Nobody Else

by Jaxson Kidman

  “Oh, Ben,” Kinsley said. “When did this happen? And when did she…?”

  “It was pretty close in time,” I said. “That’s why TJ’s baseball game meant so much to them. TJ was finally turning the corner in school. Things were calming down. Chrissy and I actually talked for a few nights about everything. She told me what happened was a mistake and it was done out of anger and stupid emotions. It didn’t make it right, but I knew if we were going to be the family I’d planned, we would need to get through hard times. The plan was to get to TJ’s baseball game. Be the hero they both needed me to be. Cheer him on. Get close to Chrissy again. Take them out for ice cream at our favorite place. Walk the streets of the little town, holding Chrissy’s hand…”

  I turned and walked to the door. I ripped it open and went outside. The cold air burned my lungs as I took deep breaths. The entire thing hurt. It hurt to talk about and think about. To relive those moments, wondering if I could have done things differently.

  “Ben,” Kinsley said.

  “I’ll never know the whole story,” I said. “I’ll never know what was actually happening or what could have happened. She was hurt and mad when I didn’t show up. And there’s a part of me that wonders if she was distracted enough…”

  Kinsley touched my back. She put her head to my arm.

  We stood in the cold air together.

  Her hand gently touched my hand and our fingers were soon interlocked.

  “I don’t like talking about it because there will never be an answer,” I said. “And I don’t want pity.”

  “I wish we could just start over, Ben. We could meet again the way we did. And do it the right way.”

  I laughed. Then I smiled. “You need some sun.”

  “What?”

  “Sun. You. Me. Sun. Beach.”

  “That sounds good,” she said. “In about… four months?”

  “How about four hours? Maybe a little more.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You know I have to have everything planned out.”

  “You? No.”

  “Let’s get out of here, Kinsley,” I said. “I bought two plane tickets for us. Long weekend in Florida. Pack a quick bag and let’s just go.”

  “What?” she asked.

  “Why not? Do whatever you have to do for Monday. Make arrangements. Let’s just go. You and me.”

  Kinsley’s jaw dropped.

  “I’m sorry to tell you like this,” I said. “I don’t like living in the past, Kinsley. And I don’t want to go back and start it all over with you. We’re here right now. And I hope whatever we have is good enough for you.”

  “This is…”

  “You want to get out of here with me?”

  “Yes,” she said. “Please, yes.”

  I already had a bag packed and in the trunk of the car.

  I took a deep breath and went back inside.

  At least I got the story out.

  Chrissy was my forever love, no matter the problems we had. And Kinsley understood that only because she had her own forever love. I just wanted my love to be enough so we could have our forever.

  I gave my email one last check. I figured I would have a chance to shoot off some emails to let everyone know I was going to be away for a few days. And if that was a problem with anyone, then they could kiss my ass.

  Somehow ten minutes slipped by.

  I slowly walked up the steps. My heart started to race. I took another deep breath. I calculated the time in my head, knowing exactly how much time we had to get to the airport and catch the flight.

  Which meant…

  … there was enough time for a little fun.

  I hurried up the rest of the stairs and went right to the master bedroom. It was foolish to have a house this big when it was just myself and Kinsley. But if things moved forward the way I wanted, someday we could talk about having a family together.

  But that was in the future.

  I opened the bedroom door and fully intended on trashing the bed with Kinsley and leaving it that way.

  Kinsley sat on the edge of the bed. “Okay. Thanks. I’ll be there…”

  She looked at me after ending the call, tears in her eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I can’t go to Florida.”

  “Who was that on the phone? Don’t tell me it was him. Don’t tell me this bullshit…”

  Kinsley shook her head. “My brother Kyle was in a car accident. He’s being rushed into surgery. They don’t know if he’s going to make it.”

  16

  Walking Away

  Kinsley

  I sat on the edge of an uncomfortable chair and stared at the scuff marks on the hospital floor. Dad hadn’t stopped pacing, and probably wouldn’t for some time. There was no definitive answer just yet on what happened. Witnesses said they saw Kyle run a stop sign, hitting an SUV at an angle. His small car was no match for it, smashing the side of his car and windshield so hard that when they brought him in there was blood everywhere, and doctors needed to clean him up to figure out where he was actually bleeding. He was wearing his seatbelt and the airbags helped minimize the hit to his head, but the angle of impact was so bad, doctors weren’t sure yet if there was any brain damage. His left leg and arm had been crushed. He was in surgery right now to see if doctors could save his leg.

  “So stupid,” my father said. “Probably on his phone. Texting things.”

  “Dad, stop,” I said. “One step at a time here.”

  “He’ll be liable for all of this,” he said. “He’s lucky nobody else got hurt. You know, people can get sued or whatever for this stuff.”

  I forced myself to stand. I blocked my father’s path so he would have to stop pacing.

  “Please,” I said. “He’s alive. He’s going to be okay.”

  Dad nodded, smashing his lips together super tight. The face he made when he fought back tears.

  I hugged him, and he hugged me.

  “Oh, Kinsley,” he whispered. “They called me, and I rushed here. I saw him for a second before they took him away.”

  “I know,” I said. “You said that.”

  “I don’t want that to be the last time I see him alive.”

  I broke the hug. “He’s going to be okay.”

  “The leg. And the loss of blood. They don’t even know about his head yet.”

  “He’s going to be okay.”

  My words were empty because I couldn’t predict the future. But they were what Dad needed to hear.

  I heard someone clear their throat.

  I turned and Ben stood there holding cups of coffee.

  “A little recharge?” he offered.

  “Sure,” I said.

  “Thanks, Ben,” Dad said.

  “You need anything else, Mike?” Ben asked. “I can run down to the cafeteria.”

  “I’m fine,” Dad said. “Just keep Kinsley company. I’m going to go bother the nurses.”

  “No flirting,” I said with a weak smile.

  Dad chuckled. His eyes were puffy and tired.

  Face it, Kyle was a pain in the ass. He was too old to be living at home. He couldn’t keep a job. He was forever just floating around in life. But he was still my brother. He was still Dad’s son. And whether Dad would ever admit it or not, having Kyle at home was a comfort for him. To have someone there so he didn’t feel alone.

  Ben touched my back and ran his hand up and down. “I don’t know what to say, Kinsley.”

  “You don’t need to say anything,” I said.

  “I was able to return the plane tickets. I had the insurance on them.”

  I looked up at him. “Oh. That’s good.”

  “So, we can pick a different time to go.”

  I was sure Ben meant nothing by it, but I didn’t give a shit about plane tickets or Florida or beaches right then. I told myself he was nervous. There was probably a time in his life when he had to be here like me. Although, if Chrissy and TJ w
ere killed when the accident occurred…

  I shut my eyes and chased the thoughts away.

  I stepped away from Ben and went for a walk.

  It was quiet and bright in the hospital hallway. At the end of the main hall I stood at the large set of windows. They overlooked the busy parking lot. Truthfully, this was the first moment in a while where I felt alone enough to think.

  There was too much to think about, which maybe wasn’t the worst thing in the world. It was good to keep distracted while waiting. My mind wouldn’t let go of the thought of losing Kyle. He was the only other person who understood the entire situation I was in. And I regretted not leaning on him more. Then again, his favorite person in the world was Brice. He tolerated Ben, based on the fact that Ben and I were a couple, but if Kyle had an opinion on anything…

  I started to walk again.

  I made it a handful of steps before I heard what sounded like someone running.

  “Kinsley,” a voice echoed.

  When I turned my head, Ben was hurrying toward me.

  “Ben?”

  “I’ve been looking for you.”

  “I’m not hard to find,” I said.

  “The doctors came out and talked to your father,” he said. He started to grin.

  “What?”

  “Yeah. He’s okay. They were able to save the leg. It’s really messed up though. He’ll need a ton of rehab to get feeling back and be able to fully use it. And his shoulder… I mean, collarbone. That’s broken. No internal injuries or bleeding, which is good.”

  “Wait a second,” I said. “You heard the doctor? You didn’t come get me?”

  “I was listening, Kinsley. To come and tell you.”

  “What about my father?”

  “What about him?” Ben asked.

  “Is he okay?”

  “They took him back to see Kyle really quickly. They’re moving-”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I asked. “I need to see him.”

  I started to run.

  Tears filled my eyes. For a lot of reasons. I had been somewhat prepared to hear the news that Kyle didn’t make it. And then whatever would happen after that. But he was alive. That was good.

  “Kinsley, wait up,” Ben yelled. “I didn’t tell you about the rest.”

  “Of course you didn’t. And of course I don’t know. Because I wasn’t there.”

  Ben grabbed my shoulders. “Hey. It’s okay. The doctor came out in a hurry to give a two second update. That’s all. He talked about Kyle’s leg, shoulder, and his head.”

  “What about his head?”

  “That’s what I was trying to tell you, Kinsley. There’s no sign of anything wrong yet.”

  “Yet?”

  “I guess sometimes swelling can occur after a hard hit. He obviously has a nasty concussion.”

  “Great. And I’m not there for him right now.”

  “He’s completely out of it,” Ben said. “He won’t even remember your father being there.”

  “I should be there too,” I said. “You should have gotten me, Ben.”

  “I had no time. The doctor was there and gone so quickly. Then I came looking for you.”

  I was angry for twenty-five reasons. I gritted my teeth. I told myself don’t do or say anything stupid in that moment. Not after everything we’d been through lately. We were hanging on by a very frayed thread anyway.

  I walked away, not running, just walking.

  When I stopped at the spot where my walk had started, I stared at the set of large doors. On the other side was my brother and my father.

  “Kinsley, I’m sorry if I messed up,” Ben said as he stood next to me.

  I swallowed hard.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong, Ben.”

  I put my head against his arm.

  All I could do then was wait.

  Waiting had become something like a super power for me.

  I saw a missed call from Dad and my heart leapt into my throat.

  Kyle had escaped the worst of the accident. The concussion was just that and nothing more. There was no brain damage. He was the same person as always. Leave it to Dad to make a comment about that being the real tragedy of the thing. Right in front of the doctors too. It was funny, yet cringeworthy at the same time.

  Everything was back to the same normal now.

  Meaning Kyle was home. I was at work. Ben was down in Philly working on a big project. My week of surprises had come to an end and the following week there were none. Not that I could live a life of constant surprises though. The sense of normalcy had settled in and it wasn’t exactly the worst thing that could happen in life.

  I had a few minutes between appointments, so I called Dad back.

  Doctors gave us a list of everything that could go wrong in the first couple of weeks back home, so my heart was still climbing up the back of my throat as I waited for Dad to pick up.

  He didn’t.

  So, I quickly called Kyle.

  “Hey, Kinsley,” he said, answering the call.

  “What’s going on there?” I asked. “Dad called me. He didn’t leave a message.”

  “He never leaves messages.”

  “I know that. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. Why?”

  “Well… Dad called…”

  “Probably to invite you over for dinner or something stupid.”

  “Are you sure about that?” I asked.

  “Kinsley, I’m tired. Okay? There’s nothing wrong with me. So, I don’t know why Dad called you. Call him back.”

  “I did. He didn’t answer. That’s why I called you, Kyle.”

  “Well, you hear my voice. You know I’m okay. I’m going to rest a little more. If I see Dad, I’ll have him call you.”

  Kyle didn’t say goodbye. He just ended the call.

  I bit my lip and let out a long sigh.

  I tried calling Dad again, but he didn’t answer. Sometimes I swore he forgot that a cellphone could be carried around. He would leave it in one spot in the house and check it at some point.

  Deb knocked on my door and poked her head in. “Hey. Daisy is waiting.”

  “I’ll be right there,” I said.

  Poor Daisy was a thirteen-year-old poodle that was putting up a good fight against cataracts and cancer. Not exactly the last puppy of the day I wanted to see, but I knew I needed to go into that room with a big smile and a ton of love and hope for her and her owner, Beth. Beth was terrified of losing Daisy, and I made sure to help in any way I could to give Daisy a good, comfortable life. But eventually…

  I swallowed hard.

  It seemed like everywhere I turned, I was faced with the possibility and reality of the end.

  That’s just how life went. No matter what, every day was going to come to an end. Every kiss would end. Every night would end. And every life would end. What counted were the moments before the end. That’s what made life memorable.

  At least that’s what Brice used to say to me.

  I sighed as Dad sat at the table, annoyed and hurt. He offered me coffee, water, iced tea, even a beer. But I didn’t want any of that. I came to check on things because in the pit of my stomach something felt wrong.

  And I was right.

  Kyle was refusing to go to rehab for his leg. He refused to get out of bed unless it was to use the bathroom. He was shutting down and losing himself. If the medical issues weren’t enough, there were bills coming in from the accident, not to mention the loss of his car, which didn’t have full coverage on the insurance plan. And it also meant he couldn’t work, which strangely bothered him.

  “I can’t force him to get out of there,” Dad said. “I keep telling him that if he doesn’t move it, it’ll get worse. The doctor said something about the scar tissue getting hard or things not healing properly. He could end up never using the leg again. Or if he does something stupid he could lose his leg for real.”

  I walked to the end of the table and kissed the top of Dad’s he
ad. He still smelled like the same shampoo and aftershave that I remembered from when I was a kid.

  “I’ll go kick his ass for you,” I said.

  Dad laughed. “Good luck.”

  Kyle had a nice little setup in the basement. He sat on an old, blue couch with his leg out on the white ottoman that went to the chair from the living room. The thing was heavy, and I didn’t want to imagine Dad carrying that down the stairs by himself. One slip and he’d be in the hospital with broken bones too.

  I sat down next to Kyle.

  “I’m not an idiot,” he said.

  “Meaning?”

  “I know why you’re here.”

  “Then tell me about it.”

  “I’m tired.”

  “You’re always tired.”

  “My body is healing.”

  “No, it’s not. You’re being a jerk.”

  Kyle turned his head. “That’s helpful.”

  “Good. I’ll keep going. You’re a selfish jerk. You got lucky, Kyle. What could have-”

  “I don’t need to hear that shit, Kinsley,” he snapped. “I get it. I could have died. I could have lost my leg. I could have had brain damage. Fine. But look at me right now. I’m dead broke. I lost my car. I’m all fucked up.”

  “Then un-fuck it,” I said. “Let Dad take you to rehab. Get yourself back together. Get a new job. Get a real job, Kyle. And then buy a new car.”

  “Sounds so easy,” he said.

  “It’s not easy. But it’s what you’re supposed to do. Are you going to just sit here for the rest of your life and become this?”

  “You should talk.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You’re down here shitting on me when you’re the one all fucked up between two guys.”

  I gasped. “Really? You’re going to go there with me? What does that have to do with your leg?”

  Kyle curled his lip. “Nothing. But now you know how it feels.”

  “How what feels?”

  “To be such a loser,” he said.

  “Since when has that stopped you from living life?” I asked, smiling.

  “I’m serious. I’ve done nothing in life. And look what I get now? Of course this happens. Everything is taken from me. You know, I had this vision of Dad dying…”