Hank Mossberg, Private Ogre: Murder in the Boughs

by Jamie Sedgwick

A broad grin broke out across his face. “Really?” he said.

  “You better believe it,” Butch chimed in. “And that’s high praise comin’ from an ogre.”

  “Thanks,” he said. “It’s been so long… every day I wake up and wonder if it’s the day they come looking for me.”

  “You should be okay now,” I said. “Your entire family has been taken into Federal custody. They’ll be tried, and they’ll get justice. Are you okay with that?”

  He straightened his shoulders. “I thought I’d feel worse about it. I mean, they’re my family, but in a way they’re not. Does that make sense?”

  “I think so,” I said. “Sometimes the acorn falls pretty far from the tree.”

  “Right. Well I’d better get to work. I just wanted to check in with you. Is there anything else I can do?”

  “Not unless you can prove who killed Anthony Kaiser.”

  “Sorry,” he said. “I can’t help you there. But my money’s still on Diana.”

  I frowned. “Diana? The Dryad?”

  “Yep. If anybody had a motive, it was her.”

  I sat up straight, scanning my memory. “I don’t understand. I know that Anthony destroyed Diana’s forest home, but she didn’t really seem motivated to murder him over it. Did I misjudge her? ”

  Shulzy slapped a hand to his forehead. “You mean… you don’t know?”

  “Know what?” I said. Butch was leaning so far forward I thought he might fall out of his chair.

  “Diana was Anthony’s mistress. She dated him for six months. She even came to work with a big chunky diamond on her finger at one point.”

  “Wait a minute,” I said. “They were engaged?”

  “Yeah. I thought everybody knew about that.”

  “What happened?”

  “Nobody knows. For no reason, he just dumped her. At least, that’s what she said. She’d been talking for weeks about how he was going to take her away from all this; how he was going to give her the life she deserved. She thought this was all beneath her, the work, the restaurant, the staff. She hated it all. Then out of nowhere, he dumped her and started trotting around town with some wood-elf girl from up north. Diana was furious.”

  “Yikes,” Butch said. “Talk about egg on your face.”

  “No kidding,” said Shulzy. “Anthony Kaiser not only used Diana, he publicly humiliated her. If you ask me, she probably got what was coming to her. He most likely got tired of her whiny, snobby attitude.”

  I rose from my chair. “I think I’d better have another chat with Diana,” I said. “Butch, keep an eye on things.”

  “Yeah, whatever.”

  I glanced at him. He was already back to being lovesick. “Just get her some flowers or something,” I said.

  “Yeah, elf girls love lilacs!” Vinnie chimed in. “Get her some lilacs and some roses. She’ll be eating out of your hand.”

  I could see Butch’s gears turning so I left him that way. I knew that eventually he’d get around to it. Either that, or he’d get over the whole infatuation and get back to drinking. Either way, I’d be happy for him.

  Malachi didn’t look happy to see me when I walked through the front doors of his restaurant. “You again?” he said. “The dinner rush starts in less than an hour, Steward.”

  “Relax, this won’t take long. I just need to ask Diana a few more questions.”

  He grimaced and let out a big sigh. “All right then, but make it fast. She’s out in the dining room.”

  I thanked him and walked around the corner. Diana was at the far end of the room, setting places with silverware and wine glasses. She didn’t hear me enter the room. I watched her for a few seconds, wondering why she’d tried to hide the truth from me. She didn’t look like a killer, but she sure fit the profile. She was female, which explained the use of poison. Males usually resort to violence, something that gives them a feeling of victory and dominance. Poisonings are often the work of female killers.

  Now I knew that she had motive. Not only that, she’d tried to conceal it. I had a feeling I was going to have to lock her up in the jail and go through a full interrogation. I doubted she’d come clean unless the pressure was on.

  “Diana,” I said. She jerked her head around and dropped a handful of silverware. “I need to talk to you.”

  She dropped everything and ran. I took off after her as she sliced through the dining area and made a beeline for the balcony. I instantly knew what she had on her mind, but there was no way I could stop her. She was young, nimble, and strong. She was a dryad. I couldn’t outrun her to save my life.

  Diana plowed through the door and charged across the balcony. I was three seconds behind her. She was already up on the rail when I came out of the dining room. “Stop!” I shouted. “I know about you and Anthony!”

  She glanced over her shoulder and then leapt from the rail to one of the treetop branches. I grimaced and took off after her. Diana raced across the treetop, flitting so gracefully from one branch to the next that she might as well have been a bird. In seconds, she made it to the edge of the canopy and leapt to the roof of the building. The distance between us was now considerable.

  I moved across the branches as quickly as I dared, but I couldn’t run like Diana. I had to move slowly, testing the strength of each branch before I walked across. She wasn’t just faster; she also had the advantage of being a hundred pounds lighter than me.

  I grunted as my coat caught on a branch and I paused to yank it free. By the time I was done, she was already disappearing over the edge of the building. I pulled out my cell phone and my dialing pencil and called Butch.

  “Yeah?” he said in that melancholy, forlorn voice that he’d been using ever since he’d met Talia.

  “Diana’s on the run. She’s scaling the north wall right now. Get out there!” I hung up and cast one last glance towards the edge of the building. I hoped Butch could get to her before she hit the ground. There’s no telling what sort of tricks a girl like that might have up her sleeve, and I didn’t want her loose on the city streets. As far as I was concerned, Diana was now a murder suspect, and she was potentially dangerous.

  I awkwardly made my way back towards Malachi’s. He was waiting on the patio for me, wildfire raging in his eyes. “Mossberg! What did you do?” he shouted, before I’d even stepped back over the rail.

  “I don’t have time right now,” I said, pushing past him.

  “I need a server! Do you know what’s going to happen if I’m short a server for the Friday rush? You’ll ruin me.”

  Friday. I thought. I was supposed to meet Annie in just a few hours. I stomped through the dining room towards the exit. “Give Shulzy a promotion,” I called over my shoulder. “He can handle it.”

  I didn’t wait to hear Malachi’s answer. I got in the elevator and told Apophis to get me to the first floor as fast as he could. He dropped me like a rock. No, it was faster than that. It wasn’t free-fall; it was like a rocket headed straight into the earth. Somehow, the serpent managed to pull it back at the last moment, and the elevator bounced slightly as the doors chimed open. I leapt out without waiting for it to settle, my knees shaking beneath me.

  I hit the ground running. I charged through the atrium like a stampeding buffalo. I hit the front door so hard I pulled it off the hinges.

  “Sorry,” I called over my shoulder as the glass smashed to the sidewalk and shattered into a million pieces. Gene stood back against the wall, watching me with eyes the size of basketballs. I can’t even imagine what he must have thought as he watched me charging down the street and around the corner.

  I made it half a block before my phone started ringing in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw Butch’s name. “Yeah?”

  “She’s headed north on Kearny.”

  “Is she on foot?”

  “No, she stole a scooter.”

  I stopped running. My breath came a deep gasps. Kearny. I tried to visualize it in my mind. Where was she going? Was she headed for the bridge?
Was she trying to get out of town, or did she have somewhere safe to hide inside the city? And suddenly I knew the answer. She was headed for the tram station on Pacific, a few blocks to the north. She was trying to get into the undercity. If she made it, I’d never find her.

  I put the phone back to my ear. “You still there?”

  “Yeah,” he said breathlessly. “Sorry boss, I couldn’t keep up with her.”

  “That’s okay. Meet me at the tree.”

  Butch caught up with me a few minutes later, and we stepped into the elevator. “Undercity,” I told Apophis. “We need to get to the tram.”

  “How fassst?” he said with a wicked grin.

  I grabbed the handrail. “Fast.”

  Apophis took that as a challenge. We shot down through the trunk so fast that Butch lifted off the floor. I reached out and caught him before he floated up to the ceiling. I guided him down to the handrail and then we both held on for dear life as the elevator lurched back and forth into the subterranean depths. Poor Butch was looking green around the gills when we landed.

  “Move it,” I said, pulling him out into the tunnel. “We don’t have time to be sick.” I looked into his glazed eyes. “You with me?” I said.

  Butch nodded. He made a belching sound and put a hand to his mouth like he was trying to hold back vomit. I took a step back. The moment passed and he righted himself. He took a deep breath. “I’m fine,” he said. “Right as rain. Let’s go.”

  I handed him my cell phone as we started jogging. “Dial 670-212 for me,” I said. He did, and handed it back to me. I put the phone to my ear.

  “Hello?” said a tiny female voice.

  “Sherry, it’s Hank. I need emergency transport at Platform Six.”

  “It’s on the way, sugar.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Are you okay, big fella? I heard about the crash this morning.”

  “I’ll be fine. I’ll tell you about it later.”

  I hung up and broke into a run with Butch hard on my heels. Two minutes later, we were at the platform. The transport car was waiting, just like Sherry had promised. It was a small one, little more than a platform on wheels with a bench seat and a massive turbine mounted on the back. The driver was an elderly gnome with a bald head and a long white beard. He wore a pair of thick driving goggles that made his eyes look ridiculously huge.

  “Where we headed?” he said.

  “Pacific Station. Fast.”

  Minutes later, Diana came racing down the subway stairs and rushed up to the ticket booth. She looked wild and windblown, her hair hanging in twisted curls, eyes watering from the wind. She had taken off her apron. She tossed it in the trash as she ran up to the booth. Somehow, despite everything, she still looked beautiful. She was one of those women who just look better and better, regardless of how miserable they are.

  She hammered on the window trying to get the attendant’s attention. “I need a ticket,” she said. “I’m in a hurry!”

  Butch turned around and gave her a big, toothy grin. “What’s yer hurry, pretty lady?”

  Diana stumbled back a step and then turned to run. She plunged right into my waiting arms. “What! How did you-“

  She started to struggle but my grip was too tight. It only took a second to sap the energy out of her. She went limp as a newborn in my arms. Butch crawled out of the booth and grinned appreciatively. “You have a gift,” he said. “An absolute gift.”

  I tossed Diana over my shoulder and rolled my eyes. “You would think so,” I grumbled.

  Diana came to half an hour later behind the bars of cell number two. It took her a minute to get her bearings. Then it all came back to her and she sat on the edge of the cot, sobbing. Butch shot her a pitiful glance and then looked at me pleadingly. He couldn’t stand watching her cry. We’d been playing poker. I sat my cards on the table and fixed her with a hard stare.

  “Let me know when you’re done,” I said. “Then we’ll have our talk.”

  “This is false arrest,” she moaned between sobs. “I’m gonna sue you, Steward!”

  I rolled my eyes. Technically, it is possible for one fae to sue another, but it’s a mighty endeavor. It requires a lawyer, not of human law, but of the fae. They’re hard to come by and very expensive. It also requires a court date, and the presence of at least three Elders, and witnesses, all of whom must be paid by the person who files the suit. In other words, unless you know you’re going to win and somehow recoup your expenses, it’s a major waste of time.

  And it’s not easy to win, either. Fae courts aren’t like human courts. You don’t get a jury of dumbed-down high school dropouts to decide if you’re guilty or not. You get three ascended Elders who can see right through you, right to the heart of the matter, and they know if you’re lying. The consequences of lying to an Elder are almost as bad as harming another sentient creature. They can’t be intimidated and they can’t be bought. They’re the judges every honest person dreams of and every criminal has nightmares about.

  Butch was shuffling the next round of cards a few minutes later when Diana rose from her cot and walked up to the bars. “I’m ready,” she said.

  I stared at her for a second, deciding if I should let her sweat it out a bit longer. I glanced at the clock. My date was in less than an hour. “All right,” I said. “Let’s hear it.” I leaned back in my chair and laced my fingers behind my head.

  “I lied to you because I knew you’d think I killed him.”

  “And now you’re here, locked up in my jail, and I still think you killed him. Tell me, what did you gain by lying to me?”

  She wiped a tear from her cheek. “I knew you wouldn’t understand. That’s why I lied. That’s why I ran away! Can’t you see that?”

  I glanced at Butch. He was shuffling the cards, his gaze fixed on the table. I stood up and walked over next to her cell. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’re still pleading innocence,” I said.

  “I am innocent. I didn’t kill him.”

  “Sure you did. You spent months going around telling everyone how he was going to sweep you away; how he was going to give you the life you deserved. He didn’t just abandon you, he humiliated you.”

  “You’ve got it all wrong, Steward. You don’t understand.”

  “Really? What’s not to understand? You couldn’t let him get away with that. You had to put him in his place, didn’t you? I mean, who could blame you after what he did to you, the way he betrayed you and humiliated you in front of everyone? You’re better than that, Diana, and he deserved what he got.”

  “Maybe he did deserve it, but I didn’t do it. I got my revenge when I dumped soup in his lap at The Lounge last week and broke up with him in front of the whole restaurant. And then I pawned his diamond ring for enough money to buy a palace.”

  I blinked. I looked at Butch. He shrugged his shoulders and went back to dealing cards. “You’re telling me that you dumped him?”

  “Of course! I did it as soon as I found out he’d been cheating on me. My sister saw him uptown with a couple of nymphs two weeks ago. I didn’t know what to think, so I asked her to follow him. After a few days, she came back with enough pictures to prove it. And it wasn’t just the nymphs, either. The whole time we were going out, he’d been two-timing me with half the girls in the city.”

  I scratched the back of my head and stared at the floor like the big dumb ogre I am. “You broke up with him?” I said again.

  “I already explained that.”

  “And you sold the diamond ring he gave you?”

  A big smile spread across her face. She grabbed the vines and pulled herself close. “If you don’t believe me, you can check my bank account.”

  “I don’t get it,” I said. “If you’ve got all this money, why are you still at Malachi’s? I thought you hated it there. Why not leave?”

  Her smiled faded into a distant, sad expression. “I don’t have any friends, Steward. The people I work with, Malachi and the others, they’r
e all I’ve got.” She cast her gaze down at the floor. “I know I don’t act like it, but I need them. And I need to be here. I already told you this is where I belong, and it’s true. I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t be around the Mother tree. This is my life.”

  She turned her back on me and began sobbing again. I glanced over my shoulder at Butch and saw him wiping a tear from his eye. I rolled my eyes heavenward and sighed. “All right,” I said. “You’ve convinced me. But don’t leave town.”

  I swiped my hand across the roots and vines, and they parted. Diana turned around, her eyes wide with surprise. “I’m free?” she said.

  “You’re free. But like I said, don’t leave town. I may want to ask you some more questions. And next time, you’d better not run.”

  “I won’t,” she promised. She flitted past me and down the tunnel like she was afraid I might change my mind.

  I shot Butch a distasteful look and he grimaced. “What?” he said. “I got a weakness.”

  “I noticed.” I glanced at the clock. “I’m done for today. I need to take a shower.”

  I started for the hallway, but he stopped me. “Wait! What happened with Roxy Paton? Did she fess up?”

  I took a deep breath. I’d forgotten that I hadn’t told Butch that story. In fact, I hadn’t told him about the tram crash either. That was one for the books. “All right, I’ve got a few minutes,” I said. “Deal out another hand.”

  Butch grinned widely as I sat down behind the desk. He reached into his pocket and produced his flask. “Care for a nip?”

  “Yeah. Maybe even a bite.”

  Chapter 11

  I picked Annie up like I’d promised, and took her downtown to a place called The Garden. It’s a high-end Italian restaurant, but not so high-end that we couldn’t get a seat without reservations. My first choice would have been Malachi’s, with the fantastic food and the incredible view, but after chasing Diana out of there just before the dinner rush, I knew I wouldn’t be able to show my face around there for months.

  I asked the host at The Garden if there were any balcony seats and slipped him a twenty. In less than five minutes, we were sitting at a balcony table with a view of the open restaurant below and to our left, and out the windows towards the bay on our right. It was a gorgeous night, the stars peeking through tendrils of fog overhead, city lights twinkling against the ocean water. Annie wore a sleek blue dress with a choker, and she looked stunning.