Nobody Else

by Jaxson Kidman

  My hands clamped to her ass and I pulled her tightly against me.

  The sound of April’s voice faded away into an echo and I saw Kinsley. Standing at the mirror in a bedroom, brushing her long hair. Ben stepping up behind her. Touching the super thin strap of her top, sliding it down her shoulder. Kissing her shoulder. His hands around the front of her body.

  I grunted and turned, taking April to the couch.

  I threw her down with force and she wasted no time in grabbing at the front of my jeans. My hands slid up her hoodie, taking it up, forcing her to put her hands over her head. I tossed her shirt to the table and eased my hands over her breasts, over the thin, white shirt that served as the last piece of clothing between my bare hands and her bare breasts.

  I lowered myself down to her, nestling between her legs, nudging forward just enough to make sure she felt me. We kissed so rabidly, strangers to each other’s lips, but familiar with the reason why this was all happening at once. She pulled at my back, not using her nails, hinting that maybe June had been right and that her sister wasn’t quite as experienced.

  April’s tongue was fast and a little sloppy. Drunk, wild, desperate to feel something. My right hand slid down her body and I opened the front of her jeans. My left hand gripped the back of the couch, so I could hold myself steady. My hand slid down over the front of her panties.

  Just as my fingertips curled against her body, she let out a gasp and put her head back. Then almost instinctively at the same moment, I stopped and she grabbed my wrist.

  I pulled back with the upper half of my body a little.

  Our eyes met with shock.

  “What the fuck are we doing?” she asked in a shaky voice.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Trying to forget about being hurt.”

  “Yeah,” she said, taking a deep breath. “Brice…”

  “I know,” I whispered. “Fuck.”

  I took my hand out of her pants.

  I reached for her hoodie as I climbed off the couch. I turned my back to her as she sat up, her cheeks burning red hot. She snatched the hoodie from my hand, jumped up, and ran out of the living room.

  I picked my shirt up off the floor and put it back on, my teeth gritted tight. I growled under my breath, unsure of what the fuck I was just thinking. Was I really about to sleep with April? Just to shove it in June’s face? Or was it to brag about it to Kinsley and make her jealous?

  Could I become any more of a piece of shit?

  “Hey.”

  I turned, and April stood in the doorway to the kitchen. Wearing her hoodie. My eyes looked at her neck, the spot where I had been kissing.

  “Hey,” I said. “I’m…”

  “Stop,” she said. “This entire thing sucks.”

  “Yeah, it does. I’m sorry she did that to you. You’ll never be just an aunt to Milo. I believe in that.”

  “Thanks,” April said. “And, uh, whatever you lost… if there’s a chance at it, I hope you get it back, Brice. You’re a good guy. You deserve to be happy.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know about that, April. But I appreciate you saying it. Are you good here tonight? Alone?”

  “Are you good to drive?” she asked.

  I touched my chest. “I’m good. Heart’s racing enough to burn off anything I had to drink.”

  I winked.

  April grinned.

  “What a night,” she said. “I think I’m going to get a bottle of water and go to bed.”

  “That’s a good plan,” I said. “I’m sure you’ll talk to Milo first thing in the morning.”

  “Maybe I can go over there for breakfast. Or take them out.”

  I nodded. “I can’t imagine your position, April. I’m sorry you got dragged into it.”

  “Promise me you won’t bail on him, Brice. I know being near June is a horrible experience. But Milo needs someone like you in his life.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” I said. I took a few steps and paused. “Hey, April.” I looked back. “You deserve to be happy. Not me. Believe me, if you got to know me and knew me better, you’d take back what you said. But you? You’re a good person. You’re pretty as anything. And you’re not too bad of a kisser.”

  She grinned, and her cheeks turned red again. “Please don’t tell…”

  “Secret’s ours,” I said. “Goodnight.”

  “Night,” April said.

  I left her house, realizing I had come full circle in fucking everything up for everyone. I fucked up things with June. I fucked up things with Milo. I fucked up things with Kinsley. I fucked up things with April. If I had actually slept with her June would have taken Milo away for good.

  My path of destruction needed to end. Once and for all.

  Yet I couldn’t contain myself from the truth.

  I was madly in love with Kinsley… and that would never end.

  21

  A Little Honey

  Kinsley

  I woke with terrible cramps that felt like someone was trying to rip my lower back from my body. Not to mention what was going on in my insides. It was that time of the month and for whatever reason, this month felt like I had stepped through a gate of hell. The worst of it was over, but the ache was still hanging around like an old friend that refused to leave the party, even though everyone else was gone.

  When I looked at my phone and realized I had slept in an extra thirty minutes, I groaned and sent a text message to Deb. I let her know to open the office on time and that I’d be there as soon as I could. She understood what time of the month it was. And as luck would have it, there were only a few appointments for the day. Which meant I could take my time.

  And believe me, I did just that.

  Downstairs, I was surprised to find a plate of breakfast food waiting for me. Eggs that probably started out as over easy, but after one break of a yolk, they were changed to scrambled eggs. Toast with extra crispy edges and a glistening center from a dab of butter. A glass of orange juice and a cup of coffee that was too cool to taste good.

  Next to it all was a note from Ben.

  Have a great morning and a better day, my dear. Hope we can see each other tonight.

  I sighed.

  It had been a little while since the drinking and driving incident. Ben genuinely regretted what he had done. There were parts of the night he openly talked about and other parts he said he didn’t remember, but I wasn’t sure if I fully believed him when he said he didn’t remember. I couldn’t get the image of him out of my head as he stood there, yelling at Brice. The way Brice tried to keep cool until Ben took it too far and said something about Lindsay. The thing that got to me was that Ben wasn’t just hurting Brice by saying that, he was also hurting me. The anger coming from both men, and I was the catalyst that allowed that anger to be free. They weren’t mad at each other. They each had their own past to deal with. But I was the droplet of super glue that held everything together. And by holding everything together I was ruining it.

  The no-win situation pushed on, mostly because of me.

  Ben had been doing everything right, yet in my heart I wondered how long it would last. Kissing up to me for being such a fool only went so far. Yet what person didn’t do that? Everyone would change for the person they love, even for a little bit, just to prove that love. What made true love true was having that person be themselves and still loving them no matter what.

  I lifted the piece of burnt toast and nibbled on one of the corners.

  I curled my lip, already envisioning myself stopping for a quick breakfast sandwich on the way to work.

  As I stood up, Ben’s office door opened.

  He stepped out, wearing a full suit, looking really good as he studied something in a black folder.

  When he saw me, he closed the folder and smiled. “Morning, Kinsley.”

  “You’re here.”

  “Rich called me, so I sat in my office to talk. Had to take some notes. Nothing you want to hear about. How do you feel?”
r />   “Ugh. And now I’m running late.”

  “That’s okay. You don’t have many appointments today.”

  “How do you know that?”

  Ben laughed. “I knew you weren’t feeling all that great, so I let you sleep. I checked your calendar. Hope you don’t mind. Saw that things were slower today, so I figured you could use the sleep. I’m not a woman so I don’t get what everything feels like right now. But… you know…”

  “Well, thank you for that,” I said. “That was nice of you. And the breakfast…”

  “It’s shit,” Ben said. “Probably cold by now. I should have waited. But it felt weird to just put money on the counter for you to buy something.”

  Like that’s stopped you before?

  “It’s sweet,” I said. “But I’m probably going to go right into work. I texted Deb and told her to head in like normal. There’s always something we can do.”

  “Hey, Kinsley, have you thought about the second practice yet?”

  “What?”

  “Opening another office, like we talked about.”

  “Ben, you talked about it.”

  “You listened, right?”

  “I heard you,” I said. “I don’t know if I actually listened or not.”

  “Oh. Well, I found a building,” he said. “I put an offer on it.”

  “You, what?”

  “Screw having a plan for once, right?”

  “Ben…”

  “No, just hear me out for a second,” he said. “I think it’s really cool, Kinsley. It’s on the other side of town. A perfect location. Right about the same size as this one. We can look at your books and I’m sure we can float it. You know? And once you open, it’s double the business.”

  “I appreciate that,” I said. “I really do. But this isn’t what I want to do.”

  Ben stared at me with curious eyes. “Meaning?”

  “I don’t want a bunch of offices to manage. That’s not who I am.”

  “I’ll manage them for you,” he said. “It’ll be like a family business for us. You know?”

  “Ben, you have your own career.”

  He turned his head and let out a sigh. “I’m trying here, Kinsley.”

  “Trying what?”

  “To keep it all together. I’ve been wondering if I should just quit everything. Start over here. With you. With us.”

  “Quit?”

  “I can’t bring them back,” Ben said. “No matter what happens. No matter what deal I make. I can never bring them back. And as long as I’m trying to do that, my heart is never actually yours. Just the same as if you’re not being true to you, then your heart is never actually mine.”

  “Ben, where is this coming from?”

  “I’m just thinking for a second. We have a few offices and you get to do your thing with animals and I still get to do my thing in real estate. I mean, are we ever going to talk about having kids?”

  “Kids?” I asked.

  “I’ve just been thinking a lot.”

  I looked down at my arm, half tempted to pinch myself. There was no way I wasn’t dreaming right now, right?

  “Ben, this is a lot…”

  “It’s what we want and what you need,” he said. “See, we never talked about the past, yet we let it control both of us. It’s been the guiding force for this relationship from the time we met. We saw sadness in each other’s eyes but never questioned it because it was comforting.”

  I swallowed hard.

  For a guy who couldn’t use a hammer, he hit the nail right on the head.

  Ben touched my left hand. “I want it all to mean something. And I know talking about a family is a big step. An even bigger step for us because of what we went through…”

  “I don’t want to have offices, Ben. I said that already. I’ve always wanted to work with all animals. I’ve always loved horses. I want to work with horses.”

  “But listen to my plan, Kinsley.”

  “Your plan,” I said. “What about my plan?”

  “What is your plan then?”

  “I don’t know,” I said.

  “Exactly. You never have a plan. I’m just trying to help.”

  I looked up at him. “Can we talk about this some other time? You’re dressed for work and I’m running late.”

  “Right. Of course.”

  I turned, and Ben grabbed my arm with force to spin me back around. He pulled me toward him. I was engulfed by the smell of his cologne. A smell I could never in my life forget.

  “You give me something inside that no longer wants to question what forever means,” he whispered. “Thanks for that. And please don’t eat that breakfast. There’s probably eggshell in it.”

  I smiled. “Thanks for the heads up then.”

  “I just wanted you to see that I can do it and I will do it.”

  “I know, Ben.”

  “I’m sorry for what I did. And anything I said. I don’t want to be the guy that begs for forgiveness because you have the right to feel how you do, as long as you want to feel it. Trust me, I’m feeling a lot myself. Have been for months now.”

  He leaned down and kissed my forehead.

  Without another word, he left the house.

  I stood there, hugging myself with the lingering smell of him teasing my nose.

  I shut my eyes and took a deep breath.

  Right now, life had only one direction for me to go - forward.

  Slow days were rare for me, but when they came, it was always nice to take a second and look around at what I had done. My dream had always been to work with animals. I had plans to go to school and become a veterinarian. Then Brice happened. The insane kind of love that makes you give everything up because no matter what, it was going to be worth it. And it was worth it. If things hadn’t happened the way they did, it would still to this day be worth it.

  Going back to school was the one thing that truly saved me. The distance I put between myself and Brice was a notch of regret on my heart for the rest of my life, but I had to face and deal with my pain in my own way. I didn’t want anyone to tell me how to think, feel, or act. So, I just did my own thing. And working with animals became a type of therapy for me. I was good at it. I had a way of connecting with even the most temperamental and sick animals because maybe when it was all stripped away, all emotions were raw and scary.

  One thing I did in life was live without a plan. That drove my father nuts. That drove everyone around me nuts. Unless you lived the way I did. And there was only one other person I’d met who lived that way.

  Brice.

  He understood the way it felt to look up at a clear night in the middle of summer and have the sudden urge to find an open field to watch fireflies and pretend to count the stars. To sleep in on random mornings because the world wasn’t going to stop if you did.

  That’s why I woke up one random morning and decided to go back to school. No plan. No idea how I was going to make it work. Just like starting my own practice. I decided one day to do it. And I found a building. With that building came Ben. That was when my life was pulled toward a path. Where things were figured out. Where plans were made. Where comfort was always available and forever assumed.

  But life wasn’t always about being comfortable.

  “Are you okay?” Deb asked as she walked around the long check-in desk.

  “Yeah,” I said. “Just thinking a lot right now.”

  “Quietness does that,” she said. “Are you worried about slow days? I was meaning to talk to you about getting some social media stuff set up. We could find events to go to. You could give talks. Maybe work with some free stuff, you know? Help with adoptions.”

  I smiled at Deb. “Those are great ideas. Do me a favor and jot them all down. Actually, any idea you have, write it down.”

  “Okay. I can do that.”

  “I’m going to go get some stuff organized in my office. Let me know if you need anything.”

  “Same to you,” she said.

&nb
sp; I was at my desk no longer than five minutes before Deb called me.

  I picked up my office phone. “Can’t walk back here?”

  “There’s a walk-in,” she said.

  “What?”

  “Someone just showed up with a puppy. Asking to see you.”

  “To see me? Personally?”

  “Yeah. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see the puppy or not. I mean, we have nothing right now, so…”

  “Yeah, sure,” I said. “Uh, I’ll meet you in room one then. Just give out the normal paperwork and whatnot. Get everything into the computer and we’ll go from there.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Deb said. “And off the record, a guy with a puppy and a kid? My ovaries are swelling.”

  I laughed. “Deb, hang up the phone.”

  I shook my head as I walked from my office to the hallway that led to all the exam rooms. I paused at the door to the first exam room and heard Deb’s voice. It was mostly muffled, but the second I turned the knob and opened the door, a voice echoed in the room that stole my breath.

  I entered the room and saw Brice standing at the scale. He was with a little boy who held a bright yellow retriever puppy in his arms.

  The second the puppy saw me, it started to kick and squirm, wanting to get down and meet me.

  “Dr. Kinsley,” Brice said.

  “Brice,” I said.

  Deb stopped mid typing. Her head slowly turned. She mouthed to me you know him?

  I swallowed hard and smiled. “Deb, I can take it from here.”

  “Of course,” she said. “It was nice to meet you.”

  “You too,” Brice said.

  Deb left the room and I shut the door behind me. “And who do we have here?”

  “Go ahead, Milo,” Brice said. “Dr. Kinsley is the best.”

  I stepped toward Milo, my heart speeding up as I realized who it was. I bent down and smiled at him.

  “What’s your puppy’s name?”

  “Honey,” his soft voice said.

  “It’s a girl puppy?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you get it from Brice?”

  “No,” Brice said in a stern voice.

  “My mom got it for me. She’s back now. Brice is with her.”