by Mack Black
"She's right Monika. Save the heavy stuff for later when you’re alone. We shouldn't be discussing family matters with a new boyfriend present. No offense James."
"I can remember a time Isabella and Hayley said the same about you," Monika sneered.
I was starting to get the idea that maybe Bella's life wasn't as perfect as I thought it was, and maybe my family wasn't so bad after all.
"So, James, I've heard a lot about you." Chase’s gaze turned to me.
Bella shifted, and her hand found mine again. I held on to her as I met his eyes.
"Good things I hope," I said.
"Does that mean there are bad things to tell?" he asked.
He stared hard at me, as if he could see straight to my soul. My arms crossed and uncrosssed as I shifted in my seat. I tugged at my shirt once more, suddenly feeling hot all over again. My heart raced, and my stomach was doing flips. I wanted to grab Bella’s hand for support, but I was too nervous to do it. "Six years ago, my family was famous because my step mother was a murdering psycho. So, yeah, there are bad things."
Bella gasped, and honestly, I couldn’t believe I’d said that out loud. It must have been the nerves. "Jesus," Monika said, her voice breathy. "Bella didn’t tell us about that."
"It wasn't my story to tell," Bella said.
I took a slice of pizza, suddenly remembering it was there and put it to my lips. It tasted like heaven on a cloud. The flavors of the sauce mixed perfectly with the bread and toppings.
"I told you," Bella said, as I groaned aloud. "I do have to apologize, though. Frozen pizza is never going to taste the same to you. Not after this."
"So other than your stepmom, tell us about yourself," Chase spoke up.
It was weird to be eating dinner and talking in the living room like this. I was used to a dining room table. Except for when it was just me and my friends or me and Bella.
"Well I work for Jackson Freedmon, he owns Freedmon Enterprises, and I've been in love with your daughter for over six years now," I said, the words pouring out. My nerves were really making me do stupid shit today.
" Bella why on earth did you make this young man wait six years to date you?" Monika said, sending her daughter an uneasy look.
"James is my best friend. I was afraid to lose that."
Bella’s defensiveness made me believe there were some underlying issues between her mother and her. I just wished I knew what the problems were so I could help fix them.
"For him to be your best friend, I have not once heard about him."
"That's because we don't talk, because you still blame me, which is funny considering you think I blame you. If it weren't for Chase, I wouldn't even come around," Bella said.
Chase laid a hand on her knee and turned towards her. She instantly shut up. With shaking hands, she stood. Chase followed, and both of them grabbed our plates and moved towards the kitchen, asking Bella to help them with dessert—code for talk without the boyfriend.
I stood, walking around the living room and looking at everything. A picture behind the lamp caught my eye, and it was as if it’d been shoved there to hide it. I reached down and picked it up, my jaw dropping as I saw a family of four. I knew Bella had mentioned a sister, but I’d forgotten until I looked at the photo.
It was one of those professionally done pictures, with the backdrop and everything. Each member of the family was dressed in semi-formal clothing and smiling as if the world was perfect. The other girl in the photo looked like Bella, but her hair was a raven black color like her mother. Sitting above her left eye was a bright-red birthmark that stuck out like a sore thumb against her tanned skin.
"James?" I dropped the picture to the ground when I heard my name.
"I didn't—"
"Is that? Put that back quick before my Ma comes back. Please." Her voice was pleading, her eyes full of terror.
"Don't ever speak of that around Ma. Don't speak of her."
I picked the picture up and put it back in its place behind the lamp, then sat down on the couch and patted the spot beside me.
"I'll tell you whatever you want to know when it's just us. Just please don't say anything."
I didn't understand why she was so scared. Her mother had said her name earlier like it was nothing. If she didn't want me to speak about her, I wouldn't, even though I was curious to know what’d happened.
Monika and Chase returned to the living room with small plates packed high with cannolis. The cream in the middle poured out the sides and my mouth watered just looking at them.
Monika handed me a plate and I took a bite. The cream was just sweet enough to balance the hard, crunchy cone wrapped around it.
Bella watched me eat it with a smile on her face. When she smiled like that, it made my insides flutter.
"Well I can say this is the happiest I've seen you in a long time," Chase said, looking at Bella with soft eyes.
"I'm very happy Papà," Bella said.
"I'm pleased to hear that. You know I only want you to be happy."
It was a tender moment between father and daughter and I wondered how their bond got to be so strong. I didn't think I could love one of my dad’s wives as a mother.
"Speaking of, I'm going to put my house up for rent. Would you like me to have the renter pay you directly, or would you like me to collect it and give it to you?" Bella looked down at the ground, her fingers shaking as she waited for his answer. She wanted his approval, even though she hadn’t come out and told him the reason she wanted to rent her house out.
"Why exactly are you renting out your house?" he asked.
Bella’s mom stayed quiet, but her eyes never left us as she focused on our conversation.
"Because I won't be staying there, and I won't have the extra money to pay the rent." She still stared at the carpet, and I still stared at her.
"I see. You're sure this is what you want? You're sure you can handle that kind of commitment?" Chase's eyes drilled into her, but she refused to meet them.
"I'm sure Papà." She nodded over and over, but still wouldn’t look at him.
"Use protection then."
I stiffened, sucking my bottom lip between my teeth and biting down so I wouldn't say something stupid. Something like “it's too late for that.”
It was quiet for some time. After several moments, I looked up. Chase was staring at me dead on. Monika still said nothing and hadn’t for a while.
When I looked at her, I noticed she was staring at the picture. Panic swirled through my chest. Had I put it back right? There were tears in her eyes that she refused to let drop, so they pooled into little puddles around her dark lashes. I offered her an understanding nod, having known what it was like to lose someone so close to you. Though my situation was the exact opposite, I imagined it didn't hurt any less. I wanted nothing more than to reach out to her, to tell her it would be okay one day, but Bella had forbidden me from bringing it up. I wouldn’t go against her wishes.
I glanced back at Bella and could see she was oblivious to her mother's torture. I squeezed her hand, drawing her attention over to me. "Bella, we should probably head out. I have work in the morning."
"Okay, but can I just show you something first?" she asked.
"Sure."
She pulled me from the couch by my hand and lead me up the stairs on our left. I followed her down a long hallway until we stopped in front of the last door on the left.
She turned the knob slowly and anticipation built inside of me. As she swung the door open, I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.
"I moved out after Hayley because I couldn't stand to stay in our room without her," Bella said, her voice low as she stared around the room.
The walls were a light pink, which I’d have never imagined. Bella seemed to hate pink. One of the walls had been covered with pictures, mostly of Bella and her sister over the years. They looked inseparable, like two best friends. Resting against the opposite wall sat two armoires with double doors. I i
magined that was where they kept their clothes. There were two twin beds, one in the middle and one against a wall. Pink silk covered one of them, and in a way, it reminded me of Nessa’s bed at Dad’s with curtains draping around it. On the other wall stood a desk, untouched and unmoved. There were still a few pieces of paper with drawings on them, signed by Bella’s sister.
"Why did you want to show me this?" I asked, turning to find Bella hovering in the doorway. It was as if she was afraid her demons would take her the moment she stepped in.
"I'm trying to let you in," she whispered. "To a part of me no one has ever had the privilege of knowing. No one except her."
The love I felt for her threatened to overwhelm me in that moment, and all I wanted to do was bury my face in her neck and hold her until she could smile again. "Thank you."
After a few moments, Bella took my hand and guided me back downstairs. I apologized to her mother and father for having to leave so soon, but they were both friendly. I walked to the car alone while Bella stayed back and talked to her parents, and I could hear them giving her their approval, although they thought we were moving too fast.
They had a point, but we’d known each other six years, were best friends the whole time. Because of that, we skipped a lot of steps in the relationship, but that wasn’t a bad thing. It was just easy with her. I’d also loved her the whole time, so I’d already went through the stages of falling in love. When she’d admitted her own feelings, it made me rush in.
She kissed her mother and father on the cheek and skipped back to the truck, a wide smile stretching across her face. I grasped her hand and helped her into the truck. When I climbed in, I pulled her towards me. My fingers found her thigh, tracing hearts on it as I drove us home in silence.
Home. I liked the sound of that.
When we walked inside, I collapsed on the couch.
When she first mentioned living together, I wasn't sure where we would live, but when she made it clear it would be in my apartment, a sense of relief washed over me. I really didn’t want to pack, to have to move all my things.
I hated moving with a passion, and I didn't see why people did it all the time. I’d only moved twice in my life and that was enough for me. Sure, I didn't plan on being in this apartment forever, but I wasn't ready to leave yet.
She was draped across the couch with her legs in my lap. We’d both been quiet as I drew my signature hearts over her thigh. I needed some noise, so I said the only thing on my mind.
"When do you want to move your things here?"
She sat up, leaning on her hands for support because of the awkward position. For a moment, I wondered if she was ever going to answer.
"How about Saturday? I don't have anything to do. Do you?"
"Saturday is perfect." I leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss before pushing her legs off me so I could stand. A yawn escaped my mouth and I laughed because I was definitely tired. It had been a long, long day. First work and then meeting her parents, I was surprised my eyes were still even open. It didn’t help how many late nights we’d had recently.
She’d pretty much moved in a week ago, she just hadn't brought her things here yet. When she did, we’d have to find room for everything, and I had a feeling that would be a challenge.
"I need the bed," I said, yawning again.
I forced myself to my bedroom to change and get ready for bed. Bella was quick to follow.
When my head hit the pillows, I pulled her in close and wrapped both arms around her. My face nuzzled into her hair and her ear found my chest, right over my heart where she seemed to like resting.
It was warm, so I kicked the covers off and flipped the light beside my bed.
"James?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
I smiled and kissed the top of her head as I pulled her closer.
"I love you too."
"Truth or dare little flower?" I asked.
Bella sat in the oversized chair she brought from her house, her legs dangling over the side. “Dare."
"I dare you to come over here and kiss me."
She laughed and straightened in the chair.
"You don't have to dare me to do that," she said as she got to her feet and made her way to me.
I puckered my lips and gave her my best puppy dog eyes. She laughed even harder as she planted a wet, sloppy kiss on my lips.
"I was hoping you’d pick truth," I said as I wiped at my mouth. "What did you do, spit on your lips?"
"I just licked them real good." She winked. "And why truth?"
I didn't want to answer that just yet.
"How about twenty questions then?" I said instead.
"Okay, but I go first." She sat down and faced me, crossing her legs underneath her.
"Fine."
"Question one: What is your biggest fear?"
"My biggest fear is that I will end up alone," I said, watching her for her reaction. She had none.
"Okay you go," she said after a few moments of silence.
"Why doesn't your mom want to talk about your sister?" I wanted answers, so I went for it.
"Because she thinks I’m responsible for her death. Why did your mom kill herself?" Bella went for it, too.
"Because my dad left her and started a new family with Vanessa's mom. How did your sister die?" I didn't even flinch. I’d come a long way.
"Overdose," she whispered. "I don't like this game."
“Let's just talk then. I want to know about that part of you, the one you started sharing with me at your house. In return, I’ll answer any questions you have honestly, about anything." I wasn't ready to give up yet. I hadn’t pushed her, had given her days to come around, to tell me. She hadn’t, so now the curiosity was killing me.
She sighed. "I'm gonna have to start from the beginning, and it's a long story." She looked down at the floor. Bella always looked at the floor when she was uncomfortable, so maybe I shouldn’t keep pushing her, but I really wanted to know.
"I've got plenty of time to listen."
"My sister was only a few years older than me. We were close, did everything together growing up, and honestly, she was my best friend. I looked up to her and wanted to be just like her." She paused, collecting her thoughts and shifting to stretch her legs onto the coffee table.
"She must have been wonderful. I hated my sister when we were younger. I regret that." I offered.
"Hayley changed when she went to high school. She started hanging out with other people and constantly breaking our plans. I should’ve seen something was wrong then, but I didn’t." Tears welled in her eyes.
"I feel the same way about my mother, but we were just kids. We didn't understand then what we do now." I took her hand in mine and rubbed my fingers along her knuckles.
"When Dad died, Hayley took it the worst. She started doing drugs with her new friends and coming home wasted at all hours of the night. Her grades slipped so much she would’ve flunked out, so eventually she just quit.” Bella sighed, and the tears started to fall. “My mom tried to help her, to pull her out of the darkness, but she couldn't seem to keep Hayley straight. One day, I think she just gave up.” Bella shook her head, as if trying to shake away the memory. “When Hayley showed up to my high school graduation, she was so messed up the campus police escorted her out. It was the most embarrassing day of my life, but it was also the day my mom put her foot down. She announced her upcoming marriage to a man we’d never met that evening, which did nothing to help matters. She also told Hayley she was signing her into a rehab facility so she could get her act together." A few more tears fell, and I reached out and swiped them away.
"I'm sorry." I had no idea things had been that bad for them.
"Hayley did well in rehab, and in a few short months, she would’ve gotten out. Life was looking up, until my step dad got a job offer in the states. The pay raise was too much for him to turn down. With Hayley in rehab, we packed everything, even all her things, and when we picked her
up from rehab we drove straight to our new house. She was mad because she didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye to her friends.” She shook her head. “Just like that, Hayley fell into her old patterns. Not even a month went by before Mom found her dead one morning in her bed.” Tears came down her cheeks in a steady stream now, so I grasped her in my arms and held her.
"You don't have to talk anymore. It's okay," I said as I stroked her hair.
"I remember the screams that morning—my mom’s screams as she shook Hayley over and over and begged her to wake up. The coroner said she’d done enough cocaine to drop an elephant. I knew she was messed up when she came in the night before, but she was so out of it, I figured I’d just confront her in the morning. I never got to confront her. I should’ve told my parents that night. If I had, she might still be alive." That overwhelming guilt she’d buried for so long was finally coming to the surface. I had felt that same guilt.
"It isn't your fault," I said. "I know it feels like it is, but it isn't."
"My mom blames me. That's why we don't bring it up. She once told me the wrong daughter died. So, as you can imagine, I got very close with Chase. My mom didn't want to be around me for a long time. Because of that, and with Hayley gone, it made me move out. Before I met you, Chase was really the only person I had in my life who I could talk to.”
I didn't know what to say, or even think. A mother should never say that to her child, no matter how much grief she was dealing with.
"I'm sorry your mom made you feel so terrible, but Bella, it isn't your fault. Just like my mother's death isn't my fault. Life is cruel and it throws a lot of unnecessary punishments our way, but they are what shape us. You just have to remember that everything will be okay in the end, and if it's not okay, it's not the end."
"Goodbyes always hurt the most when their stories aren't finished," she whispered, clinging to me. "Can you just hold me for a while now? We can finish our talk later."
As I wrapped my arms around her, she straddled me and laid her head on my shoulder. I held her and stroked her hair, giving her the silence she needed. I had a feeling this was the first time she truly let it all out.
