Hearing those words sent a wave of relief through me, though all the negative feelings were still battling in my chest. But out of everything else going on in Sanctuary, there was one thing I was absolutely sure of and that was I loved him too. And so I showed him.
THE NEXT DAY, Octavia called another assembly meeting down in the amphitheater room. To say that the looks on the faces of the Sanctuary citizens were nothing but shock would be a complete understatement. It had been just a couple of weeks since Octavia had assured us all that this would not happen again, that the problem would be taken care of, and they had taken her at her every word. Seeing the grim faced Director in front of us, clearly about to deliver bad news, wiped the confidence off the board.
“Citizens of Sanctuary, it is with regret that I bring us all together as one again so soon. Just a few weeks ago, we sat here and mourned the loss of a few of our best patrol and I promised you that action would be taken to prevent this from happening again.”
Octavia took a deep breath. The lines on her face were deeper and there were more than a few strands of grey streaking amongst her dark hair. In just the past few weeks, she looked as if she had aged another ten years. “I have not kept that promise. We have continued to suffer tragic losses. Each life lost has hit us all. We are a family here. We live to protect and survive together and an outside source has threatened our peace. I am, of course, talking about Sekhmet Industries.”
A hush settled over the room. There were roughly about 3000 residents in Sanctuary. It looked like a large number in the room, but when compared to the population that had once existed across the country, it just seemed sad. It was even sadder when you considered that a fair chunk of the people had lived here their entire lives.
“There are people here that would have me arm up against Sekhmet, to take them down.” Octavia didn’t even glance in my direction but the slight was there just the same. “I will not do that. I will not ask what little humanity we have left to sacrifice their lives against this corporation. We do not have the numbers. We do not have that sort of training here. We would lose.”
“Loving the enthusiasm, Octavia,” Ash whispered under his breath. “Your optimism is uplifting as hell.”
I stifled a giggle.
“We are hanging by a thread here. There are so little of us left and I could never ask any of you to leave the safety of this place to fight the unknown. No one could ask you to do that.”
This time her eyes met mine. My lips curled up in a smile and she immediately looked away.
“However, measures must be taken. Bodies have littered our front doors for far too long. And now there has been an attack. Several more of our military have died. Our first floor has been destroyed. This is unacceptable. While I do not condone this facility going on the offensive, I do understand that we must be more adequately prepared to defend ourselves.”
I raised my eyebrow, and turned my head slightly to look at Ash. There was an expression of surprise and curiosity on his face that I was sure was matched on my own.
There was more than one whisper in the crowd. Several people were shifting in their seats, looking around to see how others were reacting. There was a younger woman next to me, probably late twenties, chewing on her tongue. I fought the urge to pop her in the back of her head.
“I would like to make it clear that what I am about to say is not mandatory. No one will be forced to do anything that they do not wish to participate in. This will all be purely voluntary.” She took another deep breath before continuing. “For years, we have supplied our military and our patrols with only trained professionals. We have either had Sanctuary citizens go through the proper training or they’ve been provided to us from outside sources, like the Army or the Marines. Under the circumstances, we are now changing this policy.”
I couldn’t help it. I sat up straighter, more in tune to the speech than I had been before. Sure, Octavia wasn’t suggesting that we storm the gates of Sekhmet and take them down, which would have been the ideal situation, but she was willing to do something and this, to me, was huge.
“We will be providing military training for anyone who wishes to learn. This will include weapons training, various hand-to-hand combat and other similar skills. As I said, everything will be on a voluntary basis and it will not cement your participation in any possible future attack. This is merely if you wish to learn more skills in order to protect yourself more efficiently.”
“That being said, we will be taking those that volunteer, and are proficient in these training sessions for patrols. It is a sad thing for me to say that our numbers have dwindled immensely and we are desperate for help. I cannot stress it enough though; this is on a voluntary basis only.”
Everyone had been very quiet during her announcement. There had been creaks, as people shifted in their seats, and a few whispers, but it was nothing compared to the outbreak of noise that had erupted at the sound of these words. People were shouting and yelling, looking horrified at the idea. Despite the fact that Octavia had made it clear more than once, that it would be volunteers only, the citizens of Sanctuary were, well, they were freaking out.
“This is supposed to be a safe place!”
“I don’t want to learn to fight!”
“This isn’t what I came here for!”
Octavia’s lips had thinned even more so; they nearly disappeared into her face. “I know that many of you will have questions as we make these changes over the next few days. I encourage you all to share those with me and we will work together to create an even safer place than we have been for the past sixty years.”
She nodded once, and disappeared off the stage nearly running into Patrick in her haste to escape. For the first time not everyone left at once in a calm and uniform matter. People lingered, talking loudly to each other from across the room. Change was not something that came often to Sanctuary and it looked like most people were fairly resistant to it.
“Well, it’s something,” Ash admitted, stretching his arms above his head.
“Why doesn’t it feel like enough?” I said, leaning forward. My chin was cupped in my right hand as I looked at Ash.
“Because it isn’t,” Liam cut in, from where he sat behind us. “But you know they aren’t going to do anything else. We have to take what little we can get. Maybe this means we can fight.”
“I really want to fight,” Ash said, wistfully, and he exchanged knowing looks with Liam. The two of them had been getting along much better since the appearance of Astrid. They weren’t exactly best friends yet but I wasn’t the only person who had noticed an obvious truce between the two of them.
I didn’t think I was the only one grateful for it. Even Kaya looked happy that the two of them weren’t bickering during meals.
Ash and I on the other hand, were struggling to get back to where we once were. The talk we’d had had been necessary and overdue, and even though it had been way more emotional than either of us were used to, I was so glad it had happened. But now there was a tension between us, one that I was seriously desperate to get rid of.
“Um. Zoey?”
Astrid had been hanging on the outskirts of the conversation. She had spent a couple days in the hospital wing but it was determined that she, and her baby, were quite safe and she was released. She was staying in her own room, which was rare in Sanctuary, but no one really felt comfortable rooming with her. That didn’t’ really stop Liam from spending most of his time in there, but it wasn’t an official thing. He definitely was not afraid of breaking the rules. No one said anything to the two of them and I started to think that maybe rule breaking wasn’t far out of reach for me and Ash.
Now Astrid stood outside the circle, looking nervous. She had spent a fair amount of time with the five of us – me, Ash, Liam, Kaya and Corbin – and I had learned that the last word used to describe her was shy. There was a baby that she hadn’t wanted growing below her navel and she was in a place that was unfamiliar to her. Despite that, she wa
s funny and teasing, especially when Liam was around. Seeing her look nervous, her hands folded protectively over the small bump of her stomach, made me wary.
“What’s up?” I answered, trying to sound breezy.
Astrid swallowed hard, her fingers clenching tight for a moment. She looked at Liam, who nodded encouragingly. She took a deep breath and smiled. Just like it had the first time I’d seen it, it dazzled me. Even looking uncertain, her smile had magical powers. “Can I talk to you for a moment? Alone?”
An icy dread filled my veins and my brain went immediately into flight mode. I felt the coolness of Ash’s fingers on my back, finding the short space between my shirt and pants. He didn’t have to say anything; I knew exactly from the slight touch that he was showing me that he was there if I needed him. I had been dreading this ever since Astrid had appeared on our doorstep. I didn’t want to talk to her alone. I caught her staring at me often and I usually found an excuse to disappear. Talking to her alone would only bring me face to face with the one thing that had consumed me since I had seen her in that hospital wing.
Guilt. Overwhelming guilt.
I nodded, afraid to open my mouth. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop apologizing, for what, I wasn’t sure, and even then, it wouldn’t be enough. She was the one with a baby in her belly.
We walked away from the rest of the group. Liam and Ash watched us as we disappeared out of sight. Neither of us said anything as we wandered the corridors and I wondered who would speak first.
“Sorry,” Astrid finally spoke up and I jumped, startled. I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants. “I’m not really sure where we’re going. I keep getting lost here.”
“It’s easy to get lost here,” I admitted, my voice cracking. “You’ll figure it out.”
She nodded, looking unconvinced. I saw the way her eyes took in everything as we walked, as if trying to memorize every detail. I admired her for that. I had done the same thing.
“What did you want to talk about?” I asked her, as we took a left and ended up in the central spiral walkway.
Astrid squirmed a little bit. “Is there anywhere we could go that would be more…private? I keep feeling like everyone is staring at me.”
Sure enough, several eyes followed us as we walked past. Their gazes lingered, zoning in on Astrid’s stomach. She was hardly showing but she was tiny and what little weight she had gained was obvious. She was so small, several inches shorter than me, and I wasn’t exactly a giant.
“That’ll stop too,” I cut in, wryly. “That takes a little longer, though.” The corner of her mouth lifted in a smile. “I think I know where to go.”
She followed me as I made my way up the spiral. Most people slowed as we passed, staring. I had gotten used to the stares and pretty much ignored them now and I was impressed when Astrid held her head high, ignoring them as we made our way further upward. The only sign of her noticing was the slight pink tinge in her dark cheeks.
We reached one of the upper levels and I pushed my way through a door. Astrid blinked in surprise as sunlight came streaming in. There was a distinct smell of manure and grass and…
“Are those real cows?” Astrid said, her voice echoing loudly in the room.
I laughed. “Yeah, of course.”
She shrugged, embarrassed. “I mean, would fake cows really be surprising at this point?” I had to agree with her on that. “So what exactly is this?”
“It’s an indoor pasture. Sanctuary has to get food from somewhere. This level always contains crops and other livestock. They can’t exactly keep it aboveground since this place is supposed to be secret and all that, so they created this level. The ceiling is specially designed. It feels like sunlight but it’s all synthetic.” I climbed up on one of the fences, perching there. “No one ever really comes up here unless there’s work to be done.”
Astrid came up to the fence next to me. She crossed her arms and leaned forward, her chin balanced on her folded arms. “I haven’t seen cows in so long. They sometimes grazed on the hills back home.”
“And that’s…?” I asked.
“California,” she supplied. “I lived in Fullerton.” I raised my eyebrow at her and she smiled, her eyes still on the cows in front of us. “Near Disneyland. Everyone knows Disneyland.”
I nodded. I had been there once a few years ago with my mom and Caspar.
“My abuela had a couple cows roaming around her house in Mexico too. They weren’t her cows; they had just wandered by one day and she fed them and they never went away. She always complained about them but she loved those stupid things.” Astrid’s voice was soft, and she didn’t say much after that. The two of us sat there for a few minutes, staring at the cows uninterested in us as they munched on hay.
“I’m really sorry,” I finally blurt out after the long silence.
Astrid pushed herself up off the fence and turned to look at me. Her brow was furrowed. “You’re sorry?”
I swallowed hard, my hands gripped the fence tightly. “Of course. I am sorry about…about everything.”
“Zoey, did you think I was going to yell at you or something?”
My ponytail whacked me in the face as I whirled around to look at her. I swatted it away, impatiently. There was a smirk on Astrid’s face and amusement in her voice. “Um,” I hesitated. “Sort of?”
She laughed, hoisting herself up on the fence next to me. I reached for her but pulled back immediately when she glared at me. “I’m pregnant, Zoey, not broken. I can sit on a fence. And I’m not mad at you. I’m definitely not going to yell at you. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. You’ve been looking at me like a kicked puppy all week.”
I flushed, caught. “I didn’t mean to.”
“I know that. But you have been anyway.” She paused as one of the cows came ambling curiously in our directions. He – or she, really I had no idea what the difference was – stopped a few feet away from us. “But I was tired of you looking at me that way. There’s no reason for it. It’s not your fault.”
I sighed, watching as our curious friend moved closer to us. He stared at us with his large black eyes before dropping his head and munching at the hay that lay below us. “What does it feel like it is?”
“Would you rather be in this position?” Astrid said, pointing to her protruding stomach. My lips pressed tightly together and I fought hard to keep my dinner from making a return trip. I shook my head. “Exactly. And I wouldn’t wish that on you either, Zoey. You got out.”
“So did you…” I said, softly, trailing off.
She shook her head, her long braids swaying. “I don’t know why I’m here Zoey, it makes no sense. That bitch is crazy. I don’t know what she was like before your escape but according to Liam, she just got worse afterwards. I guess getting shot in the throat does that to a girl.”
I shuddered. I couldn’t imagine Razi Cylon any worse than I had already known.
“I’m pregnant, Zoey. That’s it. Period. I couldn’t fight her on that and there was no way for me to escape. Not like you did. Don’t feel bad for me, shit happens. Feeling guilty over who is and isn’t pregnant is just a waste of time and energy. There’s just no point.”
I squirmed uncomfortable. “After the initial shock of seeing you pregnant, I was relieved. I was so relieved and that felt terrible. All I could think was…it’s not me. That makes me a horrible person.
“Not at all. I would have felt the exact same way.” She laughed a little when our cow friend lifted his head and head butted her knee. There was some hesitation when she spoke again. “Don’t get me wrong. She still wants you, Zoey. She was constantly comparing me to you.”
“Oh god.”
“It’s okay,” she joked. “Liam constantly assured me that you weren’t really as great as Razi made you out to be.” She winked at me and I laughed. “But I did honestly feel like I was just going to fail, that I was going to disappoint her in some way and she would just get rid of me. It helped so much that Liam w
as the one in there with me. He had a way of keeping me calm. He made me feel safe.”
I smiled, in spite of myself. “Yeah, he has that kind of effect on people, doesn’t he?”
Astrid looked at me, sharply. “You and Liam…”
“Are friends,” I finished for her. “Period. We had a brief moment of…well, it was nothing. Nothing important. Nothing that you have to worry about.” Astrid flushed and ducked her head. “Come on, I’m not stupid. I can see it.”
Astrid laughed lightly. “Yeah, it’s probably pretty obvious on my part. But hey, when you’re eighteen years old, everyone you know is dead and you get captured by some crazy doctor who wants nothing more than to get you pregnant with a sexy and amazing guy like Liam…well, can you blame me?”
“Nope, not at all,” I said. “If it weren’t for Ash, I would probably be in the same boat. But I’ve been crazy about Ash since I was a kid so there was no competition. Not for me, anyway.”
“Yeah, you can see that,” Astrid whispered, wistfully. “I don’t think Liam feels quite the same way.”
I looked at her incredulously. “Oh, honey. You are so very wrong. He’s been a bundle of anxiety ever since he appeared here without you. If you hadn’t made your own appearance, I think there’s nothing that could have stopped him from leaving this place and going to get you.”
She rolled her eyes, sighing. “Which would have been stupid.” She hesitated, biting her lip, looking uncertain. “It’s because of the baby. It’s because he’s a genuinely good guy.”
“You know the doctors could…the could…well, the baby…” I stumbled over the words, unsure of how to word it.
“No,” Astrid cut in firmly. “No matter the circumstances, I am keeping this baby.”
I let that sink in for a moment before replying. “Don’t get me wrong, I totally respect that. But…Razi isn’t going to stop until she gets her hands on that baby.”
“I know,” she whispered, one of her hands going to her stomach. “I know that. Which makes me wonder why the hell I’m here and not with her. She’s planning something and I’m terrified.” She looked up at me, her brown eyes wide. “That bitch seriously needs to be taken down.”
The Sanctuary Page 11
