Transcending Darkness

by Airicka Phoenix

  “Well, that can go both ways,” she croaked out, willing her body to calm down before she upended the table to get to him. “I recall you begging a few times.”

  “I won’t deny it, I am addicted to your pussy.”

  A second ticked.

  Juliette laughed. “God, we sound like a pair of sex maniacs.”

  He drew in a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. “Only with you, love. Only ever with you.”

  Heart giving an undignified flip in her chest, Juliette started to open her mouth when a rumble filled the vast space around them. The sound tore her away from the deep yearning coiling deep inside her. Her head whipped around just in time to see the cargo elevator gate slide open and a stout little man hurry out pushing a silver cart. He bustled over, bowed low first to her, then to Killian. Without a word, he removed the dome off the tray, revealing two steaming plates, both holding the same sized slabs of filet mignon with a side order of asparagus. The dishes were set in front of them. The man bowed again and hurried away as quickly as he’d come.

  “Thank you!” She called after him, but he was already lost behind the sliding door. She turned her attention forward and found Killian watching her quietly. She offered him a small smile. “This looks delicious,” she murmured, needing to break the silence that had sweltered around them as hot and thick as a balmy July heatwave.

  She picked up her knife and fork and cut into the tender meat. The silverware across from her clinked as they were lifted, but not utilized. She popped a bit of meat into her mouth and almost moaned as the seasoned flavor exploded across her tongue in a juicy rush. It took all her restraint not to wolf it all down, screw dignity.

  “God, this might actually get you laid!” she blurted.

  Killian laughed. “Well, as much as I would like to take credit, I can’t say I had much hand in its preparation.”

  “Killian?” Juliette lifted her face. “Can I ask you something?”

  He nodded. “Of course.”

  “Where’s your sister?” she asked.

  “Maraveet isn’t exactly my sister,” he corrected. “She’s more of a self-appointed pain in my ass.”

  Juliette chuckled. “Got one of those too, eh?”

  Killian snorted. “Our moms were best friends so I was always forced to play with her. Tea parties and dress up … it was a bloody nightmare.”

  She had to bite back her laugh. “Not into tea parties and dress up?”

  Dark eyes flicked to hers, narrowed with annoyance and a shimmer of amusement. “I think my hatred of tea and frilly dresses stemmed from those hot summer afternoons.”

  The laughter burst out of her in a roar she had to stifle behind her hand. The other went to her stomach as her body bowed forward.

  “It’s not funny,” he grumbled, his own mouth twitching. “She’d parade me around the manor and chatter on about how many handsome gentlemen would ask us to dance at the ball later that evening.”

  Juliette sucked in enough air to ask, “There was a ball?”

  “Every fucking night.” He rubbed a hand over his eyes like the memory was forever burned behind his eyelids. “She’d bring out all her dolls and sit them around the room, then she’d make me spin her round and round…”

  “I like her,” Juliette decided. “She sounds like fun.”

  He lowered his hand. “Demanding, spoiled … stubborn. Dear God she was fucking stubborn.” He paused as a thought came to him. “I am forever surrounded by stubborn women.”

  “So, where is she?”

  Killian shrugged. “Could be anywhere. I got a text from her a few months back from Paris. I might hear from her again in a week or month or year.”

  Her smile faded. “You guys aren’t close anymore?”

  “Oh, we’re close, but with her line of work, she can’t keep in close contact.” His gaze lowered to the table cloth. “It’s not safe for either of us to be close.”

  “That’s so sad,” she whispered, sitting back, food forgotten. “To not be able to ever have a family or anyone you can love. How do you stand it?”

  “By not having a family or anyone to love,” he murmured. “This life is a solitary one. There are a few, like our fathers, who think they can cheat their fate. They meet a woman, fall in love, and start a family, but ultimately, it never lasts. Their children become shadows of them and they … they die.”

  A tightness filled her throat, making it impossible to breathe. “Where are Maraveet’s parents?”

  “They died in a car bombing when she was seven. Maraveet was staying with us, but she was supposed to be with them when it happened.”

  “Oh my God…”

  “That is why I can’t keep you for longer than a year, Juliette. This alone has put you in more danger than you can possibly imagine, but I needed this, need you, as selfish as that is.”

  Pushing back her chair, Juliette got to her feet and walked around to his side of the table. He was already expecting her. His hands closed around her hips and he drew her into his lap. Her arms went around his shoulders.

  “Get out,” she whispered into the warm stretch of skin along his neck. “Don’t do this anymore.” She hesitated a full heartbeat before adding in the quietest murmur, “Stay with me.”

  His arms around her tightened. His head turned to nuzzle his face into her chest.

  “There is no out.” His fingers tightened into her hip even as he burned the words into the soft material of her dress. “There will always be someone who will want what I have and eventually, one day, my luck will run out.”

  “Stop it!” The world tore out of her in a strangled growl. “Don’t say that. There has to be a way.” She drew back enough to peer into his eyes, her own filmy with tears. “You just … you need to find it.” She touched the side of his cleanly shaven face. “I can’t lose you, Killian.”

  He kissed her, but it was unlike all the other kisses he’d given her in the past. This one was too much like a goodbye that she jerked back. Her hand went to her lips, damp and trembling.

  “Don’t do that,” she whispered, voice unusually choked. “Don’t kiss me like you’re saying goodbye.”

  For too long, he said nothing. The dark glint continued to play across his features in a knot of light and shadows. Everything about him was light and shadows, she realized. It was what had always called to her. His demons and angels.

  “I’ve got something for you,” he said unexpectedly, temporarily distracting her.

  Juliette straightened a notch. “What?”

  He gently nudged her off his lap and rose with her. He offered her his hand, which she took without hesitance.

  “Well, you won’t get it if you keep frowning at me,” he told her as he walked with her backwards away from the table.

  “I’m not frowning,” she muttered. “I’m concerned. There’s a difference.”

  He stopped and reached for her face. “Your concern has your eyebrows fighting.” He rubbed lightly at the place between her eyebrows with the pad of his thumb, as though attempting to erase the crinkle there. “Come on. Smile for me.”

  It was hard to keep a straight face when someone says smile. It was an almost reflexive gesture. Immediately, her face softened and her mouth tilted.

  “That’s very nifty trick,” she told him.

  “Right?” Grinning, he pulled back. “All right, I’m going to show you how to waltz.”

  Juliette laughed. “Waltz? Are we in the seventeen hundreds?” Her eyes narrowed. “How do you know how to waltz?”

  “I know many things,” he remarked airily.

  “Are you any good?” she wondered as he positioned her across from him.

  “I am always good.”

  Juliette rolled her eyes. “Of course. All right. How do we start?”

  “First, I need one hand here…” He took her left hand and set it on his shoulder. Once properly in place, he dropped his palm to her waist. “And the other here.” He clasped her free hand in his. He positioned them a
proper foot width away. “Now, you have to imagine a box on the floor around our feet. It’s big enough for both of us to move easily around in it. When we start, I will move my left foot forward while you move your right foot back. Then we count three beats and move together right.”

  “My right or your right?”

  “Mine.”

  Nodding that she understood, she braced herself.

  “Ready? One … Two … three … and back…”

  It wasn’t so hard. It was basically line dancing, but in the same four spots, not that it stopped her from stomping on his toe or tripping over her own feet. Killian held her up and patiently guided her through the next step. The whole thing was made a hundred times better by the fact that he kept her laughing. Most of her missteps were due to her inability to keep upright when her body kept doubling over.

  “I won’t lie,” Killian said at one point. “You are a horrible dancer.”

  “Shut up!” Panting, she wiggled her shoulders and tried to portray a look of confidence that was horribly skewered by the peal of giggles threatening to burst out. “Maybe you’re just a horrible instructor.”

  He sniffed indignantly. “Unlikely. I’m a McClary and thus born with the natural graces of a swan.”

  There was no stopping the roar that exploded from her. Her head flung back as the sound exploded from deep in her thorax. Tears welled and spilled down her cheeks in a hot stream. Her legs abandoned her to be held up solely by his hands. Against her temple, Killian’s chuckle warmed the skin. It ruffled her hair. His chest rumbled against hers as she sagged into him. At one point, she was no longer even making a sound, just an odd jittering that raked through her entire body.

  “Okay…” She wheezed air into her lungs and struggled to straighten. “Okay, teach me that leg curvy thing.”

  “Leg curvy thing?”

  Wiping her eyes, she nodded. “That thing with the leg going around her partner’s leg.”

  He considered this a moment. “I think you’re thinking of ballroom dancing. We’re waltzing.”

  She wrinkled her nose at him. “Show me!”

  His eyes narrowed warily. “I don’t know if I want to. You might accidentally kick me in the crotch and I might strangle you.”

  She broke out in another fit of giggles at the thought. “I’ll be careful.”

  He didn’t look convinced, but he stepped back once he was certain she could stand on her own feet.

  “I’ll spin you out, then back in, and when I do, you hook your outer leg around mine.”

  Nodding that she understood, she waited for the tug as he spun her out fluidly under his arm. Then, with an equally perfect jerk, he spun her back into his chest. But rather than execute a flawless leg twist, she slammed into him, nearly sending them both to the ground.

  “Again!” she demanded. “I almost had it.”

  It was his turn to laugh, but he obliged. He even did it slower so she had time, but it wasn’t as easy as it always looked on TV. By the time her head stopped spinning, she’d missed her step, which was another tricky matter entirely. In the end, she never got it and wound up just hooking her leg around his hip for the hell of it without the turns.

  “Do you think we’re ready to compete professionally?”

  Killian snorted a chuckle. “Maybe if you show a bit more leg.”

  “And boobs,” she added.

  “Definitely boobs,” he agreed. “You certainly have nice ones.”

  Laughing, she pulled away. “Our food is cold.”

  “Do you want to eat or see what I have planned next?”

  Juliette’s eyes widened. “There’s more?”

  His answer was a grin as he took her hand and led her away from the magical room with the nearly melted candles. She paused at the door to glance back, wanting to imprint the moment forever to memory before following him down the stairs.

  “I’m a little sad to leave,” she admitted.

  “We can come back again,” he promised, squeezing her fingers.

  The SUV with Frank in the front seat was exactly where she’d last seen it, parked out front with the engine running. Killian yanked open the back door before Frank could climb out and helped Juliette inside. He swung in after her and shut the door.

  Without a word, Frank started driving.

  “Where are we going?” she asked.

  “You’re not very good at this surprise thing, are you?” Killian mused.

  She dug a teasing elbow into his side, but didn’t ask again.

  They drove for twenty minutes in the endless darkness that seemed to stretch forever along the highway. Next to her, Killian sat watching the window. His stoic profile hung in shadows and a tinge of green from the dashboard in front. Juliette studied him from the corner of her eye and wondered how he could be so calm doing what he did. She would have been a neurotic basket case. She couldn’t imagine how anyone could get used to constantly being in danger. But he was right about one thing, she could never have a family with him, not like this. She could never bring a child into such an uncertain world. In the end, they really did only have less than a year. She didn’t know what she’d do after that.

  As though sensing her distress, her sadness, a hand settled lightly in her lap and curled around hers. Wordlessly, she turned her palm over and threaded their fingers together.

  They came to a stop outside a single level building barely visible in the dark. Killian kept a hold on her fingers as he led her around the side to a set of double doors. Black drapes greeted them in a foyer no bigger than a closet. A single light gleamed down on them, sharp and hot. Killian swept the curtains aside and followed a narrow hall deeper into the semi darkness. More lights led their way to a door at the very end, painted in black.

  “It’s not one of those haunted houses at the fair, is it?” Juliette breathed, her fingers tightening around his. “I will not forgive you if it is.”

  “Why would I bring you to a haunted house?”

  It was a good question, one she didn’t have an answer to, but the queasy sensation didn’t abate. He reached for the gold handle and she held her breath.

  It opened to—surprise-surprise—more black walls and black curtains. But the room was larger and held a gilded mirror and two black chairs. There was a series of straps and hooks on the first one.

  Killian led her in and shut the door behind them. Then he began to shrug out of his blazer. He undid the tie. Then the top two buttons on his dress shirt.

  “What are you doing?” she asked when he undid his cuffs. “Oh my God, are we in a sex dungeon?”

  Killian froze. His back was to her, but she could see the sudden tension snapping across the widths of his shoulders. His fingers ceased their unbuttoning and hovered over the gold knot. Slowly, he turned on the heel of one foot and faced her. His expression gave nothing away.

  “A sex dungeon?” He said the words as though testing them across his tongue, like the very idea was foreign. “A sex dungeon,” he repeated, still very slowly, but with a ribbon of amusement. “Would you like it to be?”

  Juliette felt her cheeks prickle with heat. “Isn’t it?”

  He bent his head to one side and regarded her evenly. “That isn’t answering my question.”

  “I … I don’t know,” she stuttered awkwardly. “What would you do to me?”

  The heat was unbearable shifting and flaring off him. It seemed to fill the room, stifling the air and making it impossible to breathe.

  “Do you trust me?”

  She nodded without hesitance. “Yes.”

  A sound escaped him, a low, rumbling growl that raked down the length of her spine.

  “Come here.”

  She went. Her eyes never left his as she watched him reach for the straps on the chair. He pulled it to him and she realized the straps were sewn lengthwise across a thick vest. The thing was drawn down over her head. Her arms were passed through the holes and the straps slipped through the hooks tight.

  Juliette kn
ew nothing of bondage other than what Killian had done to her in the hotel room. She knew people did all sorts of crazy things with ropes and it was all supposed to be liberating and sensual, but she wasn’t sure how she felt about the vest.

  Nevertheless, Killian had never done anything she hadn’t liked. Maybe this would be one of them.

  He stepped back from her and her head shot up. He was still watching her with that sneaky grin of his. It made her insides knot.

  “Should I take my dress off?” she asked.

  “No.”

  Her shoulders drooped. “Are you going to rip it?” Her hands went over the fabric of her skirt. “I really like this dress.”

  Killian chuckled. “We’ll try to keep it in one piece. If not, I will get you another one.”

  Exhaling in reluctant acceptance, she watched as he finished undoing the buttons on his cuff and rolling up his sleeve. Then he too tugged on a vest.

  Her confusion must have shown on her face, because his smirk widened.

  “Go on,” he encouraged. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  Juliette shook her head, her expression sour. “No, you’re laughing at me.”

  He did laugh. “You’re adorable,” was all he said.

  Straps secured, he motioned her to the wall on the other side of the mirror. His hand closed around a strip of white she’d mistaken for stripped paint and tugged. The hatch swung open seamlessly to reveal another room on the other side. Juliette’s nerves whimpered as they were assaulted by the sharp scent of sweat. Her limbs trembled.

  She’d heard of sex clubs where people played out their crazy fantasies of being tied up and … who knew what. But she had never actually considered looking one up, not that she would know where to start looking. The thought of what she might see and what Killian might ask her to do rippled through her in electric currents of anxiety. She wasn’t all together certain she even wanted to be there.

  In the cramped little hallway with its purple carpet and black walls, Juliette stood trembling as she waited for Killian to give her further instructions. She fiddled nervously with the straps on her vest while casting furtive glances towards the bend at the end of the corridor.

  “Killian, I don’t know—” A helmet was set firmly on her head. “What…?”