Tess and Jeremy

by Buffy Andrews

“So are things any better between you and Jeremy?” Gina asked.

  “Well, we still aren’t having sex, but I have allowed him back in the bed.”

  “Man, woman, you’ve got will power,” Cookie said. “The last time Rick and I had a fight I could only hold out for a couple of days. Well, the fact that my vibrator went dead and I didn’t have any batteries in the house might have had something to do with it.”

  “I’m just not going to let him off easy,” I said. “I really want him to change.”

  “Change is tough,” Gina said. “Especially for someone like Jeremy who’s used to having things his way.”

  “That’s the problem,” I said.

  “But no partner is perfect,” Sue said. “Even Tom’s not perfect.”

  “Agreed,” Gina said. “They’re still human. Mike, for example, never replaces the toilet paper roll. And somehow I always get stuck on the toilet with the last square clinging to the empty roll.”

  We laughed.

  “Real change takes effort,” Sue said. “I think a person has to be committed to changing himself because it’s tough to do it for someone else.’

  “Tell me about it,” Cookie said. “I tried and it didn’t work.”

  “What’d you do?” I asked.

  “Tried harder not to sweat the small stuff. Like Rick’s annoying habit of leaving the damn bath towel on the floor. Every time I pick up after the slob I try to picture the loving things he does for me."

  “Does it work?” I asked.

  “Honestly? Some of the time. I’d be lying if I said it works all of the time. If I’m PMS-ing, it definitely doesn’t work. Then I get pissed off at him if he even looks at me a little wrong.”

  “Not to change the subject,” Gina said, “but I’m worried about sex after the baby. Will it be as good as it was before?”

  “My advice? Do kegels,” Cookie said. “Trust me, you’ll thank me later.”

  Sue nodded. “Agree. Kegel like crazy.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really,” Cookie said. “I didn’t do them and after I had the twins I couldn’t sneeze without pissing a drop. Same thing if I laughed or coughed. It was embarrassing. I smelled like piss. I had to wear pads and it sucked big time. Kegels helped.”

  Lynn touched her heart with her hand. “I’ve never been pregnant and do kegels. It makes my orgasms more intense.”

  “Seriously?” Gina asked.

  Lynn smiled. “Absolutely. I do kegels all of the time. In meetings at work, while I’m driving, if I’m out to dinner with friends. If you’re talking to me and I’m sitting, I’m probably kegeling.”

  “Are you doing them now?” Gina asked.

  “I was earlier.”

  “And you know they aren’t just for women,” Cookie said. “I got Rick to do them. Now he’s a regular kegeler. And believe me, he needed the exercises. My nickname for him was Minute Man because that’s about how long he’d last. He’d come while I was just getting started. It really used to piss me off. Now he has more control. And it’s improved his climaxes.”

  “I feel like a beached whale when we have sex,” Gina said. “I love being pregnant, but I do wonder sometimes if my stomach will ever be flat again.”

  “You’ll have to come to the gym with me,” I said. “I’m thinking about teaching cycling classes.”

  “Oh, Lord,” Cookie said. “There’s no way my big ass could fit on one of those tiny cycle seats. I swear they make those things for baby dolls.”

  “I took a class once,” Lynn said, “and my pelvic floor hurt like hell afterward.”

  “A padded cycle seat and padded shorts can help with that,” I said.

  Lynn shook her head. “If I’m going to pound something it damn well isn’t going to be a cycle seat. I swear I bruised my labia and clitoris on that damn bike. I ended up putting an ice pack on it.”

  We laughed.

  “Besides teaching cycling, are you thinking about any other jobs?” Gina asked.

  I wanted to tell them about my idea, but the timing wasn’t right. I still had some research to do.

  “I’m definitely looking for a job,” I said. “I’ll only teach three cycle classes a week and I hope to be able to continue teaching if I get a new job. So we’ll see.”

  Chapter 9

  Jeremy

  Keith held out his hand. “Pay up.”

  I dug a twenty out of my pocket and handed it to him. I lost another game bet.

  “Hey, you guys interested in getting a poker game together?” Keith asked.

  “Sure,” I said. “But where?”

  “Can’t be at my house,” Keith said. “Too many kids.”

  “Why’d you have five anyway?” Mike asked.

  “Well, after two sets of twin girls, I was sure the next one would be a boy. And I really wanted a son.”

  I laughed. “It’s good you got him or you’d still be trying.”

  “We can have the game here,” Tom said. “But I’ll have to check with Sue first.”

  “Listen to you, lover boy,” I said. “Already running everything by Sue.”

  Tom shrugged. “I don’t think she’ll mind, but she lives here, too, so I just think I should ask. Might be better to do it on a weekend Chloe’s with her dad.”

  “Speaking of Chloe, did you see her dad’s latest?” Mike asked. “I ran into them at the liquor store.”

  “Sue’s met her; I haven’t,” Tom said. “But I heard all about The Great Cleavage Catastrophe.”

  “What’s wrong with her cleavage?” I asked.

  “I thought it was sort of nice,” Mike said.

  “According to Sue,” Tom explained, “it’s better to have a, quote, ‘gentle valley,’ unquote. Sue says only one or two inches should be visible.”

  “There was definitely more than two inches visible on that woman,” Mike said.

  “Yes, Sue told me she had butt-crack cleavage.”

  We laughed.

  “You have to explain that,” I said.

  “According to Sue, when a woman’s breasts are pushed way up and more than three inches is exposed and the breasts are touching, it’s butt-crack cleavage. And Sue says butt-crack cleavage is, quote, ‘so yesterday,’ unquote.”

  “Well, that’s one butt crack I’d like to be between,” Rick said.

  “Better hadn’t ever let Cookie hear you talk like that,” Mike said. “She’s not someone I’d want to get on the bad side of.”

  “You’re right about that,” Rick said. “I made the mistake of telling her what this woman said the other night to me in Joe’s Bar. I started playing racquet ball with some guys from work once a week. After the game, we stopped at Joe's. And this woman, who looked a little rough, comes up and asks me if I want some pussy. Just like that. Out of the blue. The broad asks me if I want some pussy. Christ, I spit the swig of beer I had just taken all over the counter. Her girlfriend was behind her and they started laughing. Then she shows me this Pussy Energy drink. It was in a white can.”

  “So it’s a real thing?” Tom asked.

  “Oh yeah,” Rick said. “I think it comes from London. The girls were getting their kicks asking guys if they wanted some pussy. Then they’d whip out the empty can. I thought it was funny and told Cookie about it. Even googled it so she could see it was a real thing. But she wasn’t amused.”

  “Uh-oh,” Mike said.

  “Uh-oh is right. I didn’t get pussy for a couple of nights!”

  ***

  Tess

  We pulled our cars up to the door to load Gina’s gifts.

  “Just sit and let us do the work,” Sue told her.

  “I’m not an invalid,” Gina said. “I can carry a gift bag or two.”

  Sue shook her head. “You never listen, do you?”

  Gina held up her finger. “Not true. Sometimes I do.”

  “I can count the number of times on one hand,” Sue said.

  We loaded the gifts into my car and into Kris’s and Lynn’s
cars. We didn’t need Cookie’s car, but she followed us to Gina’s house to unload.

  Sue road with Cookie and Gina road with me.

  “Are you anxious to find out what you’re having?” I asked Gina on the ride to her house.

  Gina placed her hand on her belly. “Definitely.”

  “Do you picture the baby being a certain sex?”

  “Actually, I picture it being a girl sometimes, and other times I picture it being a boy.”

  “And you’ve never been tempted to look at the sex in the envelope the technician gave you?”

  “Oh, I’ve been tempted. Very tempted. I even went so far as to pick around the edges of the seal. But then I think of Mike and I finding out together. And no matter what the sex is, this baby will be a dream come true—for both of us.”

  “Are you scared?”

  “Terrified is more like it,” Gina said. “What if I’m not mommy material? What if I suck at it?”

  I reached over and patted Gina’s arm. “Oh, Gina, you won’t suck at it. I had the same doubts and fears when I was pregnant with John. Just follow your instincts.”

  “Did you swell?” Gina asked.

  “Big time. Hands, feet, face, boobs. My body was one big blob. Everything on me swelled. Even my girl parts.”

  Gina laughed. “No one ever talks about the girl parts swelling. I couldn’t see past my belly and I held a mirror down there one day. Actually, it was hurting when I sat so I checked it out. I about died when I saw how swollen my labia was. No wonder it hurt so much.”

  I laughed. “I remember those days. Laying down takes the pressure off, but when you sit or stand, it hurts.”

  “Yeah, and then if you can manage to have sex, even more blood rushes to that area.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “Have you ever gotten stuck in the toilet?” Gina asked.

  I shook my head. “What?”

  “Well, the other night I had to go to the bathroom. I didn’t turn the lights on. I sat down to pee and Mike hadn’t put the toilet seat down. My ass hit the water and I got wedged in the toilet and I couldn’t get out.”

  I burst out laughing. “Oh, Gina. That’s so funny.”

  “It is now, but believe me it wasn’t at the time. I was so pissed at Mike. I yelled for him and when he finally got up and walked into the bathroom and turned on the light and saw me stuck in the toilet he started laughing. And he laughed so hard he was bent over and holding his gut, which made me even madder. I told him to get me the hell out of the toilet and he pulled me out but he laughed the entire time.”

  I smiled. “Well, I definitely sat on the toilet not realizing the seat wasn’t down, but I never got stuck in it. That’s too funny. I bet Mike made sure the toilet seat was down after that.”

  ***

  Jeremy

  We hung around after the game for a bit, shooting some pool in Tom’s man cave. He had by far the best hangout of any of my friends. Then again, he doesn’t have kids that claim every inch of the house.

  Besides the usual stocked bar, pool table, oversized recliner chairs and flat screen, Tom had an extensive collection of sport memorabilia.

  I looked at Tom’s guitars propped in the corner. “Do you still play?”

  “Some. Not as much as I used to. I started teaching Chloe, but we haven’t gotten too far.”

  “Remember our band?” Mike asked. “How old were we anyway?

  “It was the summer after seventh grade,” Tom said, “and we were convinced we’d hit the big time one day.”

  We laughed.

  I pointed to Mike. “Remember how your nosey neighbors called the cops and complained about the noise?”

  “I remember. Cops showed up and banged on the garage door. We were practicing and didn’t hear them at first. That pissed them off even more.”

  “They were dicks,” I said. “And so were your neighbors. We were just a bunch of kids trying to have some fun. We could have been smoking weed or doing something far worse than trying to make music.”

  “Well, we did smoke weed,” Keith said.

  I waved my hand. “Yeah, but that came later. In high school. We’re talking seventh grade here.”

  “And it’s not like we were stoners,” Tom said. “We mostly drank.”

  “Seeing the stoners at the class reunion was fun,” Mike said. “Remember Bob? He reeked of weed every day in school. I never cared much for him, but Gina always liked him. He was in her homeroom.”

  “You’re talking about Bob Myers,” Tom said. “Actually, he’s done quite well for himself. Owns his own garage, which he recently expanded. He was never one for books, but man could he fix a car like nobody’s business.”

  “Speaking of high school, guess what came on TV the other night?” Keith asked.

  We all shrugged.

  “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.”

  Everyone laughed.

  “That’s one night I’ll never forget,” I said. “You got totally wasted and threw up all over the lady sitting in front of you.”

  Keith cleared his throat. “Yeah, but you were the one who smuggled the bottle of vodka into the theater and passed it around.”

  “I didn’t force you to drink it,” I said.

  “Like I was going to be the only one who didn’t take a swig when it came to me. Come on now, I was too cool for that.”

  We laughed. I don’t think any of us would be cool enough to do that today,” Mike said.

  Tom reached under the bar and grabbed a bottle of vodka and held it up. “Anyone want to try?”

  I shook my head, “No way. I’m sticking with beer. It’ll keep me out of trouble.”

  ***

  Tess

  “Do you think you and Jeremy are going to be all right?” Gina asked.

  I sighed. “Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these past couple of months. Teaching cycle class would be fun, but I have something bigger in mind. I don’t want to share just yet, though.”

  “What are you up to, Tess?”

  “Don’t worry. Nothing bad. You’d approve. I just don’t want to jinx anything by sharing too soon. And I don’t want to give Jeremy the chance to talk me out of it.”

  “Will he approve?” Gina asked.

  “That’s the part I’m not sure about. He might think it’s a silly idea. That’s why I need to do my homework and get everything figured out before I share it with him.”

  “Oh, so you are going to share it?”

  “Yes. Of course. At some point. But not just yet. In the meantime I’ll start the certification process to teach cycle classes. Exercising always helps me work through ideas—and helps me deal with the stress.”

  “After I have the baby, I’ll definitely get a gym membership.”

  “How much time are you taking off work?”

  “Not as long as I’d like: A couple of months. With just starting my practice, I’ve been extremely busy. Thank God Sue is managing the office for me.”

  “Do you like what you’re doing now? General practice is so different from your prosecution work.”

  “Yes. More than I thought I would. Don’t get me wrong, I loved prosecuting sex crimes, but opening my own practice has always been in the back of my mind. And, who knows, I might even run for judge someday."

  “I’d vote for you.”

  Gina laughed. “Thanks. I still pinch myself sometimes to make sure it’s all real. My life has changed so much over this past year. I never in a million years thought I’d be having Mike’s baby and we’d be together. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. All I ever dreamed of. But I thought dreams were for other people, not me.”

  “I’m a firm believer things happen for a reason,” I said. “We don’t always see the why of something, but eventually it becomes known.”

  “Mom believed that, too. She’d always say this or that happened for a reason. And then, of course, I’d ask why bad things happen to good people. Was there a reason for that? I was
such a smart ass. God, I miss her.”

  “I can’t say I have the answer to that,” I told her. “But I do believe in karma and I’ve seen it come back to bite some people in the ass.”

  I pulled into Gina’s driveway. “Looks like we’re here.”

  Gina smiled. “It was a beautiful shower, Tess. Thanks so much for helping out.”

  “Of course. And, uh, Gina?”

  Gina tilted her head. “What?”

  “You like tea, don’t you?”

  “Love it. Why?”

  I shrugged. “Just wondered. I like tea, too.”

  Chapter 10

  Jeremy

  When I got home from Tom’s, Tess was using the laptop at the kitchen table.

  “How’d the shower go?” I asked.

  She typed while she talked. “Great. Gina was really surprised. How was the game?”

  “Tess, can you please look at me? You know how I hate when you don’t look at me when I’m talking to you.”

  Tess sat back and put her hands on her lap. “This better?”

  “What are you working on anyway?”

  She closed her laptop lid. “Nothing important. Just surfing the net. So the game: How was it?”

  I pulled out a chair and sat down across from her. “Game was good. I do have a bad case of man cave envy.”

  Tess smiled. “Tom does have a nice hangout.”

  “I’d say it’s more than nice. Makes me want to put on that addition we talked about.”

  Tess squirmed. “Do you think now’s a good time to add a family room?”

  I shrugged. “Is anytime good? My practice is doing well. It’s as good a time as any. Besides, we wait too long and we’ll have college tuition to worry about.”

  Tess sighed.

  “What are you thinking?” I asked.

  “I’m just thinking now’s not the right time. There are things I want to do.”

  “What does you finding a job have to do with us putting on an addition?”

  “For one, I won’t be here during the day.”

  “So we make sure we find a reputable builder. There’s a home show at the expo center this weekend. I was thinking we could go tomorrow. Walk around and talk to some builders. Maybe even get some ideas.”