Back to the Dream

by Felicitas Ivey

  "I'm sorry,” I told Aboshi.

  He nodded, accepting my apology, and Keno looked even more confused. “Inuyama has had a difficult life,” Aboshi told him, trying to explain to him a little. “He dedicated his early life to avenging his father's death."

  "That sounds intense,” Keno said thoughtfully. “I don't know if I could do that."

  Aboshi and I looked at each other. The first Keno had done more than that, but I didn't know if either one of us could explain his ancestor to him.

  "I think that I want to retire,” Keno told us, apparently ignoring the currents that swirled around him. He smiled and bowed to Aboshi and me before gliding away, still firmly in his persona of Sakura the tayuu. It seemed to be more of the “real” him, or it could be that he was finally confident about who he was. This was a great change from the frightened young man he had been when I rescued him from the Trust.

  "He is so different,” I said when I knew he was out of range of hearing.

  "Very different,” Aboshi agreed.

  "He wouldn't understand,” I said, happy about that somehow. This Keno was a gentle soul and one who was a good match for the man Aboshi had become over the centuries. “But I think that you should tell him what has passed between you and Inuyama."

  "I will try,” Aboshi said. “But not tonight."

  "Tonight,” I said with a laugh, “he will be having a much different conversation with you."

  * * * *

  Keno

  I was still awake when Samojirou came to our room. Even after all our time together, I thought of him by his last name more easily than his given name.

  "You're still awake,” Samojirou said as he crawled into bed with me, stretching out on his back. I snuggled up to him, laying my head on his shoulder. He started playing with my hair. It was nice and cuddly, something we both enjoyed. Even after a year with him, I was still a bit skittish about the physical act of making love. Thankfully, he still understood. And that didn't mean we didn't get very inventive at times. This just wasn't going to be one of those times.

  I wasn't surprised there was a note of worry in his voice. There had been something neither Tamazusa nor Samojirou wanted to talk about around me. I thought he was worried I was going ask him about that. I wasn't. But I was going to take Dousetsu's advice and ask him a little bit about what exactly his relationship with my ancestor had been like. I knew they had been lovers, and I guessed that my ancestor had been a fighter like the rest of the Hakkenshi. But Samojirou never really talked about his relationship with my ancestor. He might be just being polite, since there might be some unwritten rule that you don't talk about an old lover with a new one. Or it could be that he just didn't want to talk about it. He had mentioned once or twice that they hadn't had a lot of time together. And I didn't know what he felt about someone who had essentially thrown him in jail for centuries. His feelings about that were probably as confused and illogical as my crush on Wolf had been.

  "Dousetsu thinks that we should talk,” I told him.

  Samojirou gave an odd laugh. “He is the last person that I expected to tell you that."

  "I think that he's trying to help,” I said. “But I could be wrong."

  "He knew that we were lovers, before,” Samojirou said quietly. “Something that none of the others knew."

  "I'm not going to ask you about why Dousetsu was angry with you,” I said softly.

  "That isn't something that I am proud of,” Samojirou said. “My only defense is that I was caught up in the hate and the moment. And for that, I let an innocent girl be killed, even if she had been trying to kill herself earlier, and used another one shamefully."

  "You didn't!” I started, jerking away from him.

  "Rape?” he asked me, turning over on his side to face me. “Not of her body. But... I did use her to communicate with Tamazusa, who didn't feel that both of us should be absent from her kuni. She was still consolidating her power. It had only been a few decades that we had been in the Dreamlands. I, unfortunately, couldn't resist tormenting the Hakkenshi. My hatred of Satomi was so strong. I think it helped that I wouldn't let anyone else near Hamaji during that time."

  "Shino's Hamaji?” I gasped, shocked.

  "Other than that, I treated her as an honored guest. She had the misfortune to be one I could use to communicate with my lady, since it wouldn't have worked with everyone. It was also because she was Fuse-hime's sister that I used her, so that the spells succeeded. Those ties helped me reach my lady."

  "That was—"

  "Disgusting is one word that can be used to describe it,” Samojirou said calmly. It was his tone that made me mad. I was angry that he could admit what he had done so easily.

  I got up with a jerk and grabbed my yukata. “I'm going for a walk."

  "Please wait,” Samojirou asked of me. “You... you are so innocent of all this. Should I tell you that Hamaji was relieved, even grateful that I was not interested in her body? That she accepted what I was doing eventually? Not that she enjoyed it or even has forgiven me for what I had done, but that she has decided not to hate me for it?"

  "I don't think that it makes it any better,” I told him coolly.

  "And this is why I hesitated about telling you anything,” Samojirou said, sadness in his voice. “We all did things that you wouldn't have understood."

  "I know that,” I said stiffly. “But I don't think that I can just sit here calmly after you told me something like that."

  "Please don't go yet,” he almost begged me. “I wish to tell you more. I don't think that I can make you any angrier with me."

  "Just upset,” I said, my anger draining out of me. “I can't.... Listen, I know that you did bad things—"

  "That would be an understatement,” he murmured.

  "—I've done them too. Well, not me, but who I was. So I don't think I have a right to be angry with you. Because while I don't know what my ancestor did that was so bad, I know that it must have been really terrible, because no one wants to tell me about it. I'm not stupid. It's like an elephant in the room whenever I'm with my family. No one wants to tell me what I was like, and considering what the Hakkenshi are, it must have been pretty bad."

  "Do you want to me to tell you?” Samojirou asked. The look in his eyes begged me to say no. And I really, really didn't want to know what I had been like.

  "Not yet,” I said, compromising. I didn't think I was ready to hear that. Maybe in another decade or so I would be, but not now.

  He looked relieved. I didn't blame him.

  "You banished me so that Inuyama wouldn't kill me,” Samojirou told me instead. “Of all the Hakkenshi, you are the only two who could do such a thing: kill me in the real world and make sure I died a true death and not escape to the Dreamlands. Inuyama Dousetsu knows the rituals, because he masqueraded as a priest and he has a small talent for rituals. You had the magic to banish me permanently and had decided to do so, no matter what it cost you. You thought it was better, since your loyalty to your family outweighed the fact that we were lovers. Or maybe not, since you should have let Inuyama kill me."

  "Being here,” I whispered, sounding raw, understanding what he was trying to tell me: How much he had been hurt by my ancestor because of what he had done. “Not ever being together again."

  "I think that you didn't know the price,” Samojirou said gently. “Since... since there was a promise in your eyes that you would join me."

  "But I never did."

  "It was karma and the price that was paid for our love,” Samojirou said, getting up. He walked over and kissed me on the forehead. “Walk and think about what we have talked about. Please... please don't be angry. And I have you now. You are the Inuzaka Keno I love, and not a ghost of my lover from the ancient bloody civil wars, the Sengoku Jidai, the time of fighting before the Tokugawa ruled Japan. Think of that as you walk."

  "I wasn't like this before?” I asked.

  "Your innocence died when you were a child,” he said. “And I refu
se to say more than that."

  "I won't ask you more,” I assured him. “Because as upset as I am, I also know I don't want to know who I had been before this.” I hugged him and slid open the door. “Thank you."

  "For what?” he asked me, bewildered.

  "For being honest with me,” I said as I slipped off into the night.

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  Chapter Three

  Mason

  It was a week later that I was called back to Boston again. It was another briefing, and this time, along with McGann, Wolf, and Mrs. Adams, there was another guy. He looked to be in his midthirties, average height and weight, with a good tan, like he had been working outdoors for years and years. His dirty blond hair was buzzed short on the sides, a bit longer on the top and toward the back, with a couple of long braids that hung to his shoulders, tied off with colorful thread . He had green eyes and looked really confused about why he was here. I was just wondering what he'd seen to get him stuck in this mess.

  "This is Doctor Logan Sawyer,” Mrs. Adams said.

  We all shook hands and made all the right noises, like normal people. Sawyer didn't look totally useless, even with his weird hairstyle. I couldn't bitch about it because I was shaving my head now; it seemed easier to care for, and I didn't see the grey.

  "Please call me Logan,” Logan said. “There's no need to be formal."

  "Logan will be the fourth person for your expedition.” Mrs. Adams told us. “Medic and expert in Mayan culture."

  "Can he speak Mayan?” I asked. A medic was good thing, I thought. McGann still going was not.

  "I can try,” Logan said, not sounding too confident about it. “But there isn't anyone who can speak the language. We can only say what we think it sounded like."

  "Shit,” was the only thing I could say. It wouldn't help us if the one guy who knew the language really didn't speak it. It probably wouldn't be any better than charades, and we ran the risk of calling someone's mother a pig or something. Not a good idea with the people we had to deal with. I didn't care what the “experts” said; no matter how civilized someone was supposed to be, they were all still touchy about insults to their mothers.

  "How good a condition are you in?” Wolf asked.

  Logan hesitated for a second. “Good to fair. I just came off a dig season. I'm good at lifting, not so good at running or shooting."

  Well, that was something I was going to have to get back into, too. Not that I slacked off at the range or the gym, but I was getting older and slower.

  "Can you shoot a bow or use a sword?” McGann asked.

  "I did bow hunting when I was younger,” Logan said. “Nothing recently. I was a fair shot."

  "You're up on the rest of us,” I muttered.

  I'd had a couple of days to think about this. I was pretty sure the Trust could find someone in their ranks who swung a sword, was fluent in the couple of languages they needed, and wouldn't freak at the weirdness. So why were they sending us again? Wolf, I could see; McGann, maybe, since she was a ‘path, which would be useful; but me, it didn't make sense. This wasn't cheaper than paying me a pension.

  "Last time guns were useless,” Wolf said.

  I grinned at the memory of Murphy's face when he found that out. Logan looked confused but tried to hide it.

  "You're all scheduled to leave in two weeks,” Mrs. Adams said. “Briefing will be the day before that. The rest of the time will be spent trying to drill you in the basics of several languages and a few other things. I assure you that it will not be the disaster it was before."

  "Not for us,” I muttered.

  Wolf frowned. “What about Anya and Murphy?"

  I bit back a groan. I really didn't want them on this mess. Mrs. Adams said, “Ms. Romejinoff is now assigned out in the Seattle office, and Jim's a bit too old for this. Besides the other issues we had the last time."

  "I still don't like McGann going,” I told her.

  McGann laid a hand on my arm. “The Trustees think I should go, and that is that."

  She didn't look happy when she said it, and Wolf looked concerned. So, he might be thinking bad thoughts at last. Not that I wanted him to turn into the cynical asshole I was, but it was nice that he was aware of the problem.

  "I've been told this is the first time someone's done this,” Logan said. He wasn't trying to be an ass about it. He knew he was the new guy and the odd man out, not a very comfortable position. He was smart enough to know that rocking the boat was a bad thing.

  Mrs. Adams shook her head. “This actually is the second time. The first was a several weeks ago, and it didn't end well. We were reacting to an on-site disaster and didn't plan things out as well as we should have. The operation was mishandled from the beginning due to the influence of one man."

  That was an understatement. We had lost more than a dozen people, lost as in not here and hadn't shown up at the landing site in the Dreamlands, plus all the ones who had gotten killed when Tamazusa showed up here. I wasn't going to be the one who told Logan that, though. I wasn't surprised Mrs. Adams was dumping all the blame on Collins. It was the smart thing to do, considering he was most likely dead and had been a huge asshole. And I knew she was swimming with the sharks that were the Trustees, which meant she was one, too, underneath being a nice lady. She wouldn't take the blame even if it had been her fault.

  "Ended well enough,” I said instead. “Considering everything."

  Wolf looked at me, and I wanted to bite my tongue, because it looked like I had sucker punched him. Shit. I forgot how bad this had... was still hitting him. “Keno...” he started, and then he took a deep breath. “We lost someone we shouldn't have."

  "Those mean fuckers didn't kill all the eggheads, at least,” I said, trying to cheer him up. “They were pissed about their mom."

  Logan looked confused, and Mrs. Adams had the grace to look guilty. “That situation was mishandled. I had no idea that Collins had instructed Murphy that he was to bring hostages back with him."

  "As was Keno's situation,” Wolf snapped. “What he did to

  him—"

  "It could have been much worse and you know it,” McGann told him gently. “And what did happen was much better for him."

  Wolf looked like he wanted to argue about that, but a look from McGann shut him up. I don't think they wanted to argue in front of the new guy. And McGann also knew Keno was a lot better off where he was. Plus, there was the matter of the little going-away present he had given us, wiping out as many of our databases he could. I hadn't thought he'd had the balls to do something like that. I was impressed that he had done it, even if I didn't say it out loud. I wasn't that stupid.

  Mrs. Adams looked over the four of us. “I don't think it will be a surprise to any of you that Mr. Dieter is your team leader for this operation. Gentlemen and lady, I hope that you all come back safely."

  Wolf bowed to her, and I was relieved. I had been worried for a second that Sawyer was going to be the one in charge of this mess. I never thought it would be me. Wolf was the best choice. As much as I respected McGann, this wasn't the kind of op she should be in charge of. Fuck, I wanted her as far away from this mess as possible.

  * * * *

  Tamazusa

  It was over a week later that a courier from Iida and his escort arrived. I let him rest overnight before I gave him an audience. I received the courier in one of the smaller public rooms, since he appeared to be one of Iida's higher-ranked samurai. He had been Iida's only companion during the entire time Iida had been stalking me, for lack of a better term. He named himself Mawatari Kappei but gave us no other information. There was something strange about the man, and he seemed very uncomfortable in my shoen. Not like he was a country bumpkin overwhelmed by what he saw, but more as if he thought there was something wrong in my kuni.

  I had Aboshi at my side, and I made sure that Keno wasn't with us. Not that he cared about such things, since Keno was wonderfully disinterested in any sort of power. I had
a sneaking suspicion Iida's message was of a personal nature, since the courier looked offended that I had Aboshi at my side.

  "Iida-sama sends his regards,” he intoned solemnly.

  I raised my eyebrow at this. The man had traveled hundreds of ri to tell me this?

  "Iida-sama, since he has come to the Dreamlands, has been impressed with the skill with which you rule your kuni,” Mawatari continued.

  I nodded. I had used my time to gather information on the man, since Iida seemed to be interested in me. Iida had only been here a decade. He had died in the modern age, unlike many of us who were heroes and demons from the time before Japan had been opened to the West. He had managed to gain his kuni thorough his skill with a katana more than his intelligence. It was an island off the coast of Nippon that had been known as Tsushima in the real world, isolated and small. My land was rich, to the northwest of the Kanto plain, with many resources. I had been courted before because of my kuni, but Aboshi at my side had usually discouraged any serious interest, as I had more than once had called him my consort, even though he was more my karo, my chief counselor. However, with Keno accompanying him as Sakura, it apparently had changed the balance of power in our relationship, or so people thought. Iida was a modern being, one who might have no issues with taking advice from a woman since things had changed in the real world concerning the position of women. I still had no interest in him sexually nor wanted an alliance with him.

  "I am flattered by his interest,” I said lightly. I was more curious than flattered, but I wasn't going to tell the man that.

  "Iida-sama wishes to discuss many things with you.” Mawatari paused and glanced pointedly at Aboshi. “Alone. My lord hopes this will be a quiet visit and one that is not shouted about across Nippon. He would like to show you the beauty of his kuni and converse with you about the nature of ruling and rulers."