Forgiving Natalie

by Kristin Noel Fischer

  She sat back in the booth and studied me carefully. “Your parents didn’t approve of you joining the military?”

  I shrugged. “They were supportive in their own way, but now they feel I need to focus on what I’m meant to do. Besides, working at the center wouldn’t pay much. I know it’s not all about the money, but as you pointed out, one does have to pay their bills.”

  “Yes, one does.” Her formal tone caused both of us to smile.

  “Still,” she continued, “you don’t sound very happy about working for your family’s company.”

  “No?” I asked, sarcastically. “You don’t think I sound passionate about the canned vegetable business?”

  She smiled and shook her head. “Um, no, you don’t.”

  I sighed. “You’re probably right, but sometimes you have to grow up and find happiness outside of work.”

  “True, but . . .” Natalie leaned forward, resting her forearms on the table. “If you could do anything you wanted, and money or family pressure wasn’t a factor, what would you do?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Come on. Surely, there’s something at the back of your mind. Some hidden dream? Wasn’t there something you always wanted to do as a kid?”

  I pushed out a slow breath, surprised I was going to answer her question. “Well, I’ve always wanted to open my own gym. Since I’ve been working at the center, I see a huge need for more after-school programs. I think it’d be satisfying to have my own gym and use basketball to teach life skills that kids can’t get from watching TV and playing video games.”

  She nodded. “What would your parents say if you told them you wanted to make a difference in the world by doing something like that?”

  I chuckled. “They’d say, ‘You’ve already given a leg for this country. Isn’t that enough?’”

  Natalie’s eyes widened. “They wouldn’t really say that, would they?”

  “No, but they would remind me that our company gives thousands of dollars to charity every year. By doing my part to keep the business strong, I’d be able to make an even bigger impact on society.”

  “That’s true. Charities always need money, but . . .”

  “But what?”

  She bit her bottom lip and looked at me in a way nobody ever did. It was a way that made me feel everything was different about this simple meal we shared.

  “I think it’s important to do something you love, Gage. If I didn’t love being a nurse, I couldn’t work as many hours as I do. Nor would I want to stay in that field. Life is too short not to follow your dreams.”

  Frustration surged through me because she was exactly right. “That’s great and all, but you can say that because you don’t have the same family pressures I have.”

  “No, I don’t.” Sadness filled her eyes, making me regret being so direct. Of course, she didn’t have the same family pressures I had. As far as I knew, her uncle was her only family.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “No, it’s fine. Your situation is different than mine. If I were in your position, I’d probably make the same decision.”

  Silence fell between us. I wanted to ask if the rumors about her family were true. Instead, I teased her about being a bad influence.

  Her head snapped up. “What?”

  I grinned. “Everything you said about having a career you love is exactly right. I’m glad you called me on it, even if I don’t do anything about it.”

  She blinked. “So, you don’t think I’m a bad influence?”

  “No, I think the opposite.”

  “Really?”

  I nodded. “You helped Sheela when she drank too much at that party. Everyone just stood there staring, but you stepped up and took care of her by calling nine-one-one. Everyone left while you stayed until the ambulance arrived.”

  Natalie dismissed my comment with a scoffing sound. “I stayed because I was the only one who was sober.”

  I smiled. “Well, that too. Given how badly she treated you, that was impressive.”

  Natalie shrugged. “People die from alcohol poisoning. Staying with her was the right thing to do.”

  “It was, but she didn’t deserve it.”

  “No, she didn’t.”

  I studied Natalie carefully, wishing I could go back in time and make things better for her in high school. Wishing I’d been less self-centered and more aware of the goodness in the girl who sat next to me in class.

  Chapter 5

  Natalie – 2017

  After living in San Francisco nearly a week, I still hadn’t found the courage to contact Gage. Introducing Dash to his father was step three of my grand plan, but I was beginning to doubt my ability to cross that off my list.

  Every morning I awoke, determined that today would be the day I’d call Gage. Then, I’d get lost in creating new jewelry for my online store, blogging about my new jewelry products, and taking the dog for another walk.

  I also thought a lot about how I’d lost my career as a nurse. I was grateful I’d been able to turn my hobby into a successful online business, but working from home could be incredibly lonely. Knowing jail was in my near future didn’t help matters either.

  After dropping Dash off at school Thursday morning, I finally called Gage’s business number. Molly, the woman who answered the phone, told me Gage was gone for the day. When asked if I wanted to leave a message, I said I’d call back tomorrow.

  As soon as I hung up the phone, I relaxed, relieved to have another day to think about what I was going to say. Over the years, I’d tried to figure out the best way to tell Gage about his son. The obvious answer was to be honest and direct, but that was easier said than done.

  When I picked Dash up from school that afternoon, he chatted away about his day. So far, he liked his teacher and had already made lots of new friends.

  “Can we take Roxy for a walk after I finish my homework?” Dash asked, stepping over the cracks in the sidewalk.

  I smiled down at my son. He was going to be just fine without me. “Roxy would love another walk. How about we take her down to that park we saw on the map?”

  “Okay.” Dash grinned and picked up his pace, eager to get home.

  “Be careful,” I said, nervous about him running down the steep hills of San Francisco.

  Behind us, a voice shouted, “Dash, wait up.”

  We turned to see Tye Murphy, Dash’s new best friend, racing after us on an aluminum scooter. Tye was traveling down the hill so fast, I feared he’d crash. Thankfully, he jumped off the scooter, landing in front of us without any problem.

  “Cool,” Dash said.

  Tye was followed by his mother, Tamara, pushing a double stroller containing his adorable younger siblings who were both sound asleep. I said hello to Tamara, then she and I talked about the weather, which was unusually warm and sunny today. Unlike Southern California, temperatures in San Francisco tended to be cooler with the mornings often starting off rainy and foggy.

  “It’s supposed to get cold tomorrow,” Tamara said. “Well, not Chicago cold, but San Francisco cold.”

  I nodded, hoping she wouldn’t start talking about Chicago. I liked Tamara, but when we first met and she found out we were from Chicago, she’d wanted to talk all about the Windy City. Her husband grew up there, and she’d visited several times.

  I purposely avoided the topic, not wanting to risk the possibility that she might be familiar with my case. Eventually, the truth would come out when I went to jail, but I wanted to give Dash a chance to fit in before he became known as the son of a fugitive.

  “Hey, Mom,” Dash said, “do you think I can get a scooter like Tye’s?”

  I glanced at Tye who was balancing on the scooter with just one foot. “I don’t know, honey. It seems a little dangerous on these steep hills.”

  Tye shrugged. “It’s only dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing, Mrs. Jones. I could teach Dash if you want.”

  “Yes,
” Dash said.

  I smiled at Tye. “That’s very generous of you, but let me think about it, okay?”

  Tamara gave an understanding smile. “I was a nervous wreck when my husband first bought the scooter, but Tye’s pretty good at it. So far, he hasn’t had any injuries.”

  “So, can I get one?” Dash asked.

  “We’ll see.” I gave Dash my sternest, let’s-talk-about-this-later look.

  He turned his attention back to Tye. “We’re going to take my dog to the park. Do you want to come with us?”

  “I can’t. I have basketball practice.”

  “Basketball practice?” Dash glanced at me. “I want to play basketball.”

  Tye nodded. “You should come. It’s so much fun.”

  Before Dash could ask about going, Tamara chimed in with all sorts of positive things regarding the basketball program at Firehouse Fitness. The more she talked, the more my stomach knotted.

  I’d read all about Firehouse Fitness on the website. I knew the gym specialized in after-school programs designed to teach kids life skills through basketball. I also knew the gym offered several need-based scholarships to low-income kids.

  Yes, just as Gage dreamed of doing all those years ago, he was changing the world through basketball. A picture on the website showed the mayor presenting Gage with an award for improving the community.

  I must’ve stared at that photo for hours the first time I saw it. Despite the horrible way my relationship with Gage had ended, I was proud of all he’d accomplished. I truly wanted him to be happy and only wished the best for him.

  “So, can I go?” Dash asked, interrupting my thoughts.

  I willed my heart to stop racing. I couldn’t just show up at Gage’s gym unannounced, could I? I smiled down at my son. “Why don’t I call about it in the morning and see if you can go tomorrow?”

  “But I want to go today,” Dash said.

  Tamara gave me a sympathetic look. “I don’t mean to cause problems, but today is the last day to sign up for the spring session. After that, they won’t take new registrations until the summer.”

  “Oh,” I said, not sure how to respond to that information.

  “So we have to go today, Mom. Okay?”

  “We’re headed that way right now,” Tamara said. “Maybe you could just come with us and check out the gym. I’m sure they’d let Dash play for free today.”

  “Please, Mom,” Dash begged.

  Tye put his hands together in a praying position and looked up at me with pleading eyes. “Please, Mrs. Jones.”

  I measured my options. Maybe going today would be a good thing, allowing Dash the opportunity to see Firehouse Fitness before learning the big news that his father was the owner. Personally, I was curious myself, and it’d be easier to tour the gym without Gage being there.

  “Okay,” I agreed, hoping I wasn’t making a mistake.

  Dash and Tye gave each other high fives. Heading down the hill in the direction of the gym, Tye carried his scooter over his shoulder and told Dash all about the basketball program.

  Tamara’s younger children continued sleeping as she and I followed the boys. “You won’t be disappointed,” Tamara said. “I really can’t say enough good things about Coach Merona or the program.”

  I smiled. “It sounds great.”

  Tamara’s youngest child, a six-month-old baby, suddenly woke up screaming. In one fluid movement, she scooped the baby out of the stroller and bounced him against her chest. “Come on, Eric. Don’t wake your sister, please, please, please.”

  I reached for the stroller, not wanting it to roll down the hill. “Do you want me to keep walking so June will stay asleep?”

  “Yes, please. June is a bear if she doesn’t get a good afternoon nap.”

  Smiling, I pushed the stroller forward. “Sometimes I’m like that, too.”

  Tamara laughed as the baby settled down. “I’m not a big napper, but as soon as my head hits the pillow at night, I’m out. I don’t think I’ve seen the ending of any TV show since the kids were born. It drives my husband crazy.”

  I smiled, not sure how to respond to that. I’d heard other moms mention a similar problem, but it’d been years since I’d fallen asleep next to a man. Nobody cared whether or not I slept through TV shows.

  “There it is,” Tye said as we turned the corner and an old brick fire station came into view.

  I’d chosen my rental based on close proximity to Firehouse Fitness, so I knew Gage’s gym was located on this street. I’d also studied all the pictures on his website. Still, I was taken aback at the impressive sight of the refurbished brick fire station with its large doors and colorful sign.

  We walked toward the building, and as we entered, my gut clenched. Hopefully, the woman I’d spoken to on the phone wasn’t mistaken in saying Gage would be gone for the day.

  Before I could lose my courage and leave, Tamara introduced me to Molly, the woman I’d spoken to on the phone. Molly was a thin woman in her twenties with a beautiful smile.

  She showed me a computer screen, listing the schedule and prices. “Dash can try out the program for free today, but if he wants to join the spring session, today is the last day to register.”

  “Okay,” I said, skimming over the information.

  Molly glanced at Dash. “You’ve been here before, right?”

  Dash shook his head. “No, this is my first time.”

  “Really?” Molly studied him carefully before glancing at me. Did she recognize Dash because he looked so much like Gage?

  I forced a smile. “This is our first time, but I spoke to you on the phone this morning.”

  “Oh, okay.” Molly gestured back to the computer. “I just need you to complete the online form, then he can play today.”

  “Can I take Dash to practice?” Tye asked.

  “Sure,” Molly said. “As long as it’s okay with his mom.”

  I nodded. Dash gave me a quick wave before heading down the hall and disappearing around the corner with Tye. I stared after him, wondering what happened to that clingy preschooler who used to draw me pictures and insist he was going to marry me when he grew up.

  Time had gone so fast. Just yesterday I was holding my newborn, scared to death about the police showing up on my doorstep. Now, I had an independent third grader who would soon be living his life without me.

  “The baby has a doctor’s appointment,” Tamara said, placing Eric back in the stroller. “Otherwise, I’d suggest we grab a cup of coffee while the boys practice.”

  “Oh.” I was touched by Tamara’s friendliness. “Well, maybe another time?”

  “Definitely.” With that, she went out the door, leaving me to fill out Dash’s paperwork.

  When the form was completed, Molly told me I could either stay or come back around 5:30. I nodded, not sure what to do.

  “He’ll be okay if you need to run errands or something,” Molly said. “I can even check on him in a little bit and send you a text if there’s an issue.”

  “Thank you, but I think I’ll just stay, if that’s okay?”

  “Sure, go right ahead.”

  “Thanks.” I followed the sounds of bouncing basketballs to the gym where I found Dash in the middle of a dribbling drill with Tye and several other boys.

  Dash’s dark hair, wet with sweat, clung to his face, but he looked incredibly happy. When he saw me, he gave the thumbs-up. I returned the gesture and smiled.

  I’d really hit the jackpot with a kid like him. Not only had he saved my life, but he continued bringing me tremendous joy every day. He wasn’t perfect, and we definitely had our moments, but overall, parenting Dash was the greatest thing in the world. Hopefully, Gage would feel the same once he got to know Dash.

  Taking a seat on the bottom row of metal bleachers, I vowed that tomorrow morning I would talk to Gage no matter what. Procrastinating only wreaked havoc on my nerves.

  Behind me sat a group of moms chatting about everything from kids to husbands
to fashion. One of the moms whispered something, and all the other women burst into laughter. I tugged at the back of my T-shirt, making sure it hadn’t ridden above my jeans.

  They’re not talking about you, I told myself. Don’t be so sensitive. Positive self-talk, okay?

  I was struck by the bittersweet memory of Janet’s insistence on staying positive in all situations. My head nurse’s optimism had carried me through many difficult days in the ER. Of course, all that ended with my arrest.

  “Tamara,” one of the moms behind me called.

  I glanced up, surprised to see Tamara wheeling the double stroller into the gym. Both kids were wide awake, sitting up and smiling.

  Tamara took a seat next to me and sighed. “I thought Eric had a doctor’s appointment today, but it’s actually not until next week. I think I might be officially losing my mind.”

  The other women laughed and I smiled, all too familiar with that scenario.

  “Classic sleep deprivation,” a woman with silky blonde hair said. “When Henry was a baby, I forgot all sorts of things, including my husband’s birthday.”

  “Isn’t that how you ended up pregnant again?” Tamara asked, picking up Eric.

  Everyone laughed as Cora admitted that yes, that’s exactly how she’d wound up with two children eleven months apart.

  With baby Eric on her lap, Tamara handed June a cookie. The little girl kicked her legs and gave the cookie a kiss before popping it in her mouth.

  “Has everyone met Natalie?” Tamara asked. “She and her son, Dash, just moved here from Chicago.”

  “Not yet,” the blonde said. “I’m Cora.”

  “Natalie,” I said, shaking her hand.

  Everyone else introduced themselves, and I was happy to meet them. When I turned back around, June smiled at me and held up three fingers.

  “Are you three?” I asked, imitating the little girl by holding up three fingers of my own.

  She nodded, and I told her this was the first time I’d seen her awake. “Usually, you’re sound asleep in the afternoons, snoring like an old man.”

  She giggled, and Tamara explained that she’d tried everything to move her younger kids’ nap time, but they always fell asleep in the stroller on the way to pick up Tye after school. “I’m trying not to stress about it because I know they won’t be little forever.”