by Maggie Ryan
Juliette watched as Belinda reached up a hand to caress his cheek. “Of course, my love. We shall set this unpleasantness behind us. After all, boys will be boys.” Men chuckled and women tittered at his words, the same people who would damn her forever easily forgave Malcolm. It made no sense but it was the reality she was left to consider as she watched Belinda meet her gaze before lifting herself onto her tiptoes to press a kiss to Malcolm’s cheek.
Earl Doulworth’s grin was huge as he spoke. “Lady Belinda is a true lady. It is very rare to find a woman who has the heart of an angel. She has not only made my son the happiest man alive by accepting his proposal of marriage, she has made me the proudest father-in-law on earth. Tonight only goes to prove that love does conquer all. Please, lift your glasses and join me in a toast to wish nothing but happiness to our bride and groom.”
Juliette stood frozen, her world and her heart shattering as she listened to cheers of best wishes and watched Belinda once again kiss her new fiancé, this time pressing her lips to his, claiming him in front of family and friends. People moved to surround the couple, hugs and congratulations flowing like the wine being poured into glasses as soon as they were emptied. Pulling away from her father’s hold, she took a step away only to have her arm taken again.
“Don’t you dare,” Horace Gardner hissed. “You shall congratulate them!”
“I can’t, please don’t ask this of me.”
“You can and you will. By God, don’t you dare shame me further!” Before she knew her feet had even moved, she was standing before the couple, the Earl accepting her father’s congratulations. Belinda’s parents’ beaming expressions only faltered for an instant as their sainted daughter spoke softly.
“Excuse me, I know Juliette wishes to speak to me.”
“Darling, I hardly think you should allow her…” Lord Watson began.
“Dear Papa, we must take the high road. There is no need to embarrass her further as she apologizes.” With that said, she reached out and pulled on Juliette’s arm, moving them apart from the group.
“I have no intention of…” Juliette began, attempting to pull her arm free only to feel Belinda’s nails dig into her skin.
“Now, now, let’s not be so crass. Forgiveness appears to be quite the fashion today…”
“I don’t need or want your forgiveness. Why did you do this, Belinda? You… you set me up!”
“I was simply attempting to keep your shame from others,” Belinda said, tossing her hair. “I thought you’d appreciate learning the truth in private. I’ve forgiven my fiancé for succumbing to your, shall we say, siren’s call?” Tightening her hold, she lowered her voice. “Let’s consider this your wedding gift to my betrothed, shall we? However, know this; if you wish to service another man you’ll need to seek employment at the White Palace with others of your kind for my husband will never stray again.”
“You are nothing more than a conniving, hateful…”
The sound of Belinda’s laughter had her stopping mid-sentence. “You’ve proven you are a whore, Juliette. Are you going to prove you are an ignorant fool as well? Come now, did you honestly believe that an Earl would offer you marriage when he could… what’s a proper word? Oh, I suppose we can forget propriety given that you were on all fours with your arse and breasts out for all to see. We both know you allowed him to fuck you for free.” Ignoring Juliette’s gasp, she continued. “I’ve learned never to assume anything,” Belinda hissed. “I had to make sure that any chance of rejecting me was gone.”
“But you’d marry a man who doesn’t love you?”
“Of course. Love is rather highly overrated after all. I mean, look where it got you. Did you really believe I’d let you have him?” she asked. “I’m not an idiot. I know I can’t compete with your beauty so I used my brains. I get the man while you, my dear, only got the basest part of him.”
Juliette’s eyes darted to Malcolm, her shame coloring her cheeks and her heart breaking as he couldn’t meet her gaze. Belinda’s voice invaded her ears again. The smile she gave was definitely not that of an angel and her next words assured she was no more than a hateful mortal. Leaning forward, she said, “Malcolm has chosen me. You’ll have to be satisfied with his seed you missed wiping from your tits!”
Rage flooded through Juliette as she yanked free of Belinda’s grasp, ignoring the pain of her skin tearing. She made no effort to keep her words quiet. “I wouldn’t have him if he were the King of England! You can have him but don’t be surprised when you discover your coldness has him spending the money he is marrying into at the Palace you seem to know so much about.” Ignoring the girl’s gasp, she turned her attention to the man she felt she no longer knew. “I thought you were a man but you are nothing but a boy. You are the fool, Malcolm. I loved you; I trusted you but you are too weak to stand up to your father or for what you truly want. You’ll spend the rest of your life paying for his debts.”
“Juliette, please, I never meant to… I had no choice…”
“We always have choices,” Juliette countered, her eyes never leaving Malcolm’s. “ You two deserve each other. I’ll survive but I wonder how long you will when you discover that the rest of your life will be spent under the control of a cold, spiteful bitch.”
“Get out!” Belinda hissed. “No one wants you here. I’ll make sure you are never welcome among us again.”
Turning, Juliette swept through the room, not dropping her gaze, not allowing those gathered, people she had known her entire life, to shame her. Shame would be her own choosing and that shame was not caused by giving herself to a man she had loved with her entire soul but from discovering that she had once again attempted to find love in a man who was incapable of knowing what the word even meant.
By the time they arrived home, she was exhausted, dragging herself up the stairs and into her room where Alice met her.
“Did you have a…” Alice began but instantly changed her direction as she saw the drying spots of blood on her mistress’s forearm. “Oh, what happened?”
“I-I don’t… I can’t…” Juliette began as tears she’d held at bay began to flow down her cheeks. She sobbed as her maid undressed her, her eyes questioning the disappearance of her mistress’s drawers but speaking no words. Only after she’d cleaned and put ointment over the fingernail scratches and was brushing her hair, did Alice speak again.
“I’m so sorry.” Tucking Juliette into her bed, she bent to wipe her fingers across damp cheeks. “I’m so very sorry he has broken your heart.”
Juliette couldn’t answer, just turned onto her side and buried her face into the thick down pillow. She was sorry as well. Sorry she’d ever trusted a man who evidently hadn’t wanted her. She was sorry she’d been so foolish as to surrender her maidenhood to a man who only wanted a playmate. She was sorry that her father now had even more ammunition to make her life miserable.
However, what she didn’t understand was that she could not find it within herself to be sorry for the lessons Malcolm had taught her. Though they’d labeled her a whore, they had also made her feel truly alive for the first time in her life. What she was sorriest about was that, despite his lies and his actions, she wanted nothing more than to be cradled in his arms and to hear words of love… no matter if they were the words of a liar.
Chapter Three
Juliette took a deep breath as if girding her loins against an attack she knew was just moments from beginning. It had been two weeks since the party; two weeks of silence broken only by continued lecturing from her father. She’d managed to avoid him as much as possible but he insisted she make an appearance at the table for every meal but breakfast.
“I don’t suppose you’d stay for luncheon?” she asked the only person who’d visited her since that night.
“Will your father be attending?” At Juliette’s nod, Priscilla Ethridge shook her head. “Then I’m afraid not. Jules, I love you but even I can’t stand listening to his snide, veiled comments again. I’m not sur
e how you’ve managed.”
“I’m not ignorant of the fact that what I did was wrong. Though I hate that Father deems it necessary to remind me of my sins at every turn, I suppose I deserve it.”
“No one deserves this,” Priscilla countered as the two walked to the door. “What we were ignorant of was how desperate Belinda was. I never suspected she’d do something so… so low…”
“All she did was take the opportunity we gave her.”
“How can you say that? She set you up!”
“No, Pris, Malcolm managed to do that with my permission. If I’d not gone to that room that night, nothing would have changed except for the breaking of my heart. If you think about it, Belinda was simply stacking the deck in her favor.”
“Well, she doesn’t play the game fairly,” Priscilla insisted. “How long before you leave the house? You do have friends who support you…”
Juliette made no mention of the fact that her best friend had been the only one to darken her doorway. Instead, she gave her a hug when she saw her father crossing the foyer from his office. “You’d better make your escape while you can,” she quipped. Waving until her friend’s carriage disappeared, she turned back, her smile disappearing as she made her way to the table.
“Did you see the mail?” Horace asked as the footman held a tray of roast beef, waiting for his employer to take a slice.
“No,” Juliette responded before thanking the servant after she slipped a small sliver of beef onto her plate. “I suppose you’d tell me if there was a missive for me.”
“Please tell me that you aren’t pining for a missive from your lover!” he barked. “No, just notice after notice that our presence is no longer requested at the most important gatherings of the season.” He picked up a heavy envelope from a silver tray at his side. “Politely written of course. How unfortunate that the Duke and Duchess of Folgerty have unexpected relations visiting that need accommodation at their table, which of course, necessitates displacing us.” Tossing that envelope down, he picked up another. “Lord and Lady Cummings seem to have need to pare down their guest list. I wonder how it’s possible to forget your rooms are too small for such a large gathering. And this one, no reason given but then, we both know why that is, don’t we?”
“Father, please…”
Ignoring her, he threw two additional envelopes to the floor. “No reason to even open these as I’m sure they don’t contain an invitation to the engagement ball or what I’m sure is being touted as the most elaborate wedding of the season.”
“You’ve made your point… again,” Juliette said, pushing her plate away.
“Have I? Do you understand the continuing consequences of your actions?” Glaring at her, he pounded his fist on the table, causing the wine in his goblet to slosh over the rim of the crystal. The blood red drops on the white linen cloth had her rubbing the half-moon shaped scabs on her forearm, a lingering reminder of Belinda, as he continued. “If you’d ever bother to think before you speak or act, perhaps you’d not need to have everything explained to you as if you are a child instead of a grown woman. A woman, I might add, whose actions have guaranteed that no decent offer will come her way.” He paused as if to give her time to assimilate those words though she’d heard them ad nauseam for days. “As I was stating, clients will not trust their money to a man who can’t control his only child. A man who allows his daughter to soil herself outside of marriage evidently can’t possibly be capable of making proper decisions pertaining to their very livelihoods.
“God damn it, Juliette, how in the hell am I supposed to further my investments when the very people I need don’t want me in their homes!”
“Perhaps you should assure them that your presence won’t be tainted by mine,” Juliette snapped. “I, for one, have no intention of ever stepping foot in their homes. I find it deplorable that people who have been our friends for years are blindly accepting gossip…”
“Gossip is based on untruth! Half of the ton know that what is being shared is the truth!”
Or most likely some extremely exaggerated version of it. She dared not voice her thoughts. Instead, she clamped her lips together. Unable to challenge the basic veracity of his statements didn’t mean she had to agree with everything he said. She’d never intended to bed a man outside of marriage but was being damned for being stupid enough to fall deeply in love. Malcolm’s attention and persuasion had gradually stripped away her defenses as easily as he’d stripped the very clothing from her body that first time. Once held in his embrace, once he’d whispered how special she was, how beautiful and perfect he found her, how he couldn’t imagine living a life without her, she’d been more than willing to join him in his bed, or in a darkened corner, or even on the grass of his extensive grounds as he’d taught her how she could find joy sharing her body and her life with another. Her father would never understand the need she’d had to be wanted, to be loved. She hadn’t truly regretted her choice until that night when she discovered Malcolm had been toying with her while preparing to wed another. Still, she felt a strength she hadn’t known she possessed growing inside.
“I’m sorry that you are more concerned with what others think than what I think,” she said. “I accept your anger and a portion of blame but you continue to ignore the fact that I wasn’t the only person involved. I loved him or I never would have given…”
“I can’t believe you have the audacity to attempt to push any blame on anyone but yourself. Men are expected to sow their oats before they settle into marriage. Hell, I might have been able to turn my eyes away from your behavior if you’d managed to trap him. But, you couldn’t even manage that. All you managed was to open your legs whenever he snapped his fingers. You are no better than some bitch in heat.” Ignoring her gasp at his crudeness, he placed his napkin beside his plate and glared at her.
“I’m just glad that your mother isn’t here to be shamed by what you’ve done. Why was it my son who had to die?”
These words affected her as no others had. Gripping the edge of the table, she fought back tears that were born of a deep hurt and grew with anger. “You’ve blamed me my entire life for the loss of my mother forgetting the fact that I never asked to be born. As for your son, though I’m sure he would have been given the one thing you’ve never given me—your love—I’m afraid he would have also inherited your cold heart. If I did anything wrong, it was attempting to find the love you’ve denied me my entire life.”
“Don’t you dare speak of my son. If he’d been the one to survive, I’d not be having to apologize for the actions of my child.”
“No! You’d be patting him on the back and praising him for his conquests! A man can do whatever he wants and yet a woman is damned for the same!” she sputtered.
“Enough! You damned yourself the moment you lay beneath him! You further humiliated yourself with your sharp tongue…”
“You expected me to stand and take Belinda’s attack without defending myself?” Juliette said, her voice rising as she released the table to throw her hands up in the air. “Excuse me; of course you do. Why would I ever think otherwise when you made no attempt to defend your own daughter! Why is it my friend has forgiven me and yet you can’t seem to move ahead?”
“How dare you question my actions! Don’t expect me to accept any blame for your choices! I’ve done my duty in providing for you and given you all that you need. In return, you give me what? The knowledge that I’ve raised a whore?”
“That’s quite enough! Stop being a bully, Horace Gardner!”
Juliette’s head whipped in the direction of the voice, not yet understanding that her salvation had come in the form of a petite elderly woman who stood in the doorway. The Dowager Countess of Blackstone, Lady Willamina Christina Marguerite Forrester stood, hands on her hips, the feathers on her hat bobbing as she shook her head. “If my daughter is doing anything, it is attempting to come back from her grave so that she could slap some sense into you. How dare you sully her memory wi
th such hatred to her only surviving child!”
“This doesn’t involve you, Willamina, and what are you doing here anyway? I don’t recall sending you an invitation to visit.”
“As if you ever have,” Willamina retorted. “I’m doing what you should be doing. Juliette needs to know that her friends are not the only supporters she has. What is shameful is learning that her own father is refusing to stand in her defense!”
Horace waved his hand in the air as if waving away an annoying insect as he stood. “You have no idea what Juliette has done. I assure you that she wasn’t standing when she disgraced herself and this family.” Ignoring his daughter’s gasp, he turned to leave.
“You can’t intimidate me, Horace.”
“Excuse me?” Horace sputtered, turning back. “You forget whose house you are in.”
“I know exactly where I am! I’m in the house that my daughter made into a home for a man who is attempting to make that very home into a prison for her child!”
Juliette watched as her father’s face turned florid as her grandmother handed her cloak and hat to the woman who’d entered with her. “Mabel, I’m sure you remember your way about despite the fact we’ve not visited in quite a while.” Turning her attention to the butler, she said, “Mr. Grady, I trust you’ll not attempt to give me that closet you call a guest room. I’ll take the yellow room at the top of the stairs and appreciate it if you’ll make sure Mabel gets a proper meal.”
“I’ll see to both, Lady Forrester,” Grady said.
“Thank you.” The two servants left and Willamina addressed her son-in-law. “Now, Horace, sit down and be a proper father for once in your life. Despite the way you’ve treated her, Juliette loves you and needs you…”
“I’ll not be treated with such disrespect,” Horace snarled. “If you’ve got all the answers, fine; feel free to implement your grand scheme to salvage her name. If left up to me, I’d be putting her in a convent! At least there the time spent on her knees would be in penance begging forgiveness for her inability to keep herself pure!”
