by Claire Adams
I shook my head and drained the rest of my glass, our conversation having gotten a little deeper than I’d wanted it to. I slid out of the booth. “You want to go for a walk?” I asked. “I need to clear my head a little.”
I didn’t really expect her to agree, but she surprised me. “Okay,” she said quietly, slipping out of the booth behind me and following me out of the bar and into the warm night’s air.
Chapter Fourteen
Vanessa
I didn’t really know why I had agreed to go on a walk with Trethan. I knew what he’d been up to there at the Roasted Bison; he had told me so himself. I didn’t even know why I had gone down there in the first place, but there had just been something drawing me in.
And as much as I didn’t want to admit it, seeing Trethan on the mechanical bull was every bit as sexy as he said it would be. He’d been thrown not too long after I’d entered the place, but I’d seen enough of his performance to admire the way his muscles bulged as he shifted his weight, following the movement of the bull.
I giggled a little as we passed the public pool. The water was hidden behind its high wall, but I could hear the sound of the pumps humming through the night. “Remember that time we climbed over the fence and went swimming after-hours with Lana and Benny and all of them?” I asked.
Trethan snickered, as well. “We weren’t just swimming,” he reminded me. “We were skinny-dipping. And the sheriff’s face when he hauled us all out of the water was priceless.”
“Yeah, remember how he was like, ‘do you realize you’re all on video? You’ve basically just made a porno!’” I couldn’t seem to quit laughing, and Trethan wasn’t doing much better. “Whatever happened to Benny, anyway?” I asked when we had calmed down some.
Trethan shrugged. “No idea, honestly. I never really talked to him after I got into that fight with his cousin.”
I frowned, trying to remember. “His cousin, Eric? What fight was that?”
“You remember,” Trethan said.
I shook my head. “I don’t think I do.”
“Yeah, you do,” he insisted. “This must have been, what was it, sophomore year of high school? Maybe junior year. Eric was the one who said your eyes looked weird, remember? He was the one who said it was obvious you’d grown up on a ranch because you must have been kicked in the head by a horse a few times as a kid.”
I stared over at him. “Did he really?”
“You never knew about that?” Trethan asked incredulously.
“No!”
He looked pleased. “I guess I did my job pretty well, then.” He shrugged and looked away. “Not to make a big deal out of it, but I got a few good punches in and told him to never say anything like that ever again.”
“You fought someone because they said my eyes were weird?” I asked, not sure whether I should giggle or feel mortified.
Trethan shrugged, looking awkward. “Yeah,” he said. “I wasn’t going to let him get away with that.”
We walked in silence for a little longer. I kicked at a rock, sending it skittering off down the street. “Anyway, you were the one who looked weird junior year of high school. Remember, you shaved off all your hair?”
Trethan groaned. “Yeah, I remember that. Unfortunately, there’s photographic evidence of that, which I am never going to be able to live down.”
I snickered. “You thought you looked so cool, though.”
“I was a fucking idiot,” he said.
I grinned wickedly. “Yeah, especially because your head was all nicked where you cut yourself with the razor,” I said. “I still can’t believe you did it with disposable razors, all by yourself.”
“I didn’t want to pay for a haircut,” he said. “And, I didn’t think I could screw things up. Not that badly, anyway.”
We reached the edge of town and turned back to walk up Main Street. The streetlights guided the way along the cracked sidewalks. “That was a pretty common theme for you, wasn’t it?” I asked quietly, the words spilling out of me. “You just never thought that you could screw things up.”
Trethan sighed. “I really am sorry about that night.”
“That night,” I said flatly. “You don’t even have the balls to admit what you did, do you?”
To my surprise, he did look sheepish, ducking his head and scuffing his feet along the pavement. “I got pretty wrecked before I showed up at the motel to see you,” he admitted. “I smoked a few joints with Brent, and then I slammed back some rum.”
“I thought I loved you,” I said. Even now, I felt like I practically choked on the words. The emotions may have dulled in the intervening years, but they were definitely still there. “I was ready to give up my virginity to you that night. It was just some shitty motel room, but I rented it so that it would be just us, for the whole night. I wanted to give myself to you. And then you messed it all up.”
Trethan sighed. “I know I fucked up that night,” he said. “I had my reasons, though.”
“Oh yeah?” I snapped. “I mean, God, it’s not like I hadn’t seen you drunk before. Did you think it made you cool or something? You disgusted me, honestly. And what’s worse, you frightened me. You were acting totally erratically. You were trashed.”
“I know that,” Trethan said, and there was something raw in his voice, a hint of emotion that surprised me.
But I forged onwards. “I thought that night was going to be special. And instead, I lost all faith in you.”
There was a long silence. We had crossed through town again, and he turned us so we walked toward the ranch, rather than walking back into town. “I had my reasons,” he said again.
“Oh really?”
Trethan sighed. “I had a fight with my father,” he admitted. “Not that that was anything special; we were fighting a lot at that point. But that, on top of the fact that I knew I was about to lose you, was just too much. I thought you were going to go off to college and find some rich, intelligent dude and fall in love and get married and live out the American dream. I didn’t think I would ever see you again. And, I hated that.”
I looked over at him. “But my dad was here,” I pointed out. “You must have known I would come back, at least to visit. You would have seen me again.”
“But it would never be the same,” he said. “Once you met all those college people, you weren’t going to want to associate with some burn-out like me.” He shrugged. “And I knew I couldn’t hold you back from that. You’re such a great person, Vanessa, and you deserve better than what I could ever give you. So, I pushed you away that night. I never deserved to take your virginity.”
I was surprised by the raw honesty in his voice. I could never have guessed that this was the real root of why he’d shown up so trashed that night; I’d imagined he’d just been having a little too much fun with Brent and hadn’t bothered to think about what the consequences might be.
I frowned, shoving my hands into my pockets. “You might as well have taken my virginity, whether you deserved it or not,” I admitted. “Instead, I gave it up to some stupid guy at college who never called me again. If anyone didn’t deserve it, it was that guy.”
Trethan made a sound that might almost have been a laugh, but he still looked introspective. Finally, he shook himself a little. “So, do you think you’ll really stay in White Bluff?”
I shrugged, trailing my hand along the railing of the wooden bridge that led toward the Lazy J. I paused, staring down into the dark creek, as though it might hold all the answers. “I don’t know. There has to be some way to get the funding I need to get the gallery going. And, if I can get the gallery going, then of course I’m going to stay here. It just seems like a perfect idea, a way I could both use my degree and also give back to the community that raised me.”
Trethan hummed in agreement and looked over at me. I could tell he planned on saying something, but whatever it was, it got lost on his lips. He reached up and slowly brushed back a lock of my hair, looking almost as though he was caught
in a trance. Slowly, he lowered his head and kissed me.
The kiss was deep and languid, fueled by years of emotion. He sucked gently at my lower lip and then slid his tongue into my mouth, stroking it gently along the edge of mine. His arms encircled me, a warm counterpoint to the cool night air. For a moment, it felt as though time had frozen around us, or as if we’d been transported back to what we used to be, years before.
But there was too much feeling behind the kiss for that theory to ring true.
I pulled away from him before things could go too far, and Trethan winced. “Sorry,” he said. “I know you probably regret doing that.”
“I don’t, actually,” I said simply. “But I’m not ready to go back to anything approaching a romantic relationship at the moment.”
“Because you still don’t trust that I’ve changed,” he said, looking away, his expression pained. His mouth twisted into a bitter smile. “Because you really are better than me. Even if you didn’t find your rich college guy, you still know that you could do better than someone like me.”
“Hush,” I said, the word soft but heavy in the night’s air. “It’s nothing to do with you, not really.” I paused, taking a breath in and exhaling it slowly, still feeling as though my lips were tingling, but I knew I couldn’t let myself give in to pleasure, not yet. “I’ve always thought you were a great guy,” I told Trethan, hoping he could hear the truth in my words. “I’ve always thought that you were better than you gave yourself credit for. And I know that my father believes in you, too. He sees your true potential.”
“But,” Trethan said flatly.
“But,” I agreed. I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair. “I’m not sure what I want right now. And, that’s not fair to you. Or rather, as much as I want to say that I’m staying here in White Bluff, I don’t really know where the future is going to take me. It could be that I don’t find the funding for the gallery, that I can’t make that happen. And if I have to leave White Bluff, we’re going to have to get over one another all over again. That was hard last time; I can only expect that it would be even more difficult if we had to do it again.”
“You’ll find some way to fund it, though,” Trethan said confidently. “I know you, Vanessa. When you put your mind to something, there’s nothing that can stop you.”
“Then I need to put my mind to it,” I said, stepping away from him so that there was more distance between us so that I wouldn’t close that gap and nestle into his strong arms and resume kissing him. “I need to focus on that, Trethan. I don’t need any distractions right now, and a relationship would be a distraction.”
He was silent for a long moment. “I want to take you on a date,” he said finally. He held up a hand. “Not tomorrow. Not even this week. And, I promise, it’ll be nothing too stressful.” He frowned. “What if we went on a picnic, on the Fourth of July? Remember, we used to always do that?”
I fell silent, considering it. Then, I sighed. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” I said, as much as I wanted to agree to the idea.
“Come on,” Trethan pleaded. “It’ll be casual, more like a meeting of friends than an actual date. And I’ll do all the planning for it, so all you’d have to do is show up. That’ll give you plenty of time to focus on your gallery. I won’t bother you again until the Fourth.”
“You don’t bother me,” I said automatically.
“I won’t distract you,” he corrected. “I’ll stay totally out of your way.”
I bit my lower lip, but it was the hopeful look on his face that I couldn’t ignore. “Okay,” I finally agreed. Then, I grinned, remembering that one date that we’d been on, more than half a decade ago now. “But if you show up with fast food this time, I at least expect you to bring me something I like.”
Trethan laughed, as well. “Don’t worry; it won’t be fast food this time.” He paused. “I’m actually a pretty decent cook these days, I’ll have you know.”
“Oh, that’s a bold statement,” I said teasingly. “You’re going to have to impress me now.”
He leaned in close to me, and I thought he was going to kiss me again. But he paused, with his breath ghosting over my lips, his dark and serious eyes staring down into mine. “I’ve learned quite a few ways to impress a woman, or at least ways to leave her wanting more,” he said seductively. Before I could respond, he pulled away and tipped his hat to me. “Well, I’m off home for the night. I trust you can get yourself to bed on your own.”
I watched him as he walked away. “See you soon!” I called after him. Then, I turned back toward the creek and slumped against the railing. I had no idea what I’d gotten myself into. And when I started walking again, my panties were decidedly damp.
Chapter Fifteen
Trethan
The next week and half dragged on and on. I still got everything done around the ranch, but I could tell from the sidelong, considering looks John gave me, I wasn’t able to hide how distracted and impatient I was.
He finally asked me about it the evening before the Fourth, right when my nervousness and frustration coalesced into a massive case of jitters that I tried my best to ignore.
I poked my head into his office and gave a quick wave. “Just wanted to let you know I’m headed off for the day. All the horses should be set for the night. Didn’t quite finish making up the stalls for the weekend boarders, but I’ll get that done in the morning, well before they arrive.”
“Good, good. Thanks for everything, Trethan.”
“No problem, sir,” I said, tapping my hat and preparing to retreat. Before I could though, John stopped me.
“Trethan, just a second. I can’t help but notice you’ve been a bit distracted lately.”
I came into the office and shifted uncomfortably. “Sorry,” I mumbled.
“I’m not chastising you,” he said, shaking his head. “I just wanted to check in and make sure everything’s okay. I know I’ve had you running around here like crazy these days, now that we’re in the full swing of summer, but if it’s too much, I’m sure I could get Vanessa down here to help out.”
I shook my head. “She’s focused on finding funding for her gallery, isn’t she?” I asked, angling for any news of how she was doing with that. I’d been true to my word, and I’d been avoiding her lately.
John looked at me mildly and said, “I’m sure she could spare a couple hours a day to come down here and help out her old man.”
I shoved my hands in my pockets. “I’m sure she could, sir. But that’s not it, anyway. Seriously, I’m doing fine. I like being busy. You know that. Gives me less time to think.”
“Is it money, then?” he pressed. “You know I’d pay you more if I could. I know I don’t pay as much as some of the other ranches in the area, but we’re a small family ranch and-”
“No sir, it’s not the money,” I interrupted quickly, my face flushing. “Seriously, John, don’t worry about it. There’s nothing wrong. I’m just a bit distracted.” When he still didn’t look convinced, I tried to think up some excuse. “It’s been too long since I got laid,” I blurted out.
John blinked and then chuckled. “All right, I’m going to stop you there, before I hear all the details of your no doubt interesting sexual encounters.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “But you know you could come to me if there was anything wrong.”
“And, I promise you I would,” I told him. “But I also promise you that there’s nothing wrong.”
“Good,” he said, his face clearing. That change in expression showed me just how concerned he’d been about me. “Well, get out of here, then.” John flapped a hand in my direction. “I’ve got some paperwork that needs filling out before I can call it a night.”
I nodded and tapped my hat again. Then, I retreated. I felt kind of bad. I had a feeling I should’ve given him a heads up that I was taking his daughter out on a date the following day. I told myself I withheld that information because the picnic was nothing serious, but I knew something deep
er kept me from mentioning it.
The truth was, I didn’t know how John would react to the fact that Vanessa and I were dating again. Every father wants the best for his daughter. He wants for her to be happy, to have every opportunity in the world, and to have some sense of security for the future.
But John had seen me at my very worst. He had seen the long road I had taken toward recovery, but he also knew how easy it would be for me to slip back into my old ways.
The man worried about me. Just being distracted this last week was enough to get his attention. He still felt like he needed to be that concerned for me over something so minor. But I supposed for all John knew, I could have been back on drugs and I might have been just as agitated.
If John told me that I couldn’t date Vanessa, I would have to abide by his word; the man had done so much for me. By not telling him, I hadn’t given him the chance to tell me I couldn’t see her.
I was just finishing dinner back at my apartment when Brent stopped by. He didn’t pound on the door like he’d been doing lately, but he didn’t look sober when I answered the door.
I frowned at him. “You need a place to crash again?”
“Nah, man,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s all good this time. I just came to drag you out. You’ve been a fucking hermit lately!”
I sighed. “I’m not really interested in going out tonight,” I said. It was true, too. I’d gone by the Roasted Bison a few times since the night I’d run into Vanessa there, but I just wasn’t having a good time at the place. It felt like I was just going through the motions, putting on an act. Even riding the bull hadn’t given me the thrill it had been giving me, despite the fact that I was getting increasingly good at it.
Brent groaned. “You’re fucking lame lately, dude. You’ve been a shit wingman for weeks now, and I need to get laid.”
“Surely you can get laid without me,” I said, resisting the urge to roll my eyes at his drama.
“I can’t believe you,” he said, sounding disgusted. “You know girls travel in packs! You can’t just go up to them by yourself and start hitting on one of them because all their friends are there. Someone needs to distract the friends so that you can swoop in and bam! Nail that target.” He narrowed his eyes. “Unless, what, you’ve decided you hate pussy? It’s been, like, a month since you pulled. Where are your balls, man?”
