by A. E. Murphy
Why?
“Gwen, remove your hand,” he bites out, grasping my arm and yanking it roughly from under me.
“I was just…”
“Don’t.”
“Nathan,” I snap, feeling my lust go down a notch. We’ve both stopped moving, both stopped moaning and grunting.
He ignores me and after a quiet moment he reaches around my hips and slides his finger into my wetness, making sure to rub in the right spot. “Let me.” He leans forward and I feel his clothed chest against my naked back. The buttons dig into me and the extra stimulation against my over sensitised skin sends tiny flames of pleasure that pop around my body. “Let me make you feel good.”
I want to protest and tell him that I want to make him feel good too, but I don’t. Something tells me that I should do this his way, no matter how irritating it may be. I love him, I respect him and I’m trying to understand him. The only way I can understand him is if I accept him and learn as we go along.
“You already are,” I respond breathily, remaining still beneath him. This relaxes him; I can tell immediately by the way the muscles of his chest seem to soften against me. “Don’t stop.”
Smiling against my neck, he starts slowly thrusting in and out, his finger working me beautifully. I clench tightly around him, telling him with my core to go deeper but letting him decide. He moans loudly into my neck, his body shuddering.
Ten minutes pass of this, ten torturous minutes of every cell in me burning on the edge of a climax. I need release so badly and so does he, yet he continues at a slow grinding pace, never fully entering me and never leaving me entirely.
A gasp escapes me when he lurches upwards, his body going tight behind me. His cock swells almost double in thickness and a groan of pain leaves him. I stay perfectly still, my face buried in the soft bed sheets, my hands gripping them tight.
“Let go,” I say, needing to feel him come inside me, needing to feel him pulse and buck with the pleasure that my body has given him.
A long rush of air leaves his lungs and I feel his cock begin to calm itself. It’s disappointing but I can understand why he wants to last longer. It feels bloody brilliant.
“Please,” I beg, desperately needing release now. “Deeper.”
He pulls out. “I can’t.” I’m about to sob and beg for mercy, but it’s stifled by the feel of two long, leather clad fingers entering me.
A choked scream climbs its way up my chest as he rubs against the spot on the inner wall that makes everything feel magnificent. Fingers on my clit and fingers inside me whilst in this position, this is new.
An orgasm tears through me within moments, his fingers doing what three inches of his cock couldn’t do moments ago. My body shudders and shakes, my knees especially.
“Oh god,” I pant, feeling the ripples of the end of my climax return to my stomach.
Nathan leans forward and kisses my shoulder. In one quick swoop, I’m in his arms and I’m being deposited on the bed, under the blankets, my body nothing but jelly. When I squeeze my thighs together I feel my wetness and the tingles that remain.
“I’ll be right back,” he says against my lips and hastily leaves the room.
Sigh. He didn’t climax, yet again.
I rest back on the pillows, pulling the blanket over my breasts. There’s no need to think about it this time; it’s pointless. I promised him two weeks of silence before I start asking him everything I want to ask. I’ll give him his two weeks.
He’s certainly taking his time.
Padding out of the bedroom when he doesn’t return after almost ten minutes, I knock on the bathroom door. The sound of the shower running probably covers up the knock. With a sigh I go back into my room and sit on the bed.
Nathan returns, wearing a dark vest and his dark boxers. Damn his body is amazing. He smiles kindly at me, his eyes full of adoration. It does little to soothe my unease over the situation.
“The shower is free.” His voice is gentle. That was a hint if I’ve ever heard one.
“Right,” I mutter, feeling extremely embarrassed right now. “I’ll go and shower.”
He blinks, realisation dawning. “It’s me, not you. We both got a little bit sweaty.” I really don’t want to know that I smell bad, it’s humiliating. “I don’t like sweat.”
“Whatever,” I sigh, exhaustion settling in.
He watches me for a moment, his eyes holding an emotion I can’t quite figure out. Or maybe I’m just too tired to try. “Gwen…”
“Don’t, I’m just tired.” Is it going to be like this every time we have sex? Are we just not compatible? Maybe that’s it.
“I’m sorry.” He sounds sincere but I just don’t want to hear it right now.
“I know you are.”
“Gwen.” he reaches over and takes my hand in his. A flash of feeling and memory at where that hand has just been makes my cheeks heat slightly and my stomach clench in appreciation. “You’re breaking my heart right now.”
His words make my chest ache with a brutal pain that seems intent on slicing me open. I look towards his sad eyes and realise that he must feel just as embarrassed and as badly as I do, if not more. It’s all well and good me sitting here moaning that he’s not performing the way I expect him to, but how must he feel knowing he finally has the woman he loves and can’t perform the way he knows he should?
Just like that, every single tinge of annoyance and anger leaves my body. I roll over, not caring if he hates my sweat right now. I need to hold him.
To my shock, he returns the embrace and pushes me onto my back. “I’m trying.” He whispers so close to my mouth I can scent the mint on his breath and feel it on my lips.
My heart aches again. I lift my head and touch my lips to his.
He pulls back after a moment, looking deeply into my eyes as his fingers push my fringe from my face. “Tell me you love me.”
“I love you.”
“I know I haven’t said it yet, but…” He licks his lower lip and presses his forehead against mine. “Thank you for choosing me.”
What? “Choosing you?”
“Thank you for not choosing Eric.”
Oh gosh, he thinks I broke up with Eric already… but he must have seen Eric kiss me. What do I do now?
“I got worried when your mum asked me to pick up Dillan, but when you came back…” He smiles slightly. “I didn’t think you would.”
I groan and place my arm over my eyes.
“What?” He chuckles nervously. “What is it?”
“Nathan,” I begin, not daring to look at him. “I didn’t tell Eric yet.” I think back to all of the times I’ve seen on TV, or read in books, where the woman keeps something small from her partner, and in the end it blows up in her face. The entire time I’ve sat there and screamed at the woman to just tell him, it’s not actually that big of a deal. I won’t be that woman. Now I’m kind of wishing I could be that woman, but the one that gets away with it.
He pulls off me and rolls onto his back without saying a word.
“Nathan, let me explain.” I sigh, holding out my hand so he’ll take it. He doesn’t, so I rest it on his chest. “I was going to tell him after work; we agreed to meet up.” Nathan nods for the rest of the story. “When we got to his house, his mum was there with his nine year old sister. They stayed for about half an hour, if that. When we were seeing them out, his sister fell and hit her face really bad. We had to take her to the hospital. We were there for an hour before his mum kicked us out.”
“But he dropped you off. You had time on the way home.”
“Eric was devastated! I couldn’t do that to him. It was very bad timing. I swear, I’ll tell him soon. Just… let him have tomorrow at least.”
“As you wish.”
“As… as I wish?”
“Yes. We’ll give him tomorrow.”
Blink. “We?”
“If you don’t break up with him by Friday, I will.”
I baulk. “You’ll break
up with him?”
“Yes,” he confirms, still staring at the ceiling. “And the way I do it won’t be pleasant.”
I should be annoyed by his possessiveness. Actually I am annoyed, but my lower parts are way more affected. “I’d rather do it myself.”
“Then you have until Friday. After that…”
I hear the threat in his voice and can only nod. “Okay. Deal.”
“Good.” He rolls me back over onto my back and covers my lips with his.
After kissing me for a long moment, he leans back and looks at me curiously.
“What?” I laugh nervously at the way he’s looking at me but not really seeing me.
“You still haven’t had a shower and I find myself not caring in the slightest.”
I snort and slap his arm. “Is that another hint?”
“No, I suppose I’ll get used to it.” He kisses me once more, slow and languid with a small amount of tongue. “Go to sleep.”
“Yes, sir.”
As my eyes close, he cups my face with one hand and runs his thumb over my lips. “Don’t kiss him again, Gwen. I won’t forgive you next time.”
My breath catches in my lungs as I open my eyes to stare at him and a small wave of fear flashes through me at the thought of losing him. “Why forgive me this time?”
He frowns, thinking on it for a moment. “You’re the first woman, the first person I’ve ever loved. I’ve waited for you for three years. I’ve watched you in the arms of my brother when you should have been in mine. I’ll not lose you to another Caleb over a kiss. You’re mine; I’m yours. I can forgive you once, but not twice.” His body tenses and his head goes to my neck. “I won’t share you and I won’t chase you. You deserve better, but if you choose me, I’ll not allow you to look for better.”
“I’ve already chosen you.” I frown, feeling the need to reassure him.
He shakes his head and leans over the side of the bed. He raises Caleb’s picture and my heart starts thudding in my chest. “No, if given the chance, you’d choose him again in an instant. Eric and I would be forgotten.” He places the frame back on the bedside table and stares at it for a moment. Tears burn the back of my eyes at the reality of this situation and his words. I don’t let them fall. He turns back to me and taps my temple. “You’ve chosen me in here.” His hand moves to my chest and rests over my heart, beating steadily against his palm. “But there’s little space for me in here.”
“Nathan, that’s not…”
“True?” He cuts in, his brow arching and a smile teasing his lips. “Isn’t it?”
I remain silent. There’s nothing I can say. “I do love you.”
His eyes slowly close and his forehead drops to my collarbone. “And I you, and for now that is enough.”
“And in the future?”
“In the future,” he says, looking back into my eyes as his hand plays with a lock of my hair that rests across my breast, “I will want more. I won’t be second best to my brother forever, but my love for you at the moment will allow it. I’m not completely heartless and, as unbelievable as it may seem, I miss my brother too, so I understand your reservations.”
I can only agree with him; he’s right. He deserves the world and not just the love I can give him.
“I’m going to begin opening the store once my new furniture arrives,” he whispers, resting on his back and pulling me onto his chest. He’s not satisfied until I’m sprawled across his front almost entirely. “I’d like you to help me design the layout.”
I snort. “Don’t ask me, I have terrible taste in décor.”
He chuckles and kisses the top of my head. “Yes, I saw the work you did in the house you lived in with my brother.”
“Don’t be mean; we loved it.”
“No, you loved it and you have the amazing ability to make people love what you love in order to keep you happy.” Fingers lift my chin and my eyes once again connect with his. “I’ve never seen a smile as radiant as yours. I do believe it was the first thing about you that I fell in love with.” Gasp. “Again, I know it’s unbelievable, but every morning I woke to your shattered spirit and solemn face, it tore at me.”
“I was grieving.”
“And I hope you never have to grieve again,” he whispers, wrapping his arms tight around me. “Goodnight, Gwen.”
“Hmm.” Placing one last kiss on his peck, I snuggle into his warmth and close my eyes.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Sasha sits on the swing beside me, Dillan held carefully in her arms as she rocks slowly back and forth. I take a picture of the two of them on my phone and rest backwards into the metal safety bar that prevents idiots like myself from falling off onto the unforgiving tarmac below.
“Do you remember when we used to come here to drink coffee during our breaks?” Sasha asks, smiling at Dillan who seems to be enthralled by the scenery swaying backwards and forwards before his eyes. Every time the wind breezes across his face, he blinks rapidly and jerks his chunky arms and legs whilst his mouth hangs open in a near smile. “He’s so cute.”
“Yeah, I remember.” I smile fondly at my friend, turned ex-friend, turned friend once more. “Nathan said if I moved in with him, he’d do everything in his power to get me back into university.”
“Wow.” She gives me a large smile. “Do it.”
“I want to, but I don’t want to move in for that reason.”
“Why won’t you move in with him?”
I shrug, not knowing the exact answer to that question. “Maybe because I don’t need to live with him anymore. I like having my independence.”
She nods, seemingly in agreement. “Tommy is visiting this weekend. We should go out.”
I shake my head. “I can’t, I’m in London this weekend. Nathan is finally setting up shop so to speak.” He told me this morning and luckily Valentine agreed to give me the weekend off, but I have to work two extra days next week. He’s adamant that I’m going to help him choose the layout and décor. I’m not going to argue with him; it sounds like fun.
“That’s great.”
It definitely is. “I have to break up with Eric tomorrow. I went to the hospital this morning to see Kara with him.”
“How is she?”
“Her nose was set, but her face and eyes are so swollen.” I shudder at the memory of the incident. “Eric is looking better now that she’s better. Their mum looked positively dreadful.”
“Not surprising,” Sasha states and, yet again, I agree. She pulls Dillan tighter to her chest and lets out a small shiver. “It’s getting cold, we should head back.”
“How’s your placement?” I ask as I stand and smooth down my clothing.
“Boring. It’s always too busy to talk to each other and get to know anybody. By the time we have the time to talk, we’re all way too tired. I’d rather work at Valentine’s; there seems to be a good balance of busy, baking and making friends.”
“Yeah.” I nod and take Dillan from her arms. “It’s nice. We’re like a little family.”
She follows me to the stroller and waits as I strap Dillan in and wrap him up tight. “Can I ask you something?”
“Well, seeing as you asked so nicely,” I remark dryly, making her snort and give me a small shove.
“Okay, it’s just… it’s about Caleb.”
I remain as passive as possible, not letting her see what just the sound of his name still does to me. “Okay.”
“There’s… well, I didn’t want to mention it before because of how…” She waves her hand in the air, clearly trying to find the right word. “Raw everything was. Plus, I thought you didn’t need crap in your head that may just be crap.”
“Go on.”
She lets out a long breath and stops me in the street, her eyes sympathetic. “Don’t you think it’s odd that he wanted to marry you before he died?”
“What?”
“I’m just going by what you’ve said. He was urgent, insistent to marry you, and then he died the day
before the wedding.”
My back stiffens. “I remember the day.”
“I’m just saying.” Her voice is calm and soft, the opposite of how I feel inside. “It just seems… odd.”
“I’d rather not think about it.” I start walking again, ignoring her shock at my words.
She catches up to me. “You really haven’t put him to rest have you?”
“Of course I have!”
“No, you haven’t.”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Fine, but you need to think about it. It’s odd…”
“It’s over,” I hiss, glaring at her, both of us stopping once more. “It’s over and done with; there’s no use thinking about it. It’s not fair on anybody.”
“You’ll never be able to move on until you let him go, babe.”
“I don’t want to let him go,” I whisper, staring at my happy son, drooling all over himself and his blanket. “Ever.” She doesn’t hear me, so I tell her that I’m going home and pick up the pace.
“Gwen, I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just, none of it makes sense and if you really think about it, you’ll see I’m…”
“Stop,” I snap, facing her once more. “Please, don’t. I can’t… it’s hard enough already.”
“And yet you share a bed with his brother? That’s hardly fair.”
“It’s none of your business. Just leave it.” I walk away.
“Gwen,” she calls, but I don’t answer and she doesn’t follow.
I’m too ashamed to face the truth of her words and I’m too scared to deal with them.
I don’t want to think about it. It’s done; it’s over, so what’s the point?
As I’m heading home, I think back to this morning. Nathan left early; he had to drive back to the countryside to pick up a few things. I won’t see him until tonight. This morning was a good one though. He kissed me sweetly and made me melt when he kissed Dillan and told him he loved him. I’ve never heard him say it, not in the way he did, so full of emotion and love.
