Fragile Love

by Mack Black

  "When are you gonna quit carrying that purse?" Jace said, a teasing tone in his voice.

  "It's not a purse, it's a messenger bag," I replied in the exact same way I always did when he said that. I didn’t think he’d ever grow tired of picking on me.

  "See you all later. Bye brats," I called as I headed for the door.

  Then, I rushed out of there so they didn’t have a chance to come out and catch up. I’d had enough of them all for one day.

  As I drove home, thoughts bombarded me. I tried to think of a plan to find Bella, but it turned out I didn’t need one because when I arrived, she sat against my door.

  "Bella?" I questioned as I stepped towards her.

  "I didn't think you were ever coming back," she replied, standing to let me unlock the door.

  She wouldn’t look at me, only glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. It made my cheeks burn, like maybe I had something on my face. I even reached up and smoothed a hand over my mouth and cheeks to be safe right before I shoved the door open.

  "How long have you been here?" I asked.

  "Three hours. I realized I was being an idiot and came back but you were already gone. I don't know what I was thinking. I just sat down and waited." She reached over, her hand laying over my arm. It stopped me dead in my tracks.

  I turned towards her and angled my head, but she didn’t say anything else. I frowned. "You weren't being an idiot. I was," I finally said.

  Bella stepped past me and sat on the couch. I followed behind her. "I get it James. I’m sure it’s hard to trust women after everything you’ve been through, but I’ve never lied to you. Honestly, I’d think since I’m the reason the college girls left you alone, you would trust me a little more than you do.” She stared at the floor.

  "What do you mean?"

  "I told the girls in that sorority if they didn't stop picking on you, I would off them Italian style," she said, finally meeting my eyes. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "You know like"—her hand came across her neck in a slitting motion— “the mob.” She looked back down at the ground then, her cheeks tinted pinkish. I just wanted to kiss her again. To make her lips as pink as her cheeks.

  "Really?" I chuckled. How could the girls ever believe Bella was part of the mob?

  "Yeah." She kicked at the rug with the toe of her sandal, lifting it up a little.

  "I didn't know that. That quite possibly changes things," I said, but it didn’t change anything. It shocked me, sure, but the white lie I’d just told made her smile, so it was worth it.

  "Really?" She looked at me again.

  "Bella can I kiss you now?" I said, itching to grab her face and bring her lips to mine.

  She nodded, running a hand through her hair. I couldn't help but wonder if Bella was flirting with me?

  I reached out and caressed her cheeks, a move all the males made in every romance movie I’d ever seen. Then I lured her closer. As our lips collided, my body lit up and fire raced through my veins.

  When the feeling took over, my whole body came alive like a current. I could feel every single touch, every single moment so much more. Then her hands raked up my back, right under my shirt, and I couldn’t stop myself from pulling her into my lap, which gave me better access to her.

  My hands tangled in her hair, tugging on it to get the position I wanted. She yanked my t-shirt upwards, breaking the kiss to pull it up over my head.

  Does she want sex?

  My hands roamed down, locking on her waist as I tried to summon the courage to put my hands up her dress, which was bunched up around my thighs already. Easy access…

  Her hands were all over me now, feeling me up like she’d never get the chance again. She kissed me feverishly, making me wonder if she’d ever come up for air.

  She had to be able to feel my hard-on the way she was sitting on me. It had become all I could feel, and every time she moved, it only made me harder.

  Fuck it.

  My hands slid down, roaming under her dress and sliding up her body. I stopped just shy of her bra, giving her a moment to oppose. When she didn't, I slid them higher, my fingers fumbling with the hooks.

  "No." She pushed away from me and stood up, then sat beside me, her head falling into her hands.

  "Not yet. Not…if I do it right now, it will just be about your body. I got carried away James. If it happens, I want it to be because I want it to happen. Because of you, not because of your body." She sighed and stood back up. "I should go."

  I stood up, reaching out to grasp her arm. "Don't go. Look, let's just forget it happened. I can take a cold shower or something. Just don't go. I've had a hell of a day and I just want to be near you right now."

  Down boy.

  "Yeah? What happened?" she said, taking a seat back on the couch.

  "Well just be glad you didn't go. My dad was hassling me about getting married and having kids and my sister and her husband were picking on me about—well about you." I sat down on the couch beside her, completely forgetting about what had just happened.

  "About me? They know about you and me?"

  "Well no. My sister called the night of our date and I told her I was unavailable because I was going on a date. So naturally she asked me about it," I said, almost feeling guilty they didn't know it was her. I’d been careful not to mention her name, or to react when they mentioned it.

  "So, what you’re saying is they know you went on a date with some girl but that's all." Her face fell a little, her eyes turning back to the ground.

  "I told them I liked a girl, and that she was a photographer, and I told them where I took you. I didn't mention your name if that's what you're asking."

  Fuck, maybe I should have. The look on her face isn't a good one. Why did I keep screwing up with her?

  "Why didn't you tell them it was me? Are you embarrassed of me?" she said, kicking at the rug again, refusing to look at me.

  I reached out and turned her face up to look her in the eyes. "Never in a million years could I ever be embarrassed of you. That's absurd."

  "Then why?" Her stare hardened, her eyes holding mine captive.

  "Honestly, I don't know. I guess because I don’t want to get my hopes up with you because if it doesn’t work out I’ll be crushed.” I forced myself to hold her gaze.

  "That's the problem, James. You're so scared that you can't even give this a chance. I'm trying here and you're constantly shooting me down. Just jump in head first. You have to trust me enough to give it a chance." She reached out and laid a hand on my cheek. "Don't let it end before it even begins."

  "You think I'm not trying? You think I don't chastise myself every single time I say something stupid? That I don't sit awake at night wondering what the hell this even is?" Maybe that was the problem, not knowing where we stood.

  "What do you want this to be James?" she asked, her hand dropping to her lap. I didn't take that as a good sign.

  "I want you to love me the way my sister loves Jace. I want you to look at me and just know things. I want to treat you like the princess you are, because you deserve it. I want to know every stupid little thing about you and smile because I think it's cute. I want to be able to call you my girlfriend," I said, reaching out to grab her hand. "It's all I've ever wanted, since the day you walked into that library."

  "Then let me in. Trust me when I tell you I’d never ever intentionally hurt you. Maybe we could have that James, I don't know. What I do know is you will never know if you don't try." Her words were soft and from a place of sincerity.

  She was right. I did need to open up, so I did the one thing I swore I’d never do. I crossed the living room and went into my bedroom, grabbing a notebook I kept on the top shelf of my closet. It was full of letters to my future self, depicting major moments in my life and I’d sworn I’d never, ever show it to anyone. I couldn't bring myself to say aloud what I wanted her to know, so I did the next best thing.

  I walked back into the living room and handed her the notebook. "In the sp
irit of me trying, take a look at this." I took a seat next to her again. "I've never showed it to anyone before."

  Her fingers traced the spine of the notebook, then across the letters written on the front.

  Property of James Winters.

  She looked at me once more before opening it and glancing down at the first page. "A diary?"

  "No. A book of letters to my future self."

  Her eyes skimmed the page, reading about the day my mother killed herself. I was angry, and I was yelling at my future self for being stupid and not noticing the signs. In it, I told myself I’d never forgive not noticing. I was about fourteen when that happened.

  She flipped the page, reading another letter from the day I moved in with Dad. In it, I talked about how much I hated my sister and how if she hadn't been born my mom might still be alive. I was stupid then.

  A few more pages in was a detailed account of meeting Jace and the way he’d eyed up my sister. The way they both responded to one another.

  "It's kind of cool to read about how they met. From what I’ve seen, their love must be pretty epic," she said, flipping through more pages.

  At the very end was a recent letter, detailing our date and our first real kiss. In this one, I’d written about fireworks and rainbows. I held my breath, hoping she wouldn’t think of me as a sissy.

  She looked up at me with watery eyes. "You really think that way about me?" she asked, her voice wavering.

  "I always have."

  "God I'm such an idiot," she said, closing the notebook and laying it on the table.

  "No. Don't say that."

  "No, I am. I should’ve given you a chance a long time ago. I knew you liked me. I've known since I caught you looking up my skirt the first time I met you." She looked back at the ground, refusing to meet my eyes.

  "Why didn't you?" I probably didn't want to know the answer to this, but I couldn't help asking.

  "Because you were my best friend. Plus, Elise kind of scared me with all that morbid talk. I was afraid if we went there, I’d lose the one person I could never replace." She looked back up at me then, her eyes filled with tears.

  Staring into her eyes, I had no idea what to say. I never realized she’d held me that high. We’d always been close, but I never knew she felt that way. On another note, she wasn’t the only one scared of Elise. The day she’d come home with blonde hair dressed like a businesswoman, I’d rejoiced.

  Bella had asked her if she was sick, but she just responded with, "It's time for me to grow up and become an adult. These days of moping around are a thing of the past."

  From that point forward, she tried in her classes and ended up graduating with honors.

  "I didn't know," I said.

  She reached out and grabbed my hand, interlacing our fingers. I squeezed, scooting a little closer to her. "I know."

  "But why is everything different now?" I think I already knew the answer because we’d talked about our friendship several times before, but I needed to hear it again.

  She shrugged. "One day when I looked at you, I felt a little more than I had before, and I owed it to you and to me to explore it. Why do you keep making me repeat it? Don't you get it James? I'm falling for you. Not your looks; I'm falling for you. Who you are as a person. You're the kindest person I know. You're gentle and caring. You forgive the people who have wronged you. My life has been so much better since the day I met you. You're amazing and I can't for the life of me see why you don't see what I see."

  In that moment, I fell a little more in love with her. "Can I just kiss you now?" My eyes drifted to hers.

  She let go of my hand, crawling into my lap and grasping my face in both of her hands.

  "You don't have to ask to kiss me."

  With that, her lips met mine. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close as we explored each other. When she tugged away, I panted, breathless from being close to her, just like I always was.

  Her forehead rested against mine, and I stared into her beautiful brown eyes. "Bella will you be my girlfriend?" I asked, my voice shaky with nerves.

  "Yes."

  My lips met hers again. Excitement pinged through my stomach. I wanted to share the news with the whole world. "Would it be too soon to invite you to dinner with my sister?"

  "I know your family, maybe not well, but I'd like to. What about tonight?" She smiled down at me.

  "Yeah you know my family as the girl I've been pining after for six years, not as my girlfriend."

  "Well then, we'll just have to change that, won't we?"

  I reached into my pocket, grasping my phone in my fingers. "Are you sure? Because they will ask you a bunch of questions and Nessa is going to give you a hard time," I explained, hoping she’d still want to come.

  "I'm sure James."

  I dialed my sister, placing the phone to my ear. When she answered, I panicked a little, but as I looked at Bella, a feeling of calm settled over me. "Ness, would you and Jace like to come to my place for dinner tonight? I know we just had lunch, but I was thinking I could introduce you to my girlfriend and see what you thought before she meets Dad."

  She didn’t say anything for a few moments, like she might be in shock or something. "Sure James. Let me see if I can get a babysitter."

  "Just bring them. The more the merrier." I said, knowing that Bella would love my nieces. It was hard not to love them, because they were so darn cute.

  "You sure that's not too much? You sure you're ready for this?"

  "I'm sure. I'll have dinner ready by six." I hung the phone up, looking to Bella again. "So, what would you like to eat?" I asked her.

  "Pasta." She laughed.

  Of course. Bella ate pasta almost every day. I had no clue how she stayed so skinny.

  "Lucky for you, Google is great at pasta."

  She laughed even harder, sliding off my lap and heading for the kitchen. "Lucky for you, you don’t need Google when you have me," she called over her shoulder.

  "Good to know," I said, following her into the kitchen.

  As soon as we finished cooking, the doorbell rang. Bella bolted towards my room, and I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped at the way she ran.

  I answered the door and ushered my family in, directing them to the couch. "She'll be out in a minute."

  I took a seat beside my sister. Jace stood near the couch, his eyes on Skylar and Raine. It reminded me of the way my mother used to look at me, with adoration and love and so much happiness it made you want to puke in your mouth a little.

  My bedroom door opened, and Bella stepped out. My eyes snapped toward her. She had to be the most beautiful girl in the world, and I could finally call her mine. I never dreamed I’d be so lucky.

  "It is the hot Italian girl! I totally called it Less. You owe me fifty bucks," Jace called out, snickering a little.

  He always had to take it to an inappropriate place. I might be annoyed if I wasn’t so damn happy. Bella blushed, a nervous laugh slipping from her.

  "Jace!" my sister said, clearly feigning exasperation. "You weren't supposed to say that out loud."

  I stood and walked towards Bella, wrapping my arm around her waist. "Guys, this is Bella, my girlfriend." I gave my sister a pointed look on the last part, silently begging her to behave herself.

  Vanessa nodded, and Bella waved before walking into the kitchen and grabbing the plates from the counter. Then she began dishing out the pasta.

  When we were all seated and eating, my sister said, "So, let's talk about the elephant in the room."

  I choked on my drink, spitting a little out while Bella slapped my back.

  "Nessa," I said, a warning clear in the tone of my voice. "Don't make me regret this."

  Bella placed a hand on my thigh under the table, and I glanced over. She didn’t have a single worry line etched into her face. It made me feel sorry for her because she didn’t have a clue what she’d gotten herself into.

  "Why now, after six years, are you finally interested
in my brother?" Nessa asked.

  Jace cut a look at her as my eyes widened. If she kept it up, I would kick her out, even though Bella seemed as unfazed as before.

  "I guess I finally realized it was worth risking our friendship," Bella replied with a warm grin.

  "Or is it because I made him smoking hot?" Nessa gave her a pointed look.

  I shifted, clearing my throat and letting out a small groan.

  "If you're asking if I'm shallow, the answer is no. James has always been good looking, even in college. In fact, I'm not a fan of his new look. We've discussed it at length."

  Bella had no trouble holding her own. Seeing her stand up to Nessa made my nerves dissipate. I covered her hand, which still rested on my thigh, with my own.

  Nessa looked to me for confirmation, so I gave her a nod.

  "I get it. You want to protect your brother, but I'm not the one he needs protection from."

  That's my girl.

  My heart swelled with pride. I’d thought dinner would end in disaster, but Bella went toe to toe with my sister, and she made sure it wouldn’t end in a fight. All while Jace and I sat back in silence, watching it all unfold.

  Nessa opened her mouth, and Jace stopped her by pressing a finger to her lips. "Don't you dare." He glared at her as he stood from the table. "Less can we talk outside?"

  She followed him, giving me a dirty look before shutting the door behind her.

  "Well that was…" I started, unable to think of a word to describe it.

  "It was just your sister being protective. I get it. She will like me in time, James."

  I leaned over and pecked her lips, remembering my two nieces were there so I pushed away.

  "Mommy is a lion. At least that's what daddy says," Skylar said.

  I burst out laughing, as did Bella.

  "Well sweetie, your mommy is definitely a lion, but it's okay because female lions protect their cubs. That's a great quality to have in a mommy," she said, gaining both of my nieces’ favor.

  If only it were that easy with Ness.

  My sister returned with Jace trailing behind her.

  "I apologize." Nessa said, looking at me then to Bella.