Jane's Surrender (Hard World Tour)
Page 24
“Who is the immediate family?”
“I’m Jane’s husband.”
“I have authority to handle emergencies involving Sam,” Jeremy replied, and the doctor nodded.
“Do you want to go somewhere private?” He probably wasn't sure if we wanted to discuss it with everyone, but we both shook our heads. They had the right to know it as well, and I had a feeling I wouldn't want to repeat it myself.
“Right, okay. I’ll start with Sam. Her head took a hard hit. The car was impacted on the side, so they both received massive trauma. Sam has a broken leg and hand, as well as bruised ribs.” Jeremy winced and his face grew darker. “However, as bad as it sounds, those are her less severe injuries. As I said before, she hit her head hard, which resulted in swelling on the brain, and we were forced to operate to relieve the pressure. We lost her a couple of times on the table.”
Bella sobbed in Ryan’s arms, but the doctor continued, “She’s in an induced coma until the swelling is resolved. Sam has another serious injury. One of the windows shattered, sending glass shards into her eyes. Although we removed all the glass, the injury was too severe. She likely won’t be able to see again. Not now, maybe not ever. She’s blind,” he finished, and silence greeted his words.
Blind.
She was fucking blind for life.
“No, no, no,” Bella chanted. “That can’t right!” Ryan held her once again when she wanted to lunge at the doctor, and we all hurt for her.
Jeremy, red from anger, spun around and hit the wall hard with the roar. “Tell me there is a chance,” he said quietly as he turned back to the doctor. “Tell me there is a chance for her.”
The physician shook his head. “I’m sorry, but at this point, I can’t promise you anything. I know she’s a guitar player, and unfortunately, even the prospects for her hand don’t look good. I hope it will heal properly, but her sight…I can’t promise or predict. We need time for that.” He was silent and it made me restless.
“Jane?” I asked hoarsely, and he nodded his head.
“Her injuries weren't as severe as Sam’s. However, because of the crash, she received a violent blow to her abdomen, which was dangerous in her condition. She had internal bleeding and we were unable to save the baby. I’m so sorry.” Everyone grew silent and I just gulped.
“The baby?” My voice was careful, and his eyes showed surprise.
“You didn't know? She was five weeks, to be precise.” Pregnant, she was pregnant and never told me. We had a baby, our baby, that was forever lost to us, and I had no idea about it before it was too late?
I felt a strong hand on my arm. I had no doubt it belonged to my dad, but I shook it from my shoulder. No fucking way I needed comfort.
“There is more,” the doctor continued. “She had an ectopic pregnancy. Basically, the embryo attaches itself outside of uterus. Based on my notes, she never went to the doctor, so she had no clue about it. As harsh as it sounds, your baby didn’t have a chance from the very beginning. She still has one more tube, so there is a chance for her to have a baby, but it’s a small chance. Jane is young and healthy though, so I wouldn’t lose hope. I’m so sorry.” Both regret and sadness were heavy in his voice, not that it made me feel any better.
“Will you take me to her?” I barely recognized my voice.
“Sure, let’s go.”
Without glancing at anyone else, or waiting for their reactions or questions, I followed him to Jane’s room and stopped when I saw her.
She was lying on the bed, several wires hooked to her. She looked so small and fragile that it took all my willpower not to break something.
I sat in the solitary chair by her bed, not taking my eyes from her.
She was still beautiful. The doctor left, giving us some much-needed privacy. For the first time, I allowed the tears to come as I lay my head down on her bed and wept.
Our baby was dead, and I felt the pain deeply. Some people might not understand my despair, because it was just a tiny blip inside her, not even the size of a peanut. Nevertheless, it had been there, and then she or he was gone, forever lost to us. My beautiful Jane had less chances at getting pregnant again than most women, and my heart hurt for both of us. Not that it mattered to me, I loved her anyway, and there were other options.
However, as I sat by her, my heart broke in tiny little pieces for what happened, and I mourned for what never would be. She would have been an amazing mother to our little peanut; she had so much love in her to give, and the baby would have been her universe. She would have given everything to that little soul, and just imagining what our life would have looked like if the baby stayed with us gutted me.
While she slept, I could be weak, but once she woke up, she needed every ounce of my strength. I had won her over. My love won her over, but somehow, I knew I still had a big battle to win on my hands.
She’d try to push me away, and as usual, I’d have to stop her from doing it.
My beautiful, broken angel.
Laying my head on her thighs, I prayed for peace that, unfortunately, never came.
Jeremy
Sam was broken. It seemed like there was no place on her body that wasn't bruised, broken, or touched by that damned accident.
Her lifeless-appearing body lay on the bed. The mask on her face for oxygen, and various wires hooked to her, made her look nothing like the vibrant girl she used to be.
Blind.
She was blind. She’d lost her sight, and that would kill her. I loved her more than life itself, and I didn't care about it. But it broke me to know I was the reason she was here. She wouldn't have gone to get those fucking muffins had it not been for Candace. I wasn't stupid or oblivious. I had known how uncomfortable she was, but I had done it anyway.
A small, petty part of me enjoyed putting her through the same thing she did to me all those years. I’d never so much as kissed Candace, never wanted to. However, with Candy’s attitude, it probably seemed like we had a sexual relationship. I was an ass for hurting both women.
Both my love and the girl who was like a sister to me had been hospitalized. I would never forgive myself for it.
I was certain she would be devastated when she woke up and believed all her dreams had been crushed.
Her hand didn't look good. The doctors said the nerves were damaged and they might never heal, and then there was her sight. I wanted to be there for her, but I had doubts she would let me. Which meant I’d have to fight for her with everything I had.
But it wasn't anything new, was it?
I sat down on the chair beside her. The tears slowly slid down my cheeks, and then fell onto my hands as they rested on my knees.
I had told myself that for that day, I could cry, but I could show no weakness once she was awake.
Ariel
I tried to wrap my head around what had happened, but no matter how much I replayed events in my head, it still didn't make sense to me.
My two best friends were lying in the hospital, and both had crushing injuries that would affect their entire life. And I could do nothing to help them.
I was devastated.
I sat on the same chair in the waiting room, my body numb. Ryan took Bella away, because she couldn't stay any longer, not that anyone blamed her, and we couldn't see the girls anyway. Jeremy and Drake took the spots and no one argued with that. Drake’s parents left too, but had promised to come back while Jane’s parents went home to change. They were crushed with what happened to her, and even though Carissa wasn't hiding her emotions, her husband had a stoic look on his face.
Sam’s parents were far away and weren't notified of the accident. A long time ago, she made Jer her emergency contact, but Donald said he would handle contacting them. Let him; I didn't want to face them right now.
So I sat there alone in the hallway.
Maybe I shouldn't have stayed, but I did.
My hand had rested constantly on my belly since the moment I had heard the news of Jane and understood
how fragile that life was. She would never know the happiness I was feeling right now, and it killed me. My heart broke for my best friend, because no one was able to fix this for her.
I had heard the distant ringing of a phone, but no one was picking up. After a second, I realized Drake must have left his phone on the seat. I picked it up and froze when I saw the caller ID.
He kept on calling, so I realized it probably was best to answer it. After I took a deep breath, I did just that.
“Hello?” My voice sounded croaky, probably from all the silent crying.
“This isn't Drake,” Logan’s gruff voice said, and he sounded annoyed. “Who are you?”
“I’m Ariel.” He was silent, and we were both aware he knew who I was, so I saw no point in explaining. “There was an accident.”
“I know.” He cleared his throat. “I called to talk with him and ask how Jane was, and ask about—about Hope.” It was clear in his voice that it was still hard for him to say her name, and there was some kind of distance in it.
Thankfully, I was able to provide him with some of the information he needed. Being a parent myself (and how strange was that?) I understood how he felt.
“She’ll stay with my parents.”
“What?”
“My parents own a ranch, and well, they’re young, like forty-three years old. The judge agreed to let them care for her temporarily. They have a record of taking care of kids. Donald made sure everything was legal.”
He was silent for a moment, and then he exploded. “What the fuck? I trusted Drake to take care of her, and now some strange people will have my daughter?”
Well, the nerve the dude had!
“Yeah, and before you say anything else, please keep in mind that those people are my parents. So yeah, they are going to care for her and will do a hell of a good job too!”
Finally, there was a sound of the man exhaling a breath. “Listen, sorry, okay? You just don’t understand the shit situation I’m in. I’ve been clean for the last six months, but I don’t see myself getting out of here for another six. I worry about the baby girl I had no idea I had,” he finished, and there was a part of me that felt sorry for him. I couldn't imagine not being able to see my baby.
“I guess we all have to pay for our mistakes.” I had no clue where those words came from. It wasn't as if I had the right to judge him or anything, but that’s how it sounded.
“Trust me, sweetheart. I’m paying for it every fucking day of my life.” With those words, he hung up on me and the conversation was over.
Putting Drake’s phone back on the seat, I leaned back and rested against the wall, wondering when life had gotten so complicated and why people kept on suffering so much.
I never got an answer.
Jane
“Do you want to eat something?” a patient voice asked me.
“No.” My voice held no emotions; it was indifferent.
“Maybe, let’s take a walk?”
“No.”
“Do you want to come down and—”
Before another proposition happened that I didn't care about, I stopped it. “No, I don’t want to do anything. I just want to be alone. Can you do that?” I snapped and tried not to feel guilty for the hurt I saw in those sapphire eyes. I turned my eyes back on the big window with an amazing view of trees and horses running as I tried to ignore him while he stood there silently. After a few seconds, I heard the door close behind him, and it made me close my eyes and try to hold the tears at bay.
Drake tried to make it all better. What he didn't understand was nothing better was coming.
I lost our baby, and I would never have others. I would never know what it was like to have a baby inside me. Doctors told me I still had a chance, and it was just one of those unfortunate cases, but their words meant nothing to me. I couldn’t stand it again, losing my baby, and I would have gone crazy with worry if it happened. No more babies for me.
So maybe he was hurting from me not telling him, from me not keeping the baby, from me freezing him out, but I didn't care right then.
He could have all those things with someone else, so it wasn't as if he understood my pain.
No one did, so I wasn't that nice to anyone else either. We were staying at the ranch, where I tried to hide. Drake had to be here, and it was impossible to drag him away, but the rest backed off. Even my parents didn't come anymore after my last breakdown.
It had been almost a month since the accident, and everything was healing nicely.
Physically, at least.
When I felt exceptionally sorry for myself, I felt like shit too, because I was lucky compared to Sam. Donovan, our driver, wasn't hurt except for a few bruises, but Sam got the hardest deal out of all of us. She came out of the coma; the swelling went down after two weeks, but she still couldn’t see anything and her hand wasn't cooperating. Not to mention her broken leg and arm. I visited her once, but she didn't want to talk and ignored all of us. Just stared at something with unseeing eyes, never spoke, never acknowledged that she knew we were there. Jeremy tried to stay by her side, but she actually screamed and begged the doctors not to let him come.
He was pissed and hurt, but they had to listen to her. Her folks and Bella were the only ones who were allowed inside to look after her.
The media speculated whether we’d ever play again, considering all the turmoil our band had been through, and if it was possible for a guitarist to play if she didn't have the use of her hand.
Overall, the situation was fucked.
They tried to find me a shrink, because I was depressed or whatever they called it, but I just laughed in their faces. My husband was already one of the best in the field. I didn't need another. I didn't need professional help, period. I knew my baby was gone, and I could do nothing to bring her or him back.
I had accepted it.
And I even had accepted there would be no babies in the future. Some said we could adopt or something, but it wasn't the case for me. I didn't want to do that. An adoption always had uncertainty about it. What if the baby was taken away from me? Then what? I would have the same situation all over again.
So it wasn't me not being able to accept what had happened. It was me trying to move on from it.
My phone buzzed and I opened it.
It was our group chat, and it seemed like we hadn't used it in ages.
That was a long as message for her, and she seemed desperate. One more pang of guilt. With her past, she probably needed as many reassurances as she could get that her friends were all right.
Instead, she had gotten the silent treatment from both of us.
I could deal with Bella, really.
Who I didn’t want to see was Ariel. She would probably be showing. And she had Hope, too.
Hope had been my first question after all those explanations about my condition, and I learned she was staying with Ariel’s parents and her. They probably took great care of her, and she had two kids to play with.
Ariel’s life was supposed to be mine, as petty as that sounded. So I wasn’t able to deal with the fact she had it all and I didn’t. It was easier to ignore her. But apparently, I was in some kind of sadistic mood. because I went for honesty.
Shit. Why did it hurt so much? To tell the truth? Yeah, because she was my freaking best friend, but I knew I couldn't handle what she was offering.
I was nervous, because Arie
l wasn't replying to any of the texts, and Bella’s last answer was clearly about my message. But it was better that way. The whole thing with her pregnancy and Hope would have made me emotional.
I knew she would understand, but the guilty feelings inside me still bugged me, and I shut off my phone, because it was easier that way. I really didn't think I was ready to face the outside world just yet.
My stomach growled loudly. Maybe I should have taken Drake’s invitation to eat instead of ignoring him again. The place had a housekeeper, Emily. She took care of food and everything else, and her husband, Alec, was the head ranch hand, so technically they ruled here.
They were good people, kind, and always tried to cheer me up, but at the same time kept their distance. I knew they didn't have any kids, but still they had this whole parental thing going on. At least I wasn't depressed enough to be a bitch to them; that would have been embarrassing. I stood up, made my way to the mirror, and winced slightly at how thin I had become. Generally, besides the huge cut still healing on my lower abdomen and the scratch on my forehead, there was no evidence of the accident on me, and I guess I should be thankful for that. I combed my hair, ran my fingers through it, and with a deep breath, went to the door and downstairs.
The house was beautiful. It was done in beiges and greens and had a homey feeling. The second floor had five bedrooms, but nothing much was there, because the house was new. The hallway was full of pictures of the ranch and the people working there. Also, Drake’s family and some of mine with the girls were there. The stairs were massive, and once you went down, it was as if you were in another place, because the first floor was completely furnished. It had one big living room with three sofas in a rich green color, and additional comfortable chairs. Several small tables with vases were placed on and around a beautiful rug on the floor. A few feet away was a large fireplace where you could relax and enjoy a rainy day or warm yourself during the cold weather. The dining room had a massive brown table with a light green tablecloth, twelve chairs, and for some reason, even a TV in the corner. Both of those rooms had crystal chandeliers, which sparkled during the evening; sometimes the view was mesmerizing.