Connected

by A. E. Murphy

  “It’s okay, we’re okay, we’re safe.”

  “Christ Gwen.” He presses his lips to mine once more, his kisses wet and desperate.

  “You look stupid in a hospital gown” I joke, making him laugh, which causes him to go into a coughing fit.

  He grins, his eyes tired and shining with love.

  “Okay, time to go,” the doctor says, taking Nathan by his arm.

  Giving me one last kiss, he stands and follows the doctor to a waiting wheelchair. He looks at it, glares at the doctor and walks around it. It’s not until now that I see just how large the burn is. The white gauze covers half of his back from the top of his shoulder to the bottom of his ribs. Then there’s part of his neck that’s also covered.

  I place my hand to my mouth and stifle a cry. My mum instantly holds me and tries to soothe me. “He’s fine, Gwen. He’s fine.”

  “It’s my fault,” I whimper watching him until he vanishes from my sight. “It’s all my fault.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT

  “Will you stop fussing?” Nathan snaps, his eyes narrowing on me. “I’m fine. I don’t need help.”

  I sigh and run my fingers through his hair. “I didn’t say you did need it. It’s just what I want to do.”

  He smiles up at me, but it’s squished due to the fact he’s lying on his stomach and his cheek is pressed against the mattress. “Okay, fine, fuss away.”

  I flick his nose and stroke my fingers along his good arm. “Thank you.”

  “You know that this isn’t your fault, right Gwen?” He says softly, entwining his fingers with mine. I kiss his hand and press my forehead against it. He hasn’t worn his gloves since the tragedy that almost took our lives. It’s only been ten days and he didn’t get released until yesterday. I don’t want to draw attention to the fact that he’s touching everything with his hands because he doesn’t seem to have noticed yet.

  Fortunately the burn, which they thought was all third degree, was only third degree in the lower ten percent and the top twelve percent. The rest will heal nicely, but the third degree will require skin grafting to fix it.

  “Did I tell you yet that I love your hair? You look older, sexier.” He walks his fingers up my arm until they reach the ends of my jaw length bob, which gets higher at the back. I have to admit, I like it too. It’s so much easier to manage.

  I smile and kiss the palm of his hand.

  “What are you going to do about the house?” I ask, not wanting to bring it up. We have to address it sooner or later.

  “I’m tearing it down and selling the land, or maybe I’ll build another.” It sounds like a good idea. “Sasha called this morning. She wishes to speak with you.”

  “I know.” I’m not angry at her for what she did anymore. How can I be? If I can forgive Nathan, she deserves my forgiveness too. Everything is just so raw and difficult right now. “I’ll call her tomorrow.”

  He smiles and presses his lips to mine.

  “Could you do me a favour?” His fingers dance along my collar bone and over the curve of my breast.

  “Anything.”

  “If I roll onto my side, could you…” He nods towards the bottom of the bed.

  I look there, but can’t figure out what it is he’s referring to. “Huh?”

  “You know…” He rolls onto his side and nods to the end of the bed again.

  “Still not following.” I lean forward and kiss the good side of his neck.

  He moans and threads his fingers through my short hair and presses me closer. “That feels good.”

  I hum in response and tease his flesh with my tongue. He tastes so good. He always tastes good.

  “Lower,” he whispers and I press a kiss to his left peck, before nibbling it with my teeth. His body shudders and his hand starts pushing gently at my head. “Lower.” Smiling against his skin, I move to his nipple and run my tongue around the hard nub. “Christ,” he bites out through clenched teeth. “Lower.”

  I move down to his perfect abs, tracing each line with my tongue like Pac-Man around a maze. He moans again, his breath coming out in shallow pants.

  “Lower.”

  I circle his belly button, tracing the thin, dark line of hair that leads down to his boxers, which I slide down with both hands, freeing his hardened length.

  “Lower,” he breathes, putting more pressure on my head.

  I kiss over his hip bone, leaving a shiny trail with my tongue as I go. He jerks when I suck on the sensitive skin in the dip of his groin. I feel his length throb against my cheekbone and smile. He’s never let me take complete control like this.

  It’s fun, definitely fun.

  I want to make him feel good.

  “Do that thing you do with your tongue,” he whispers on a choked breath as I tease the sack beneath his length with my lips. “Gwen… stop teasing.”

  “Nuh-uh.” I continue torturing his skin, using the pads of my fingers to massage his thigh.

  “Open.”

  I giggle, eliciting a growl from him. It soon stops when he moves my head away from him and pushes his cock against my lips. “Open.”

  My womb quivers and I clench down below, instantly becoming wet when his heated length slides over my tongue and straight to the back of my throat. He hisses out a long breath, his thumb stroking my cheekbone almost soothingly.

  My fingers tickle the inside of his thigh as my cheeks hollow with each long pull.

  “Christ,” he groans, his body giving a jerk that ripples through his muscles and makes his legs tense. “Faster.”

  It’s hard going faster when you’re lying on your side with your legs hanging off the end of the bed so I slide onto the floor, my knees holding me up. Nathan, being careful of the wound on his back, shuffles his hips forward desperately.

  I almost regret taking this position, because the width of his cock is almost too large to fit in my mouth. I tilt my head and swallow him whole, making him grasp my head desperately and pump his hips back and forth.

  “Gwen,” he mumbles, his hand holding my head still as he vanishes into his own world. “Gwen.” He says, louder this time, his voice a choked cry. “Don’t stop,” he adds almost desperately, thrusting hard into my mouth, but fortunately not deep enough to make me gag.

  I wrap my hand around him and peek up at his face. His eyes, which were clenched shut, open the second my eyes peer at him. His pupils, almost fully dilated, stare into mine. They close again and his entire body shudders and shakes.

  Thrusting two more times, he spends himself into my mouth. It shocks me at first. I’ve never done this part before and it also shocks me because he’s allowing me to do this for him. Whenever we got this close before, he’d push me away and take my body instead.

  But then again, he was trying to get me pregnant. Now that he’s succeeded, I suppose it doesn’t matter where it goes.

  I shouldn’t think like that though. Nathan has always been weird when it comes to climaxing and I’ve forgiven him for his deception. Well… almost. It still hurts that he’d do that, but almost dying, almost losing him, almost losing us, I guess it forces other things to the surface that are so much more important.

  It’s done; it’s too late to change and I’m not getting angry with a man who chose to die with me rather than leave me to die alone. Maybe I’m over dramatizing it all, but that’s how it felt.

  I love him.

  I’ll do anything for him and now I know that he’ll do anything for me.

  When his body stops trembling from his climax, I swallow, waiting for him to soften in my mouth, not really thinking about it as I do. He taps me on the head and then pats the bed beside him.

  Climbing up, I settle myself against his chest, kissing his throat while feeling his heart beating beneath my palm.

  “Tell me you love me,” he mutters and places a gentle kiss on the end of my nose.

  I smile and nuzzle his chest. “Always.”

  “Tell me you forgive me.”

  My b
reath catches in my throat and the sharp pain I feel in my chest at my sudden inhale reminds me that I’m still healing. It reminds me that we almost died because of me. “It’s my fault.”

  “What is?”

  “The fire… the house…”

  He tilts my head up to his, our mouths only inches apart. His confusion is clear. “It was my dad, Gwen. He’s been arrested. He confessed…”

  “No.” I take a steady breath and calm myself. He deserves to know. “It’s my fault he was there.”

  He shifts his body slightly, wincing with the pain that the movement causes. Another bout of guilt slashes through me. “What are you talking about?”

  “You asked me what happened between me and your father.”

  “I remember.”

  “Well… it’s kind of a long story but… it…”

  “Spit it out Gwen,” he demands irritably, his eyes narrowing on my face.

  “When you got arrested for assaulting your father, I blackmailed him so he’d drop the charges.”

  The sudden silence is disturbing. His mouth falls open, but I swear both of our hearts stop together. He shifts further away from me, a frown on his face. “You blackmailed him?”

  “Yes. Well, Sasha told me what to say. She’s better at stuff like that than I am. Not that she’s ever blackmailed anyone, I just mean I feel guilty really easily and…”

  “Gwen.” He stops my rambling, giving me a moment to clear my thought process and explain properly. “Explain.”

  I chew anxiously on my lip before continuing. “Okay, so, that night I found the DVDs, I don’t know how but the first one got stuck in my jacket and I took it home by mistake.” He tenses but says nothing. “The title was weird. I didn’t understand it, so… well, I watched it again.” His eyes widen and he slowly sits up. I follow suit and sit beside him on the end of the bed after he shuffles himself down. “I skipped the parts where you were… you know… and well, your Grandfather had sent you to your room but he hadn’t turned the camera off and your dad had come to pick you up.”

  “I remember that day. He walked in, took one look at me and walked out. I remember him and my grandfather arguing. I couldn’t hear what they were saying.” He closes his eyes and his jaw clenches as he continues. “I couldn’t move off the ground.”

  My poor Nathan. “He knew.” I place my hand on his, but he knocks it away. “Your grandfather told him he’d donate every penny he had to charity if he told anyone and your dad seemed to need his money to get his business started, or back afloat, or something. Anyway… he knew and there was the proof. So I… well, I copied it and Sasha found his office number, which led us to getting his personal number. I told him if he didn’t drop the charges against you, sign over everything to you and leave you alone, I’d go public.” I rush the last bit, not wanting to upset him anymore. “He agreed and we made the deal that I’d leave every single piece of evidence that you were abused on the dining room table and he’d pick it up at five, after you’d signed the papers.”

  “Go on.” He snaps, his hands fisting on his lap.

  “I was supposed to leave before he got there, but I fell asleep reading your journals. I read them all…” He says nothing, shows nothing and doesn’t move an inch. I wish I could see what he was feeling. “When I woke up, well… you know the rest.”

  He doesn’t look at me and this worries me. Then he stands and this worries me even more.

  “Nathan…”

  “Can I have a minute?” He says calmly.

  I want to say no. I want to scream at him that I’m sorry, but instead I nod and leave the room, trying to hide the fact that I’m terrified I’m going to lose him.

  Before I close the door I call to him; he doesn’t look at me, so I speak anyway. “I’m so sorry for not telling you, Nathan, but I didn’t want you to hurt any more than you already had.”

  “Go Guinevere,” he hisses and I quickly close the door. When Nathan gets like this, sometimes it’s just best to leave him to it. I don’t want to upset him while he’s in such bad shape. I wish I didn’t have to tell him at all, but he deserves to know that he’s in the shape he is because of me.

  I didn’t start the fire, but I played a big part in it. If I hadn’t set off this stupid chain of events with my stupid need to get him out of that cell, none of this would have happened.

  I forgave him for his deception. I hope this garners me enough points towards his forgiveness of me.

  I check in on Dillan, who’s having his afternoon nap, and sit in the rocking chair by his cot. He’s sleeping soundly on his front, his pudgy fist against his lips. He’s the only peace I find at the moment; he’s the only silence that I enjoy.

  After half an hour, I pick up my little boy and make my way into the hall. I’m wondering whether or not to go to Nathan. He might need something.

  I knock on the door to the bedroom and wait a while for his response.

  It doesn’t come.

  It’s not until I push open the door to an empty room that panic sets in. Damn him. Where is he?

  He shouldn’t be out of bed!

  I pull my phone from my pocket and call him, but his phone vibrates on the desk beside the bed.

  That idiot!

  What’s he playing at?

  The car is still here. I notice this immediately, after searching the house from top to bottom. The only odd thing is the fact the back door is wide open and I know for a fact I closed it.

  Wrapping a blanket around Dillan, I step out into the wind and make my way down the long garden that turns at the end.

  Seeing him standing only four feet from where the grass ends and the sand begins, one hand in his hair as the other rests limply at his side, makes me stop in my tracks. He looks so beautiful, his back so broad. Even with the covering that protects the burn, he’s stunning. Every perfect male inch of him.

  Taking slow steps, I stop beside him, Dillan babbling in my arms.

  “I made a huge mistake three years ago,” Nathan says softly, his eyes scanning the horizon.

  “Mistake?”

  He nods and takes my hand in his. “I couldn’t walk on sand for you.”

  “Nathan,” I look up at him, trying to find the anger he should feel towards me. “You ran through fire for me.”

  “So walking on sand should be easy,” he bites out and kicks off his shoes.

  I do the same, my heart thrumming in my chest as my body prickles with excitement.

  He takes a step and breathes in deep. “You blackmailed my father.”

  I wince. “I know, it was stupid…”

  “Yes, it was. You should have told me.” He still doesn’t sound angry, nor does he look it. I’m waiting for the explosion. “But I understand why you didn’t. I think we’ve both hidden enough secrets from each other to last a lifetime.” I nod my agreement and we take another step. “You forgave me.” We take another step. The sand is so close to our bare feet. “You did something so incredibly out of character for me, to protect me.” We take another step and my breathing stops completely. He’s going to do it.

  “I love you. I’ll always protect you. You’ve been let down your entire life.” I whisper and we take another step. “Somebody has to.”

  He shakes his head, a smile on his face. “I want to walk on the sand.”

  “Have you ever?”

  He scrunches up his nose, trying to hide his disgust. “No. I used to think it looked fun, but then Caleb threw a spade full at me when I was nine. It got everywhere. It took me hours before I felt clean. I never went near it again.”

  “Caleb sounds mean,” I mutter, hating the fact that the man I knew and the man he was are two completely different people.

  “He wasn’t; he just didn’t understand me. He was always sick and I was always kept away. The only time we ever really got to know each other was when he’d come to my grandfather’s every two months or so. At least now I know why my father never left when Caleb stayed. He knew there was no way they’
d be able to hide it if Caleb were ever abused.” He takes another step and squeezes my hand until it goes numb and my fingers start to turn purple. I keep Dillan close to me with my other arm and wait for Nathan to find the courage to take the final step. “We didn’t get on very well. I just wanted to be left alone and because Caleb rarely had days that he felt good, he just wanted to play. By the time we were in our teens and his illness was in remission, we hated each other. He was everything I wanted to be and I had everything he wanted. I didn’t realise just how angry he was over our grandfather leaving everything to me until he took you from me.”

  “You don’t look like you blame him.”

  He gives me a small smile, his eyes narrowing at the edges. He looks so handsome. “I don’t. He didn’t know why our grandfather left everything to me. He thought he was being cheated out of his inheritance because I was the apple of my grandfather’s eye.” A laugh escapes him. “What’s worse is, I almost told him once. I came so close.”

  I can only imagine how Caleb is feeling now. I wonder if he can see us, see this and see the past and what happened to Nathan. The guilt he’s probably feeling worries me. It’s not his fault. Just like it’s not Nathan’s fault.

  “Why didn’t you?” I ask, wondering when we’re going to take that last step.

  “I knew he’d kill him. As troubled as our relationship was, we were still brothers. My brother had a temper.” One which I only witnessed once, when he threw plates against the wall. I can’t even remember what that argument was about, but I remember being scared and him instantly calming down. “He beat our father up pretty badly when he was only fourteen.”

  “What?”

  “It was bad. My father had attacked my mum, but Caleb gave up after that because she still wouldn’t leave him and she chose him over us. I knew then that if Caleb found out what our grandfather had done, he would definitely kill him. So I never told him and our relationship got worse from there.”