‘Hey, why the sad face?’ he asked, reaching out and gently raising her chin. ‘Come on, it’s almost Christmas and we’re going to have some fun.’
‘I’m okay.’ She nodded, conscious of his hand touching her chin. He slid it up to her cheek and ran his thumb over her skin, causing the hairs on her arms to rise and other parts of her body to awaken.
‘As long as you’re sure. I want us to have an enjoyable day.’
He removed his hand from her cheek and held it out to her and she entwined her fingers with his.
‘Let’s see what the stallholders have to offer then, shall we?’
They headed under the festive banner and into the market.
All around them, people browsed the different stalls, and as Fran and Ethan walked, they pointed at the variety of available wares, from wooden toys to jewellery to sweets and clothing made from sustainable sources. There were stalls with gadgets, some with elaborately carved wooden clocks and some with beautifully covered classic books. Then there were the food stalls, from cinnamon sugar-coated nuts to crepes to fat shiny bratwurst to mulled cider and wine. The aromas spiced the air, making Fran’s stomach rumble even though she’d had poached eggs on toast just over an hour earlier.
‘Everything smells so good,’ Ethan said, making a show of sniffing the air. ‘We should definitely get something to eat while we’re here.’
‘I agree. Ooh! Does Tilly like things for her hair?’ Fran asked, pointing at a stall to their right.
‘She does. Unfortunately, I’m not the best at creating different styles but she does have Scarlett now to help with that and has run over to Audrey and Gary’s several mornings to get her hair done because… Daddy can’t get plaits right.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘I’m useless at some things.’
‘Not at all. Hairstyles take certain skills. I’ve kept mine short most of my life because… well… it’s just easier.’
‘It suits you.’ He fingered the rim of her bobble hat. ‘Although I can’t see it today, but I do like your hair.’
‘Thank you.’
‘No need to thank me. I’m just telling you what I see.’
‘Let’s check out the headbands and bobbles then.’ Fran led him towards the stall and they browsed the range of hair accessories.
Ten minutes later, Ethan had purchased two headbands – one red and one purple – and some bobbles in a variety of colours, as well as two scrunchies – one green and one red to match the headband. Fran had managed to persuade him to try the one headband on, which had sent the young female stallholder into fits of giggles. Ethan had pretended that he was buying the headbands for himself and he’d been quite convincing.
They strolled to the next stall, which sold stationery, wooden toys and carvings.
‘Would she like a toy dog?’ Fran picked up a tiny British Bulldog and moved its legs back and forth. ‘I’m not sure that it does much but it’s cute.’
‘Stocking filler?’ Ethan took the dog from her.
‘And they’ve got a greyhound.’ Fran pointed at the shelf. ‘She could have one of each.’
‘Good plan. When she next asks for a dog, I can tell her she already has two.’
Fran laughed and shook her head. ‘I’m not sure that she’s going to fall for that, but it’s worth a try.’
While Ethan paid, Fran looked at the stationery range and selected some pencils and a pencil case that all had dogs on them. She added a pencil sharpener and a pack of erasers, then a drawing pad with a dog on the cover.
‘For you?’ Ethan asked as he joined her.
‘No, for Tilly. I thought that if she has some time over the holidays, I could do some drawing with her.’
Ethan smiled. ‘She’d love that. She’s not a bad little artist but sometimes the proportions are a bit out and it creates some hilarity for those being sketched. The portraits she’s done of Audrey and Gary have caused Scarlett to laugh so much, she said that she thought she was going to burst. And the ones she does of me always have really long legs and a tiny body, as if I’m some kind of arachnid, then there’s usually a floppy fringe on top.’
Fran giggled. ‘I could teach her some basic techniques and she can use the toys you just bought as models to try to get the proportions sorted, although I think getting proportions wrong is quite normal in children’s sketches.’
Fran paid then waited as the stallholder wrapped the stationery in tissue paper and put them into a paper bag.
‘Where next?’ Ethan asked.
‘How about some jewellery?’ Fran pointed at a stall selling silver jewellery. ‘Are her ears pierced?’
Ethan shook his head. ‘She has asked but I’ve made some excuses so far. I can’t face sitting there while someone puts holes in my daughter’s ears.’
‘I can always take her to get them done if you don’t want to.’
‘I might have to take you up on that. I know it’s just one of those things that people get done, but even the thought of it makes my palms clammy.’
At the stall, they found a delicate silver chain with a small locket set with a moonstone and Ethan purchased it for Tilly along with a stretchy bracelet featuring a matching charm.
‘I don’t know about you, Fran, but I am starting to get a bit peckish.’ He took her hand again. ‘How about a crepe?’
‘You’ve twisted my arm.’
They headed for the stall where pancake-flavoured steam escaped into the chilly air and ordered two chocolate-orange crepes with vanilla ice cream, then they sat at one of the picnic benches in front of the stall and tucked into the delicious treats.
* * *
The crepe was delicious and even better was eating it sitting opposite Fran. She ate with gusto and he was glad that she wasn’t being plagued by morning sickness or dizziness like Melanie had been. He was also pretty happy with how they’d done so far with the Christmas shopping and couldn’t wait to see Tilly’s face when she opened her gifts. Obviously, he had a lot more to get, but having some help with choosing things for her was brilliant. He had never liked doing all of this alone, but had always got on with it. This year, however, he was really enjoying the whole process. He needed to pick up some gifts for Audrey, Gary and the girls too, so he’d try to do that today and get Fran’s help and advice while she was with him.
‘All done?’ he asked as Fran licked her lips.
‘That was so good.’
‘Want another?’
She pursed her lips. ‘I could eat another one but I think I’d like to do some more shopping, then we could try something else. There’s plenty of choice here and I did fancy those cinnamon sugar-coated nuts.’
‘Well let’s do some more shopping then we can pick some up.’
They binned their plates and serviettes then walked out into the thoroughfare again. As carols filled the chilly air with the promise of Christmas just around the corner, Ethan held out his arm and Fran tucked hers though it. He hadn’t realised how much he missed having company just for simple things like shopping. Having someone to hold his hand, laugh at his jokes and respond positively to him was uplifting and something he didn’t want to lose. He couldn’t help wishing that things had been slightly different – if Fran hadn’t been pregnant, if he hadn’t been so worried about bringing someone else into Tilly’s life, then there might have been a chance for something more to develop between him and Fran. They had the spark of attraction, they got on really well and Tilly liked her. But how could he bring a new woman into his and Tilly’s lives along with a new baby? It would be too much at once and he didn’t know if he could handle it, let alone his daughter.
Nope. Tilly had to be his priority and anything else he might be feeling would have to be put to one side. For the time being at least. Fran had a big year ahead of her and he didn’t want to add any complications for her either. It seemed that she’d had one man mess her around, the idiot who’d got her pregnant then disappeared, and Ethan couldn’t stand the idea of letting her down himself. He would always h
ave to put Tilly first, and if something happened between him and Fran and he had to choose between her and Tilly, his daughter would be his priority, even if it meant failing Fran in some way.
However, he definitely wanted to be there for Fran and to support her as much as he could. They passed a stall of baby clothes and he had an idea.
‘Tell you what, Fran, let’s head for the shops then come back here later.’
‘Why?’ She smiled up at him.
‘I have an idea. Come on.’
They made their way back to the market entrance and as they passed the big Christmas tree, Ethan could barely keep the grin from his face. He just hoped Fran would like his idea too.
* * *
Fran giggled as Ethan led her through the crowds on the high street, guiding her past the Salvation Army as they played Christmas favourites, then around a man on a mobility scooter and past a twin pram. He kept checking that she was okay, that she wasn’t too tired and that she didn’t need a drink or a sit down. He was so attentive and it was wonderful; no man had ever shown her so much respect or consideration before.
Finally, he stopped in front of a shop and placed his hands on her shoulders.
‘Look, Fran, I know it’s early days for you, and you need to have your antenatal appointments and all that, but I thought it might be nice if we had a look around in here. Just to get you thinking about what you need to get and what you’d like. You have an exciting and exhausting time ahead of you, but I’d really like to be there to support you in any way that I can and I think this is a good place to start.’
She frowned at him, not sure what he was getting at, but his enthusiasm was infectious.
He turned her gently so she could see the shop he’d brought her to and her heart plummeted to her boots.
‘Oh…’ She took a deep breath. ‘We don’t need to do this yet.’
‘Come on.’ He pulled her towards the shop. ‘It’ll be fun. You don’t have to buy anything… probably shouldn’t yet anyway, but it’s nice to have a look at what you can buy when you’re ready.’
Fran’s mouth was bone dry and she could barely swallow as they entered the shop. The smell of baby products hit her immediately, sweet and fruity, reminding her of apricots and vanilla. She tried not to look at anyone or anything, but as they walked around the shop, prams, high chairs, bottles and maternity clothes all loomed like spectres at the corners of her vision, taunting her because she was a fake and a fraud. Everywhere she looked, she saw women in various stages of pregnancy, rubbing their bumps protectively, placing supporting hands on their spines, and others with tiny babies that they wheeled around in fancy prams or carried strapped to their chests in papooses. It was like a nightmare where she was being reminded about the horrid lie she was perpetuating, and being forced to walk around the shop with this charming man was her punishment. She was a liar and when Ethan found out he was going to hate her.
‘Ethan!’ She gasped, pulling her scarf away from her throat. ‘Ethan, I…’
‘Sorry.’ His eyes widened. ‘Too much too soon. I’m such an idiot. Are you superstitious? I know some people are and they won’t even tell anyone they’re expecting until after the twelve-week scan. Fran, I’m so sorry. I should have asked but I got carried away with the idea that this would be… well… sweet and kind and thoughtful.’ He smacked his forehead. ‘Please forgive me.’
‘No, Ethan, it’s not that.’
Fran stared around her at the teddy bears that mocked her with their It’s a Boy! or It’s a Girl! banners, at the racks of dummies and beakers, at the rows of bouncy chairs and feeding cushions, and panic gripped her. A cold sweat broke out on her back and in spite of her coat, scarf and hat, she was chilled to the bone.
‘What is it then?’ He touched her arm gently and she snatched it back.
She hated what she was doing to this man, to this kind, sensitive man who had become her friend and who she now knew she adored. How had she fallen for him in such a short space of time? Holly had always told her that when you met the one, you’d fall hard and fast and it seemed that Fran’s best friend was right. Fran had feelings for Ethan that stretched beyond friendship, that had made something inside her shift and loosen and filled her heart and mind with his image, his scent and his whole being. She adored him and yet… here she was, lying to him every single day.
He deserved far better.
‘Fran, please, you’re scaring me.’
She opened her mouth to tell him the truth, to clear the air, to spill the beans. If she were pregnant then her baby wouldn’t even be as big as a bean now, or would it? How pregnant did Ethan think she was? How pregnant was she pretending to be? She’d hated lying so much that she hadn’t even allowed herself to consider the finer details of the deception.
‘I’m so sorry, Ethan. Please… I’m so sorry. I…’ She tried to tell him but the shop seemed to fill up in an instant. To her right, to her left, behind her, people pushed and jostled, squeezed past them, and the air seemed to be sucked from the room. Her hat and scarf prickled her skin and suddenly, she was hot all over. The sweat trickling down her spine was warm now and her armpits burned and itched as if she’d sprayed deodorant too close to her skin.
Fran tried to suck in a breath, scanned the shop for somewhere quiet she could take Ethan to tell him what she’d lied about, but there was nowhere. The walls and ceiling closed in on her and she wanted to scream.
She had to get out.
She needed fresh air.
She couldn’t do this right now.
She was the worst person in the whole world…
‘Why are you sorry?’ Hurt and confusion stretched across his face and she knew she’d never seen anyone looking so bewildered in her life. Without meaning to, she had hurt him, and it would only get worse when he knew the truth.
She shook her head. ‘Sorry!’
Then she turned and pushed her way through the shoppers, ignoring the exclamations and the annoyed stares as she shoved people out of the way, and she didn’t stop until she was out on the street, her hat in her hand, the cold December air soothing her burning cheeks and sweaty scalp, cooling her aching throat and raw lungs.
She glanced back at the shop but Ethan had been swallowed up by the crowds. It was as if he had never existed, as if she had imagined him and their time together, and she felt that was her punishment, exactly what she deserved. There was no turning back now, so she hurried away from the high street, shame crawling all over her like stinging ants, tears running down her cheeks and sadness swelling in her chest.
Ethan didn’t deserve any of this and she was devastated to be the cause of his hurt and confusion. It had to be up there with the worst days of her life. She knew that as long as she lived she would never be able to clear the image of Ethan’s hurt and confusion from her mind.
Chapter 16
Ethan picked up his mug of tea and sipped it, then winced. It was cold. How long had he been sitting on the sofa staring into space? He’d been unable to face returning to the Christmas market after Fran had run off, so he’d gone back to his car and sat there for half an hour with his mobile in his hand. He’d been really worried about Fran and had tried to call her five times but she hadn’t answered and at some point it seemed that her phone had been switched off. Finally, he’d started the car and driven back to Rosewood, but when he’d gone to collect Tilly, she’d begged him to let her stay with Scarlett as she was going to give her a makeover. Ethan had been glad to leave his daughter there, not wanting her to pick up on his low mood, and when Audrey had said that she’d give Tilly her dinner and bring her home later on, he could have kissed her. Instead, he’d thanked her and whispered that he had some gift wrapping to do.
And now, as the afternoon had worn on, he felt terrible. Taking Fran to the baby shop had been a huge mistake and incredibly naïve of him. He should have thought about it more, even asked Fran if she’d like to go there, but no, he’d allowed himself to get carried away with the idea that s
he’d like to look at maternity clothes and baby things. What an idiot! He’d upset Fran and she’d been so distressed that she’d had to leave the shop.
But he’d also been hurt. He’d put his trust in her and let his guard down and look where it had got him. His gesture had been mistimed by a few months perhaps, but rather than talk it through, Fran had run away and now Ethan had no idea where he stood with her. What if Tilly had been with them and Fran had stormed off? How would his little girl have felt? Everything would have been so much worse if Tilly had witnessed the scene that had unfolded.
He put his mug down on the table and buried his face in his hands. There was so much about this situation that was wrong. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to like Fran so much and he’d also mistakenly believed that she felt the same. He knew they couldn’t get romantically involved but had hoped for friendship, had even started to wonder how things could progress between them given time. And look what had happened.
Confusion and doubt hung above him like dark clouds and he wished he could draw the curtains and climb the stairs to bed. The idea of trying to get through the evening ahead seemed unachievable, but he knew from past experience that he would survive. He had been through worse. He just had to go through the motions and try not to dwell on his worries.
He got up and took the mug through to the kitchen then emptied it down the sink. At least if he made another cuppa it would give him something to do, something normal and that had saved him many a time in the past.
He switched the kettle on then leant against the kitchen unit, gazing out of the window at the small garden behind the cottage. The sky was dark, even though it wasn’t late, and a few snowflakes drifted down but they melted as soon as they touched the grass. Some things in this world came to nothing, and that was something Ethan was trying to come to terms with.
The Christmas Tea Shop at Rosewood Page 19
