Demanding Ransom

by Megan Squires

  “Maggie?” Ran’s frustration still seeps out of him. “Why won’t you let me in? What did I do wrong?”

  I hate that he’s sitting here in front of me, pleading, and blaming himself for how things are between us. I don’t know how much longer I can cling to my stubborn resolve. I’m acting like a mule and I’m beginning to question my decision to let him go in the first place.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong.” I shake my head violently and my heart sputters in my chest. “You did everything right. Damn it, Ran. You were perfect.” I close my eyes tightly. “We were perfect.”

  “What the hell?” Ran throws his hands into the air. “Then why won’t you let me in? Why do you keep denying we ever existed?”

  “Because I couldn’t take the chance of it being anything less than what we had before.” I don’t look at him. I’m not brave enough and courage is not something that fills me at the moment. Anger, frustration, and defeat are the only emotions I have room for—and they’re all directed toward myself.

  Ran laughs and it’s so out of place in the heat of our conversation, but it releases a portion of the tightness that pulls at my shoulders. “I know I’m a pretty tough act to follow, Maggie,” he grins, that same coy smirk that has always been my weakness. “But since I’m following myself, I just might have an edge.”

  “I wasn’t worried about you not living up, Ran. I was worried about me—that somehow I wouldn’t be good enough for you the second time around.” I clutch my hands in a ball just over my chest. My heart jumps so brutally I can feel it ricocheting on my fingers. “I was worried that you’d come to your senses and realize I’m more work than I’m worth. That my baggage is too heavy. That my life is too complicated. That I’m too much.” The whites of my knuckles show under my skin. “It felt safer to reject the truth that we ever existed than to chance the possibility of being rejected by you.”

  “Maggie,” Ran says, quieter this time, but still with the insistent tone from before. “Did you ever stop to think maybe that wasn’t your decision to make? I’ve spent the last six months trying to figure out who you were in my life and how I could get you back, and you’re telling me that you ignored me all this time because you were afraid I’d reject you?”

  “I wasn’t ignoring you, Ran,” I assert. “It’s impossible to ignore something that’s your first thought when you wake up in the morning and your last thought before you go to bed. And then in the in-between—that stretch of night when you’re supposed to be resting and preparing for the next day—when that’s completely filled with unattainable hopes and dreams, it’s impossible to ignore. You can’t ignore something that’s become a part of you.”

  Ran pushes himself closer to me on the bed, his upper body angling my direction. “Maggie,” he says, low and gentle, the rasp in his voice melting me, “I don’t need those two months back to confirm what we had was once in a lifetime.” He slips one arm out of his leather jacket, then the other, and folds it over the back of my desk chair next to us. “I’m just begging you to give me the opportunity for it to happen twice.”

  I shake my head, not in disagreement, but because my whole body shakes right now and my head wavering is just an extension of that. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how I’ve gotten here. How I’ve willingly thrown away the one thing in my life I was sure about. If there was an award given to girls that sabotage and destroy anything good that comes their way, I’d have an entire trophy case full.

  “Maggie.” Ran slides closer, his knees pressed against mine. I stare at his face. His full lips quiver and his jaw is tight. “I’m going to kiss you,” he says, and dips his head a little to look up inquisitively from under his lashes. “I need to kiss you right now. Badly. Is that okay?”

  The memory of his lips on mine in the hot tub rushes to mind and I want to tell him no, irrationally fearing that it won’t be like that—that it won’t even rank on the scale in comparison to that mind-blowing first kiss we shared. And for some reason, I’m worried that this new memory will replace the old, just like Ran always says they do. I don’t ever want anything to replace that perfect moment between us. It feels safer not to jeopardize it at all and keep my lips to myself.

  I form the words in my head, secure the perfect delivery, and when I open my mouth to protest, all that spills out is a breathy, “Yes.”

  Ran hovers his body in front of me for a beat before he tilts his head to the right and draws in closer, his eyes still locked on mine, though my eyelids flutter so fast it’s hard to see him clearly through them. I feel his breath on my skin and the heat from his body radiating between us. My stomach tightens and those pheromones of his fill my senses, intoxicating me with his soapy, minty scent. It all goes weak. Everything I should have control over—my muscles which regulate my heart, my lungs that control my breathing, my brain that keeps my nerves in check—it’s all completely haywire, malfunctioning, and on the brink of shutting down completely.

  His flawless mouth is one inch from mine and I can’t look anywhere but at that divot in the middle of his bottom lip. The shallow dent disappears as his mouth pulls up into a smile, and he catches me off guard when he says, “You know you want to, Maggie. You can lick them if you like. Trust me,” he grins, “I won’t mind.”

  I can’t believe he says it, but the fact that he does washes a relief over me that I’ve been craving for the past six months. The statement is so very Ran of him, and there’s no doubt this person sitting in front of me is the same man I fell in love with—the same man I’m still in love with—and the only person I can ever dream of spending my future with.

  I swallow my nerves and lean toward him. With unlikely boldness, I slip my tongue out and drag it slowly over the length of Ran’s bottom lip, licking all the way across it, tracing and savoring every part of it. I pull back hesitantly, almost embarrassed, but Ran grasps the back of my neck with both hands, draws me to him, and pushes my lips to his, sweeping them softly over mine. His lips are warm and brush gently in a rhythm that leaves me craving more—not just my mouth, but every inch of my body. I curl my fingers into his shoulders, yanking him to me, and am pretty sure he’ll have ten nail marks as new additions on his skin.

  “Maggie,” Ran groans against my mouth. His fingers twist in my hair as his strong hand cups the back of my head. I grip onto him tighter and he lifts up to allow more room as he lowers and slides me onto my back. My hair presses against the pillow and I gaze up at him with expectant, wide eyes. He looks down at me, searching every part of me. “You are so beautiful, love,” Ran whispers against my cheek, his mouth placing full, warm kisses across it. I lose all of my senses when he pins my earlobe between his teeth and I feel his ragged breath on my skin. I don’t know if it’s by accident that he calls me love, but it does something to me that makes me want to burst into tears.

  I angle my neck into him and close my eyes as Ran lowers his body to me. The sheets tangle around us and he runs his hands up and down my arms, stroking from my fingertips up to my collarbone in soft, sweeping motions. My own fingers travel down the tight muscles of his back to his waist, and I tug his hips to me.

  Releasing my earlobe, he slides his mouth back onto mine, just as I part my lips and a sigh escapes from within me. Ran’s tongue slips into my open mouth and glides along it, tenderly exploring every part of it. My body tenses, and I pull in a deep, chilled breath through my nose, and move my mouth and tongue in response to his guiding motions. It’s not the ravenous kiss I’m used to experiencing—the one where it’s all about getting something from the other person, about escalating things quickly to get to the inevitable point that is the destination and real reason for the obligatory kissing to begin with.

  Kissing Ran is nothing like that. It’s not like this is some required action that will lead to what we’re really here for. Instead, it’s as though each second with his lips on mine is its own, mind-altering experience and not just a necessary step that leads to something else. But not that I don’
t want it to. Just not now, not yet. I want to do things in the right order, because that’s how we work. That’s what Ran wanted, and I realize that’s exactly what I’ve always wanted, too. I want to do things right, and it wasn’t right to shut him out for the past six months. The way his lips hungrily, yet affectionately, pull at mine seems to indicate we’re making up for that lost time.

  “Thank you,” Ran whispers, “for letting me back in, Maggie.” He closes his mouth over mine once more, and even though it’s the most delicate, light kiss possible, my fingers and toes tingle with desire.

  I press a firm kiss to him in response and apologize, “I’m so sorry for shutting you out for so long.” Skimming my hand up his spine, I coil my fingers in his hair. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

  “I couldn’t give up,” Ran says as he leaves a kiss on the tip of my nose. “I have the right to love just as much as anyone else. I would have done anything in my power to get that back.” He flips onto his side and pulls me over to him, the length of our bodies pressing into the mattress. Ran reaches down for the covers that are twisted around our legs and draws them up to our shoulders so we’re tucked under them together. He’s warm and I’m feverish, but I press my cheek into his chest and he rests his chin on the top of my head, not minding the heat, but wanting more. “I had every intention of storming over here and demanding it back from you. You made it so hard these past six months. What changed tonight?”

  “Nothing,” I say, shaking my head slightly. His eyes tighten like he’s trying to understand. “Nothing about you changed. Nothing about us changed.” I run my fingers over his chest, feeling his heart underneath their tips. It’s slow, methodic, and assuring. “We might have lost those two months, but we didn’t lose us.” I sigh into the fabric of his shirt. “I fell in love with you fast, and I fell in love with you forever. Even though that time was stolen from us, the way I love you never could be taken.” Ran tightens his arms around me and I glance up into his eyes and say, “I just hope you’re able to fall in love with me again as easily as you did before.” Guarding myself—just like I always do—I drop my head back onto his chest and bury myself against it.

  Like I’ve spoken something I shouldn’t, Ran’s frame goes rigid. It just makes me hold onto him tighter, because I can’t allow the chance for him to slip away again. I grip onto him desperately, with everything I have. “That can’t happen,” Ran says quietly after too much silence. “I can’t fall in love with you again, Maggie.”

  I don’t allow myself to register the words right away, and before I even begin processing them, Ran says, “Because that would mean there was a time that I fell out of love with you.” He kisses my forehead. “And that never happened.” My legs, my knees, my body—everything is weightless. “I fell fast, and I fell forever, too.”

  We stay like this, curled in each other’s arms, exchanging the same air and emotion for the remainder of the night. At some point I think I sleep, but it’s hard to tell because my dreams and my reality slip back and forth as I envision his lips on mine, and then awake to the authenticity of their pressure and heat against my skin. For hours we lay there, only stirring to exchange “I love you’s” and the assurance of our presence through kisses that don’t take away or replace the memories of the past ones, but build upon the others, adding to them, just like Ran once said I added to him.

  I’m almost asleep again when Ran’s low voice breaches the stillness. “So I have one more condition for you.” He strokes his fingers across my scalp. He’s been doing that for hours and it’s the most calming, soothing thing I’ve ever experienced.

  I shake the sleep from my head. “Condition?”

  “Yes,” he smiles. “For your forgiveness.”

  “My forgiveness?”

  A breath of a laugh slips from his mouth. “Yeah, I still have to forgive you for almost throwing away the best thing that ever happened to either of us. And I’ll do that, but under one condition.”

  I love the playfulness in his voice and know full well that I’m forgiven—his lips and words have already made that quite clear. But I go along with his game.

  “You’re quite a little thief, you know that?” Ran’s fingers slide along the edge of my shirtsleeve and he tugs at the hem. “You stole my shirt; you stole the last six months. You a klepto, Maggie?”

  I tuck my arms under his and press against him, nuzzling his solid chest. He smells so good. I don’t think I could ever get enough of his smell, even if it’s all I ever breathed. “It’s not nice to call people names, Ran.”

  “Is that so? Because I believe you had a lengthy list of ones for me, if I remember correctly. But in all fairness, I don’t actually remember correctly.”

  An unrestricted laugh bursts out of me. God, I love this man.

  “So, since I’m not going to turn you in for all the stealing you’ve done, I’ve got a compromise.” Ran grins down at me, flashing that sexy smile of his I’m helpless against. “You owe me two months.”

  I tilt my head up.

  “For two months of your summer break, you’re mine. All sixty days. Twenty-four seven.” His eyes lure me with their bright gleam.

  “And what are you going to do with me for those two months?” I cock my head coyly.

  “I can think of a few things.” Ran smiles and lifts up his brow. “And I believe we already have a list of adventures in case we run out of ideas.” He slouches down so we’re face-to-face and seals his mouth on mine. His tongue teasingly curls along the edge of my lips. “But somehow, I don’t think we’ll run out of ideas, because all I want to do is live my life with you, Maggie. If we just sat and stared at each other for two months straight, that would be enough.”

  “No it wouldn’t,” I say, shaking my head. “Because two months with you could never be enough.” His lips shed a smile and I smother it with my mouth. “I want forever.”

  “You’ve got it, love.” Ran folds me into his chest and pulls me close. “But just so you know, it was always yours.”

  Megan Squires lives with her husband and two children just outside of Sacramento, California.

  A graduate from the University of California, Davis, Megan is now a full-time mother, wife, and dreamer—though her characters don’t often give her much opportunity to sleep.

  To follow Megan, or to connect online, visit:

  www.facebook.com/MeganSquiresAuthor

  Maggie and Ran’s Story Continues in

  RANSOM’S NOTE

  coming early 2014