Burning Ember (Ember Lake Book 1)

by Sara Arden

  “We can help too,” Hayden offered.

  “Sure,” Sophie was quick to add.

  “No, no. It’s all good. You guys have fun. I’ve got it,” Royce said, obviously wanting to do this for Livie himself.

  “That was a great nudge there, what you said. Royce has been pretty conflicted on how to help her because she so obviously needs help, but she hasn’t asked. He didn’t want to overstep. And you fixed it like that.” He snapped his fingers.

  “I don’t think I fixed it, really. Sometimes, people need a mirror to see what’s going on around them. That’s what I do. I hold up the mirror and hope that people actually see what’s reflected there. Then I help them figure things out based on what’s there.” She shrugged.

  “It seems like a small thing to you, but it was probably the world for my brother. And for Livie.” He put his arm around her waist and pulled her against him. “You’re amazing.”

  Warmth bloomed, washing over her in waves. “It’s just my job. The same way running into burning buildings and plucking cats out of trees is yours.”

  “I have never plucked a cat out of a tree, but there was this one time with a mule…” He poured her a beer.

  She accepted it gratefully and drank it down. Sophie didn’t even taste it.

  Ainsley Becker stopped by their table. “Hey, you guys want to play a game of pool?”

  Sophie thought it was only fair to warn them. “I’m not very good.”

  “That’s doesn’t matter,” Ainsley said. “We’ll play girls vs. boys. And we’ll win, because I am that good.”

  Ethan came up behind her and leaned on her shoulder. “Someone needs to knock this woman off her throne. I’d pay to see it.”

  “It might be me. I am that bad.” Sophie grinned. “But I’m game if you are.”

  “Good.” Ainsley was pleased. “I’m so glad you didn’t go for the ‘oh, Hayden! Teach me, I’m helpless ploy.” She shook her head. “That’s so boring.”

  “Let’s not be hasty,” Hayden said. “I’m more than happy to teach Sophie anything she needs me to.”

  She shivered with delight. Sophie wasn’t thinking about him teaching her anything so pedestrian as pool.

  “I think the ladies have decided. You’re stuck with me, Cole.” Ethan grabbed a couple cues and they headed for one of the tables.

  “Great.” Suddenly the gleam in Ainsley’s eyes became predatory. “I’ll rack ‘em.”

  “That’s what you’re best at,” Ethan said, drily.

  “Don’t you forget it.”

  “As if any of us could,” Ethan handed her a cue.

  As they were laughing and playing, Sophie playing just as horribly as she promised she would, Ainsley was giving her pointers and it actually improved her game. It occurred to Sophie that this was the life she’d always dreamed about. This was the kind of life she wanted for herself.

  Sophie didn’t prove to be as poor of a player as she initially believed herself to be, but as the game was winding down, a slow song played over the jukebox.

  Their eyes met and Hayden held out his hand to her.

  She handed her cue to Ainsley. “Sorry. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for all night.”

  Ainsley grinned. “I’ll pick up the slack and handle our light work. I mean, who wouldn’t ditch pool to dance with Hayden?”

  “Um, right here. Hello?” Ethan motioned to himself.

  Ainsley snorted. “Yeah, right here getting your butt handed to you. You’re not going to distract me with dancing and then try to say you won because I conceded. I never concede.”

  Their conversation, along with everyone else present faded away when she moved into his arms.

  It was a fairytale. It was heaven. They moved like they were on a cloud, even though they were in a small bar in a tiny Kansas town with their feet planted on terra firma.

  She leaned into him, her head on his shoulder, and inhaled the scent of him. He was so warm and solid, sure. Sophie had imagined dancing with him like this, his hand on the small of her back keeping her pressed so close to him.

  In her fantasies, he’d rub his cheek on hers, his stubble would be a little rough, but not so much so it made her lips raw when he kissed her. But it would be a long time before he kissed her, they’d wait in this moment as the tension grew between them, hovering between that moment where the kiss happens and that time where it exists, yet doesn’t.

  He’d thread his fingers through her hair—she shouldn’t have cut it—and…

  “You feel so damn good,” he said in her ear.

  Reality was definitely a million times better than her fantasies. She’d never imagined him saying things like that to her. She’d been afraid that even in a fantasy, it was too much.

  His breath was warm on her neck, his body heat like a brand everywhere he touched her. “I love your hair like this.”

  “Why?” she murmured.

  “So I can do this.” He brushed his lips against the arch of her neck, so very close to the place where her scars began.

  She wanted to hide, to shy away, but her body refused to obey her. This touching, it was decadence like she’d never known. Sophie wanted to bask in it always.

  A moment of panic tightened around her as the song was ending. This couldn’t be over. The next one was upbeat and fast, something about a truck with six wheels. Something she didn’t give a single third of a damn about.

  “We’ll dance to our own music,” he said against the shell of her ear.

  They kept slow-dancing, even though the couples around them were doing versions of country swing, and a small portion had even cornered themselves off into rows for line dancing.

  Hayden didn’t care and neither did she.

  All that mattered were the two of them moving in time, their bodies swaying in tandem to a song that only the two of them could hear.

  “I could do this all night,” she said.

  “If that’s what you want, I’m happy to oblige.”

  “I bet Livie would much rather we not.”

  “She’d probably turn the lights out on us and tell us to lock up when we left.”

  Sophie kept wondering if she pinched herself, if she’d wake up. The songs from the jukebox kept changing, but they danced and danced.

  She was Cinderella at the ball and it was almost midnight.

  The more she was given, the more she knew she had to talk to him. “Hayden,” she began as she tried to work up the courage and the words to confess her crimes.

  “Let’s just stay here a little longer, okay? This place where it’s just us.”

  “How did you know what I was going to say would change something?”

  “It’s in your tone. The way you pulled away from me as you spoke. I’m not ready to let this go yet.”

  “What if what I have to tell you…” She didn’t know how to phrase the rest of what she wanted to say.

  “Remind me I said this.” He buried his face in her hair.

  “I will.”

  Then it occurred to her that he’d said that because he didn’t believe this was something that could last either.

  That broke her heart. He deserved more than this.

  As the patrons began to clear out and the last song played on the jukebox, he said, “It’s getting late. I should walk you home.”

  Princes didn’t dance with little cinder girls after midnight, even if they wore sparkly dresses.

  And it was long past midnight.

  8

  There’d been a marked change in her since she’d tried to speak to him and he hadn’t listened. It was selfish of him. He should’ve let her speak. He shouldn’t have put his own needs before hers.

  But he’d just known whatever was on the tip of her tongue was going to devastate them somehow and he wasn’t ready.

  She held his hand while they walked, the moon lighting their path.

  “I’m sorry about earlier.”

  “Sorry for what?” she asked.

  �
��That I didn’t listen. It was a dick move.” This was the first time she’d trusted him with something, and he’d pushed it away. He knew that was wrong and it was no way to build anything.

  “Not at all. You were right. Let’s not spoil the magic, shall we?”

  “You can talk to me, you know. I mean, contrary to my earlier behavior. I swear.” It was like a door had closed between them now and he’d closed it.

  “I know that. I don’t mind letting this one take the bench for a while. You’ve given me a pass I don’t deserve, but that I’m more than happy to take.” She nodded slowly and turned back to the path in front of them.

  What could she possibly have to say that would make her think such a thing? He shouldn’t have asked her not to speak, he thought again.

  “I know your job is to listen to other people, but you’re human. You need someone to tell your secrets to as well. I want to be that guy.” He did, more than anything.

  “And I will, but like you said, let’s stay here a little longer.”

  “As long as you want.”

  They arrived at her door all too soon.

  “Come in?” she asked, shy.

  “Is that a good idea?” He wanted to touch her, wanted to be close to her.

  Wanted to kiss her, taste her…

  Wanted to be with her in all ways.

  “Well, I like it.” Sophie hadn’t let go of his hand.

  “I should go.” He should, but he didn’t want to.

  “Okay.” She still hadn’t let go and neither had he.

  He laughed. “I should, but I really want to come in.”

  “Then you should come in. Remember, dessert first.” Her cheeks colored.

  Suddenly, he no longer doubted his ability to be a gentleman. That sweet blush reminded him of how much she’d trusted him. How this thing between them was deserving of a gentle hand.

  “How about a round of 80’s action flicks?”

  “That sounds good. But I’ll warn you, when I say I’m going to put on something more comfortable, I mean fuzzy lounge pants and socks.”

  “You have no idea how sexy I think that is.” He wasn’t just teasing her. Thinking about her all soft and sweet, it made him wonder just how soft and just how sweet.

  She laughed, the sound of it a balm to everything that hurt. “So you don’t like lingerie?”

  “Let’s not be hasty.” He followed her inside. “I pretty much like everything, if we’re being honest.”

  “Good to know.” She put her things down on the table. “So excuse me while I go slip into my super sexy fuzzy slippers.”

  “I really like the ones with the bunny ears,” he called after her.

  It had never been like this before. Even though he was so attracted to her, he didn’t feel the pressure of seduction. The tension between them, yes. But he didn’t feel that he had to make a certain move, or that he had to do things a certain way.

  He was free to be himself. They could laugh together.

  This was how it was supposed to be.

  He wondered then if it had been that way for Livie and Ben. If it would ever be that way for Livie again, or if once you had that and lost it, it was simply gone.

  He wondered if she’d ever really laughed or taken joy in anything without it being soured by her loss. He wondered if he let himself have this, and the same thing happened to him that happened to Ben, if Sophie would’ve been better off without him.

  Hayden kept remembering what she’d said about agency. That was important to her, he knew. That meant not trying to make decisions for her.

  If she didn’t blame him for what happened to her, why did he? He sat down on the couch and took his boots off.

  Every time he refused to accept what she said, he was refusing to accept her agency. He knew that, but he just couldn’t get past it. Which was wrong on so many levels. She was the one who’d lost something. She was the one who’d suffered.

  Or was he simply trying to make excuses so he wouldn’t feel guilty when they did sleep together?

  She emerged from the back hallway wearing exactly what she’d promised: blue fuzzy lounge pants, matching socks, and a well-worn t-shirt with a faded glittery unicorn.

  “I like seeing you there,” she said, when she paused in the doorway.

  “I like being here.”

  “Good.” She sat down next to him and he put his arm around her. “I had a lot of fun tonight.”

  “Me too. I think we should make it a regular thing.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Is tomorrow too soon?”

  “It is tomorrow.”

  “Today, then.”

  “Today.” She settled against him. “Right now. This can be the date that doesn’t have to end.”

  He was silent because a date that never had to end sounded like forever. Like a commitment.

  Like everything he was afraid to let himself have.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “What is it?” She lifted her head and looked into his eyes.

  “If something happened to me right now, what would you do?” Watching the play of expressions on her face, he continued. “It’s morbid, I know. But I have to know that you understand the risks.”

  She reached up and cupped his cheek. “I’m not Livie. She’s survived, but she blames Ben for dying. I’m not going to blame you for answering something you feel called to do. It would be like asking you not to be who you are. Would it break me for a while? Of course it would. But I’ve been living with that since I was a kid. It doesn’t change anything.”

  “Swear it.”

  “I swear.” She did it with no obvious hesitation or doubt.

  Something in the air changed. Or maybe it was something inside of him?

  He kissed her.

  He kissed her like he was drowning and she was his air.

  He kissed her like there was nothing in the world but the two of them.

  He kissed her like tomorrow didn’t matter.

  Because it didn’t. There was nothing in the world but them; the only thing that mattered was this moment.

  “Is this real?” she whispered against his lips.

  “It’s the best dream.”

  “I used to wonder what this would be like,” she said between kisses. “And this is so much better than anything I could’ve come up with.”

  “Tell me what else you imagined.” He probably shouldn’t have asked, it would only lead them farther into territory they were waiting to explore.

  “I wanted you to be the one. The first.” She leaned into his neck. “The only.”

  “Will I be?” He’d wondered if she was a virgin, not because the idea of it mattered to him, but the mechanics. He didn’t want to hurt her.

  “No. Does that bother you?”

  “I’m kind of relieved, actually.”

  She pulled back to look at him. “What? Why?”

  “It’s a lot of pressure knowing that I was a fantasy and if I was your first as well, I don’t know that I’d live up to it.” He didn’t know if anyone could.

  Sophie pressed her forehead to his, smiling. “Now you know how I felt. Being a thing on a pedestal. I definitely like being a real woman instead. Real women get kisses.” She cupped his cheek. “Don’t doubt that even though when I was a kid, I made you into my knight in shining armor, I do see you. You’re real to me.”

  Hearing that from her lips was as heady as her kiss.

  “Come to the bedroom with me,” she added.

  The moment he’d been so determined to stay in was shattered, but he was thrust forward into another that he wanted to keep.

  Her lips bee stung from his kiss, whispering her sweet invitation. He could replay it again and again.

  “Are you sure this is what you want from me?” For a second, he was afraid that was all she wanted. That he was a novelty, the toy she thought she couldn’t have. Maybe she didn’t really see who he was beneath and maybe it didn’t matter.

 
; “I want everything from you, Hayden. Everything you want to give me.”

  “What if I just wanted to hold you all night?”

  “What if you did? I want to wake up next to you. I want your hands on me. I want my hands on you. Dessert first.” She sat back and tugged his hand. “You said this is a dream. I want to try everything before we wake up.”

  “I don’t want to wake up.” He followed her to the bedroom.

  When morning came, it found them in her bed, still dreaming. Or so it seemed to her. She’d gotten everything she wanted. She knew what it was like to spend the night in Hayden Cole’s arms, to kiss him, to touch him as she wanted.

  To be kissed and touched by him.

  Seeing him in bed next to her, his long lashes dusting his cheeks while he slept, his strong arms in the pale morning light, it was what she wanted to look at every day for the rest of her life.

  She loved this man with every fiber of her being.

  Wholly.

  Completely.

  Which was why she knew she had to confess the truth to him. She couldn’t take the pass he’d given her. Somehow, his permission to be weak gave her the courage she needed. The strength.

  Even if it meant losing him.

  Sophie didn’t want halfway or a lie. This had been the best week of her life. It wasn’t just because she got Hayden Cole. That made her ridiculously happy, but it was more than that. It was the sense of community and family she’d finally gotten to experience. It was starting to believe that maybe she mattered. When she helped Royce with Livie.

  When Allison Cole said she loved her.

  She’d seen what it could be like and she believed for the first time that maybe she deserved it.

  Sophie lay there as the sun climbed higher in the sky and she didn’t want to move. She had some sessions later in the morning, but she was going to stay in this spot with him until she absolutely had to move.

  The even sound of his breathing soothed her and reminded her to breathe. To pull in all the joy and contentment she felt and to let go of everything that didn’t matter with the exhale.

  He rolled over and tucked her against him. “Don’t go just yet.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  He buried his face in her hair and she was content to lie in his arms until her alarm went off.