Forgiving Natalie

by Kristin Noel Fischer

  I tried getting out of helping by insisting I wasn’t very artistic, but Tamara was relentless. “What are you talking about? You make that beautiful jewelry. Of course, you’re artistic.”

  Realizing I had no choice, I followed her into the gym where she handed me a paintbrush. “We just have to paint this whole background green. Once it dries, I have other volunteers who will add details.”

  Tamara and I got to work. A little later, Cora and a few other moms arrived to help us. “I heard about the chimney crashing through your roof,” Cora said. “It sounds like you were really lucky to escape uninjured.”

  “I was.” I dipped my brush in the paint and tried not to think about Gage being woken by God. Surely, that had been just a coincidence. God didn’t interact in people’s lives like that, did he?

  We continued painting and talking about kids and plans for the summer. Cora and her family were going to Iceland while Tamara and her husband were taking the kids back to Chicago to see his parents.

  I’m going to Chicago, too, I thought, but didn’t dare voice. Yep, headed to the slammer.

  When we ran out of paint, Tamara and I walked down the hall to the storage room. We’d long since passed the one-hour mark, but I didn’t mind. Painting with Tamara and the other moms had actually put me in a better mood.

  “Thanks for helping today,” Tamara said.

  “You’re welcome. I’m actually having a good time.”

  “Really?” Her eyes sparkled with excitement. “There are plenty of other volunteer jobs you can do at the school. Not just for the musical but throughout the year as well. I’ll be working in the library this fall. Maybe we could work together.”

  “That sounds like fun.” I pushed away the reality that this would be my last elementary school volunteer job. By the time I got out of jail, Dash would be in middle school or maybe even high school.

  Tamara opened the office door. “We can take the shortcut through here to the storage room.”

  “Okay.” I entered the office to find Sheela chatting with the secretary. Given Sheela’s clipboard and professional suit, she was obviously here on official school board business.

  “We need more paint,” Tamara explained, walking past her sister-in-law.

  Sheela gave me a disapproving glance. I looked down at my paint-splattered clothes. Feeling the need to justify my appearance, I explained I was helping with the scenery.

  Sheela raised a perfect shaped brow. “You’re one of our volunteers?”

  “That’s right.”

  She tapped her pen against her clipboard. “Have you filled out a background check, yet?”

  Goosebumps prickled my arms. “What?”

  “All volunteers are required to complete a background check before they can serve on school grounds.”

  My blood ran cold. Did Sheela know about my conviction? My case had been in the local newspapers, but it’d been overshadowed by the brutal killing of a police officer, so it was possible Sheela didn’t know about me. Had Gage told her? What about Miriam? No, Gage’s mom would’ve been too ashamed to tell anyone.

  “Come on, Sheela,” Tamara said. “We don’t have time to wait for Natalie’s background check. Besides, she’s just painting. It’s not like she’s taking kids on a field trip.”

  Sheela shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. We have to follow protocol.”

  Tamara gave a frustrated sigh. “Okay, I’ll have her fill out the background check while I get the paint.”

  I stood paralyzed. An internet search of my name, Natalie Jones, generated enough hits that finding out about my conviction was nearly impossible. A more thorough background check, however, would reveal everything, including what I was hiding from Gage.

  Tamara took me by the arm. “Come on, I’ll show you what you need to do. It’s not a big deal. You just have to type in a few things, like your birthday and social security number. They’re just checking to make sure you’re not a convicted criminal.”

  I swallowed hard and glanced at Sheela who’d moved on to other things. Maybe instead of singling me out she made everyone fill out the background check. Even so, I couldn’t help but be afraid.

  Tamara led me into a computer room attached to the office. “Here,” she said, sitting at the first computer and bringing up the form. “It will literally take two minutes. While you’re filling this out, I’ll grab the paint, then we can get back to work.”

  “Okay.”

  Tamara left me sitting in front of the computer, staring at the screen. Although the form was short, the information requested would definitely flag my criminal background.

  My heart hammering, I filled out the easy part—my name, current address, and previous address. When I reached the place for my social security number, I debated putting in a wrong number. If anyone asked me about it, I could just say it was a typo.

  In order to pay my taxes, I always used my correct social security number. The first year, I was scared to death the police would show up at my door. I’d since come to believe the IRS didn’t care who you were or what you’d done as long as you paid your taxes on time.

  This background check was different. The whole point of it was to discover whether or not you had a record.

  “Do you need any help?” Sheela asked, poking her head in the room.

  I jumped a mile high, and she gave me a suspicious look. “Goodness, Natalie.”

  “Too much coffee,” I said.

  “My new boyfriend is a coffee addict,” she told me.

  I nodded. Then, before I could change my mind, I entered my correct social security number and hit send. A message popped up, claiming my form had successfully been submitted, and I’d be cleared in one to two weeks.

  The musical was in a few days. After that I’d be leaving, so by the time my conviction came to light, I’d be gone.

  There was no going back now. Looking up at Sheela, I smiled. “I’m done.”

  She nodded. “Good. It’s important all volunteers comply with the regulation in order to keep our kids safe. If I made an exception for you, I’d have to make one for everyone else.”

  I locked eyes with Sheela. “Did Gage ever tell you why we broke up?”

  “No.”

  “He didn’t?”

  “No. We never talked about you. In fact, we never talked about anything. He’s not exactly the best conversationalist.”

  I disagreed, but instead of arguing, I studied her carefully, trying to figure out if she was telling the truth. I had a feeling she was.

  Tamara came into the office holding four paint cans. “Are you ready?”

  “More than ready,” I said, taking two of the cans from her.

  Not only was I ready to get back to painting, but I was ready for this life of fear to end. Ready to talk to Dash and Gage and tell them why I had to leave. Ready to face my past head on and move to the next stage of my life.

  Chapter 41

  Gage – 2017

  I never used the word adorable, but adorable was the only word that adequately described my son the night of the musical. Dressed as a giant carrot, Dash had two lines, which he repeated over and over.

  Standing backstage at the school, I patted the greenery on top of his costume. “Okay, if you’re all set, I’ll go find my seat.”

  “I’m scared, Dad.”

  I smiled down at him. “Did you know your body can’t tell the difference between fear and excitement?”

  “No.”

  “It’s true. When you get excited, your heart races and your hands shake, right? Well, the same thing happens when you’re nervous.”

  Dash thought about it for a second. “That’s strange.”

  “I know. So, when you start to feel nervous, when your belly gets that quivering feeling, just tell yourself you’re not nervous but excited about saying your lines.”

  Dash smiled. “I kind of am excited about saying my lines. I mean, they’re really good, you know?”

  “I know.”


  Dash bit his lip. “I’ll try to tell myself I’m excited, but I’m still a little bit scared.”

  “I know you are, and that’s okay. You’re going to do great.”

  Dash gave me a hug, and I headed to the auditorium where I found two seats in the front row. I sent a quick text to Natalie, saying I’d saved a seat for her. The two of us hadn’t really talked since she moved out. I think we were both so stunned after our last conversation that we needed time to process everything.

  After mulling it over, I’d come to the conclusion that I’d been an idiot. Seriously, what kind of man leaves his wife the day she gets out of rehab? What kind of man doesn’t insist on meeting his wife face-to-face before filing for divorce?

  This afternoon, Natalie had called, saying she hoped we could get together after the musical. Dash was spending the night with Tye, and she had something she needed to tell me.

  “I have something I need to tell you, too,” I’d said.

  “If it’s about taking Dash to Chicago, my answer is yes. You can take him.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Of course. You’re his father, and . . .” She made an audible sigh that concerned me. “Well, I’ll explain everything when we meet after the musical.”

  Something was obviously bothering her, and I wanted her to tell me about it right then, but I forced myself to be patient. As long as she stayed in San Francisco with Dash, I could handle anything.

  “Would you like to buy a raffle ticket?” Natalie asked, stopping by my seat.

  “I’d love to.” Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my wallet. This morning, I’d gone to the bank and taken out a hundred-dollar bill for the sole purpose of buying one hundred raffle tickets from Natalie.

  I handed her the money, and she just stared at it. “I don’t have change for this.”

  “I’m not looking for change.” I grinned, hoping to make her happy. “I want to buy one hundred tickets, if that’s all right.”

  “Oh.” She offered a smile, causing my body to relax. If I could make Natalie smile, then maybe things would be okay between us.

  Natalie took my hundred-dollar bill and put it in her apron with the rest of the cash she’d collected for the raffle. Then, she counted off one hundred tickets and handed them to me. “Nice doing business with you.”

  “My pleasure.” I folded my tickets and slipped them in my pocket.

  She started to walk away, but I called her name. “Natalie?”

  Turning, she offered a sad smile. “We’ll talk tonight, okay? I promise.”

  I nodded and watched her continue up the aisle, selling tickets and making small talk with the other parents. I wanted to believe everything was going to be okay, but I had a premonition that something was seriously wrong.

  A few minutes before the show began, Natalie joined me, sitting in the empty seat I’d saved for her. Despite wanting to take her hand, I refrained from doing so. “Did you sell a lot of tickets?” I asked.

  “One hundred twenty.”

  “Not bad.”

  She glanced up at me with a twinkle in her eye. “Yeah, some big spender bought one hundred tickets. Without him, my sales would’ve been pathetic.”

  I gave her a little nudge with my shoulder. “Thank goodness for the big spender.”

  “Yeah, thank goodness.” She smiled, this time, seeming more like herself. Maybe I was blowing things out of proportion. Maybe there was nothing to worry about and whatever she had to tell me wasn’t a big deal.

  The lights dimmed, and the audience clapped as the music began. Life was strange. If someone would’ve told me last Christmas that I’d be watching my eight-year-old son portray a carrot in the spring musical, I never would’ve believed him. Now, here I was, sitting next to my ex-wife as we waited for our son to take the stage.

  Relaxing in my chair, I watched the musical unfold. While this production would never make it to Broadway, it was funny, well written, and all the kids were determined, especially the carrot. Right before Dash said his line, Natalie reached out and took my hand.

  My heart lifted at her touch. There wasn’t anything more I wanted than to have her back in my life.

  As if agreeing with me, she squeezed my hand. I glanced at her, and she motioned toward Dash. Holding my breath, I listened as my son asked, “What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear?”

  The main character of the musical, a little girl dressed like a bird, said, “I don’t know. What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear?”

  “Anything you want,” Dash said, grinning. “He can’t hear you because he has a carrot in each ear.”

  The audience cracked up, and Natalie collapsed against my shoulder, laughing. Yes, Dash nailed it!

  I kissed the top of Natalie’s head, feeling every ounce of worry disappear. There was hope for us after all.

  When the lights for intermission came on, Natalie turned to me. “He’s amazing, isn’t he?”

  I started to respond but stopped as two police officers approached us. Natalie turned to face them and sucked in an audible breath.

  “Natalie Jones?” the oldest of the two officers asked.

  Natalie scooted to the edge of her seat, her back perfectly straight. “Yes, sir.”

  “Can you stand please?”

  “What’s going on?” I demanded, coming to my feet.

  Natalie stood, and the officer said something about charging her with evading arrest and violating bail. Then, he handcuffed her and asked if she had any weapons.

  She shook her head. “No.”

  “What’s going on?” I said again.

  Natalie locked eyes with me as the officer patted her down and read her Miranda rights. “I’m sorry, Gage. This is what I wanted to talk to you about tonight. Please take care of Dash.”

  The officer started to lead Natalie away, but I stepped forward. “Wait. Just wait, please.”

  Natalie shook her head. “I’ll explain later. Please just let me go. I don’t want Dash to see me like this.”

  Agreeing with her about Dash, I stood in place as the officers led Natalie out of the auditorium. Glancing back at the stage, I was grateful the curtains were drawn so Dash and the other kids couldn’t see what was happening.

  Not knowing what else to do, I followed Natalie and the cops up the aisle, trying to make sense of everything. People asked what was going on, but I had no idea. If Natalie hadn’t been so calm, I would’ve thought it was a mistake. It had to be a mistake, didn’t it?

  Just as I thought things couldn’t get worse, I heard Dash’s voice in the lobby. “Mommy,” he screamed. “Mommy!”

  Forgetting about everything else but Dash, I bolted toward my son.

  Chapter 42

  Natalie – 2017

  I never wanted Dash to experience what I’d experienced after my mother died and the cops took my father away in handcuffs. No, I imagined having time to sit down and explain things to him. I imagined having everything in place with Gage so the transition would be as painless as possible.

  Instead, I’d waited too long and my arrest happened at the school in front of everyone. Dash screamed my name as the police officers led me to the patrol car.

  Every cell in my body went on high alert. “I’ve got to say goodbye to my son. Please. Please let me say goodbye to him.”

  Dash continued screaming. To my relief, both officers stopped walking, allowing Dash to reach us and throw himself against me. “What’s happening?” he asked, still wearing his carrot costume as he clung to me. “Why are they taking you away?”

  With my hands behind my back, I couldn’t hug him, but I bent my body toward him in effort to comfort him. “Listen to me, Dash. I have to go away for a little while, but your dad will be here for you. He’ll take care of you. Everything is going to be fine.”

  I looked up to see Gage making his way through the crowd. When he reached us, I told him I’d explain everything later.

  Gage nodded, but Dash screamed, “No
. Don’t go, Mom. Don’t go.”

  “Listen to me, Dash. You have to stay with your dad and be strong. I’ll call as soon as I can, but you have to let me go.”

  “No.” Dash tightened his grip.

  “Take him,” I told Gage.

  Gage tried to pry Dash from me, but Dash held on tight. “Come on, buddy. Let’s go.”

  “No!” Dash screamed, his fingernails digging into my skin. “No!”

  After a struggle, Gage finally managed to get a hold of Dash. His screams continued as the cops put me in the car and drove away.

  Chapter 43

  Gage – 2017

  I held on tight to Dash while he kicked and screamed for Natalie. Even though I hated seeing him so distraught, part of me envied his freedom to throw a fit over what was happening. I, too, wanted to yell and chase after the car. Instead, I had to be the adult here and pretend I was strong.

  Charlie broke through the crowd. “What’s going on?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know. I need to go to the jail and find out.”

  “Do you have the name of a good criminal lawyer?” Charlie asked.

  “No.”

  He took out his phone. “I’m sending you our neighbor’s phone number. She’s really good.”

  My phone dinged with his text just as Sheela came toward us. Her eyes danced with an excitement I knew meant trouble. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me she was a convicted felon, Gage. No wonder she didn’t want to complete the background check.”

  “Sheela,” Charlie warned, gesturing to Dash, “stop, okay?”

  Sheela lifted her chin. “I just can’t believe she got away with it for so long. Imagine simply deciding not to go to jail. Who does that?”

  I tightened my grip on Dash, wanting to protect him from anything Sheela might say. Is that what happened? Had Natalie failed to show up for her surrender date? If so, how’d she get away with it? Why hadn’t the police picked her up until now?

  Charlie gestured behind him at the crowd of gawkers staring at us. “Sheela, why don’t you do your job and get rid of these people? Make them go inside for the second half of the show.”