offer it where it can be utilized. Begin with your stuff: clothing, furniture, tools, equipment, radios, cameras, or anything that you have too much of. Don’t sell it; rather, give it away (if you can afford to). Don’t ask for recognition for charitable acts—simply behave in harmony with 77th Verse the Tao by reducing your surplus. Then think about your intangible abundance of health, joy, kindness, love, or inner peace, and seek ways to offer those glorious feelings to those who could benefit from your bounty.

  Be an instrument of increasing.

  Just as nature fills voids by maintaining the cyclical balance necessary to our world, be an instrument of increasing where you observe deficiencies. Practice giving by dedicating a portion of your earnings to be used to ease deficits, for as Lao-tzu points out, “The master can keep giving because there is no end to his wealth.” If you can’t offer money to those who are less fortunate, say a silent blessing for them. Offer a prayer when you hear an ambulance’s or police car’s siren. Look for opportunities to fill the empty spaces in other people’s lives with money; things; or loving energy in the form of kindness, compassion, joy, and forgiveness.

  Do the Tao Now

  Plan a day when you make a point of getting rid of some of your surplus, making sure that you part with something that’s useful elsewhere. Look around for things you don’t need or use—for instance, I just glanced up from my writing and spotted some legal pads, three DVDs, and a toaster that I haven’t used in six months. If you scan the room right now as you’re reading these words, I’m positive you’ll see things that you could easily categorize as surplus. So schedule a time to put some of your excess into circulation. You can also pick up those things in your line of vision at this moment and drop them off where they’ll be welcomed today. Be a man or woman of the Tao!

  78th Verse

  Nothing in the world is softer

  and weaker than water.

  But for attacking the hard, the unyielding,

  nothing can surpass it.

  There is nothing like it.

  The weak overcomes the strong;

  the soft surpasses the hard.

  In all the world, there is no one who does not know

  this, but no one can master the practice.

  Therefore the master remains

  serene in the midst of sorrow;

  evil cannot enter his heart.

  Because he has given up helping,

  he is people’s greatest help.

  True words appear paradoxical.

  Living likeWater

  In researching, studying, and putting into practice the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching, I’ve been struck by the many references Lao-tzu makes to water in its various forms: the sea, rain, fog, mist, snow, and rivers and streams. The esteemed master seemed to find his spiritual strength in all of nature, but he must have had a special reverence for water and how it functions in all of our lives. Be like water seems to be repeated throughout the Tao Te Ching. This element is closer to being Tao-like than anything else in this world, so it is a perfectly suitable symbol for teaching about the Great Way.

  Water is as mysterious to us as the Tao is. When you reach into the river and try to squeeze it tight, you end up losing it all. Water is elusive until you cease grasping and let your hand relax and be one with it—paradoxically, you get it by letting go. Lao-tzu advises emulating this element in all of its undecipherable and mysterious ways, even if it seems contrary to what your intellect and conditioning are telling you.

  Lao-tzu reiterates three themes that appear throughout this book. They are the true characteristics of water:

  1. Overcome the unyielding parts of your life by yielding! Hard and rigid are overcome by the relentless application of gentle things, such as water’s soft flow or steady drip. So be persistently gentle and willing to surrender, and watch the resistance of the harsh and implacable wear away.

  For years, one of my family members who insisted on damaging herself and her relationships by ingesting intoxicating substances has been met by my loving but firm response. Slowly, over time, her hardness began to wear away in the face of the steady drip, drip, drip of gentle but resolute kindness, acceptance, and love. It can be discouraging at times, but as Lao-tzu points out in this verse, we must act just like water and use a soft approach, “for attacking the hard, the unyielding, nothing can surpass it.”

  2. Water appears to be something you could easily overpower. However, it’s so flexible that once you push it out of the way, it will find its own level below all strong things and patiently enter where nothing solid can block its resting place. Put up barricades, erect levees, and make everything waterproof; yet with enough passage of time, the flexible quality of water will triumph. “The weak overcomes the strong” is a powerful message for you. Remember to stay flexible, willing to lower yourself in humility and appear weak, but knowing that you’re in harmony with the Tao. Lao-tzu urges you to be like the master who remains “serene in the midst of sorrow,” and evil will not be able to enter your heart.

  3. Water is so soft that it can’t be harmed, damaged, or destroyed—it simply returns to its Source to be used over and over again. Boil it until it disappears, and its vapors enter the atmosphere, ultimately to return. Drink it, and it returns after nourishing your body. Pollute it, and it will return after enough passage of time to become purified nourishment again. This is all accomplished because of the element’s mutable softness.

  When you stay soft and surpass the hard, you too will be indestructible. (Reread verse 43, “Living Softly.”) There’s nothing softer than water under heaven, and yet there’s nothing that can surpass it for overcoming the hard. There’s so much wisdom to be found in this analogy: Stay in your soft mode. Hang back when you’re about to show how hard you can be. Try patience rather than attempting to rigidly control. Trust your innately gentle self.

  I love Mary Oliver’s beautiful poem “Wild Geese,” in which she speaks of this:

  You do not have to be good.

  You do not have to walk on your knees

  for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

  You only have to let the soft animal of your body

  love what it loves.

  Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

  Meanwhile the world goes on.

  Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes,

  over the prairies and the deep trees,

  the mountains and the rivers.

  Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue
air, are heading home again.

  Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

  the world offers itself to your imagination,

  calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting—

  over and over announcing your place

  in the family of things.

  From his 2,500-year-old perspective, Lao-tzu reminds you of how much you have to learn from nature, particularly water, and urges you to put these ideas into practice:

  Change the way you look at strength versus weakness.

  See that the stereotypes of rigid, hard, forceful, cocksure, and dominant aren’t attributes of strength at all. In fact, these qualities will lead you to be suppressed and overpowered by softness, or what you’ve called weakness. Change the way you look at all of this, and watch your world change. When you begin to admire and emulate those who stay weak and pliable, you’ll see the true strength in yourself as a person of the Tao. Give up interfering and helping, and opt instead to stream like water—gently, softly, and unobtrusively—wherever you’re needed.

  Be soft like water.

  Like water, flow everywhere there’s an opening, rather than attempting to dominate with your forcefulness. Soften your hard edges by being more tolerant of contrary opinions. Interfere less, and substitute listening for directing and telling. When someone offers you their viewpoint, try responding with: “I’ve never considered that before—thank you. I’ll give it some thought.”

  Do the Tao Now

  Do a meditation today in which you picture yourself as having the same qualities as water. Allow your soft, weak, yielding, fluid self to enter places where you previously were excluded because of your inclination to be solid and hard. Flow softly into the lives of those with whom you feel conflicted: Picture yourself entering their private inner selves, seeing perhaps for the first time what they’re experiencing. Keep this image of yourself as gently coursing water, and watch how your relationships change.

  79th Verse

  After a bitter quarrel, some resentment remains.

  What can one do about it?

  Being content with what you have

  is always best in the end.

  Someone must risk returning injury with kindness,

  or hostility will never turn to goodwill.

  So the wise always give without expecting gratitude.

  One with true virtue

  always seeks a way to give.

  One who lacks true virtue

  always seeks a way to get.

  To the giver comes the fullness of life;

  to the taker, just an empty hand.

  Living Without

  Resentments

  In this verse, which has been so helpful to me personally, you’re asked to change the way you hold resentments following a difference of opinion or an outright quarrel. Now what causes annoyance and anger after a dispute? The generic response would be a laundry list that detailed why the other person was wrong and how illogically and unreasonably they behaved, concluding with something like, “I have a right to be upset when my [daughter, mother-in-law, ex-husband, boss, or whomever you’re thinking of] speaks to me that way!” But if you’re interested in living a Tao-filled life, it’s imperative that you reverse this kind of thinking.

  Resentments don’t come from the conduct of the other party in an altercation—no, they survive and thrive because you’re unwilling to end that altercation with an offering of kindness, love, and authentic forgiveness. Lao-tzu says, “Someone must risk returning injury with kindness, or hostility will never turn to goodwill.” So when all of the yelling, screaming, and threatening words have been expressed, the time for calm has arrived. Remember that no storm lasts forever, and that hidden within are always seeds of tranquility. There is a time for hostility and a time for peace.

  As the storm of a quarrel subsides, you must find a way to disregard your ego’s need to be right. It’s time to extend kindness by letting go of your anger. It’s over, so offer forgiveness to yourself and the other person and encourage resentment to dissipate. Be the one seeking a way to give, in the sense that Lao-tzu describes in this verse, rather than the one looking for something to get.

  I run a large enterprise based on the wisdom in this profound verse. My company is all about giving, so if there are any disputes about product sales, my assistant knows to let the other party have whatever they desire. If someone can’t afford something, I give it away. I allow recordings of my talks and ask nothing in return. I give of my time for photographs, autographs, or anything at all. Unless I have a plane to catch, I’m the last person out of the auditorium, and I’m willing to talk with anybody who makes such a request. It’s all about giving, and those who work for me know this and live by these principles.

  When I asked an outsider to be a part of my speaking tour not long ago, I encountered a man who was a tremendously gifted musician and entertainer yet was living in scarcity. Despite his enormous talent, abundance just wasn’t flowing into his life. After a few of our speaking dates, I noticed his inclination to be a taker rather than a giver—he consistently looked for ways to make more money on the side, excluding everyone else who was working to provide a service to those who attended the lectures.

  I had a long discussion with this man about how his profiteering rather than offering was blocking the flow of abundance into his life, and I encouraged him to trust in the wisdom that Lao-tzu provides. The point here is that this was an opportunity for us to both proceed on the tour without resentment.

  Regardless of anyone else’s attitude, if you live with “true virtue,” you’ll seek a way to give. This truth completely aligns with the Tao; after all, the creator of life is always giving, never taking. So change the way you think about scarcity and resentment, and begin to truly feel the question How may I serve? The universe will seem to respond, Finally, you got it—you’re acting like me! I’ll keep that flow coming into your life in ways that will astound and delight you. As Lao-tzu says, “To the giver comes the fullness of life; to the taker, just an empty hand.”

  Here’s what Lao-tzu encourages you to do to make the wisdom of the 79th verse your reality: 79th Verse

  End on love, no matter what!

  Picture yourself at the termination of a quarrel or major dispute. Rather than reacting with old patterns of residual anger, revenge, and hurt, visualize offering kindness, love, and forgiveness. Do this right now by sending out these “true virtue” thoughts to any resentments you’re currently carrying. Make this your standard response to any future altercations: I end on love, no matter what!

  Practice giving.

  In the midst of arguments or disagreements, practice giving rather than taking before you exit the fracas. Offer the Tao treasures or real virtues by presenting kindness rather than a put-down, or a sign of respect instead of proving someone wrong. Giving involves leaving the ego behind. While it wants to win and show its superiority by being contrary and disrespectful, your Tao nature wants to be at peace and live in harmony. You can reduce your quarreling time to almost zero if you practice this procedure.

  Do the Tao Now

  Silently recite the following words from the Prayer of Saint Francis: “Where there is injury, [let me bring] pardon.” Be a giver of forgiveness as he teaches: Bring love to hate, light to darkness, and pardon to injury. Read these words daily, for they’ll help you overcome your ego’s demands and know “the fullness of life.”

  80th Verse

  Imagine a small country with few people.

  They have weapons and do not employ them;

  they enjoy the labor of their hands

  and do not waste time inventing laborsaving machines.

  They take death seriously and do not travel far.

  Since they dearly love their homes,

  they are not interested in travel.

  Although they have boats and carriages,

  no one uses them.

  They are content with healthy food,

  pleased with
useful clothing,

  satisfied in snug homes,

  and protective of their way of life.

  Although they live within sight of their neighbors,

  and crowing cocks and barking dogs can be

  heard across the way,

  they leave each other in peace

  while they grow old and die.

  Living Your

  Own Utopia

  This second-to-last verse of the Tao Te Ching might have been titled “KISS”—that is, “Keep It Simple, Stupid.” Here, Lao-tzu makes a case for an ideal society where conflict isn’t a problem, harmonizing with nature is practiced, and weapons may be present but are never used. The ancient Chinese master seems to say that staying close to nature and taking pleasure in the basics of life are more satisfying than pursuing technological equipment and fancy carriages. He advises readers to keep close to the land, work with their hands, and not compete with neighboring villages.