Importance of Being Urnest

by Sandra Balzo

  ‘So why—’

  The towel came flying across the room and fell at my feet.

  Except it wasn’t a towel. It was a pillowcase covered in yellow daisies. And with a red lipstick stain on it.

  ‘I’ll call you back,’ I said into the phone.

  TWENTY-ONE

  ‘Nancy wasn’t wearing lipstick when I saw her,’ I said for the third time.

  ‘Oh, good,’ Sarah said. ‘The pillowcase isn’t the murder weapon and we’re off the hook for touching it.’

  ‘You touched it,’ I said, holding the thing by the wooden tongs we used for getting stuck toast out of the toaster. The sticky bun tongs were in the dishwasher. ‘And I kind of doubt that a pillowcase would hold fingerprints anyway.’

  ‘Good,’ she said. ‘Let’s throw it in a dumpster. Mort’s got one and who’d want to dig through that?’

  ‘The last thing we need is for somebody – or some camera – to catch us disposing of it,’ I said. ‘We’re not guilty. Why act like it?’

  ‘Then why not tell Nick, Nora?’

  I didn’t think that was such a good idea, either. ‘Pavlik may be on leave but he’s not going to withhold evidence.’

  ‘Yet we are.’

  ‘Because it’s evidence against us.’

  ‘You might want to lower your voice,’ Sarah said. ‘Unless you want people walking down the street to hear us discussing this.’

  I rubbed my forehead. ‘How did it get here?’

  ‘Well, there were no bells on either door. If we were behind the service counter or in the front of the store, somebody could come in the platform door and go right into the storeroom without us ever seeing them.’

  ‘OK, so there’s the how,’ I said. ‘And I don’t want you ever to complain about those bells again, once I put them back up. But what’s the why?’

  ‘Why would the killer plant evidence on us? Got me. You’re the one arguing with the Scandinavian mob.’

  Jack Andersen. ‘You think this is a crime that I was supposed to be accessory to? Maybe it had nothing to do with Pavlik.’

  ‘Then who’s the friend?’

  ‘What friend?’ I was casting about for somewhere to put the pillowcase.

  Sarah shook out a plastic garbage bag and held it out. ‘Here.’

  I dropped the pillowcase in. ‘Your fingerprints will be on that bag.’

  ‘Then we’ll dump out the pillowcase and take the bag with us. At least we’re protecting the evidence.’

  ‘I think the police use paper bags. Or is that just for wet things?’

  ‘Wouldn’t you put wet in plastic?’

  ‘It can degrade the evidence, I think. But this isn’t wet.’ I looked inside the bag. ‘At least, I don’t think it is.’

  ‘Is the lipstick considered wet?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’ I had a different question on my mind. ‘Why would somebody put lipstick on Nancy and then suffocate her?’

  ‘It’s evidence. They wanted to pin it on us and it’s the only thing they could think of.’

  ‘It’s so cruel, though. Poor Nancy having this crazy person applying lipstick on her?’ I had a thought. ‘Speaking of crazy, maybe Pauly Andersen had a hand in this.’

  ‘If he’s still in the area after being responsible for two cops dead and one being wounded, he is crazy.’

  ‘And it runs in the family, from what I’ve seen of Jack. He just has a shiny candy-coating over the rot.’

  ‘I think you’re making a mistake.’

  ‘Not calling Pavlik, you mean?’ I’d been hunkered over the bag and now I stood up.

  ‘No, I’m fine with that. I think it’s a mistake letting Hannah off the hook. She’s the one who benefitted from both Celeste and Nancy’s deaths.’

  ‘True.’ A lightbulb went off. ‘Maybe she’s the friend.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You asked who the friend Jack referred to was, if not Pavlik.’

  ‘Yeah, when he said something like “you and your friend have a glass house.”’

  ‘I assumed he was talking about Pavlik, since he had just come to stay at my place. But maybe Jack was talking about Hannah.’

  ‘He thinks you and Hannah killed the old ladies?’

  ‘That’s the only thing that makes sense.’

  ‘Hannah, I get. We suspect her, too. But why you? You barely know the woman and have no motive.’

  ‘Maybe because Hannah wanted me to go to the lawyer with her and not him?’ I had a thought. ‘He threatened me. Maybe he’s blackmailing her.’

  ‘Hannah?’

  ‘Yes, maybe that’s why she’s so hot to get her hands on the trust. She said she needed to pay Celeste’s final expenses. Including blackmail?’

  ‘If he’s blackmailing her, that means she killed Celeste. And then, following that logic, she also had to have killed Nancy to get access to the money.’

  ‘That means she’s the one who put the pillowcase here. But why frame me?’

  ‘She could be framing me,’ Sarah said. ‘Or isn’t that in the realm of your possibilities?’

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ I said, picking up the bag with my toast tongs and holding it out to her. ‘Are you jealous? Because if you want to be framed, it’s fine with me.’

  ‘I just don’t like to be dismissed.’

  ‘You have as much of a motive as I do, which is none. Yet somebody stashed Nancy’s lipstick-stained pillowcase with our towels.’

  ‘They folded it first.’

  ‘So? Being neat doesn’t preclude you from being a murderer.’ I didn’t understand any of it. ‘I’m going to ask Pavlik to find out if Nancy’s body had lipstick on it.’

  ‘I thought you didn’t want him to know about …’ she gestured at the bag I was still holding, ‘… that.’

  ‘I’m hoping I can finesse it.’ I pulled out my phone with my free hand. ‘Can you hold down the fort for a while?’

  ‘If you do something with the evidence,’ she said. ‘Has it occurred to you that whoever framed us wants it found? The police or sheriff’s department could be on their way as we speak.’

  ‘Shit, no answer,’ I said. ‘OK, I’m going, but I’ll hide this on my way out.’

  ‘Are you going to see Pavlik?’

  ‘No. I need to think about how I’m going to approach him on the lipstick thing. I don’t want to invite questions.’ I dropped my phone into my purse. ‘I’m going to see Bernie.’

  ‘Ah, the lawyer. Maybe you’ll see Hannah there.’

  ‘That’s just what I’m thinking.’ Taking my tonged garbage bag with me, I left through the side door.

  TWENTY-TWO

  But nobody was in Bernie’s office, except for Bernie.

  ‘Hannah called me this morning.’ He waved me into a guest chair. ‘But I can’t tell you anything beyond that. And you know it.’

  ‘I do.’ I sat. ‘But I was hoping you might bend the rules, since I was here with Hannah and Nancy just … Geez, was it just yesterday?’

  ‘It was.’

  ‘And now she’s dead.’

  ‘So I understand.’

  ‘C’mon, Bernie,’ I said, leaning forward to put my elbows on his desk. ‘This has to smell as fishy to you as it does to me. Yesterday, Nancy was blocking Hannah’s access to the trust. A few hours later, she’s dead. And Hannah’s already called here, presumably to get access to the trust to pay “expenses,” right?’

  ‘It would be within her rights.’ He was my friend, but he was also her lawyer now, which meant he was measuring his words.

  ‘Nancy was murdered.’

  ‘What?’ That had gotten his attention. ‘By whom?’

  ‘The autopsy says she suffocated.’

  He was literally on the edge of his chair. It squeaked. ‘Suffocated, or was suffocated.’

  Potatoes, potahtoes. Lawyers and their words. ‘Technically, she suffocated.’

  ‘Geez, there you go again, Maggy. It’s always got to be murder. An elderly woman died of suf
focation. Maybe she choked on something.’

  ‘Yes, a pillow. Then after she was dead she took off the pillowcase and stuck it in my storeroom.’

  ‘Holy shit.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Are you hiring me?’

  Since I’d just blabbed, I was torn between ‘I don’t need a lawyer’ and ‘yes, please,’ which would get me confidentiality for a mere $400 per hour.

  Then came a pounding at the door, which I’d locked behind me. ‘Hello? Is anybody in there?’

  Hannah. Bernie and I exchanged looks, and I had to assume my eyes were as big as his.

  ‘If she hires you to represent her and I’m here, does that give me confidentiality about what I just told you?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘The pil—’

  ‘Shhh.’ He held up a hand. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  Good enough for me. ‘Should I let her in?’

  Bernie threw out his arms. ‘Why not?’

  I opened the door.

  ‘Oh, Maggy, did you hear? Poor Nancy was murdered and they think I did it.’ She threw her arms around me and burst into tears.

  I just stood there stiffly and let her cry it out on my shoulder, before leading her into Bernie’s office.

  After all, the woman might have killed two women and tried to frame me for one of the murders. No hugs for her.

  Bernie poured a glass of water for her and then sat back down. ‘What can I help you with, Hannah?’

  ‘Didn’t you hear me? Nancy was suffocated and I’m a suspect. The investigators are crawling all over everywhere looking for a pillowcase.’

  Bernie’s eyes flicked to me and then back. ‘A pillowcase.’

  ‘It’s missing off one of the bed pillows. The pillow itself was next to Nancy on the bed. I noticed it when I got home and wondered where the cover was, but …

  ‘You have to believe me,’ she continued to Bernie. ‘I didn’t do this. I would never do this. She was …’ She started to sob again.

  The woman was in worse shape than when her mother died. I guess a murder rap hanging over your head could do that.

  I was feeling none too chipper myself. ‘Are you being blackmailed, Hannah?’

  ‘What?’ from both she and Bernie.

  ‘How can you ask me that?’

  There had been the slightest hesitation after the word ‘how.’ Had she started to ask how I knew?

  ‘Just a feeling,’ I said, watching her. ‘Jack Andersen is a sleazeball and he gives me the creeps. I think you feel the same.’

  ‘And so he must be blackmailing us? For what?’ Her words were defensive but there was fear in her eyes.

  ‘I’m not sure. Something about your mother’s death, I think.’

  That seemed to score, but maybe only half a point. ‘I … I came here for help. Not to be accused.’

  ‘If you’re being blackmailed, you’re the victim,’ I said. ‘Maybe Bernie and I can help.’

  Bernie’s face said he didn’t want any part of this, but he kept quiet.

  ‘I don’t need your help. I came here to see my lawyer. In private.’ She stood up.

  I gestured for her to sit down and got up myself. ‘I’m sorry. You’re absolutely right. I’ll go.’

  When I got to the door, I turned. ‘But when you said, “he must be blackmailing us,” who is the “us”?’

  ‘She didn’t answer me, of course,’ I told Pavlik over Chinese that night. ‘And if looks could kill, Bernie’s would have dissolved me right there and then.’

  ‘Essentially, you just stirred her up and then left him to deal with her.’ He was trying to get fried noodles out with chopsticks and the box kept moving away from him.

  I took it and pushed a tangle of noodles onto his plate. ‘I did. I called later and apologized.’

  ‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘And I assume you also tried to worm more information out of him.’

  ‘Would you expect any less?’ I helped myself to orange chicken. ‘But, alas, all he told me was that he’d recommended a criminal attorney and that was pretty much that.’

  ‘Bernie’s a good lawyer. I’m sure after he’d gotten over his initial astonishment at the idea that his client might be a murderer—’

  ‘Who might also be being blackmailed,’ I interjected.

  ‘He went back into professional mode. Did you get any sense of whether she was able to access the funds in the trust? If so, Andersen could get his money and be in the wind along with his brother.’

  I was enjoying having Pavlik egging me on, rather than lifting his leg on my ideas. ‘You think I could be right about the blackmail then?’

  ‘A man like Andersen is always on the lookout for a new opportunity to make money. If he stumbled on information that made him think Hannah had something to hide, sure I believe it. I just don’t know why he seemed to be threatening you as well.’

  ‘For some reason, he believes that I’m in this with her. Whatever this is.’

  ‘The “us.”’ Pavlik scored a piece of chicken off my plate. ‘Could it be Hannah and Nancy?’

  ‘They killed Celeste for her money? But if they’re in collusion, why did Nancy refuse to let Hannah have access to the trust?’

  ‘She wanted it all for herself maybe.’

  ‘The woman fell apart after Celeste died – mentally and physically.’

  ‘Guilt can do that.’

  ‘True.’ Greed and guilt wouldn’t make good bed partners. ‘I wish we knew how much is in the trust.’

  ‘Bernie would be disbarred if he told you that. And rightfully so.’

  ‘Could a trust be subpoenaed?’

  ‘Not a trust, because it’s an entity. But a trustee probably could. There would have to be cause, though.’

  ‘The trustee is Hannah now. I assume they’re looking at her seriously for Nancy’s murder.’

  ‘More seriously, if they could find the pillowcase.’

  I put down my chopsticks. ‘What would that prove that the pillow can’t? From what Hannah said, it was Nancy’s pillow – and pillowcase – so her DNA will be all over them.’

  ‘There could be a stain or something that didn’t soak through to the pillow. But more than that, it’s the absence of the pillowcase that’s important. Somebody was there and took it for some reason.’

  ‘Maybe to frame somebody else?’ I leaned down to put my plate on the floor so Frank could slobber up the rest of my rice.

  When I sat back up, Pavlik had an odd look on his face. ‘Why would you say that?’

  I tried for casual, but not push all the way to nonchalance. ‘Like you said, taking the case only raised suspicion in the first place. Why not leave it and hope Nancy’s death passed for natural causes?’

  ‘I didn’t say that, but it’s a point. The case could also have traces of the assailant on it, meaning he or she would have been forced to take it.’

  ‘What kind of traces? A pillowcase wouldn’t show fingerprints, would it?’ I wanted to confirm what I’d told Sarah.

  ‘Not likely, but there could be blood, sweat, hair, that sort of thing. Thing is, if Hannah is the killer, those traces – except for the blood, probably – are easily explained by the fact she lived in the house.’

  ‘And probably made the beds,’ I added. ‘Which is why, I guess, I was thinking there was another reason for removing the pillowcase.’

  ‘We’ll know when and if it’s found.’ He was studying me. ‘You wouldn’t know where it might be, would you?’

  ‘Me? How could I know that? Oh, by the way, I saw Mort this morning. Did you know Al and Pete’s funerals are both tomorrow?’

  Pavlik’s face dropped and I felt ashamed for changing the subject to the loss of his officers. Not that he could ever forget, but when we’d been discussing the case he’d been distracted and, seemingly, happy.

  ‘Hallonquist told me when we talked,’ he said. ‘He’d be willing to come pick me up if you have to work.’

  ‘That’s ni
ce of him. But I’d like to go with you. If it’s OK with you?’

  ‘Better than OK,’ Pavlik said. ‘Thank you.’

  He took my hand and I felt ashamed all over again. This time for lying to him about the pillowcase.

  TWENTY-THREE

  I took the opening shift the next day so I could leave at noon to pick up Pavlik for the funerals. He was waiting at the door in full dress uniform when I pulled in.

  ‘How did you get into that all by yourself?’ I asked as he climbed into the Escape. ‘I should have come home early so I could help you.’

  ‘I can move my left arm, you know. It just,’ he rolled it and winced, ‘smarts a bit when I do this.’

  ‘Then don’t do this.’

  Pavlik threw me the look the old gag deserved. I knew that it smarted more than a bit. I also knew he’d deny it.

  ‘You know,’ I said, backing out of the driveway, ‘I was thinking last night—’

  ‘When was that?’ Pavlik asked. ‘Before Frank jumped up and sat on my head or after?’

  ‘After. Anyway, if Hannah is being blackmailed by Jack, like we talked about, that would have to be for Celeste’s murder.’

  ‘We don’t know that Celeste was murdered.’

  ‘And never will.’ I pointed the car south on Poplar Creek Road toward Angel of Mercy, where Al Taylor’s service was being held. ‘But if Jack has something on Hannah—’

  ‘Which he also thinks he has on you—’

  This was the downside of being with – and trying to keep things from – somebody as smart as the sheriff. Pavlik knew stuff. And figured out other stuff to go with it. I could almost see the sheriff slotting ‘missing pillowcase’ right up there next to ‘Jack’s leverage on Maggy.’

  ‘It has to be something that pre-dates Nancy’s death,’ I continued.

  ‘I’ll give you that. Turn here.’

  ‘But the church is on the next street down.’

  ‘I know, but we’ll park behind the church with the squads.’

  I followed directions. ‘But if our theory is that Hannah was already being blackmailed for Celeste’s murder, she certainly wouldn’t kill Nancy and give him even more of a hold on her.’

  I expected him to correct ‘our theory,’ but he surprised me. ‘When I hit a roadblock in a case, I step back to the various forks in the road and rethink my assumptions. Maybe we’re wrong about the blackmail in the first place. Or it has nothing to do with the deaths of Celeste and Nancy.’