“Oh Kevin, I’m glad you’re back. I was beginning to worry. Go ahead and bring the kids in and help me put them down for their nap. Okay?”
“Where are the others?” Kevin asked. This was getting ridiculous. First, he had to feed them. Then, he had to get them ready for school. And after all that, he had to take them to school. And now, he was going to have to help with naptime! What was he, a woman?
“Oh, they’re still out. After we get the kids down for their naps, Martha has a list of things she needs you to do.”
“Are you serious?”
“Is there a problem?”
Kevin shook his head and followed Leah’s lead. What could he say? This was what he’d wished for, right? Kevin walked behind Leah obediently. They went to the nursery, and she laid Kitty down in her crib, telling him to work on the boys. He left the room with Parker in one hand and Jackson in the other, towing them to their room and their toddler beds.
Kevin laid Parker down first, and when he was settled, Kevin began to work on Jackson. When Jackson was in bed and all tucked in, Kevin straightened his aching back. Just as he started to walk out of the room he heard Parker say, “No.”
Kevin peered at him and asked, “No, what?”
“No! Parker not sleepy.”
“Well, I guess it’s too bad because you’re taking a nap.”
“Parker says no.”
“Well, Daddy says yes.”
Parker’s eyes widened at Kevin’s scowl. The small boy cowered back on the bed covering his head. “That’s better,” Kevin muttered.
But just when Kevin thought everyone was settled, he heard a faint sound. A giggle. Turning his back on a cowering Parker, he saw Jackson with his underwear off running from the room. Kevin chased after him, catching him halfway down the stairs.
Grasping the boy around the middle, Kevin hauled Jackson back to the bedroom, found some new underwear, placed them on, and stuffed the boy back in bed.
“Now stay in the bed.”
“Yes.”
“Okay, good.”
Kevin stood up, glanced at both the boys then headed toward the hallway once more. This time he’d make it for sure. He pulled the door closed, peeking through an opening at the small toddler beds. Closing his eyes, Kevin groaned. It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t be!
Now Parker was missing. Would this nightmare never end?
“Kevin, what’s going on in here? Why is there so much noise? I almost had Kitty asleep and you woke her up.”
The sound escaping when Kevin spoke resembled a little kid whining. “They won’t stay in bed. No matter what I do they just keep popping back up. Maybe I need a hammer, and I could be like pop goes the weasel. When they pop up, I’ll just knock them back down again.”
Leah gave him a disapproving glare. “Kevin, seriously? Just go downstairs. I’ll do it.”
As Kevin walked away, he heard her mumbling, “I have to do everything around here anyway, why should I stop now? It doesn’t matter that I’m carrying his child. It doesn’t matter I’m so sick I can barely stand. Oh no. I still have to take care of the children. Randi never does it. She gets to lie around when she doesn’t feel good. But Leah, the old woman who lives in the shoe, always has to take care of her herd.”
Kevin found himself on the couch, cradling his head. First the laughter came and then the despair. This bites! He was terrible at this family stuff.
As he tried to remember what he’d done to deserve this current situation, Leah entered, speaking haughtily, “There you are! Didn’t you hear earlier? I said Martha has a list of errands for you.”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“So, why are you still sitting here?”
“Good question.” Kevin shouldn’t be sitting here. He should be running as far away as he could. Perhaps those errands would take him to Canada. Maybe even overseas. Right now he’d give his right arm for a job transfer. Maybe that was the answer.
Leah held the list forward and Kevin jerked it out of her hand. “And don’t forget you have to pick up the kids from school,” she said.
“Oh, sure. How could I forget?” Kevin rushed out before Leah could give him something else to do.
Chapter Twenty-One
Glancing down at the paper in his hands, Kevin saw the first item on the list was the post office. Martha had left a key, a post office box number, and specific instructions on what to do. Did she think he was inept or what? He knew how to check a post office box. He wasn’t five.
Kevin arrived at the building at precisely ten o’clock. The parking lot was full, so he was stuck out in the middle of the road with his blinker on, waiting to turn in. His hand rested on the steering wheel, tapping a tune. By the clock on the radio, ten minutes had passed. What was taking these people so long to get in there, get their mail, and get out?
As Kevin continued tapping, he heard a noise next to his head. When he turned to look out the window, he detected a uniformed officer. A groan escaped his throat as he rolled down the glass.
“Oh, it’s you.”
“Nice to see you again, Officer Bob.”
“Do you know you’ve been holding up traffic for fifteen minutes?”
“I have?”
“You have.”
“I’m sorry. But I’m trying to get into the post office. You see my wives, I mean my wife, had me come down here to check the box, and I’m kind of afraid to leave without finishing.”
“Terrified of your little woman are you?”
“Yes. Extremely.”
“Well, be that as it may, you’re going to have to move your vehicle.”
“But, if I move and go back around the block, when I get back the spot I might have gotten will be gone.”
“I can’t help you there.”
“But…”
Kevin took one glance at the officer’s face and gave up trying to argue. It was hopeless. A sigh exploded from his mouth as he left the spot and circled around the block like he’d been instructed.
When he drove back around the corner, someone was backing out, but it was too late. Another car was already there, waiting in the wings to take the empty space. Just like Kevin would have been if he hadn’t been made to leave!
This was nuts! Kevin circled the block once more and decided to just park in front of the courthouse. He could walk the three blocks to the post office.
When Kevin reached the building, his relief was brief. The room was so full a person couldn’t move around. He felt like he was in a can of sardines.
Kevin twisted sideways and squeezed through the thick crowd to find the box number Martha had written down. Once he found the correct box, he placed the key in the hole and turned, but the small door didn’t budge. He twisted back and forth, but no matter which way the key moved, the door wouldn’t open.
He glanced around to make sure no one was looking. When he was sure no one watched, he placed a booted foot alongside the box and attempted to use leverage to open the door.
“Hmm.” Someone cleared their throat behind him. “Can I help you?”
Fear instantly caused sweat to bead upon his brow. Who had caught him in this act? Kevin spun around expecting to see Officer Bob only to be surprised by a little girl about ten years old. She held her hand out, grabbed his key, placed it in the hole, and turned. The small metal door popped open instantly. He stared at her in awe. “Thanks,” he said.
She nodded. Grabbing a sucker from a nearby bowl, she ran back to her waiting mother.
Shaking his head at the child, Kevin reached inside the box and grabbed the mail. Surely it was something good. He’d probably been awarded a check for a million dollars. After all his work to open the box, he just knew it couldn’t be in vain. Out came the bulging pile. Flipping through the mail, Kevin discovered three sale ads and two credit card applications. He stood there, thunderstruck.
After a moment of repose, Kevin was ready to leave. How could this get any worse? He glanced down and saw the box door was still op
en. Sighing deeply, he placed the key back inside and pushed the door closed. This time there was no trouble locking the door. Good. This was a good omen.
However, when he went to retrieve the key from the lock, he realized it was stuck! He jerked and he pulled, but it just wasn’t coming out. Standing up straight and stretching his back, he covertly looked for the little girl to come and rescue him again. But she was already gone. Leaning down, Kevin tried one more time, and after many failed attempts, the key finally popped out in his hands.
He glanced down at the object, ready to throw it against the wall. His lips parting in a sigh, he realized that while trying to get the key out, he’d dropped the mail. Now his “important” pieces of paper littered the tile in front of him. He bent down and picked up the mess. Upon standing, his legs weak from the experience, he carried the mail to a nearby garbage can and unceremoniously deposited it inside.
Going back to the parked car, Kevin noticed a white piece of paper fluttering in the breeze. He picked up the paper and grumbled loudly. A ticket! Because he couldn’t park at the post office, and because the officer wouldn’t let him block traffic to wait on a spot, he’d had to park in a twenty-minute zone. Because of the distance to be walked, the crowd, the lock sticking, and all the other complications at the post office, he must have taken longer than the allotted twenty minutes.
Looking down at the paper he read, “Parked for twenty-one minutes. Officer Bob.” The ticket cost a hundred dollars. Eye twitching, Kevin grunted with frustration. He climbed into the car and pulled away, all the while searching for the next item on Martha’s list.
Chapter Twenty-Two
On the list next was the bank. Kevin was to make a withdrawal. Martha had written all the details for his day on several slips of paper. She’d made the day idiot proof. All Kevin had to do was follow the list and he couldn’t possibly get in any more trouble, right? At the bank, he was to hand the teller a piece of paper. The piece of paper held all the directions and instructions for the bank transaction. Once the transaction was finished, his second objective for the day would be accomplished.
Kevin walked into the bank and handed an open teller one of the papers he’d been provided. The young, blonde lady behind the counter stared at him with raised eyebrows and said, “You can’t be serious.”
“Excuse me? I believe I am.”
“Sir. I believe you have me confused with someone else.”
“What?” Kevin glanced down at his remaining pieces of paper and realized he’d given her the wrong one. “I think I need that piece back. This one was for you.”
She shook her head and muttered under her breath, handing back the original sheet. Secretly glancing at the note, Kevin could feel his face light up like a red delicious apple.
“When you get home I’ll be waiting for you. Wearing nothing but my bells…Dana.”
It appeared Dana had plans to break the rules. Kevin sighed. It’s a wonder her little stunt hadn’t gotten him arrested. He shuffled his feet from side to side as he tried to act normal.
Once the teller was finished, Kevin took the money and left as quickly as his legs would carry him. Walking out the door and glancing behind him to make sure the police weren’t in hot pursuit, he neglected to look where he was going. Kevin didn’t see Angela until they literally bumped into each other.
“Oh, pardon me,” Kevin said politely.
“Oh, Kevin. I’m sorry. How are you?”
Kevin was surprised to see her. She looked pretty today. She wore her hair back in a ponytail and she appeared dressed for comfort, in knee-length khaki shorts and a T-shirt.
“Oh, I’m okay,” Kevin answered. He should have come up with something better to say than “I’m okay.” He was most definitely not okay.
“Yesterday you had to leave so suddenly, I—”
“Yeah. I’m sorry about that. An emergency came up.”
“Yeah, you said that. I guess everything’s okay now though, right?”
“Yeah, yeah. Everything’s fine now.”
“So, where are you headed?”
Kevin studied the list tightly squeezed in his hand before answering. “Looks like I’m headed to the dry cleaners.” Angela squinted her brown eyes in a funny manner, and he answered, “If I don’t make a list then I forget everything. What about you? Where are you headed?”
Angela pointed at the bank doors.
“Oh yeah, right. The bank. What about afterwards?”
“To tell the truth, I didn’t have any plans.”
“Would you like to go get lunch or something?”
“Yeah, sure. But what about your dry cleaning?”
“I think it can wait. It’s not like they’ll give it to someone else.” He smiled at his joke.
Kevin waited until Angela finished her banking business, then they walked together to an open-air restaurant along the pier, moving to the most secluded table he could find.
Kevin should have felt weird about going out on a “date” while being married to seven other women. But the problem was he didn’t feel married. The feelings he’d experienced were more like being dropped into an alternate universe. A reality where a man was married without any of the perks.
Kevin didn’t truly believe marriage was a poor institution. His parents had been married since dirt was invented. And although they’d had their ups and downs, they’d always managed to stick together. But of course, they had memories of meeting, courting, and falling in love. Whereas the women in his home were complete strangers to him. He knew Angela better than his wives, and they’d only been out together one time.
For instance, Kevin knew Angela preferred her blonde hair to be in a layered style. This kept it from getting too thick and heavy. Dark brown eyes twinkled with mirth when hit by the light. Skin resembled that of a porcelain doll. She liked to run in the park, fish in secluded locations, and take walks on the shore.
The waiter’s sudden arrival ended Kevin’s thoughts. He said, “You order first, Angela.”
“Sure. Thanks.” Looking at the waiter, she responded, “I want an All-American one-third pound hamburger with lettuce, tomato, skip the cheese, add mustard, with just the barest hint of mayo. Oh, and an extra-small order of potato wedges, please.”
Kevin was amazed. “Your order sounds pretty good. I think I’ll have the same.”
As they ate, they talked. They laughed. Kevin learned. Before he knew what happened, the sun was dipping behind the mountains, and darkness was descending.
Slapped his forehead, he said, “Oh, no.”
“What? What’s wrong?”
“I was supposed to pick some, well, umm, people up at three-thirty and I forgot.”
“Oh, Kevin. I’m sorry. I seem to forever be getting you in a bind.”
“Angela, this isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I should have been paying more attention. I was enjoying myself so much, I lost track of time.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’ve had a great time with you today.”
“This has been my best vacation ever. Boy, that sounds lame even to me.” Angela smiled. “You must think I’m a real dork.”
“No way. I think I’m a dork for waiting this long to get to know you.”
She blushed. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you’ll forgive me, and we can start over. I mean, well, I mean, we can get to know one another.”
“Sure. I think I’d like that a lot. But I guess right now you better go face the music.”
“Hmm, yes, I believe you may be right.” Kevin pulled his phone out of his pocket and cringed when he discovered it had been shut off. His nine kids and two stepkids had been left at school with no way home for hours. Hopefully, one of his multiple “better halves” had gone to pick them up. Kevin was sure it wouldn’t matter. He was going to get it when he arrived home regardless.
Kevin stood up to go. “Can I walk you to your car?”
“Sure,” Angela answered.
T
hey walked side by side. When they reached her vehicle, he opened the door, and she slid in, settling on the fabric seat. Rolling down the window a crack, she said, “Good-bye Kevin.”
“Good-bye Angela.”
Not immediately driving away, she appeared as if waiting on something. When he didn’t move, Angela smiled, put the car in gear, and drove away. Kevin watched the fading taillights, wondering what to do next.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“I cannot believe it! I cannot believe it!” Dana’s voice carried through the open windows. “The one day a month I get to go to the spa and get away from this zoo and the school calls!”
“Hey—zoo, school. That rhymes.”
“Randi, would you please focus? I’m having a moment here.” Dana threw her hands up in the air as she pranced around the room. “Is it too much to ask for just one day? One day with no responsibilities? One day of peace?”
“Dana, would you just give it a rest? All of us were disrupted. Not just you.”
“Well excuse me, Karen! But I don’t have any kids here, and yet I spend as much time or more caring for them. So, I think when we have a day away from them, a break from the craziness, I have a little bit more of a right to fuss if it gets interrupted!”
“Yeah, you help all the time. When you’re not in Maui on a bikini shoot, that is.”
“That only happened one time. I was gone for one week! One week! I don’t even have kids. The shoot contributed money to this family. Why can’t I leave for one lousy week without you complaining about it continually?”
“Yeah, but none of the rest of us have left for a week,” Candace responded. She didn’t seem to care. It was like she was playing devil’s advocate. Or perhaps she was just trying to rile Dana. Kevin wasn’t sure which, since he couldn’t see her face.
“Okay. I can’t help it you married a nut in the beginning, and your children are total terrors, and they’re constantly in trouble, and you have to keep pulling their butts out of the fire. That is totally not my fault! So just back off of my vacations, and deal with your own problems!”
Love Octagon Page 10
