Next to Forever (Never Letting Go)

by Moose, S

“Before you start, can I just say something?”

  “Sure.”

  Well, here goes nothing. I’m ready for a shit storm. “Olivia, you’ll never know how sorry I am for what happened with you. I wish things could’ve been different, but we can’t change the past. The best thing that we can do is move on and look forward to the future.” I look at her and she seems to understand everything I’m saying. “I can’t pay you anymore. Erin’s pregnant, and I need to put her and our baby first. They’re my whole life, and this isn’t fair to Erin.”

  Olivia looks at me and doesn’t say anything. Fuck. But when she takes my hand and smiles, something changes. “Connor, it’s okay. I understand. I’m glad that we’re meeting. I’m sorry for everything I put you through. It wasn’t fair to threaten you or the company. I was a bitch and I’m sorry.”

  What. The. Fuck. I look around to make sure I’m not being punked or anything. Olivia starts laughing as if she can sense my confusion.

  “I know it’s weird, but I met someone, Connor. He’s been helping me, and I’m seeing a therapist. I don’t want you to do anything for me anymore. Maybe we can be friends though?”

  “That’s great, Olivia. I really am happy for you.” I squeeze her hand and we both smile. “Maybe we can be friends.”

  There’s a weight off my shoulders, and I can finally breathe again.

  Chapter Twelve

  Erin

  My heart pounds as I slowly open my eyes. Waking up in Connor’s arms is the best feeling in the world. The way he holds me tight throughout the night and doesn’t let me go, truly makes me feel his love for me. I look down and see his arm protectively around my belly and a smile creeps on my face. There are a million feelings running through my body... love and hope. The familiar sensation of love and care runs through my body and mind. My hand softly rubs his arm, thinking about our future. He holds me tighter when I try to get out of his arms to use the bathroom. I lay in silence, and I can’t bring myself to wake him up, but I slowly get out of his tight embrace. I stretch my arms over my head and walk to the bathroom. Feeling better, I go back to bed with Connor and stroke his cheek with my hand.

  With his eyes still close, he smiles. “Good morning baby.”

  “Morning, Connor.” I smile, kissing his cheek. It’s almost seven in the morning and Connor needs to be at the office by eight for a meeting. “Come on, sleepy head. Get up!”

  Groaning, he slides his arm around my waist and brings me closer to his body. “Just a few more minutes.” Turning my body to face his, our lips meet and our morning starts with some amazing, sweet love.

  Pulling into my spot at the real estate office, I check my make-up before getting out of the car. Satisfied with my look, I open the door and head inside. My cell phone rings from my purse, “Good morning Soph.”

  “Are you working today?”

  “Yeah, honey, I am. I have a few houses to show today, and I have to look at some more houses for Vander. What’s going on?”

  Sophia groans into the phone. “Nothing. Just bored. I think I’m going to head over to Café Lisa, if you want to meet me?”

  Sipping on my coffee and getting situated at my desk, I look through my appointments for today. “How does noon sound?”

  “Yay, okay good. I’ll see you then.”

  “Ok, love you girl.”

  “You, too.”

  Hanging up with Sophia, my email alerts pop up.

  Erin,

  Can you look at these houses and let me know what you think? I love the lay out and the basement but something’s missing. Let me know your thoughts.

  Talk soon,

  Vander.

  Pulling up the houses, I look and write down some details. The house is beautiful. It’s a three-story colonial style house with the porch wrapping around. The light beige shutters look beautiful against the dark beige exterior. There’s a balcony overlooking the front yard and the backyard is finished with a pool house and an in ground pool. After clicking around and doing some research on the house, I go into my manager’s office to discuss the house.

  Knocking on the door, I notice he’s at his computer and not on the phone. “Morning, Albert,” I say in my singsong girly voice. He knows he can’t say no to me.

  “Erin, good morning. Please have a seat.” He turns to face me away from his computer and smiles from ear to ear. I wonder what he’s so happy about. “What’s going on?”

  Crossing my legs and getting comfortable in the chair, I look Albert in the eyes and smile back at him. “I have a client interested in this house.” Handing him the paper with my notes I know this will be an easy go ahead.

  Scratching his chin and reading through, his brows shoot up. “You do know there are about five offers on this house, right?”

  Shrugging my shoulders and leaning in to talk to Albert. “I’m confident I can get this house, Albert. My client is very, very interested. Trust me.” Leaning back in the chair, I patiently wait for his response.

  Albert’s smile grows as he wags his finger to me. “Alright, all star, go, and get this deal.”

  Standing up, without showing my obvious excitement, I shake Albert’s hand and walk out of his office. With a Cheshire cat smile on my face, I head back to my desk and call Vander. The phone rings a few times before he answers.

  “Erin, babe, please tell me you have good news?”

  “Duh, Vander. Now we have to work hard on getting this house. There’s like five offers on this house, and the owners aren’t budging so how much are you willing to put down on this house.”

  “Double what they’re asking. I want this house, Erin.”

  “Alright, meet me there in ten!” I finish writing down some notes so I don’t forget anything and grab my purse to meet Vander.

  The drive is light, and I get to the house rather quickly. When I park my car, Vander pulls in behind me. He gets out of his car, and he is wearing dark jeans with a green sweater with a white polo underneath. Damn, for a gay guy he is so hot. “Ready?”

  “Oh, yes, I am.” Vander takes my hand and we go into the house.

  Sitting at Café Lisa with Vander and Sophia feels great. We’re laughing and celebrating my biggest sale since becoming a real estate agent, and Vander’s new house. Albert told me to take the rest of the day off, and I’m sure to follow my manger’s directions. We talk about the house and how exciting it is that Vander will be staying here permanently. His arm is resting on the back of my chair, and I don’t think anything of it. He’s very touchy with Sophia and me, but we don’t say anything since he’s gay, so we know there’s nothing to worry about.

  “Erin, how are you feeling? When’s your appointment?” Sophia asks, eating her turkey club sandwich and fries. She dips her fries in mayo and I make a face. “Hey! Don’t mock it until you’ve tried it! It’s so good!” Vander likes it!

  Vander takes some fries and dips them in mayo, too. “Ugh, you guys are so disgusting. Anyway, yes, I’m okay! Doc appointment is next week.” I rub my stomach and wonder if we’re going to have a boy or a girl. I secretly want a boy. A little boy with Connor’s beautiful eyes and his intelligence. I let out a blissful sigh and lean back in my chair.

  Out of nowhere, Sophia drops her fries and her mouth hangs open. “Soph?” Her eyes grow wide, and I wonder what she’s looking at. Vander and I turn around, and suddenly I feel my world rock. How can Connor do this to me? The tears threaten my eyes, and my heart beats a million beats a second. Vander holds my shoulders, but I push him away and get up from the table. Marching over to my idiot fiancé and his whore, my fists are clench at my side, and I’m ready to raise hell. “Connor! What the fuck?”

  His eyes open and he lets go of Olivia. She turns around and smiles at me. Why is this bitch smiling at me? This isn’t a fucking social call. “Erin, it’s so good to see you.”

  Everything in me screams to punch this bitch in the face and break that ugly fake nose. “Bitch, get your STD infested hands off my fiancé and back the fuck up.�
� I push her away and get in Connor’s face. “How could you?” He’s speechless and doesn’t answer me. “Oh, no, you asshole! Tell me now! Why are you with Olivia?”

  “Baby, it’s not what you think! Olivia and I have things to discuss, and we were just saying bye. Please don’t get upset” Connor’s hands hold my waist, but I can’t have him touching me.

  “No, what the hell is going on?” Feeling dizzy, I shake my head and refuse to back down. I need to know what’s going on and why they’re meeting. Doesn’t Connor know what a conniving bitch Olivia is and how she tried to sleep with Adam? How could he be this stupid? What’s so important that they need to meet behind my back? “I’m not upset, just disappointed, Connor.” He winces at my words, and I start to feel bad, but he fucking knows better than to do this to me. “So tell me why you’re with her!”

  Connor walks closer to me but I don’t move. I hold my ground. “Baby, stop, please. I’m not doing anything, and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you I was meeting Olivia.” Connor looks at me with pleading eyes. His breathing is erratic, and he’s feeling nervous just as I am. “Can we talk later, please?”

  “No! I don’t give a shit who can hear me. You have explaining to do, so talk, Connor, because this isn’t making sense to me!”

  Olivia stares at me, and I’m trying to figure her out. What is she doing here?

  “Please, baby, just calm down, and listen to me.”

  “I don’t think so. You tell me right now Connor or I’m leaving you!”

  “Erin,” Olivia starts to talk. I want to scream at her and tell her to shut the hell up, but I’m interested to hear what she has to say. “I’m sorry that you’re upset but Connor’s been helping me. There’s nothing going on between us.”

  “Okay, so why are you two meeting, and why am I just finding out?” I try to calm down but inner bitch is coming out. Connor knows better than this. We don’t hide anything from each other. I try to calm down.

  Think about the baby, Costella. Just keep breathing. There’s an explanation for everything. Deep breaths. One. Two. Three.

  Connor steps away from Olivia and walks back to me. “Please, we can talk about this tonight. I don’t need you to be upset right now.” He states, touching my stomach. I try to calm down but I can’t shake off a bad feeling.

  “What’s she talking about, Connor?” Before Olivia can answer, he turns and looks at her to make her stop talking. I push Connor away and walk back to Olivia. “Speak, now!”

  Olivia looks at me and starts talking. “Connor and I slept together, and I got pregnant.” She pauses and looks at Connor then back at me. “I had a miscarriage, and Connor’s been helping me since then.”

  The world beneath me shakes and crumbles. The deception and lies from the man I love. The father of my child and my soon-to-be-husband. I fight back the tears, and I won’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they’re breaking me into a million pieces. How can he keep this from me? I look at Connor and Olivia, my mind is racing with questions, and I want answers. “Listen, I’m sorry this happened but Olivia,” I pull Connor to my side. “Connor and I are getting married, and we have a baby on the way, so you need to leave.”

  Olivia looks at us then back down to the ground. “I didn’t mean to cause all this trouble, and I’m sorry about what I said. Connor, don’t worry about paying me, and Erin,” she reaches out for my hand but stops. "I’m just really sorry.” Without saying anything else, she turns around and walks away from Connor and me.

  “What does she mean? Paying her?”

  Connor looks away from me. “I’ve been giving her money to help her. She can’t find a job and is depressed over the miscarriage.”

  “It’s not your job to pay her, Connor.” I step away from him, slowly breathing in and out. “I’m sorry that you and Olivia went through this, but you’re with me now, Connor. You need to put me and our baby before her.” I look at Connor again and see how sorry he is, but I’m still upset with him. I need time away from him, so I squeeze his hand and walk back to Vander and Sophia. They meet me halfway and Vander can’t stop staring at Connor.

  “Come on, girl. Let’s get you out of here.” Vander puts his arm around me and Sophia holds my hand.

  We get in Vander’s car and he drives away. I look out the window and refuse to cry over this. “I don’t get it,” I start to say. “Why is she coming around?” Vander and Sophia look at each other, not knowing what to say. I don’t even know what to say. “I mean, I’m his freaking fiancée, you’d think he’d tell me.”

  “I know, honey, but, maybe he feels like he can just handle it without telling you. Connor loves you so much. You know that, right?”

  “Sophia’s right, baby girl. Connor doesn’t want to stress you out. You have your little prince or princess to worry about,” Vander adds in.

  “I get it, I do, but I mean come on you guys. It’s Olivia! Soph, you remember the shit she stirred with you and Adam!”

  “I know, Erin, but we forgive and forget. It wasn’t too big of a deal. Maybe you should talk to her? Try to understand what’s going on since you’re mad at Connor. You can’t really blame Olivia, maybe she didn’t know?”

  Sitting back in the car, I think about what Sophia is saying. She’s right. Maybe Olivia didn’t know Connor and I are together. There’s fear creeping inside me and thoughts about what’s going on with Connor. Why didn’t he tell me? I feel betrayed. He knows everything about me and yet, I’m still in the dark with his life. My phone starts vibrating. I pick it up to see who’s calling and see Connor’s name flashing. I press ignore and toss my phone back into my purse. The cool air travels through the car but cold sweat runs across my forehead. My heart is beating fast and my breathing quickens. The stress of finding out about Olivia and Connor is killing me. Pain hits my side and it feels as though my body is going through a vice grip.

  “Oh no,” I whisper. “No.” Sophia turns around and her eyes widen.

  “Vander! Drive to the hospital! NOW!”

  Quickly, Vander makes a U-turn and drives to the hospital. The pain is getting worse and I keel over trying to catch my breath. I need Connor and my heartaches for him. No more fighting or being upset with him. We have to make this work, not only for us but also for our baby. Tears run down my face, and I try to remain calm but everything starts to become a blur, and I feel lightheaded. “Sophia. Call. Connor.” The cramps are more frequent and jabbing at my sides. Vander pulls into the emergency room parking lot and rushes out of the car. Sophia holds my hand, and we wait for Vander to come back with a wheelchair.

  “You’ll be alright, Erin. Stay with me, please.” Sophia cries. Sophia and Vander rush me inside and a nurse quickly brings me back in. She asks me questions—how I’m doing? How long has the pain been occurring? When did the pain start? I try answering as specific as possible, but my mind can’t stop thinking about what’s going on and how much pain I’m in. I need Connor.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Connor

  She’s gone. I let her go without saying anything. What kind of man am I?

  Watching Erin walk away from me breaks me, but I’m the fool who never told her about my past with Olivia. I stand there like a broken man and watch the love of my life walk away. I want to run to her and tell her how sorry I am, but I know she needs time to think about things, and she deserves that time. She can’t leave me though, and I’ll fight for her until the day I die. I hope she’s going home, so I decide to run to the florist and buy flowers and a teddy bear to try to make things better. After making my purchase, I leave the shop and check my phone. No messages or calls.

  Getting in my car, I pull out into traffic and head back home, hoping she’s there. I get back in record time and run inside. “Erin!”

  Silence.

  There’s no one home. Sitting on the ground, I hold my head and feel the tears coming down. Her face plays through my mind and everything starts falling apart in front of me. Erin isn’t going to forgive me, and she’s
going through the pregnancy alone. Why didn’t I tell her about my past? Hitting my head against the wall, my body grows numb. Everything slips through my fingers. I can’t be in love or do anything right. Erin’s my world, and without her, what’s the point? I get up from the ground and try calling her again. It rings six times before going to voicemail.

  “Hi, you’ve reached Erin! Sorry that I missed your call, but leave me something sweet and I’ll get back to ya!”

  “Erin, baby. Please answer or call me back. I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you about Olivia, but baby, I was scared. Please call me or something. Let me know that you’re okay. Please.” I walk up the stairs and go into our bedroom. Her vanilla scent fills our room. I love how she smells. My face goes diving first into our bed. Wrapping my head around the fucked up day makes me nauseous, and I’m ready to tear the room apart.

  I toss my phone on the kitchen counter, go to the liquor cabinet, and pull out a bottle of scotch. Pouring the dark brown liquid in a glass and tossing it back, the liquid burns my throat and I want more. I pour a few more glasses and bring the bottle to the deck. The suns out and it’s cool outside but I don’t give a shit. Messing up with Erin is the last thing I want to do. The image of her broken heart flashes through my mind. I can’t get rid of it. I bring the bottle to my lips and drink more. The pain in my heart and chest build and the lump in the back of my throat.

  She’s the best thing that’s happened to me. She completes me and makes me brave, but I’m blind. Erin doesn’t deserve this, and I should’ve told her. I keep drinking to try to block out the pain but there’s no use. It feels like hours that I’ve been out here. Getting up from the chair, I walk back inside and leave the empty bottle of scotch on the counter. I look at the time and it’s nearly five in the afternoon. “Shit,” I mutter. Picking up my phone, I see that I have fifteen missed calls and ten messages. “Oh no! NO!” I read my messages from Adam and Sophia asking where I am and to come to the hospital. “Shit!” I know I’m in no condition to drive so I call Steven to see if he can come get me. He lets me know he’ll be here in five minutes. I run to the bathroom, brush my teeth and splash water on my face.