‘I said come with me.’
‘Oh… you don’t want me in your photos. Unless you’d like me to take them for you, so you can all be in them?’ Fran offered.
‘Come with me and let’s see, shall we?’ He held out his hand. Fran took it, then he led her to the front of the hall. His hand was warm, his grip around her fingers firm, and she felt happy and secure, cared about by a man in a way she never had been before.
Audrey and her daughters joined them and soon the children trooped back out from behind the stage, still in their costumes of stars, the sun, the moon, some clouds, some squirrels, badgers, foxes, rabbits and mice. They ran to their families and hugs, kisses and praise were showered upon them. It was lovely to watch and Fran had a lump lodged in her throat the entire time. She hadn’t been a part of this world before, not having children and not expecting to ever be a mum, so being here like this was a real privilege. Ethan had opened up his world and invited her in and it was a very special gift to give. She would always appreciate his kindness and his warmth, and would treasure the memory of today, whatever happened after it was over.
‘Daddy!’ Tilly ran towards them and flung herself at Ethan and he scooped her up in his arms and hugged her tight.
‘My little star!’ he exclaimed as he held her out and smiled at her. ‘You were wonderful!’
‘You were,’ Audrey and her daughters agreed.
Tilly turned to Fran. ‘Was I?’
‘Absolutely amazing. You sparkled on that stage like a diamond.’
‘Were you proud of me?’
‘I was so proud,’ Ethan said.
‘Were you proud of me, Fran?’ Tilly asked.
‘Extremely.’ Fran took Tilly’s proffered hand. ‘I’ve never seen a more talented, beautiful star in all my life.’
Tilly beamed at her and Fran thought her heart would break. This was too much emotion and happiness for one day, surely?
* * *
Ethan posed for some photographs with Tilly then he encouraged his family to join in. When they’d all had some taken, he held out a hand to Fran.
‘Come on then, this side of the camera.’
‘No, it’s all right. You won’t want me in your pictures.’
‘Yes we do!’ Tilly grabbed Fran’s hand. ‘Come on, quick, before someone else needs the stage. My teacher said we weren’t to be long on here because lots of people need photos then everyone needs to get home for Christmas. People have plans, children, so be quick!’ Tilly rolled her eyes and giggled at her own imitation of what Ethan assumed must be her teacher.
Audrey took Ethan’s phone from Fran and held it up ready to snap away.
‘Come here, Fran.’ Tilly led Fran to the rear of the stage, then they stood in front of the backdrop of a beach at night. The sky was navy blue, the sea a black carpet spread out behind them, the moonlight a silver ribbon curling over the water’s surface. Tilly took Fran’s hand in hers then Ethan took her other hand and Fran stood between them, her cheeks flushed, her eyes bright behind her glasses. ‘Now smile at Aunty Audrey!’
Fran smiled and allowed Tilly to direct her poses, and soon, Tilly, Ethan and Fran were giggling as they poked out their tongues and framed their faces with their hands and Ethan pretended to throw Tilly through the air so she could be a shooting star. It felt so natural including Fran in his family unit, as if she’d always been there. She fitted in like the missing piece and he was so comfortable around her. He’d never felt like this with Melanie, always felt as if he was on guard, waiting for her to criticise him or to find fault with something, anything that he’d done, so she could start a row then storm off. It had been like walking on eggshells the entire time and Ethan had begun to realise recently, with the way that Melanie behaved towards Tilly during their Skype calls, that it would have been the same for Tilly had her mother stayed. But with Fran, there was no pressure to be anything other than himself, and Tilly was relaxed and happy around her too, and it was refreshing, enlightening and just… wonderful.
‘Right, I think we have enough photos and we’d better give someone else a turn.’ He nodded at the queue.
‘Okay, Daddy!’ Tilly skipped to his side. ‘I have to go back to class now to collect my things, then we can go home.’
‘And start Christmas?’ he asked.
‘Yaaaaay!’ Tilly clapped her hands before running off the stage.
‘Ethan, the girls and I are going to head back to Rosewood now.’
‘I’ll be up as soon as I can.’ He descended the steps from the stage. ‘I’ll just wait for Tilly then we’ll head home.’
Audrey stepped closer and said quietly, ‘There’s no rush, love. You just take your time. Perhaps go for a coffee with Fran.’
‘Oh…’ Ethan glanced behind him at Fran, who was chatting to someone she knew in the queue.
‘Go on, love, let your hair down. Today’s a special day. The tea shop will always be there but today is a moment in time that you’ll never get back, so enjoy it.’ Audrey gently touched his cheek and he nodded. ‘Come on then girls, let’s get back to your father. He’s probably emptied the fridge by now looking for his morning snack.’
‘See you later.’ Ethan waved as they walked away.
‘I should be going too.’ Fran had joined him.
‘What, now?’ Disappointment swept over him.
‘I still have some things to sort before Christmas and a few orders to drop off to people.’
‘Oh… okay.’
‘I could do it later, though.’ Fran smiled. ‘If you fancy grabbing a coffee or something first.’
‘That would be great.’
She smiled up at him and he stuffed his hands in his pockets, worried that if he didn’t, he would pull her to his chest and hug her tight.
* * *
As they walked out of the school and into the yard, Tilly squealed.
‘It’s snow–ing!’
‘So it is.’ Fran looked around them. ‘The forecast gave us a forty per cent chance of snow but I didn’t think it was quite cold enough.’
‘It’s freezing, Fran!’ Tilly laughed. ‘Daddy said if I didn’t take my hat and gloves today my fingers might fall off with fostbike.’
‘Fostbike, eh?’ Fran raised her eyebrows at Ethan.
‘Fostbike is a terrible thing.’ He nodded. ‘But I think you mean frostbite, Tilly.’
‘How can frost bite?’ she asked.
‘It doesn’t actually bite,’ Ethan explained. ‘But it can—’
‘Oh never mind, Daddy. Tell me later. Let’s go and walk on the beach in the snow.’
Tilly skipped ahead and waited outside the school gate, her head tilted backwards and her mouth open to catch some snowflakes.
‘She’d absolutely adorable.’ Fran tightened her scarf around her neck and pulled her hat lower over her ears.
‘She’s a good girl.’
‘A credit to you.’
His smile made her heart flutter.
‘Is she excited about Christmas?’
‘What do you think?’ He laughed. ‘I still need to pick up a few things though. Trouble is, as she’s getting older, it gets harder to pick out things she’d like. You know… trinkets and stocking fillers and that. As a man, it can be complicated shopping for girls.’
‘I could always come shopping with you… if you like.’ Fran held her breath. Was that appropriate or had she overstepped the mark?
‘You’d come with me? To help me?’
‘Of course.’
‘I haven’t had help with shopping for Tilly for ages. Even when Melanie was around, she’d do most of her shopping online and have it gift wrapped too. I like to wander around the shops and markets and pick things out. It adds to the festive experience. Although, having said that, I do get apprehensive now that Tilly won’t like what I’ve bought and it would be wonderful to have a second opinion, especially a female perspective.’
‘Then tell me when you’d like to go and we can go together.’
‘Fabulous.’
They walked out of the gate and down the hill towards the beach. Tilly had found some of her friends and they walked together, chatting away about Christmas and TV and about their teachers. The snow was falling heavily but not sticking as the ground was quite damp and Fran felt a bit disappointed, as it would have been lovely for Ethan and Tilly to see how pretty Penhallow Sands was in the winter.
Suddenly, Fran skidded and yelped, then flailed her arms as she lost her balance. Two strong hands caught her under her arms and helped her to stand firm again. Her heart raced and her breath came in short, fast gasps.
‘It’s okay, Fran. I’ve got you.’
Ethan held her against his chest and she held on to his jacket, waiting until her heart had slowed again. His delicious scent washed over her and she breathed him in, wanting to capture his sandalwood cologne and the scent beneath that was all his own, and hold on to them so she could smell him anytime she liked.
‘I’m so nervous about falling,’ she said as she peered up at him. ‘The idea of breaking a wrist or my arm terrifies me because I need them to make a living. Thanks for saving me.’
‘Of course I’d save you. I saw you lose your balance so I reacted. There must have been a patch of ice where that pipe is leaking.’ He pointed behind Fran at the retaining wall of a house where a pipe had leaked water over the pavement.
‘I didn’t see it.’
‘Black ice most likely.’ He rubbed his toe over it. ‘Yup. Dangerous stuff. Are you all right?’
She nodded. ‘A bit shaky but I’m okay.’
‘You need to get some sugar into you for the shock.’
‘It’s okay, I’m not straight out of the Victorian era.’ She laughed. ‘I don’t need smelling salts either.’
When Ethan didn’t laugh, she stepped back and looked at him. He was frowning.
‘I’m sorry.’ She touched his hand, although as they were both wearing gloves, it seemed a bit of a wasted gesture. ‘I was just joking. I didn’t meant to sound ungrateful.’
‘It’s okay, Fran, I’m just… sometimes I can be a bit sensitive. Stupid, I know, and probably what some people would class as unmanly, but it’s just because of what I’ve been through. Although, having said that, my mum always did call me a sensitive soul.’
‘That’s nothing to be ashamed of.’ She touched his arm now. ‘In fact it’s admirable.’
‘You think so?’ He peered at her from under the rim of his black wool hat.
‘I do.’
He smiled and relief flooded through her. She’d hate to upset him or hurt his feelings when all he’d done was be so kind to her.
‘Take my arm, Fran, because we don’t want you slipping again.’
Her heart soared as she slid her hand through the crook of his elbow and moved closer to his side.
‘Especially in your condition,’ he added, causing the smile to slide from her face.
* * *
Down on the beach, Ethan watched as Tilly twirled on the spot, catching snowflakes in her mouth. The clouds were thick above them, the winter sun a dot of white light straining to pierce their density. Everything seemed muffled, from the shouts of children on the beach to the cars on the road to the cawing of the crows on the cold rail that separated the beach from the pavement.
Next to him, Fran walked in silence, and he wondered what she was thinking. After seeing Tilly’s play, was Fran wondering what her own child would be like? If she would sit alone to watch his or her school plays or if she’d have a partner? Ethan knew what it was like to be alone and he didn’t want that for Fran. Having someone to share such experiences with made them even better, just as having someone to speak to about memories did too.
‘I wonder if Holly will have a white wedding.’ Fran removed her glasses and wiped them with a tissue then put them back on.
‘Would she like that?’ he asked.
‘As long as her guests could get there to help celebrate.’
‘How’s she feeling?’
‘Very excited but also a bit tired. It’s a lot of planning and she’s also running Greenacres, along with her dad and Rich.’
‘It must be cool to have your own vineyard.’
‘I think so, and it’s all Holly’s ever known.’
‘So she lives there with Rich, Luke, her dad and grandmother?’
Fran nodded.
‘Where’s her mum?’
Fran stopped walking and turned to him. ‘She passed away when Holly was younger.’
Ethan sighed. ‘That’s sad.’
‘You know what it feels like.’
He nodded. ‘But I was twenty-seven.’
‘That’s still young to lose a parent.’
‘It was really hard. Mum was… she was just brilliant.’
‘You miss her.’
‘Every day. She always knew what to say to make me feel better and she was such a positive person, even when she had cancer and knew she wasn’t going to make it. She just stayed so brave, trying to help me and Dad along, trying to ensure that our last memories of her would be happy. She tried to leave us with a positive message to keep us going, but as time has passed, it sometimes seems harder and harder to hold on to what she was, to what she did and to who she was. Does that make sense?’
‘It does and I think it’s nature’s way of protecting us. If our grief always stayed as acute as when we first lost someone, we’d never be able to go on, would we?’
‘No, not at all. I mean… my grief is still painful, but it ebbs and flows. Some days, I can hear Mum’s laughter as clearly as my own, then others, I feel like she’s been gone for a lifetime and that she’s getting further and further away from me and that one day… I’ll forget her face.’
‘You’ll never forget her, Ethan, but you will adjust. It’s what we do. You’ve already adjusted to deal with your loss but that doesn’t mean that you’ll ever stop loving her. She’ll always be in your heart.’
‘She will and it sounds better when you say all that. You’re very reassuring, Fran.’
She smiled. ‘I haven’t lost a parent but I was with Holly as she went through it, so I did a lot of reading to try to help her with her grief and I learnt quite a lot about the grieving process. You’ve done really well to cope as you have.’
‘You’re very kind.’
‘And as for your mum and what you’ve told me about her… she sounds wonderful.’
‘She was.’
Fran reached for his hand and he held on tight. Her kindness was soothing in the same way that his mother’s had been. She was warm, friendly and non-judgemental and he felt safe with her. He had never expected to feel that around a woman again. Perhaps it was because he’d reassured himself that he wasn’t in a place to fall in love, so his heart was in some way protected, or perhaps it was because something inside him knew that Fran would never do anything to hurt anyone, not even him.
‘Let’s walk for a bit longer so Tilly can enjoy the snow, then go and get some hot chocolates, shall we?’ she asked. ‘That way, we can warm up and enjoy a sugar hit before you head home.’
‘Sounds like a very good plan.’ Ethan nodded.
And as they followed his daughter, their hands stayed joined, and Ethan allowed himself to start to believe that he wasn’t completely alone any more.
Chapter 15
Fran and Ethan had arranged to meet in Newquay to do some Christmas shopping. Audrey was looking after Tilly for him, so he’d be free to purchase her presents – with Fran’s help, of course.
Since the school play, Fran had been floating along, experiencing unfamiliar, but wonderful, emotions and looking forward to seeing Ethan again. When they’d walked on the beach in the snow, Ethan had started to open up to her about his mum and she had felt privileged that he wanted to speak to her about the woman he’d loved so much. Fran could see how losing his mum had left a gaping hole in his life. She might not see her parents every day but she knew they were there if
she needed them and losing either of them was something she couldn’t bear to think about. She wanted to be there for Ethan and to support him as much as she could do. He was a good man and he deserved to have friends and family around him and Tilly.
Fran drove slowly around looking for a space, then parked her car in the overflow Christmas parking near the sports centre. The snowfall the other day hadn’t come to anything much, but small mounds of snow remained, soiled now from cars and bikes, a sad reminder of how pretty it could be when everything had a cold white covering.
She pulled her coat tighter across her chest and made her way to the Christmas market in town. Ethan had suggested that they meet by the enormous Christmas tree that stood at the entrance to the market, so when Fran arrived there, she looked around for him.
‘Fran!’ He waved at her and her pulse quickened at the sight of him. He was just so handsome that he literally took her breath away. She swallowed, hurried over to him and he hugged her then kissed her cheek. His now familiar scent made her ache, in a physical and emotional way, to hold on to him. She forced herself to let go, but even though she stepped back, her heart held on.
‘Hi.’ She gave him a mischievous grin. ‘I hope your credit card is ready for this.’
‘What, you mean it’s going to take a battering?’
‘I do indeed.’
He grimaced. ‘Yikes! Good job I set some money aside for Christmas.’
‘Very wise.’
‘Would you like to grab a drink or something to eat or shall we do some shopping then stop for some refreshment?’
‘I like how you always think of food. You’re a man after my own heart.’
‘I think it’s important to keep my blood sugar and hydration levels even, as well as yours, seeing as how you’re currently creating a new person as well as fuelling yourself.’
Fran dropped her eyes to the ground and swallowed her protest. She couldn’t tell him, she just couldn’t, but she didn’t know how much longer she could keep up the pretence either. It was just horrid. Holly had told her to be honest with Ethan but it didn’t feel like the right time to air it all. Besides which, she was afraid of telling Ethan in case he saw her differently, which surely he would do when she confessed that she’d been lying to him? It was such a mess.
The Christmas Tea Shop at Rosewood Page 18
