Focus of Desire

by Kim Baldwin

  Kash brought up the subject over dessert in an effort to get more detail. “So you two have known each other a long time.” She said it casually, repeating information Gillian had already shared.

  “We met in college,” Gillian confirmed. “She taught me to swim, actually.”

  “Did she?” This was new.

  “I’d always been afraid of water,” Gillian began. “I never had a chance to learn to swim growing up because there were no lakes or pools near us. Anyway, I went to the college natatorium because I heard they taught beginner classes. To make a long story short, I slipped and fell into the pool the first day, and she jumped in to get me.”

  Kash was impressed.

  “Isabel is a very caring person, though she tends to be rather routine-driven.”

  “I would never have guessed that by that itinerary she’s drafted,” Kash observed wryly.

  Gillian cracked up. “Oh, that’s nothing.”

  “No? What do you mean?”

  “Well, let’s see. She’s up at six. Swim or run until seven. Breakfast—usually granola or fruit or something healthy. Then off to decorate cakes. She’s very good, by the way. Her cakes are edible works of art. Anyway, after work she either teaches swimming or sits home and reads. In bed by eleven. Weekends she bikes instead of runs. She plans every detail of her vacations months in advance and remembers every friend and coworker’s birthday.”

  “I’m getting the picture,” Kash said. “Creature of habit personified.”

  “Yup. Kind of a throwback, too. A real die-hard romantic. Not many of them left.” Gillian finished off her crème brûlée and groaned with satisfaction.

  “What does that mean, exactly?”

  “Oh, the kind you find in fairy tales,” Gillian said. “The fate-will-bring-me-my-soul-mate kind of girl. Lightning will strike or something when she meets ‘the one.’ They’ll get married and live happily ever after. The end.”

  Kash couldn’t help laughing. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make fun…” She didn’t want Gillian to think she was ridiculing Isabel. “I got the image of a lightning bolt, and Isabel, and it somehow seemed so appropriate, somehow—”

  Gillian laughed, too. “In her defense, she’s really not a clumsy person, Kash, or normally this accident prone. I suspect it’s because she’s been pulled out of her rigid routine so much lately that she’s distracted.”

  “So…the two of you…aren’t…” She left the question hanging.

  “Oh, we’re only friends! Great friends,” Gillian said. “Sisters, really. And neighbors.”

  “From the way you two were dancing last night, I thought—”

  “Oh. Well, having fun, that’s all. Trying to loosen her up a little, when I can,” Gillian explained. “She’s not into going to clubs, unless I drag her out.”

  Couldn’t have guessed that from the way she was dancing last night, Kash thought. “So she wasn’t there to hook up?”

  Gillian laughed. “Let’s just say it would shock me if she ever did that. Izzy dates women—sometimes for weeks—before she sleeps with them.”

  Aware of her company, Kash didn’t frown, though the information was a most unpleasant development. The idea of spending an evening with Isabel had been very attractive. Worth a nice night in the hotel, she’d decided, and not a mere quickie on some couch. But it didn’t appear as though that was going to happen. Yup. Like I thought. The type with way too many strings attached. Pity. But…other fish in the sea, as they say. “So, you ready to head to the club?”

  “Sure am.” Gillian had a glint in her eye and a coy smile.

  “What?”

  “Oh, I’m trying to think up a way to get a dance with you once we get there.”

  Gillian had been good company, engaging but not pushy, and Kash was happy to agree. “Sure. You got it.” Any more than that happening? Well, she would determine that later.

  *

  The doorman at the club didn’t immediately recognize Isabel, but when she mentioned Kash’s name he let her through. Inside, the crowd was as dense as it had been the evening before. As she waded through the sea of women, she felt a small glimmer of satisfaction when she realized she was drawing a few of the same kind of interested looks that Gillian had the night before.

  Isa, not Izzy, she reminded herself. Party girl. Don’t think about tomorrow. Be open to seeing where the evening leads. She wasn’t sure what she was trying to prove. The opinion of these women really didn’t matter to her. Her ego had been bruised a little the night before, she had to admit. But mostly I want Kash to notice me. That’s why it took me an hour to dress, when it usually takes ten minutes.

  First she glanced up at the mezzanine, but she couldn’t see the VIP area from where she was. Next she surveyed the ground floor as she danced her way through en route to the bar. Every now and then, a woman would break off from her partner to engage her for a step or two as she passed, and she was enjoying the flirtations.

  She was at the far edge of the dance floor, directly under a pulsing red light, when she saw them. Kash and Gillian, six or eight feet away in the shadows. Kash had apparently learned her lesson from the phone-cam incident the night before.

  Isabel had anticipated this possibility, but the vivid reality still rattled her. Kash and Gillian were pressed together in a provocative hip-grinding sway, and Kash’s hands were all over Gillian’s ass. Kash was facing Isabel, but her eyes were closed and Gillian was turned away, so Isabel stood where she was, watching them, oblivious to those around her.

  Her heart sank. I’m too late. The urge to party evaporated as quickly as it had flared, but before she could take a step toward the exit, Kash opened her eyes and looked right at her. Time froze for several heartbeats before she turned to flee.

  The first three hurried steps in Gillian’s borrowed high-heeled pumps were so unsteady that Isabel paused to pull them off. Only the horrific possibility of falling again could make her hesitate, for her insides were so twisted up she felt a little sick to her stomach.

  Could I possibly make a bigger fool of myself? She was ashamed at how much she had allowed her hormones to rule her as far as Kash was concerned. So obsessed by the idea of having sex with her that I’ve lost my common sense. Primping to get her attention. Ready to throw myself at her, even for only one night. And now, seeing her dance with Gillian, I’m acting like some jealous teenager. Get a grip. And for what? Whatever made me think she’d take any interest in me?

  *

  It took Kash a few seconds to wrap her mind around the transformation and really accept that the hot blond sex pistol standing before her was Isabel.

  It took her a few more to realize that the expression on Isabel’s

  face before she turned to leave was one of surprise and…disappointment?

  Suddenly, it all made sense. Isabel was interested, and though she’d given off hard-to-get, strings-attached vibes initially, she’d changed during their time in Paris. The city was a wonderful aphrodisiac, it had loosened her up a lot, and Kash planned to take advantage of that edge.

  Kash had already decided there would be nothing more between her and Gillian. It had only been a dance. She didn’t want any complications. She wanted Isabel, not her friend.

  It was time to let Gillian know that. Then she’ll tell Isabel.

  “Hey, Gillian.” Kash loosened their embrace. “Isabel’s here.”

  Gillian glanced around. “She made it? Great! Where is she?”

  “She was headed toward the front.” Kash let go and stepped back. “Thanks for the dance.”

  Gillian caught the tone and message and took it in good humor. “No chance of another dance or something later?”

  Kash put a hand to Gillian’s cheek. “You’re a very nice woman. Beautiful. Sexy. And fun to be with. Maybe we can do some more sightseeing together on this trip. I’d like that. But that’s all.”

  “Yeah, no problem. I understand. I enjoyed the dance.”

  “My pleasure.”

/>   “Well, guess I’ll go find Izzy.”

  Kash watched Gillian disappear into the crowd, then sauntered to the bar for another vodka.

  She stayed for a third and consented to a couple of dances, but none of the women at the club interested her for either conversation or other pursuits. Her mind kept returning to Isabel, long after it was obvious that she had gone and wasn’t coming back. Though Kash rarely wasted a brain cell worrying about someone else, it had bothered her—that surprised and unhappy expression on Isabel’s face. But she’d make it go away and replace it with a very satisfied smile.

  Kash had never apologized for how she was with women, and she wouldn’t now. She always made her intentions very clear. The women she fucked all knew not to have any future expectations, and none of them were unhappy when they left her. It appeared as though Isabel might be receptive to her lifestyle now.

  On her way out, she spotted Gillian with a tall, lanky blonde in leather. Ordinarily, she’d have waited until Gillian was less occupied, but the kiss had gone on for a few minutes already, and it was only getting hotter.

  So she grasped Gillian’s shoulder and waited to be acknowledged. This would only take a second. Isabel had seemed the most upset by the fact that she thought she and Gillian were getting it on. I’ll sleep better knowing Gillian set her straight about that.

  “Oh, hey, Kash.” Gillian was breathing hard, and her face was flushed. They both had to speak up to be heard over the music.

  “Sorry to interrupt. I’m going back to the hotel. Did you find Isabel?”

  “No. I guess she left.” Gillian didn’t seem at all concerned. “Like I said, she’s not really into clubbing. She was out all day, so I bet she was tired and went back to the hotel.”

  “Want to make sure she got back all right?” Kash pulled out her cell phone, dialed the number, and handed the phone to Gillian.

  After a long delay, Gillian spoke. “Hey, Izzy, it’s Gill. Everything cool with you?”

  Kash wished like hell she could hear what Isabel was saying.

  “Yeah. That’s what I thought.” Gillian smiled, then laughed. “Well, I’m doing my best.” A pause as she listened. Then she glanced at Kash. “She’s right here.” A long pause. “No, darn it.”

  Kash relaxed a little. At least she knows we’re not together.

  “Well, you’re on your own there. I’m going to sleep in,” Gillian said next, then listened some more. “Sounds like a plan. Sleep well.” She closed the phone and handed it back to Kash. “Like I figured. She’d been out running around like crazy and it all caught up with her, so she went back to the room. Said not to worry about her. Oh—and she said since our flight isn’t until noon, she’s packing tonight so she can go out sightseeing again very early in the morning. I told her she’s on her own.”

  “Well, guess I’ll head back, too,” Kash said. “Have fun.”

  “Boy, you two are such party poopers.”

  *

  Isabel was usually not one to drink to excess, but once back in the suite she ordered a bottle of wine and had downed a good bit of it by the time Gillian telephoned. She had anticipated the call so had prepared her answers in advance and tried to deliver them with the same casual, cheery tone she always used, though she felt anything but cheery.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Izzy, it’s Gill. Everything cool with you?”

  “Hi, Gill. Yeah, I’m fine. Exhausted, though. I’ve been on the run since this morning and suddenly it all caught up with me.”

  “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

  “I’d have stopped and talked to you, but you were dancing with Kash and seemed way too content to interrupt. So, are you having lots of fun?” She heard Gillian laugh.

  “Well, I’m doing my best.”

  Isabel pictured the two of them wrapped up together on one of the VIP couches. Knowing Gillian, she wouldn’t be surprised if her friend was missing a few garments by now. “So, is Kash somewhere within earshot?”

  “She’s right here.”

  “Well, there’s no reason for either of you to waste any time worrying about me. So I’ll let you go.” Isabel wondered whether the two of them would end up back here or in Kash’s suite. Kash’s, certainly. Wouldn’t they? What if they don’t? She didn’t relish facing the two of them, fresh out of bed, over her morning coffee. “Hey, by the way, have you figured out yet where you’re sleeping tonight?”

  “No, darn it.”

  “Well, I was thinking, since we don’t fly out of here until after noon, I’m going to pack tonight and get up early to hit a few more places.”

  “Well, you’re on your own there. I’m going to sleep in.”

  “I figured you would. If I’m not back by the time you’re ready to leave for the airport, bring my suitcase with you, will you, and I’ll meet you there?”

  “Sounds like a plan. Sleep well.”

  “Thanks, Gill. Have fun. See you when I see you.” She hung up the phone, wishing she could get the image of the two of them dancing together out of her mind. Please don’t come back here tonight.

  Chapter Seven

  Isabel ventured out of her bedroom at five thirty the next morning as quietly as possible, weary from lack of sleep and with a Richter scale headache. Though she hadn’t heard anyone come into the suite, she had managed to doze briefly so it was possible Gillian and Kash had slipped into the other room.

  That door was ajar, as she had left it after rummaging through Gillian’s closet the night before. She held her breath and glanced through the opening. Once she confirmed the bed had not been slept in, she exhaled shakily.

  She was both relieved and disappointed. Ah, well. At least I don’t have to deal with them all over each other. Perhaps with Kash wearing a lot less than usual. She recalled the softly sculpted perfection of Kash’s upper body that she’d glimpsed when she’d changed her shirt during their first meeting. I don’t think I could stand it—seeing her parading around in next to nothing, smelling of sex, let alone consider the possibility she might like to walk around in the nude—and not be able to have something myself with her. That would be pure and absolute torture.

  Isabel didn’t think it likely that Gillian would return this early, but she still hurried to leave the suite, anxious for some fresh air and black coffee, and reluctant to consider how she could possibly act normal and unaffected when she saw them together at the airport. That was as long as she could delay the inevitable. But at least seeing them together there would be easier than seeing them in the afterglow of sex.

  And if Kash truly deserved the worst of her reputation, Isabel considered, then perhaps by the time she next saw them, their affair might already be over.

  On paper, absolutely not the woman for me. She flirts with anyone and everyone and apparently drops her pants at the slightest provocation. Who knows how many women she’s had? She doesn’t, I’d wager. No, I couldn’t possibly pick anyone more unsuitable. At least not for the kind of life I’ve always claimed to want, not for the person I’ve always claimed to be. So why, then, am I so drawn to her that I can’t put her out of my mind? Does Isa have no common sense at all?

  *

  Kash was sitting in precisely the same seat and even had her sunglasses on again, though the day was so overcast it was much darker inside the hotel restaurant that morning than it had been the day before.

  The coffee and basket of pastries were the same, too, the pastries still obviously untouched, and Gillian finally realized they were an offering to Kash’s celebrity.

  “You look like I feel,” Gillian said in a low, raspy voice. She was smiling in a way that said the evening had sure been worth it, though it was taking its toll now.

  “Sit,” Kash said. She signaled the waiter and ordered a pot of coffee. “The blonde in the leather?”

  Gillian grinned and nodded very slowly several times. “Françoise. One delicious long drink of Perrier, let me tell you.”

  Kash laughed. “Aren’t women the
most wonderful creatures?”

  “Indeed they are.” Gillian let out a long, contented sigh. “I’ll certainly miss Paris.”

  “Wait until we hit Rome,” Kash said. “Mediterranean women are a rare breed. Fiery, passionate.”

  “Know any good clubs there?”

  “I know clubs everywhere, Gillian. Public and private. I get invited to their openings, anniversaries, special events.”

  Gillian slapped herself in the forehead, the universal symbol for duh, and smiled. “Oh. Of course you do.”

  “So anytime you want to go out at night, say the word.” Kash put her hand on Gillian’s. “I’m glad you understand about…well, that we can’t be more than friends. I’m very tempted, and I wanted you to know that.”

  *

  Isabel had intended to avoid returning to the hotel. But though the sky had been clear blue when she set out that morning, a storm blew in unexpectedly while she was strolling through the Tuileries Gardens. Before she could find shelter she was soaked, so she had hurried back to the Napoleon, praying she wouldn’t walk in on something she didn’t want to see.

  She let herself into the suite as quietly as possible and paused for a few moments, listening. Relieved to hear nothing but silence, she headed toward her bedroom to change, pausing briefly at Gillian’s open door to glance inside. Gillian’s clothes from last night were strewn across the bed. So she’s been here. And then what? Back to Kash’s suite?

  All she knew was that she was going to take advantage of the break she’d been given. She changed in record time and headed back out, grateful for the brief respite.

  She crossed the lobby, hyperalert to her surroundings, half expecting to see either Kash or Gillian or both at any time. Under most circumstances, she’d have missed them—she got only a glimpse as she passed the door of the restaurant. But she stopped abruptly.