Daddy's Virgin

by Claire Adams

  “Sounds great,” he said.

  I paused in the doorway and glanced back at him, watching him pick up his newspaper and resume his reading. I smiled and bounded into the kitchen.

  Trethan could never be that kind of man, I realized. He wasn’t responsible enough or caring enough. He’d never be the kind of husband who could provide for me or provide for whatever children he might have. The thought made me sad. I tried to shake it off and focus on cooking, but it stuck there in the back of my mind, along with all the other thoughts about Trethan that I’d had since coming home.

  Once, I would have thought Trethan and I could be something special, that we could work through all his issues and become something amazing. But the older I got, the more I realized how impossible that really was, no matter how much I wanted it.

  Chapter Seven

  Trethan

  I had just finished dinner when someone pounded on my door. I went to answer it, wondering who the hell it could be. When I pulled it open, Brent stood there, looking pale and frantic, his eyes darting nervously behind him. It was rare to see him looking so fucked up.

  “Hey, man,” he said, his words practically tripping over one another. “Is it cool if I just hang out here for a little while?”

  I frowned at him, wondering what was going on, but I stepped back to let him in. “Of course, but tell me what’s up,” I said as I closed the door behind him. “You look like you’re wigging out.”

  “It’s nothing,” he said, shaking his head. “Just, you know how it is in this line of work. Sometimes you meet people who aren’t the nicest or whatever. I just need a place to lay low for the night. Let things blow over.”

  “What did you do?” I asked suspiciously as my chest tightened.

  “I didn’t do anything,” he snapped. “Like I said, I met some fuckers who are kind of being douchebags, and I need a place to stay. I can go find someone else if you don’t want me here.”

  “Hey, relax,” I said. He had to be seriously freaked out if he was this on edge, and I was more than a little concerned. Like he’d said, I knew the kind of people in his line of work — I used to deal drugs, too. There had been some rough characters out there, but I would have thought Brent had more sense than to get mixed up with them.

  I wanted to say something more about it, but before I could, he sprawled out on the couch and changed the subject. “So, Vanessa’s back in town, huh?” he asked.

  The last thing I wanted to talk to him about was Vanessa. If it was any other girl, it’d be fine, but Brent would see right through me if I lied and said I wasn’t still interested in her.

  “Yeah, she’s back in town,” I said.

  “Have you seen her yet?”

  “I had dinner with her and her father last week,” I said.

  “Really?” he asked, his eyebrows shooting toward his hairline. He threw a pillow at me. “The fuck, man. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  I rolled my eyes. “We’re not chicks, dude,” I said. “What, you wanted me to call you up and describe everything in perfect detail, down to the dress she was wearing and the color of the napkins? It was just dinner. And, John was sitting right there the whole time, so it’s not like it was a date or anything like that.”

  “Still,” he said. “You still want to fuck her, don’t you?”

  I scowled at him, but he wasn’t wrong. “Yeah. She’s not a girl anymore.” I thought again of those luscious curves, of how much I wanted to trace them with my tongue, how much I wanted to grip those round hips as I thrust into her. She always had me rock hard within seconds if I let myself dwell on the idea of her too long.

  “Oh yeah?” Brent asked as a smile lifted his lips. “She’s a babe now?”

  “Like you wouldn’t believe,” I said. “She’s hot, man. Still wearing those girly dresses that she always used to wear, but I can only imagine what it would look like to get her in a pair of jeans.”

  “You’re supposed to be imagining her out of her clothes,” he said, smirking at me. Then, he frowned. “Hey, is she the reason you keep bailing on nights at the Bison?”

  “I’ve been out with you since she came home,” I said defensively.

  “Yeah, but you haven’t gone home with anyone in weeks. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “You’ve still got the hots for her.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I don’t have the hots for her,” I protested. “I just want to fuck her, that’s all.” When he continued to stare at me, I relented. “Okay, so maybe I’m not interested in anyone else right now. But it’s just about fucking. It’s not like I’m going to start dating her or anything like that.”

  Brent snorted. “Bullshit. You know if you fuck her, you’re not going to be able to keep away from her.”

  “Well, that’s never going to happen, anyway,” I said, exasperated. “She couldn’t even sit through dinner with me. I burned that bridge a long time ago.”

  He burst out laughing. “She couldn’t even sit through dinner with you?” he asked. “What the hell did you even do to her, man? She’s the one who broke things off with you when she went to college.”

  I frowned, not wanting to go into the details of it. I had never told Brent about the last night I’d seen Vanessa before she’d gone off to college. He would never let me live it down. And anyway, it wasn’t exactly something that I wanted to think about or remember.

  Fortunately, Brent didn’t require an answer to his question. “Bitches, man,” he said, shrugging, as though that explained everything. In his world, it probably did. “Bet you could still get her to come around if you tried, though. Maybe you just need to show her how sexy you are when you ride the mechanical bull.”

  “I doubt she’d be too impressed by that,” I said. “She grew up around here, and her dad’s a rancher. She’s seen a million guys come through here and pull great times on the mechanical bull. That’s nothing.” Not to mention the fact that the bull at the bar was a motherfucker. He’d put me in my place before, and I knew he’d do it again. Having that happen in front of Vanessa was out.

  “Bet it’d be something if it was you up there doing it,” Brent said.

  I shrugged. “Anyway, it wouldn’t feel right going after her now. Her dad’s helped me so much over the past few years. Banging his daughter is a shitty thing to do.”

  Brent’s eyebrows furrowed, and he looked away from me. “You know I wanted to help you, too,” he said, his voice quiet and more serious than I’d ever heard him.

  I could only stare at him for a long moment. “I know you did,” I said slowly.

  He looked back at me. “Seriously, man, I didn’t think things were ever going to go as far as they did,” he said. “I didn’t think-”

  I held up a hand to stop him. “Don’t,” I said. “I know you wanted to be there for me. But neither of us was in a good place back then. I wasn’t going to ask for help, and you weren’t able to give it. No hard feelings.”

  Brent was silent for a long moment, just staring at me. It looked like there was something else that he wanted to say, but then he just laughed. “Yeah, cool man,” he said, turning away from me. “So what, you’re just going to ignore the whole Vanessa thing?”

  “There is no Vanessa thing,” I said, wishing like hell that there was a Vanessa thing.

  “Sure,” he said, but I could tell he didn’t believe me. “Hey, let’s smoke a joint and put on a movie or something. What do you say?”

  “You know I don’t smoke anymore,” I said, even though it was surprisingly difficult to say. The thing was, being around Brent made it easy to want to fall back into my old ways. And one joint wasn’t going to hurt, was it?

  But I’d spent a long time trying to clean up my act, and even though I knew one joint wasn’t a big deal by itself, I also knew that that one joint would make me want to get back into smoking. And if I got back into smoking, who knew where that might lead.

  It was bad enough that I was drinking and fighting again. I coul
d only imagine what John would have to say if he caught me getting baked again.

  For all that Brent claimed he wanted to help me when I was at my worst, I couldn’t help wondering if hanging around with him was part of what had kept me in my downward spiral for so long. Maybe I hadn’t been able to recognize I needed help because everyone around me was just as self-destructive as I was.

  “Man, you’re no fun anymore,” Brent said, rolling his eyes.

  “Yep. I’m a regular old dud. Anyway… You want a beer?” I asked, even though I didn’t want to get drunk with him when he was in this state.

  Over the course of the night, we got progressively drunker, though, with some stupid show on as background noise on TV.

  “Dude, so you’re really not going to do anything about the Vanessa thing?” Brent asked a little while later.

  “Can’t you let it go?” I asked as irritation stung my chest.

  “If you’re not going to fuck her, maybe I want to,” he said, leering over at me. “I mean, if she’s as hot as you say she is.”

  I scowled at him, feeling an irrational surge of anger. I doubted Vanessa would ever go home with him, even if he did make a pass at her, but I couldn’t push down the feelings of jealousy. “Don’t you fucking dare go near her,” I spat. “If you touch her at all, I’ll beat your ass. Hear me?”

  Brent raised an eyebrow at me and then turned back to his beer, a self-satisfied smirk on his face. “And, you say you don’t have feelings for her. Fucking liar.”

  I shoved his shoulder, realizing he’d only been trying to get me to admit that all along. “And you’re a dickhead,” I muttered.

  “Sometimes.” He smiled like a tomcat.

  “All the time.” I smiled back. Asshat.

  Chapter Eight

  Vanessa

  I didn’t want to take over the ranch, but I couldn’t deny that the place was beautiful, especially on these early mornings in June. A little bit of mist hung over the place, giving it an ethereal quality. I ran my hand through some of the long grasses as I wandered away from the house. A couple ponies whickered and stuck their heads over the fence to my left, looking for treats. I laughed and moved over to pat their noses, giving them a couple sugar cubes that I’d put in my pocket just in case.

  Then, I turned and strolled aimlessly on through the ranch.

  So many memories were tied to this place. I remembered having picnics out by the little artificial lake in the summers with my parents, back before Mom got cancer. I remembered learning to ride horses in the ring over to my right, my dad cheering me on and proclaiming that I was born to be a rodeo queen. I remembered their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. We’d set up tents, and it had been a day of happiness with family, friends, and half the town gathered for dancing, drinking, and fun.

  I smiled a little to myself, remembering those days.

  To be honest, I hadn’t been out on the ranch much since Mom had gotten sick. There were too many good times to remember and reflect on, and I hadn’t been able to summon the courage to face all of that. It was good to come out here, now, though. It felt like laying those memories to rest.

  I watched an early morning jumping class for a while, smiling. Maybe I should go for a ride later. The weather was supposed to be nice and sunny, a good day to head up to Crawford Lake and go for a swim.

  As I turned toward the stables, I caught sight of Trethan, already working in one of the pastures. He had a bale of hay up on his shoulder and was carrying it out to feed some of the horses. I couldn’t help staring at him. His muscles strained beneath his t-shirt, and the sight of it made me hungry to touch him, to trail my fingers down those strong biceps and along his muscular chest. I could only imagine the way his powerful body would thrust into me, his hips snapping back and forth with piston-like strength.

  When he turned away from me, I could see how perfectly his jeans hugged his ass, snug around the curves of his full cheeks. I wanted to dig my fingers into that flesh, to cling to him, to feel him fucking me and using me for release.

  A hot blush stained my cheeks, and I shook my head, forcing myself to look away.

  He wasn’t the boy I used to know. He was a lot more built now, much more of a man. And, I wanted him. Hell, if he had asked me to take a tumble in the hay with him right then, I’d consider it. My skin felt prickly, and I could feel the dampness in my cotton panties just thinking about the things that he could do to me with those strong hands.

  A soft breeze picked up, knocking his hat askew for a moment and then blowing it clear off his head as he adjusted the bale over his shoulder. The hat fluttered and rolled across the ground. It came to rest at my feet. I stared dumbly down at it for a moment, glancing back at him, and then bent down to pick it up. I slowly walked over to where he was standing, having deposited the bale on the ground.

  He reached out to take the hat back. “Thanks,” he said. He jammed it down on his head, tapping the brim in a quick salute.

  “No problem,” I said, embarrassed by how breathy my voice sounded. I only hoped he hadn’t caught me staring at him before. With my luck, he most certainly had.

  “What are you doing out here anyway?” he asked, cocking his head to the side as he considered me. “You’re not thinking about getting back to work around here, are you?”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “Of course not,” I said.

  “Phew,” he said, putting a hand over his heart as though he were truly relieved to hear that. “Was afraid you were after my job!” He grinned crookedly at me, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “You probably wish I were after your job,” I said, doubtfully eyeing the bale of hay that he’d been hauling. “Those things are heavy.”

  Trethan shrugged and flexed his muscles. I wondered if he did it consciously or not. Either way, the movement drew my eyes to his biceps. I blushed again and forced my gaze back up to his eyes. To my surprise, his expression was soft, and when my eyes met his again, he said seriously, “I’ve missed you, Vanessa.”

  I laughed it off because I couldn’t think too hard about it. I reminded myself of what Julie had told me, about how he was still drinking and picking fights over at the Roasted Bison. That wasn’t the kind of stuff I needed in my life. “It’s good to be back,” I said, gesturing around the ranch and carefully not including him in the gesture. “I never would have thought I’d say that I missed this place, but there you have it. It’s good to be back home.”

  “I didn’t think you’d ever come back,” Trethan said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Wasn’t your plan to study art and then go off to some big cosmopolitan city and live the life of a rich gallery owner?”

  “I never said that. I still don’t know what the plan is.” I shrugged. “I just missed it here, that’s all. I’m probably just here for the summer, but it’s good to be back for a little while.”

  “You missed me, didn’t you?” he asked, smirking at me.

  I sighed and looked away from him, wishing that he hadn’t asked that. I knew he was just teasing or being playful, but still. “I’m not the same person that I was five years ago,” I told him. “I’m happy that you’re doing well. Dad says you’ve been a great help around here, and I hear that you’re not smoking or doing drugs anymore. I’m really happy for you. Really proud of you. But at the same time, we’re not the same people, Trethan. We can’t go back to what we had before.”

  “I’m not asking to go back to what we had before,” he said. “Like you said, neither of us are the same anymore. We could be something more than we were. Something better.”

  My expression tightened, and my hands clenched into fists. But I forced myself to be flippant. “It’s not like we were ever really anything to begin with,” I said, shrugging and tossing my hair back. “We hung out a lot, sure. But it’s not like we were dating or anything. We never even slept together.”

  I watched him flinch, and I could see the hurt on his face before it slipped back into a neutral mask. “Vanessa, look,” he sai
d, coming toward me, reaching for me. He paused when I pulled away, looking momentarily uncertain.

  “Vanessa, I’m sorry about that night. I know I was a dick to you. I know I screwed things up.” He paused. “But like you said, I’m not the same person. I’m not doing drugs anymore. I’m still drinking, but not like I used to. I’ve got things under control. You can ask your dad, you can ask around town, ask anybody-”

  “Hey,” I interrupted. “Trethan, I’m happy for you. I really am. But we’re never going to be something to one another, okay? We can’t be.” I took a deep breath. “Look, don’t worry about that night. It’s in the past. We’ve both moved on. It’s been five years. But I do need you to realize that we’re only ever going to be friends.”

  Silence stretched out between us. Trethan’s eyes searched my face while I looked out over the ranch. He frowned after a moment. “Don’t say that it never meant anything,” he said quietly. “Look, you can tell me that you don’t want to go back to it or anything else, but don’t say that it never meant anything. It was more than just hanging out — and you know it.”

  I sighed, not sure what to say to him. Of course, it had been more than just hanging out. But if I allowed myself to think about how much more than “just hanging out” it had been, I was going to fall right back into it. And, I knew it wouldn’t be healthy for either of us. I was glad he had his life back under control, but at the same time, it had taken my leaving to motivate him. It had taken someone else’s help to make him realize anything was wrong with him.

  My feelings hadn’t meant enough to him to pull him out of his self-destructive behavior. Only my absence had done that. If he hadn’t cared about me back then, I had to pretend he never meant anything to me, either.

  Trethan finally reached out a hand. “Friends, then?” he asked, looking expectantly at me. “We’re going to keep running into one another, and I’m sure the other night isn’t the last dinner we’re going to have together. Especially since your dad has been raving about the cooking you’ve been doing since you’ve been home. Let’s just agree to not make things awkward. How does that sound?”