by Claire Adams
But I continued to massage him slowly as I tried to get him to relax a little more. I admired his body as I worked. I admired the way all his muscles looked and felt. It was a major turn on, and sometimes, at home, I would find myself thinking about his half-naked body. All my protestations seemed ridiculous at that moment. Of course, I found Justin attractive. I always had.
I continued to work on his backside, and when the thirty minutes were up, I asked if he wanted me to work on his front for the last thirty minutes.
“Yeah, that would be good,” he said.
He rolled over so I could massage his arms and chest and shins. Almost instantly, I felt a spark between us that I’d never felt before. His chest and abs were my favorite part of his body, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away as my hands glided over them. I was glad his eyes were closed. At least he wouldn’t see me staring at him like Ally had after his fight.
The thirty minutes were up sooner than I hoped, and when he sat up, I was still standing next to the massage table. He was inches from my face. Our eyes met, and he looked at me with such intensity that I let myself think he might kiss me. Unconsciously, I leaned in half an inch. Then, he spoke and snapped me back to reality.
“I’m so sorry, Anna. But I can’t come get massages anymore,” he said. I took a small step backward in surprise.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said because I didn’t know what else to say. I was trying to remain professional, but I was incredibly confused.
“I just can’t afford it. I have too many bills, and I need to spend more time at the gym and with my daughter. It’s just a luxury I can’t afford right now,” he explained.
“I understand,” I said, trying to muster up my most professional smile. I stepped outside of the room and let him get dressed in private. While he got dressed, I tried to wrap my head around what just happened. I thought for sure he was going to kiss me, and instead he told me he couldn’t see me anymore. He was only talking about getting massages from me, but besides his fight the other night, we had never talked outside of work. The idea of not seeing him anymore made my stomach feel heavy.
I stood at the counter and waited for him. When he walked up to the counter, he didn’t say anything. As he paid for the session, the air between us felt thick with unspoken tension.
“Well…goodbye, Anna,” he said.
“Goodbye, Justin,” I said back.
I couldn’t help the overwhelming sadness I was starting to feel. I didn’t know him that well yet, but I thought things were starting to turn a corner for us and now he was saying goodbye. It didn’t seem like a simple, “I’ll see ya around” kind of goodbye. It felt final. At that moment, I felt like I would never see him again.
I tried to get through the rest of the day without thinking about him, but it was hard not to. My mind kept replaying everything in my head.
Had I done something wrong? Maybe when he saw me outside of this place, at his fight, he realized that I’m not who he thought I was. Maybe it was because I had admitted to being scared at the fight. Whatever it was, I could not help but feel like it was my fault. Like I had made some mistake along the way that made him not want to be around me.
I was glad I had cleared my schedule for the day because I knew I wouldn’t be able to give any more massages that day. I wouldn’t be able to make it through without thinking about Justin.
The worst part of it all was how heartbroken I felt. It made no sense. We hadn’t even kissed. I mean, we were about to right before he ran out, but it didn’t happen. And for some reason, I was feeling absolutely crushed. Ally had been wrong. She’d read Justin’s feelings for me all wrong, and it bothered me. How could she have gotten my hopes up like that?
Even though Ally bothered me so much lately about the whole Justin thing, at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to talk to my sister. For all her faults, Ally was still my best friend. I wasn’t sure what kept me from calling her, but I decided it was better to hide the whole thing. She might be judgmental, and it would tear me apart if she told me I’d done something wrong, something to screw things up. Besides, I still needed time to wrap my own head around what happened before I involved anyone else.
Chapter Five
Justin
It was finally the day of my big fight. I was at the arena again. Ready to win and forget about my problems. I was betting on myself this time, so winning was going to mean so much more than it ever had before. I had to win that night because if I didn’t, bad things were going to happen. I really did not want to find out what those things might be.
Ever since I left Anna’s massage studio the other day, I couldn’t seem to get her off my mind. The way her face fell when I told her that I couldn’t continue my sessions was hard to take. It felt so final, and that kind of messed me up a bit. I was really starting to like her.
I stepped into the cage as people were chanting my name, but it didn’t feel right. It felt nothing like the last time. I couldn’t focus. My game was way off. The last time I was there, the last time I was getting ready to fight, Anna was there. She was right there, in the crowd, supporting me and cheering me on. Even though she hated fighting, she still came because I asked her to. And I just let her down.
I tried to concentrate on what was going on, but it was hard. I had barely even heard the bell ring for the first round. I tried to shake this feeling and get my head in the game.
The guy, my newest opponent, got a couple cheap shots in, and I could hear Artie from the side line yelling at me to block better. To “focus on his weak points.” I tried, but for some reason, it was hard. I looked out into the crowd where Anna had been sitting on Saturday, and it just didn’t feel the same. The guy got me with a left hook and then a right. I was okay, not knocked out. But I still couldn’t get my head in the game. Before I looked back at him, I saw Markie in the crowd. He was smirking. That asshole. He was happy to see me lose because if I did, he would get to take me through the ringer.
I kept forgetting how important it was for me to win that night. My thoughts were totally consumed by Anna. Why did things have to be like this?
The guy went in for an uppercut, but I blocked it and jabbed him a couple times in the side.
He went for my face once again, and I blocked it easily. Then, I leaned down and grabbed him by the waist. I flipped him down. Artie always told me to make sure to use my submission wrestling moves. I finally got the guy on the ground, but he was quick and had me in a head lock before I could even figure out what was going on. I tried to fight my way out, but I couldn’t. I struggled before I finally had to tap out.
And that’s when it hit me: I just lost the fight. I just lost the bet. I’ve lost a lot of things this week, but tonight was important. Too important to screw up. I didn’t get up for a few minutes. My opponent was prancing around the cage and cheering for himself. His coach escorted him out, and Artie walked over to me.
“What the hell was that?” he said as he helped me up.
I shook my head. I didn’t have words to describe what had just happened. I didn’t know how to explain why I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t tell Artie it had to do with Anna. He wouldn’t understand. He’d think I was letting pussy get in the way, which was something he had warned me about on plenty of occasions.
We made our way out of the cage, and I could see the disappointment on my fans’ faces. They seem shocked. All I could do was look at the ground. I didn’t even want to look them in the eyes. I couldn’t face the continuous disappointment spreading through the crowd.
“I can’t believe you lost so easily. I just don’t understand what happened to you out there,” Artie said as we entered my changing room. He was pissed, and it was understandable. I screwed up. I barely tried in the cage. That much I knew, but I wasn’t in the mood for one of Artie’s lectures.
“I know. I fucked up,” I said.
“You fucked up? Is that all you think you did? That was a horrible loss. For both you and me as your coach.” Art
ie was almost shouting now.
“I don’t really want to talk right now, alright?” I snapped.
“You better pull your head out of your ass, kid,” he said. He looked at me like he wanted to say more, but he just shook his head and left.
I felt bad for snapping at him. He was a good coach and a great guy, but he didn’t know about the bet. He didn’t know how much was really at stake for me that night. It wasn’t just this fight and my reputation; it was so much more than that. I was furious with myself.
I changed and made my way home. At that point, I just wanted to get home and go to bed. I wanted to forget that night even happened.
As I made my way home, I replayed the fight in my head. I had spent so much time consumed by Anna not being there that I let myself get distracted. I missed some really easy shots. I basically let the guy win. I hated myself for it, but I hated that Anna wasn’t there even more.
When I pulled into the driveway, my neighbor, Tiffany, was there. My mom couldn’t watch Margie tonight, and Tiffany was a great substitute. She was another girl that Margie adored.
“Thank you for watching her tonight,” I said, trying not to sound too down. I didn’t want her to try and talk to me, to pry into my life. She had tried to do it a few times before, and I would humor her with small details, but I just couldn’t do it then. After losing the fight, I couldn’t handle it.
“You’re welcome, Justin,” she said.
She was about my age and cute enough. At that point, I was pretty sure she had a thing for me, but I didn’t ever mention it. It would have been too weird for me, especially with the feelings I had for Anna.
“Have a good night,” I said as she made her way over to the front door. She was standing a little too close to me, and I hoped she wasn’t about to make a move. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with that on top of everything else.
But she must have sensed how I was feeling because she said, “You too. If you need anything, you know where I live.” She winked. I smiled at her because she was a nice girl, and I really just didn’t know how else to react. She left through the open door, and I closed it behind her. I was relieved to be alone.
I went into Margie’s room to check on her. She was sound asleep and looked so peaceful. I decided not to admire her for too long because I didn’t want to run the risk of waking her up. I quietly left her room and closed the door behind me.
When I got into my room, I sat on the bed and put my head in my hands. I felt so low, and I didn’t know what to do. At that moment, I felt like I was letting Tammy down. At her funeral, I promised I would take care of our little girl. After the fight that night, l felt like I couldn’t even do that properly. All I had to do was win this one fight, and everything would have been okay. But I failed. I lost.
And now, I didn’t even know what was going to happen, and that was the worst part, especially as a father who needed to take care of his daughter.
Anna popped into my head once more. She was so beautiful and smart, and for some reason, I just could not get her out of my mind. Part of me wished I hadn’t quit going to see her. She looked so broken hearted when I left, and I felt the exact same way now. Losing that fight might not have stung so much if I would have seen her face in the crowd. I was kicking myself for everything I had done these last couple of days.
I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep, so I called a friend from the gym. Joe was a good dude with a good head on his shoulders. I figured he could help me get things straightened out. Maybe he could help me figure out what to do with this whole Markie thing.
The phone rang three times, and then he picked up. “Hey, man,” he said.
“Hey, Joe.” I tried not to sound as depressed as I felt.
“Tough fight tonight, huh?” he said, and I just wanted to break down at that point.
“Yeah.” I didn’t know how to really say the next part, so I just went for it. “I got myself in a mess, man.”
“What do you mean? What kind of a mess?” he asked.
“You know Markie, right?”
I heard him exhale sharply. “Don’t tell me you got yourself into some shit with him.”
“I did man. I feel so dumb. I bet on myself, and he gave me a loan. I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. I’m so scared about what’s going to happen. I don’t have that kind of cash. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have gone to him in the first place,” I said quickly. I was rambling, but I didn’t care. I only hoped Joe wouldn’t think less of me because of my mistakes.
“How much do you owe?”
“Ten grand,” I half mumbled into the phone. My pride was taking yet another hit.
“What did you say?” he asked.
“Ten grand,” I said more clearly this time.
I heard him suck in through his teeth “Yikes. I don’t know dude. That’s a lot of dough to have to owe to him. You got anything you can sell?”
I started pacing the room. “No. I already pawned the things I could to pay some of the medical bills. I’m screwed.”
“What was wrong tonight?”
“I don’t know. My head just wasn’t in it,” I said.
“You need to figure out what was bothering you and start from there. That might help you figure something out. Sorry I can’t be much help.”
“It’s okay, man. Thanks for talking to me.” We got off the phone, and I climbed into bed. I was done with that day, with that week, with everything. I just wanted to sleep and forget about everything for a little while.
I woke up, and the sun was high in the sky. When I looked at my phone, I saw it was ten. I never slept this late, but neither did Margie. I got out of bed and found her in front of the T.V. She was late for preschool, and at this point, I wasn’t even sure if I should take her in.
“I didn’t want to wake you, Daddy,” she said.
I gave her a hug. “Thanks, sweetie, but it’s my responsibility to be up with you. Would you like some bacon and eggs?”
She nodded her head, and I made her a late breakfast. I felt bad—just another thing to add to my growing guilt.
I ate breakfast with her. Though I mostly picked at my food. I was growing worried about the phone call I was going to have to make. The more I tried to forget about it and concentrate on my food and Margie, the more nervous I felt.
“I need to make a phone call really quick,” I said to Margie and then went into my room to call Markie. I needed to get it out of the way. I had an idea, and I was just praying he would be okay with what I had to offer him.
“Justin. Just the man I wanted to talk to,” Markie said into the phone.
“Hey. I want to make another bet.”
Markie scoffed. “Really? You think you’re really in the position to make more bets?”
I didn’t let him get any other wise cracks in. “If I can win my next four fights, you wipe the loan clean. You’ll make that money back through each of the fights.”
“What’s in it for me?”
“Money?” I didn’t know what else he was looking for.
“How about if you don’t win, you owe me twenty grand? And you’ll be in some serious shit.”
I didn’t even think twice about it. “Okay. You’ve got a bet.”
Markie laughed. “See you at your next four fights.” The line went dead.
Chapter Six
Anna
It had been three days since Justin basically walked out of my life. I still couldn’t quite wrap my head around it. He was constantly on my mind. Why did life have to be so unfair? I had gone over what happened a million times in the last few days. I even repeated everything from his fight last weekend.
I was pretty sure he’d had another fight, but he didn’t mention it to me on Monday. I figured he didn’t want me there. Ally must have read the signs wrong because why else would he have just quit seeing me?
It was the end of the day. My last client went home about twenty minutes ago. I was getting things cleaned up and ready for the following
day. The last few days, no matter what I seemed to do, I just could not keep my mind off Justin.
I missed our sessions. I missed running my hands all over his muscular body, and I was feeling super disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to do that anymore. I hoped he hadn’t found a different masseuse. Just the thought made me jealous.
I was going over my finances, like I did every Thursday evening, when my darling little sister walked into the studio. I told myself I was going to try to be easier on her today. It wasn’t her fault that she read the signs wrong.
“Hey!” she said. She wore a red beanie, and it almost covered all her short dark hair. I always loved when she wore that beanie. It looked great on her.
“Hey,” I said, not matching her enthusiasm. It was too hard to put that much energy into it. I wasn’t feeling right. I was sad and tired.
“Are you okay?” she asked with concern in her voice.
I nodded my head. I didn’t want to tell her how I really felt. I didn’t want her to scrutinize the situation. I didn’t need that right then. After getting my hopes up the last time I saw her, I didn’t have it in me to explain things to her yet.
But to my surprise, she asked, “What happened with Justin?”
I had no idea how she could see through me so easily. She did tell me the other day that I was transparent, and I vowed to work on that. I couldn’t just walk around and let people read me all the time. It made me feel uncomfortable to think about strangers knowing my deepest secrets.
I looked at her for a minute before I spoke. “Justin broke up with me.”
Ally gave me a weird look. She seemed confused, “When did you guys start dating?”
“I don’t mean romantically. I mean professionally. He said he can’t come get massages from me anymore.” It was hard to say it out loud. It was hard not to hold onto any bitterness.
“Do you know why?” she leaned across the counter.
I shrugged. “I have no idea. He didn’t really give me a reason. I hope he is okay though. I’ve been kind of worried about him. He’s never canceled a session before. Not once.”
