Not Sorry

by Ella Miles

  I look out the window as the private jet takes off from Chicago. I never pay for private jets. They are a waste of my money since I usually just fall asleep on the plane the second that it takes off anyway. I’d rather spend my money on other things—cars, condos, expensive wine and food. But, today, I just need a plane with no one else on it. One that will take me wherever I want, mainly away from Chicago and Olive.

  I need to put some space between me and her now because nothing else is going to happen between us. We had our one night of fun, and now, it’s back to business. And I need Olive to know that because, if she fucks up one time, she’s gone. I’m not giving her any special treatment just because I like fucking her.

  The copilot comes back toward me after we’ve taken off. “Mr. Burrows, it’s a ten-hour flight to San Paolo. Are you sure you’re only going to need three hours after we arrive before wanting to return, sir?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, sir. We will have the plane ready to turn around three hours after we land,” the copilot says, closely studying me before heading back to the cockpit.

  He knows better than to question why we’re flying all this way to a place that I don’t even have any business ties to. He doesn’t understand, that’s the point. This weekend isn’t about business or women. This weekend is about getting away and making me forget about Olive even if that means wasting money and spending most of my time in the air, drinking and sleeping.

  I lean my chair back and close my eyes, trying to sleep—something that I didn’t get any of last night because I spent all my time fucking Olive or watching her as she slept, trying my best to understand her. But, the more I tried to understand her, the more intrigued I became with her.

  I try to sleep and think of something else, anything other than Olive, but my brain automatically goes to her. It’s eight o’clock. She’s probably just waking up and finding the note I left her. She’s probably mad, cursing my name because I left her all alone after I fucked her. I hate that I’m hurting her, but it’s better to hurt her now than a year from now, like Owen did.

  And, for once, I need to look out for myself. That’s what I’ve learned after all these years. No one else is going to look out for me, so I have to. And I always put me first. And, right now, what I need is to just be gone.

  10

  Olive

  Sean’s gone.

  I know it without opening my eyes. He thought he was being sneaky this morning when he snuck out of bed, threw on clothes, and then typed a message onto my phone. He thought I was sound asleep. That he had fucked me so hard last night that I wouldn’t even be able to function until hours later.

  But he doesn’t know me at all.

  I grin. Well, he knows me a little bit. He knows the sound I make when he enters me. He knows the look on my face when I come. He knows every imperfection on my body. He knows exactly how to fuck me. He just doesn’t know me.

  He doesn’t know that I’m used to waking up early. That I hardly ever get any sleep.

  But, when he left early this morning, I acted like I was asleep. I didn’t let him know that I was awake. I’m not going to become a clingy girl who needs him to basically propose to me the morning after. I got what I needed out of him. Sex. And, now, it’s time to forget about Owen.

  Honestly, right now, I appreciate that there will be some distance between us. The distance will help with the awkwardness when I see him at work on Monday.

  I stretch and yawn as I roll over to grab my phone and read the message he left for me.

  “Ow,” I moan as I move. Damn, I’m sore.

  I click on the message and read it.

  I got a call. I need to handle some emergencies that came up at work. Help yourself to any food you can find in the condo. Your training will continue Monday.

  —Sean

  I sigh. He lied to me. He didn’t get a call this morning. He just jumped out of bed like it was on fire, and he couldn’t get out of here fast enough.

  I read through the message several more times, searching for any kind of clue as to what Sean does for a living or how he feels about me. But I find nothing, no matter how many times I read it.

  He gives no clue to what he does for a living, and it’s pretty obvious how he feels about me. He fucked me, and now, he’s done with me. I’m going to be lucky if I even still have a job on Monday. Because I have a feeling that, if I fuck up at work, then I’m done. He doesn’t need the hassle. Plus, if I’m gone, then he can hire a new assistant he can fuck.

  He said I could help myself to his food, but I have a better idea.

  I get out of bed, shivering immediately from the cold air. I wrap my arms around my body and begin searching the floor for my clothes, but I can’t find them. I sigh. Shit. I’m going to have to wear some of his clothes out of here.

  I walk toward the bathroom and then stop when I see a white robe hanging in the doorway that wasn’t there before. I hesitantly pull the robe off the hanger like it’s going to bite me or something and then put it on.

  “Oh my God!” I moan as I wrap the soft robe around my body. It’s the softest, most comfortable thing I have ever worn. I walk into the bathroom and find my clothes nicely folded up on the counter.

  Did Sean do that?

  He must have because no one else came into the room to collect them, just like he must have put out the robe for me, knowing I would be cold the second I stepped out of the bedroom. I blink, thinking I’ve imagined this. That the same guy who flipped me over and fucked me against the bed just for him last night would do something so considerate as folding my clothes and putting out a robe blows my mind.

  I don’t understand Sean any more than he understands me.

  I grin. But I know how Sean looks naked, I know how his tongue can do things to me I never thought were possible, and I know how hard his dick is when it drives inside me. And that is all I care to know about Sean. Everything else doesn’t matter. I already know that he is a jerk in every way that matters. He just happens to be better than any man I’ve ever fucked combined in bed.

  * * *

  I decide to just wear the robe while I go in search of breakfast, but as I walk down the hallway to the main open room, I stop at a door that I don’t remember seeing when Sean led me to his bedroom last night. Curious, I open the door, but I’m let down when I see just a large desk sitting in the center of the room, looking out the large floor-to-ceiling windows, instead of a sex dungeon or some other crazy thing that I imagine Sean having.

  I start walking toward the kitchen, my stomach leading the way, when my curiosity gets the better of me. I walk back to his office and sit down at his desk. I glance up in the corners of the room, looking for a camera or some sort of security system that is watching me, but I find none.

  It doesn’t mean they aren’t there, I think.

  I sit for a minute, trying to decide if my curiosity is worth the punishment that Sean is going to give me if he finds out that I searched through his office.

  It’s worth it.

  I start opening drawers, searching through papers and files, looking for anything that will let me know what Sean does for a living when he’s not running Jamie’s company. Because, as much as I wish that I didn’t care at all about figuring out Sean, I do care. At least, I care enough to find out what dark, dirty thing he does to make the millions that he has

  I don’t know what Sean does for a living, and I’m afraid I might never know. My curiosity is going to kill me if I don’t find out though. I spent three hours searching through his condo for any clue, but I found none. Not one damn thing that pointed me in any sort of direction.

  My phone doesn’t get reception while riding the L train, so I couldn’t even spend my ride home looking him up. Instead, my mind came up with all sorts of crazy things. He’s in the mob. He sells drugs. He’s a porn star.

  Everything that I came up with just made me more and more concerned that, whatever Sean does, it isn’t good. I need to text Jamie. She
knows what Sean does. Surely, she wouldn’t let him run the company if he was into illegal stuff. Would she?

  I climb up the seven flights of stairs to my apartment since the elevator is still broken—and most likely, always will be. I unlock the door and step inside, still thinking about Sean.

  “Where have you been? I’ve been going crazy here!” Keri says as I walk into my one-room loft.

  After seeing Sean’s place, I feel even more like I live in a closet. My kitchen has a fridge that barely fits a bottle of wine, a microwave that also functions as an oven, one burner plate, and three cabinets for storage. The rest of the room consists of a small TV balanced on top of a trunk filled with my clothes, and sitting across from it is my daybed that also functions as my couch. The door to the bathroom is next to my bed where I have a toilet and a shower that I can barely turn around in. The only nice part about my apartment is the balcony that I can barely fit a chair on, but if I sit out there and squint really hard while tilting my head to one side, then I can see Lake Michigan from between the buildings.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask.

  Keri shakes her head. “No. You answer me first. I was this close to calling the police to report you missing!” she says, moving her index finger and thumb close together.

  “I was with Sean,” I say, as I put my purse down.

  “Who?” Keri asks.

  I blush just a little. “My boss.”

  Now, Keri’s eyes grow big. “Why didn’t you answer any of my messages then? It’s not like he took you to Antarctica or someplace that doesn’t have any reception!” Keri yells at me.

  I pull my phone out of my purse and blush, more embarrassed that I didn’t even notice that I had any messages from anyone other than Sean.

  “Oh my God!” Keri says slowly as she realizes what happened. “You let him fuck you, didn’t you?” She throws up her hands. “I can’t believe you. I give up on you, Olive. I’ve really tried to get you to see your own self-worth and to stop dating these horrible guys who do nothing but hurt you, but you have to help yourself, too!”

  “Sean didn’t hurt me. Owen did, but Sean didn’t! I knew what I was getting into with Sean.”

  “How could he not? He fucked you and then left you, didn’t he? They all do.”

  I frown. “But, unlike Owen, he was up-front and told me he was going to leave me. I knew what I was getting into with Sean. I don’t even like him! I just needed some mind-blowing sex! I just needed something to make me forget about what Owen did.”

  Keri shakes her head. “It might not hurt now. But I know you, Olive. What happens when you want this guy to take you out to dinner or hold your hand during a romantic movie, and he says no? Then, how are you going to feel?”

  My frown deepens. She really is never going to understand how I feel. That, for once in my life, I made the right decision for myself and not the wrong one.

  I dig my phone out of my purse and search Sean Burrows on my phone and wait for his image to show up, and then I push the phone in her face. “Do you really think I thought a guy like this was going to be into anything more than a one-time fuck? And do you really think I would pass up an opportunity to fuck a guy like Sean?”

  “Holy shit!” Keri says, grabbing the phone from me. “You really fucked him?” she asks, not able to tear her eyes away from the image that really doesn’t even do him justice.

  I grin. “Yes.”

  “Oh my God! Tell me everything! Was he as amazing in bed as I imagine him to be?”

  “Better.”

  “No way!” Keri says, typing something on my phone.

  “What are you doing?” I ask.

  “Sending the picture to my phone,” Keri says with a smile.

  I roll my eyes and grab my phone back before walking over and taking a seat on my daybed. I grab one of the pillows and squeeze it in my lap while Keri sits down next to me.

  “As much as I want to hear more about Sean, I have to ask you about Owen. What happened? He called me last night, frantic that you had gone crazy and said you broke up with him. That’s why I came over last night.”

  That’s when I notice that my bed isn’t made, and it’s clear that Keri spent the night sleeping in my bed.

  “He kissed another girl in a bar on our anniversary. So, I broke up with him. He’s a douche bag, just like you always said he was.”

  Keri looks down, not meeting my eyes.

  “What are you not telling me?” I ask.

  Keri slowly looks up at me. “It’s just…are you sure he was cheating on you?”

  I jump up in disbelief at what Keri is suggesting. “You can’t be serious! You’ve hated Owen since the day I first started dating him! Of course he was cheating on me! I saw it with my own eyes! He was making out with another girl!”

  Keri gets up. “I know, I know. But you didn’t hear him on the phone last night, Olive. He was…heartbroken.”

  “So what? I hope he was heartbroken. How do you think I felt when I found him with his lips locked on another girl?”

  Keri sighs. “I know, Olive. It must have felt horrible. But…but what if you were wrong?”

  “How could I have been wrong? I saw him kissing another girl!”

  She nods. “But was it a quick kiss or a full make-out session?”

  “Why does it matter? He was kissing another girl!”

  “What if the girl he was with was his sister?”

  I laugh. “That’s sick if it was his sister. They were making out!”

  She shakes her head. “Were they? You just said a second ago that you couldn’t remember if they were making out or if it was just one quick kiss.”

  My head is pounding as I think about Owen as I pace around the room. “They were definitely making out.”

  Keri grabs my arms, forcing me to stop pacing around the room and look at her. “I seriously doubt that. Because I know for a fact that it was his sister who was with him last night. And, since I didn’t get any weird vibes from them when they came over here together, I seriously doubt they were making out. It was more than likely just some friendly quick kiss between siblings.”

  I shake my head. “I know what I saw. He was cheating on me with that bitch.”

  Keri sighs. “No, he wasn’t.”

  I shake her hands off me. “And how would you know?”

  “Because he came over here, and I talked to him. I talked to his sister. She’s really a nice person. And, while Owen hasn’t always treated you the best, after talking to him last night, I do really think that he loves you and will try to do better in taking care of you.”

  I shake my head. “That’s not possible. He doesn’t love me. He’s treated me like dirt all these months we have been together,” I say as strongly as I can, but my voice breaks.

  “Olive…he was going to propose last night. That’s why his sister is in town. She brought him their grandmother’s ring. He was going to propose to you last night. And how he was going to do it was good, Olive. He went all out with fireworks, a carriage ride, the whole bit.”

  “But…” I can’t speak as my legs give out beneath me.

  Keri catches me, and we both slink down to the floor.

  I stare at Keri as one tear escapes from my eye. “Are you sure? You’re sure he didn’t cheat on me?”

  Keri nods.

  “You’re sure he was going to propose?”

  She nods again.

  “You really think he loves me?”

  She exhales. “Yes.”

  “Fuck.”

  Keri laughs. “Oh, honey! This is a good thing. Owen is finally stepping up and showing that he really cares about you. You could finally be getting everything you want. You’re going to get married to a man who loves you. A man who can support you and take care of you. You don’t have to be alone anymore. You don’t have to live in this shithole anymore.”

  I know her words are meant to comfort me, but they are doing the exact opposite. Twenty-four hours ago, I wanted nothing more
than for Owen to propose. I would have said yes. I would have done anything for him. But that was before Sean. Before I realized that I like rough, dirty sex that leaves me wanting more. I don’t like boring sex with Owen, who doesn’t even know how everything works. I want a man who knows my body just as well as he knows my soul.

  “It doesn’t matter now. I slept with Sean. Owen won’t want to marry me now.”

  Keri frowns. “I wouldn’t say that. He doesn’t even have to know if you don’t want him to.”

  I look at Keri, feeling a little empty. “I’m not going to lie to him. But, honestly, I’m not sure that I want Owen anymore.”

  Keri’s eyes widen again as she gently strokes my back. “What? Are you sure? I don’t think this Sean guy is going to be dating material. He might be hot, but I doubt he will want anything serious.”

  I shake my head. “It’s not because of Sean. I’m just not afraid to be alone anymore. I don’t need a man to be happy.”

  Keri doesn’t move or say anything. She just stares at me.

  I start clicking my tongue as I call for my cat, “Here, Milo.” I search for my kitty under the bed where he usually likes to hang out. But I don’t find him there. “Where’s Milo?” I ask Keri.

  She frowns and bites her lip.

  “What happened to him?” I ask, jumping up.

  “Relax. Owen took him. He said he bought the cat. That he was his, and he needed the comfort in a time like this.”

  “And you just let him take him?” I scream at Keri as I run toward my door to grab my purse and some sort of jacket. I froze on the L train on the way over here, and I’m not going to do it again. I open the door just as a delivery person knocks.

  “Are you Olive?” the man asks.

  I nod. “Yes.”

  He hands me a package, and I step back inside for a second to open it. I pull out the coat. It’s gorgeous. It’s Gucci. It’s expensive. I slip it on as a note falls to the floor. I pick it up and read it.