My One Regret

by Krissy V

  "Well, I want you to be my Maid of Honour." I can see she is taken aback and I see a loan tear running down her cheek.

  "I'd be honoured to be your maid of Honour." She starts laughing at what she had just said. "I'm a poet and I didn't know it," that was always her line in school. We both start laughing but I know I have to continue.

  "Now, Jezza has chosen his best man and you need to know that this person has been his best friend for years and I don't know how you are going to take it. He is asking Jordan to be his best man." I can't look her in the eye.

  "Oh OK, wow! I didn't realise they were such good friends, you never mention him," she said to me.

  "I purposely don't mention him because I don't want you to get upset or angry that we still talk to him. He never did anything wrong! The wedding will be in about six months, as long as we can get the date we want. What do you say?"

  "I'm delighted and you should have who you want at your wedding. I’ll do whatever you want Bonnie." I lean across the table and kiss her on the cheek. "Thanks," she says. "I knew you wouldn't mind and I'm sure Jordan won't either."

  My phone beeps with a text from Jezza.

  "Jordan said he'd be delighted and he can't wait to see you."

  I read it out to Cassie. She's looking a bit flushed.

  She says that's she's just popping to the toilet. I reply to Jezza when she's gone.

  “That went well at this end”

  “Jordan says we should all have Sunday dinner at our house in a couple of weeks when Cassie has had time to get used to the idea.”

  “That’s a great idea. Trust Jordan, he’s always thinking of Cassie”

  “Yea he is, well you know he never got over her.”

  “I know.”

  I look up and see that Cassie hasn't come back and I've been texting for about twenty minutes. I get up and walk to the toilet to see if she is in there, but no she's not there. I go back into the bar and ask have they seen her, no one has, but then it has been busy they say.

  Now I'm starting to get worried. I do one more round of the pub and she's not there, so I ring Jezza.

  "Did you miss me that much babe," he says and I can hear the sexiness oozing off him.

  "Of course babe, but I've got an awful feeling that something terrible is going to happen. Cassie went to the toilet over twenty minutes ago and hasn't come back. Will you pop over to her house and see if she went home. She's not answering her phone." I'm talking really fast because I’m panicking.

  "Calm down babe, it's going to be ok. Jordan and I will go and check the house. I’ll ring you in five minutes. Stay there just in case she comes back." He hangs up.

  I am pacing up and down and around the pub but don't see her anywhere. Where could she be? As I look around I see a guy who looks familiar, I think we went to school with him, Paul I think his name was. I walk up to him, "Hi Paul, long time no see. Do you remember my friend Cassie? She hasn't lived in this country for years and we were out tonight but she's seems to have left me. You didn't see her did you?"

  "Cassie? Oh I remember Cassie all right. That's all I ever hear, Cassie this and Cassie that, I'm sick of hearing about her to be honest. I hope that ends once he's got what he wants." He stands shaking his head at me. I drag him by the arm outside so I can hear him. He's pretty drunk, so I'm delighted when Jezza and Jordan come over to me shaking their heads.

  "No one at the house Bonnie where do you think she is? Hi Paul, how are you doing?" Jezza says as he slaps him on the shoulder.

  "Paul was just telling me that he's sick of hearing about Cassie and that he hopes it ends tonight when he gets what he wants. Do you want to elaborate?"

  I'm almost spitting at him. He seems to think this is funny or something.

  Jordan steps forward and grabs him by the shoulders. "Paul, seriously we are worried about Cassie. What are you talking about? Did you see her or not?"

  Paul looks at him and nods his head. “Yeah she walked right past us and then he followed her. Before he did he said, "this ends tonight." I just thought he was going to talk to her, but now you are all scaring me."

  Jezza and Jordan both shout "who" at the same time.

  "David, of course. Who else is obsessed with Cassie? I'm sick of hearing how he wants to go back to that night and finish the job he set out to do. Then when he followed her he turned and said to me, "if I can't have her then no one can." He’s pissed man, he's not capable of anything.

  I feel like being sick and push my way past Jezza and Jordan and vomit in the bush. Crying, I say to them "we have to find her before he does anything to her. I'm going to call the police. Where do you think he is?"

  Jordan says, "if he's going to go back to that night then I bet he's gone to the playground where he attacked her. Call the police and we will drive over there and meet them." He takes me into a hug. "Bonnie it'll be fine he won't hurt her, I promise." I can see he has a tear in his eye.

  "Ok!" I pull out my phone, call the police and tell them what we think might be happening down at the playground.

  Jezza drives us to the beach and we get out, but Jezza stops me. "No Bonnie, I don't want you anywhere near the playground, we don't know what he's doing to her down there. I don't want you to see anything. Stay here and wait for the police, but whatever happens do not come down, please babe I'm begging you." He has crushed me to his chest like he will never let go. I know at this minute that he is worried about what David is doing to her. I start sobbing, but agree to wait.

  I watch the two of them run off to find Cassie.

  I hear a lot of shouting and what sounds like fighting, but I wait and when I see the police I tell them what is happening. I don't go down there. I don't think I want to.

  Jordan's POV

  When Paul tells us about David, I don't know how to react. I can't believe this guy is back in Cassie's life. I never got over her and never will. I love her. I’ve always loved her and always will. I miss our friendship more than anything, but really I just miss Cassie.

  I can't get in the car quick enough. I tell Bonnie that I won't let any hurt come to Cassie and I mean it.

  When we get to the beach I hear Jezza telling Bonnie to stay put and wait for the police and not to come down. He's worried and to be honest I'm petrified of what we might find in the playground. Jezza and I run down towards the playground and as we turn the corner I see David. He has hold of Cassie's head and I see him slam it down hard. It’s then I notice that he is balls deep inside her. I am like a raging bull. I run over and drag him off her and start punching him and punching him. I don't want to stop. I see Jezza checking Cassie.

  "Jordan, you need to stop." He’s trying to pull me off of David. "You’re going to kill him and then who's going to make sure Cassie is ok? Come on Jordan, be there for her."

  Wait! Jezza said she's still alive. I drop David and make sure Jezza stands with him so he won't be going anywhere. I run over to Cassie, my god she’s in a mess; her pulse is weak, but I can hear her breathing. I find the knife on the ground and cut the tape around her beautiful hands. I rub them to get some circulation back in them.

  I pull her up to me and hold her against me. There is blood everywhere. I don't know how she is alive. "Cassie, everything is going to be ok. I'm here. I'm going to take care of you. Please don't leave me, not now when I've just found you again. I should never have let you walk out of my life, but I know for sure I won't be doing it again." I kiss her face being extra gentle. I hear Jezza ringing for an ambulance and I can hear the police talking to him and arresting David. I don't want to talk to them I just need to be with Cassie.

  "Come on Jordan, the ambulance is here, they need to check her and make sure she's going to be ok. They need to give her some pain relief and then they will take her to the hospital." Jezza is rubbing my back. I step back and allow the ambulance crew to do their thing. I hold her hand all the time. I just can't fully let go.

  "I'm going with her in the ambulance Jezza. Will you ring her parents? P
lease. I just can't do it." I have tears running down my face, but I don't care, I need to be strong for my Cassie.

  We get in the ambulance and go to the hospital. I think she stopped breathing on the way because they were pushing on her chest and there was a lot of shouting. The sirens were blaring and the lights were flashing. We need to get to the hospital quick.

  When we get there they make me wait while they take her away to assess her. It is the longest hour of my life.

  In the meantime, her Mum and Dad arrive and they are crying. They come up and pull me into a hug with them. I have kept in touch with them and always visited whenever I was down. I needed the contact to know she was all right.

  We all cry and then Jezza and Bonnie join in the hug while we are waiting for the doctor to come out.

  Eventually, the doctor comes out and asks us all to take a seat. Oh no, I hope she isn't dead. She can't be. "Cassie is a very lucky lady, she has broken ribs; a dislocated shoulder; a huge gash in her head which we have stitched up, but there is no other damage to the skull. We have medically induced a coma to give her body time to recover and it is only then that we will know if she has any lasting brain damage or not.”

  He stops talking to hand out the tissues. “We also carried out the necessary tests in situations like this and we have that information for the police. She wasn't badly injured down below, but there is a lot of bruising. I know it all sounds bad, but she's actually a very lucky girl. Now I know you're dying to see her, but I'm sorry it has to be two at a time and don't forget she is in a coma. They say that they can hear, you so keep talking to her," he smiles at us and then walks away.

  "You both go in first" I say to her Mum and Dad, they both grab hold of me for a hug and then walk into her room.

  "Jezza, I can't believe the bastard did this to her. She's having a hard enough time with losing her husband to then have to deal with this shite." I break down crying, I can’t control it. "I thought I'd lost her, I thought I'd lost her again."

  Jezza comes over and gives me a man hug. "I know Jordan I know. When she comes round, which she will, you just need to be there for her. You helped her the first time, you can do it again." I nod and hope that he is right.

  Her Mum and Dad come out crying. "Bonnie, you and Jezza go in, I want to go in on my own," I say to them. I see them both go into her room and I wait. I ask her Mum and Dad, "how does she look?"

  Her Mum replies to me shaking her head. "She doesn't look great to be honest Jordan. She has bandages around her head, of course, and she has bandages around her ribs and her shoulder. There are tubes everywhere and she looks fast asleep." Her Mum gasps and turns to Brian, "she didn't look like our baby girl." She starts sobbing.

  It feels like Jezza and Bonnie are in there for hours. When they finally come out Jezza has Bonnie pulled into him tightly, as she is crying.

  They look at me and Jezza says, "it's not good mate, just go in there and talk to her." I walk towards the door and stop just before I go in. I try to compose myself so that I can talk to her and not concentrate on her injuries. I open the door and walk in slowly. I hold my breath when I see her. She looks terrible and there are tubes and bandages everywhere. I can feel the tears running down my face, silently.

  I walk towards the bed and sit down next to her. I take her hand. "Hey baby it's me, Jordan. I've really missed you. I'm sorry that I just let you go so easily. I should have fought harder. I won't let you push me away again. I'm going to take care of you and I'm going to keep you safe, if it's the last thing I do." I keep rubbing her hand while I tell her what I've been up and how I've coped without her. I tell her how I saw her on the veranda today and how my heart started beating faster and how I held my breath until she turned and walked away. She was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.

  "I told you that we were soul mates and that our souls would find each other again," I say, as I'm crying. After about an hour or so I climb up on the bed next to her and put my arm around her gently. I kiss her on the cheek and tell her I love her, I always have and then I lie down next to her and fall asleep.

  “Going Crazy”

  Cassie

  After everything goes black I feel floaty, so many things go through my mind. I can hear the ambulance man shouting and pushing down on my chest. I can hear Mum and Dad crying and telling me they love me and that I have to hang on. They tell me that my time isn’t up yet.

  I hear Bonnie and Jezza talking to me about their wedding and what colour dress I am going to wear. Why did this happen to me on a night when we should have been celebrating their engagement? Life isn't fair.

  It goes quiet for a while and I start drifting again. I hear Jordan next. What is he doing here? Why is he here? He's telling he loves me, he's telling me he shouldn't have let me go. I want to cry but tears won't come. I feel his arm wrapped around me but I can't move.

  I drift away again and this time I can hear the doctor telling someone that they are going to leave me for another day before trying to bring me out of the coma. It's a very strange feeling - being able to hear everyone but not being able to see them or touch them.

  I hear sobbing and I realise it's Mum. "Baby girl" she says. She's always called me baby girl, it's her nickname for me. "I know you can get better. If you're able to hear me, please come back to us. We all need you to come back. We all love you so much. Jordan won't go home, I've sent him for some food and then he’ll be back. He loves you so much, don't let him go." She has hold of my hand and I can feel her. I just want to cry, but I just can't do it.

  I drift away again, but I am woken by this horrible tugging sensation in my throat. They must be taking the tube out that has been helping me to breathe. It feels awful, so uncomfortable. When they have taken it out I can hear a lot of voices, I try to make them out, it's like a little game for me.

  There's Mum. "Baby girl, come on we’re all waiting for you."

  There's Bonnie. "Cassie come on honey, we have to go wedding dress shopping, I can't do this on my own. I need my best friend to come with me."

  There's Dad. "Baby girl. (He never calls me that.) I need to do some decorating in your house. I need you to come home and tell me what to do."

  There's Jezza. "Come back Cassie, we all love you and need to see your smiling face."

  There's Jordan. "Baby. My soul needs your soul. You have to come back to me."

  I hear a doctor shuffling around. I feel a bit dizzy, like I'm going to be sick. My eyelids are heavy but I can move my eyes, the numbness I've been feeling is starting to go away. It's feels like a bad case of pins and needles in my fingers. I need to clench my fist to make them go away. When I do all I can feel is a warm hand in mine and I hear a gasp.

  "Cassie. Oh my god, she moved her hand. Get the doctor. She moved her hand." Jordan starts to get louder, but he never lets go of my hand, he's rubbing his thumb over the top of my hand.

  I slowly open my eyes and I don't think I will ever forget the first thing I see, which is five pairs of eyes staring at me. They all have big smiles on their faces and I try to focus and look at each one of them until I land on the most gorgeous pair of turquoise eyes I've ever seen. I see so much love in all of them.

  "Hi guys," I say trying to smile. My voice sounds so different and it is hard to swallow.

  "Baby girl, I'm so happy to see you." Mum says as she comes round to hug me. I notice it hurts when she hugs me and I wince.

  "Where’s the doctor?" Jordan says. "I'll go get him baby, he’ll give you more pain killers." He let's go of my hand and instantly my hand feels cold. He leaves the room.

  Bonnie comes over and leans down and kisses me on the cheek. "I missed you honey, we need to do some wedding shopping," she says. Then she moves closer to my ear and whispers, "Jordan brought you here and he's been here ever since. He hasn't even been home once." She smiles at me.

  The doctor comes back into the room and asks everyone to leave so he can examine me. I smile weakly and nod my head.

  They all
get up and leave and the doctor asks me how I'm feeling and checks all my vital signs. "I'm in a lot of pain when I move and I have a really bad headache," I tell him.

  "I'll increase your pain relief and you're to take it easy. You're going to be in here for a short while. We need to make sure that you're well enough to go home. We need to talk about what happened to you and how you ended up in here. Do you remember what happened?" The doctor asks me.

  I was hoping that no one would ask me that question, but in my heart of hearts, I know they all will. I also know that I need to talk about it, I’m just not ready for that right now.

  "Yes, I do remember. I remember every single detail. His smell, my fear and every feeling from start to end." I feel a tear falling down my face.

  The doctor comes over to the bed and says, "I know it's hard remembering all the details and it will bring it all back to you, but you will need to talk to the police. They have been coming every day to see if you're ready to talk to them."

  "NO! I'm not ready to talk to them" I shout. "I don't want to talk about every detail. I'm just not ready yet." I'm shaking and can feel my anger.

  "It's ok, I've told them that you're out of your coma, but that I've sedated you, so they’re coming back tomorrow," he says, understanding my fear.

  "You will also need to talk to a counselor, but we can talk about that tomorrow too.”

  "Thank you," I say having calmed down a little bit. "Thank you."

  He starts to walk towards the door. "You know you've got good family and friends, they care a lot about you. One has not left this hospital the whole time you were in a coma. Just remember to talk to them; they love you a lot. I'll be back in a while to check on you again. Let me know if you need more pain relief." With that he turns and walks out the door.

  As soon as he had stepped through the door Mum and Dad come back in. "Hi" I say to them and they rush over to me.

  "How are you feeling?" Mum asks. "I can't believe we nearly lost you again. You're too precious to us Cassie, we need you in our lives, you are our lives". She is crying and leans over to hug me gently.