The Sanctuary

by Sara Elizabeth Santana

  The third floor was the weapons artillery. Or so I had heard. Most of the doors on the third floor were closed off to everyday civilians like me. Part of surviving should the worst happen involved protection, so this was where weapons were stored and where the guards and patrols were trained. Guards stayed mostly indoors while patrols kept an eye out above. Patrols kept Awakened from wandering too close to Sanctuary, corralled those looking for it on purpose and kept an eye out for Sekhmet soldiers.

  Fourth floor was for the classrooms where everyone went to learn. And it was more than just the children learning. This is where adults could learn skills as well, whether it was learning more about politics and government to help run Sanctuary, to become a teacher or to learn medical skills to be a part of the infirmary. All the learning took place on this level.

  I was explaining all of this to Liam as we made our way up to the cafeteria. There were elevators in Sanctuary but they weren’t used unless necessary. They were a great source of energy and were avoided for the most part. There weren’t a lot of stairs so it was just a lot of spiraling walkways. I spent the first few weeks feeling nauseous from all the spinning and my legs protested at the amount of exercise they were getting. Now they still burned but the muscles I had built up were getting used to it.

  We pushed our way through the double doors leading into the cafeteria. There was a hush when we walked in and I remembered the whispers that had broken out when Ash and I had made our way into this room for the first time. I held my head high and walked forward with purpose, hoping that Liam would follow me.

  He did. He stayed right behind me as I made my way to the trays. He copied my every movement, picking up a tray and utensils. He was right behind me as I made my way to the window where they dispensed our food. The cafeteria workers there held out their hands for our wristbands, and scanned them, before dispensing lunch onto our trays.

  When Liam’s wristband was scanned, the cafeteria workers added a little extra to his tray. He looked over at me questioningly and I shrugged. I led him through the crowd of tables to the one that I usually occupied with Ash, Kaya, Corbin and some of the other younger people here. Eyes followed us as we passed but no one said anything and almost everyone returned to their food once we’d cleared their view.

  I slid onto the bench next to Ash, and gestured for Liam to sit across from me next to Corbin, who didn’t even notice. Kaya’s face flushed at his arrival and she looked over at me curiously. I shook my head, ducking to pay attention to the food. I would have to explain Liam to her later. Which meant I also had to explain Sekhmet and my role in all of that too. Dammit. I had been doing everything I could to keep that personal information away from my innocent roommate.

  “I was worried about you. You didn’t show up for lunch on time,” Ash whispered in my ear as I scooped a spoonful of applesauce into my mouth. “I didn’t know you were with Liam.”

  I looked up at him, noticing the slightest difference in tone when it came to Liam’s name. He was focusing on his food, his expression smooth and calm but I could see that he was tense by the way his fingers clenched around his own spoon.

  “Ash. Don’t,” I whispered fiercely back to him. His eyes shot up to mine and I held them for a long moment. “Don’t do that.”

  “Do what?” Ash asked, his eyes wide in feigned innocence.

  “Act that way.” I could feel the other’s eyes on us and it made me want to immediately drop the subject. The last thing I needed was a fight with Ash, witnessed by Kaya, Corbin and Liam. Ash and I rarely fought, though I didn’t know if that was because we had nothing to fighting or because we didn’t see each other enough to actually fight about anything. “And don’t ask me ‘what way’ or I’ll punch you.”

  A smile broke out across his face, cocky and sure. It didn’t quite match the darkness that clouded his blue eyes but it was reassuring to see at least. “You wouldn’t.”

  “Try me,” I answered, rolling my eyes. “Liam, this is my roommate, Kaya. And the one who still hasn’t looked up from his book is Ash’s roommate, Corbin.”

  At the sound of his name, Corbin finally looked up from his book and did a double take when he saw Liam sitting next to him. “Who are you?” he asked, confused, and I resisted the urge to laugh at the perplexed look on his face.

  “Corbin, this is Liam Garrity. I knew him from…outside. Liam, this is Corbin Kovalski.”

  Corbin stared at Liam and I doubted he would even remember shaking Liam’s hand. He was studying him as if he were something he could learn from a book and I cleared my throat. He jumped back and ducked behind his book.

  “Where are you from, Liam?” Kaya ventured bravely and I nearly spat out my milk in surprise.

  Liam glanced at me before turning his attention to her. “I’m originally from Atlanta, Georgia. What about you?”

  Kaya flushed. “I actually grew up here.”

  Liam looked surprised at this. “What, you were born here?”

  She nodded, and I noticed there was something different about her around him. She seemed comfortable and I knew how she felt. Even when Liam was a complete stranger to me, I felt that connection, that ease. He was an easy person to like. I remembered how he made me feel when we were both trapped and wondered if he had that sort of effect on everyone.

  Kaya continued. “There aren’t a lot of us. Sanctuary really couldn’t be a place of refuge for people if there were already a lot of people here. But there are people that have lived here for ages and you know, they get married and have children and grow old and live their lives, just like you guys did on the outside. That’s how I was born.”

  Ash, Corbin and I stared at Kaya, flabbergasted. It was the most she ever had said at one time, in the entire short period that we had all known her; Corbin having arrived at Sanctuary just a week or two before Ash and I. She blushed and smiled sheepishly.

  “That is…incredible,” Liam finally said. He looked uncomfortable, eyes darting around. His hands shook when he picked up his spoon but his eyes were steady as they met mine from across the table. He reminded me of myself when I first came here. It was a shock, coming from the outside world, where things were chaos, and landing in here. He would get used to it. We all would. I hoped. “Where are your parents?”

  “They’re here,” Kaya was saying. “They’re both geneticists so they spend most of their time on their research and seeing what sort of effect living down in Sanctuary has on future generations.”

  Liam looked impressed and the two of them immediately launched into conversation. I sagged a little with relief. I was afraid of what Liam would be like. I was already a mess on my own and I didn’t know if I could handle anyone else’s messes right now. I kept to myself here, other than Ash, and I didn’t speak much unless spoken to. I had no desire to get close to anyone, even Kaya and Corbin.

  Everyone I knew ended up dead anyway. My parents. My best friend. God, even my dog. Now Liam was in here in front of me, safe, and I was afraid of losing him too. I was even more afraid of him losing himself.

  He seemed to be holding it together though, despite the fact that he had spent months inside that hellhole just to be delivered here and find out that his father had died. He was stronger than I knew and I admired him for that.

  “Aren’t you a little worried about him being here?” Ash whispered to me, breaking into my thoughts.

  I looked at him, confused. “What?” My eyes darted back to Liam, but his focus was still completely on Kaya. “What you rather he was still at Sekhmet?”

  “Of course not,” Ash cut in quickly. He fiddled with his fork, before laying it down on his plate. I waited patiently for him to continue. He sighed. “I just…why would Razi just give him to us? It doesn’t make any sense. I can’t think of any reason for him to be here. Maybe he’s a play. Maybe he’s a tool. Maybe he’s here to convince you to go back?”

  I nearly spat my water everywhere. “On what planet, in what universe, in what totally alternate point of being
would I actually agree to go back to that place, Ashley Matthews?”

  He winced at his full name but didn’t comment on it. “I’m just saying, Z. it’s not that I’m not glad that Liam is safe. I obviously am.” I nearly snorted at that. “But no one has stopped to think about why Razi gave him back. She wanted him just as much as she wanted, and still wants you. Why would she let him go?”

  He was asking questions that definitely needed answers. But I couldn’t think about that right now. Razi was smart as hell, and angry, and that made for an incredibly dangerous combination. She didn’t make any moves unless there was a reason for them. Liam was here for a reason. I was willing to bet that she hoped we would be so happy to have him back that we wouldn’t focus on the reasons why.

  But I also knew that while Ash had a point, there was also something else brewing under his skin.

  “I get what you’re saying,” I said sharply before he could continue. “But you also need to refrain from this jealousy in the future, okay? We’ll figure out why he’s here, why Razi gave him to us, but nothing is going to be accomplished if you act like a brat about it.”

  Ash’s mouth dropped open to protest but Kaya shot a question our way and he was saved from having to respond. I was immensely grateful for Kaya in that moment. Ash’s hand reached out to squeeze my thigh and tingles flooded through my veins, all but dissipating what little irritation I’d had with him.

  “DID YOU SEE Peter’s hair this morning. I’m pretty sure he could give Einstein a run for his money…”

  I looked over at Ash who grinned at me, and I shook my head. If there was one thing I could always count on, no matter how weird and crazy the world got, it was his ridiculous humor and that even more ridiculous smile.

  Liam had been in Sanctuary for about a week and was adjusting much better than I expected. He was working and spending time with his mother and reading a lot. He had told me once that he wasn’t much of a reader but I think the books were keeping him distracted.

  Every once once in awhile, he would zone out during a conversation, disappear off somewhere, a place where none of us could follow. When he did that, I would exchange worried looks with Ash and Kaya. He would eventually return to us, like nothing had happened, but I didn’t like it. The only time we had spent together was the night we had met, when our families shared a campfire in the middle of nowhere, and the month we’d been together at Sekhmet. But I knew him. I knew him better than I had known some of my friends back in New York. He was a survivor and it scared me every time he disappeared into his own head. It wasn’t like him.

  I would find him asleep in the library sometimes. He slept fitfully, twitching in his sleep. He would mutter while passed out but most of the time, I couldn’t tell what he said. Occasionally though, there would be one coherent word, and it would send shivers down my spine. Astrid.

  I sighed. Anytime I asked about Astrid, Liam would change the subject, and usually turn the attention away from him to Ash. Since, Ash, god bless him, liked to be the center of attention and also liked when Liam didn’t pay attention to me, it usually worked quite well.

  “Does it make you feel normal to tease people in here like you did back at St. Joseph’s?” I asked him, dryly.

  “Aw, come on, Z,” Ash laughed. “You know you agree with me. “

  Peter was the old cranky man who was in charge of the laundry. Sometimes I thought the only reason he had the job was because nobody else wanted it. And while he did have crazy white hair that bore some resemblance to Albert Einstein, I was pretty sure that Ash’s comments came from the fact that had Peter had been particularly grouchy toward the two of us since catching us in the closet making out. The corners of my mouth twitched up a bit and Ash’s grin grew wider. “I hate you,” I finally said.

  “You really don’t,” was his only reply.

  “I really don’t,” I groaned. “Just promise me you won’t put glitter in his locker or something.” I recalled the memory of walking around in my school uniform, covered head to toe in glitter, looking like a character from an anime or something.

  “I only reserve those kinds of things for you, baby doll,” Ash answered, winking at me. I rolled my eyes at him and he laughed again. “Pass me those plates, will you?”

  The two of us were on kitchen duty, my least favorite chore here in Sanctuary. It mostly consisted of washing dishes, putting them away and mopping and wiping down the entire kitchen and cafeteria. There were several others with us though, so at least the job went by quickly.

  I handed him a stack of plates and he dumped them into the soapy hot water. Our fingers brushed as I passed them over and I was distracted from my work for a moment. It was amazing that he still had the ability to drive me so crazy. He smiled widely at my reaction and I turned away.

  “Zoey.”

  I turned around and saw Liam standing there. A small smile stretched across my face. “Hey there.”

  “Can I talk to you?”

  Ash’s head shot up fast and his eyes met mine, pleading with me. The words I told you so were written all over his face and I wanted to stick my tongue out at him, as childish as it was. I glared at him, before wiping my hands on a towel, and turning to Liam. “Of course,” I answered.

  I followed him out of the kitchen; aware that Ash’s eyes were burning a hole in my back as I left. Liam collapsed on one of the benches and cradled his face in his palms for a moment. “Liam?” I asked, immediately worried.

  “How do you get the nightmares to go away?” he whispered. I barely heard him. His hands muffled his words. He raised his eyes to mine and they were wide and tired, and the bags underneath them were dark and scary.

  I felt the tears prick the corners of my eyes. I practically fell onto the bench next to him. “Can I be honest with you, Liam?”

  “Of course,” he immediately answered. His hand slipped into mine and it felt natural. It felt comfortable. It didn’t feel like it did with Ash. When Ash held my hand, it felt like he was holding me down, keeping me attached to the earth. He was my gravity. With Liam, it felt like…the most comfortable thing in the world. He was my friend, the closest friend that I had, and he knew. He just knew.

  “They don’t go away,” I admitted. “They haven’t gone away in a very long time. They’ve just…changed their nature. I used to dream about Awakened and my best friend, Maddie, and my dog and the bombs and now? Now I dream about Awakened and Razi Cylon and you and babies that turn blue and tear at my skin…” I trailed off and shuddered. “I would do anything in the world to make them go away, Liam. Anything.”

  “All I do is dream of her. I dream of her and I dream of what is happening to her right now, what I imagine is happening to her and how I can’t stop it because I’m here, in this stupid place. I’m safe and she isn’t and I hate it.” His words were rushed and quiet but I was sitting next to him and I heard every word he said.

  “Who? You dream of who, Liam?” I asked, hesitantly, my voice soft.

  He looked worn out and I squeezed his hand. He constantly looked like he was going to fall apart, but he was pushing through each day, going through the motions.

  Surviving. He was a damn survivor.

  That’s all any of us were trying to be.

  “Liam?” I repeated. “Who are you talking about?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” he murmured after an extremely long pause. “I don’t…I can’t…” His breathing was picking up and I could feel the tremors going through his body. “I think and I think and I think and I can’t breathe, Zoey. I can’t breathe.”

  I reached for him but his hand pulled out of mine. His breathing got faster and faster and I stood up, staring at him, unsure of what to do. He was panicking, he was experiencing some sort of attack but I’d never dealt with this before. “Liam, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I promise…”

  “It’s NOT going to be okay.” His voice was sudden and loud in the empty cafeteria and I took a step back. There were tears rolling down h
is cheeks and he was choking on his breaths. I reached for him again but he recoiled. My heart was beating quickly in my chest. I didn’t know what to do.

  “Hey, man, it’s okay.”

  Ash’s voice startled me. He was standing behind me, and he stepped around me, looking at Liam, who was falling apart in front of me. Ash leaned down but didn’t touch Liam. He just looked at him. “It’s okay, Liam. Breathe, okay?”

  “It’s not okay!” Liam’s voice was loud, and it didn’t even sound like him. He always spoke in calm tones, even when he was scared. God, even when he was flirting. He stayed calm. He had been my rock for so long. My arms circled my waist, as if this could keep me from unraveling as well.

  “I know. I know it doesn’t seem like it’s going to be okay. But it is. I promise. Just focus on breathing, okay?” Ash’s voice was steady and confident and I clung to it.

  Liam let out a shaky breath, slow and focused.

  “There you go,” Ash praised. “Try it again for me, okay?”

  Liam gulped down more air and then let it out. It was still shaky but he looked calmer. He focused on his breathing for a few more minutes with Ash as his coach. Liam’s eyes stayed fixed on Ash’s as he took him through each breath until finally Liam had calmed down.

  The three of us stayed quiet for a while. I chewed nervously on my thumbnail, staring back and forth between them. Eventually Liam’s eyes met mine and I saw that they were swollen and red. He looked embarrassed, though he had no reason to feel that way.

  “I’m sorry,” was all he said, his voice hoarse.

  “Don’t be,” Ash and I chorused at the same time.

  Liam’s shoulders were hunched and he looked more exhausted than he was before.