Back to the Dream

by Felicitas Ivey

  "I think that it was the constant hot water that he enjoyed,” I told her. I wasn't surprised that she was upset about being here. While she hadn't been an important person back on Njalsson's farm, it had been a place she was familiar with. I thought she even missed the backbreaking labor a little. She had wandered around like a lost soul, I had been told, until Fuse took her under her protection. I had been too busy trying not to go insane waiting for Samojirou to show up to pay attention to what Helga had been doing.

  "Is it that you think that Hamaji and I aren't good enough daughters for you, Mother?” I teased Fuse in Japanese. “Or is it that you wish to foist Konbungo off on this poor girl? Have you developed a taste for matchmaking? Are you going to marry off Genpachi next?"

  Samojirou and Tamazusa laughed, while the maids giggled and shook their heads, adding comments under their breath, mainly about this finally being a woman big enough for my brother. Helga could tell they were saying something about her but didn't know what. She looked like she was going to try and make them tell her what they had said, but then she remembered where she was. I thought Fuse was starting to have a good influence on her. Or it could have been that she realized the odds were against her if she attacked the maids.

  Fuse frowned at me, trying to be stern, but involuntarily smiling at my comments. “You need to explain our merriment to the poor child."

  "Helga-chan,” I started, causing a new wave of giggling among the maids, “I simply was trying to cheer my mother up. I'm afraid that it was at your expense. I apologize for that."

  "What does ‘chan’ mean?” Helga demanded, ignoring my apology. “I only hear it after your name. You're a man who can't decide what he is. I know that I am all woman, so don't call me ‘chan'!"

  "It is a term of endearment,” Tamazusa explained. “I doubt that anyone would use such a thing with you."

  "And you want Mason to use such a thing with you!” Helga snapped back.

  I saw Tamazusa's fingers twitch, but that was about it. Glances darted between Fuse and Samojirou, and I wondered if I was going to have to break up something between Helga and my lord. Tamazusa's method of dealing with Helga usually involved some sort of violence. But she seemed to be calming down, and I wondered how much of that violence had been because of the position we had been in.

  Then I thought for a second. Mason seemed to like Tamazusa, even if it wasn't in a romantic way. He had been a friend to her, as odd as that sounded. And I thought she was lonely, a bit, even if she wouldn't admit it. Mason probably had been the only one in centuries to not treat her as “Lord Tamazusa."

  "He probably would,” I said, pausing before I added. “Along with adding that honorific to Wolf, McGann, and any of my brothers’ names also."

  He might not call Dousetsu or any of the others that, but with Wolf and McGann he would. I didn't know what was going on, but Helga wasn't going to ruin it for Tamazusa, even if it was something as harmless as some inappropriate teasing from Mason. I could tell Samojirou was thinking the same thing, and I knew that as soon as Tamazusa recovered her kuni, he was going to have a big-brother-type talk with her about her feelings for Mason.

  "I think that you can also teach Helga Japanese, since your English is much more fluent than mine,” Fuse told me. “McGann-san and Mason-chan would also benefit from lessons, but I think that Wolf-chan will be giving them their lessons."

  Both Helga and I looked at her in horror. Helga was a troublemaker, and I didn't want to deal with that either. “I want Wolf to teach me!” Helga demanded.

  "I don't think that Wolf-san has anything to teach you,” Samojirou drawled. “Nor does he want to."

  "At least he knows what a real woman is for!” Helga snapped, getting the dig that he was making.

  Samojirou looked at her and then me. I shook my head. I didn't want any trouble. Fuse just looked embarrassed. I could have told her that it wasn't her fault. I knew Helga would say the most insulting thing at the worst time. It seemed the woman had a talent for it.

  "A woman,” he told Helga coldly, “is to be respected for her intelligence and her wit. A real woman is one who is secure in her power, no matter how little or how much she has. A real woman accepts that there are men who have no interest in her, whether because they are not interested in women or just not interested in her. From what I've seen and heard, I doubt that you are a real woman."

  Fuse nodded and then turned to Samojirou and Tamazusa, bowing low. “I do apologize for this unpleasant incident. I had hoped that Helga would learn something from Sakura-chan's grace and charm. I was mistaken."

  "It is that you are such a gracious lady that you expect all to be one,” Tamazusa demurred courteously. “I fear that this one will never learn the lessons that you want to teach her.” She paused. “And it seems that she has not learned the ones that I did endeavor to teach her. The fault is also mine."

  "I know that you have a kind and loving heart,” Samojirou told Fuse. “This woman seems to have neither. The fault is not yours for what the kami never gave her."

  Thankfully, this was all in English, so that Helga understood what was being said. She understood it so well that she launched herself at Tamazusa. She was surprised when I intercepted her, using her momentum against her so that I could throw her in the different direction and away from anyone here. Too bad that move broke the door to the garden and Helga landed in a mess of broken bamboo and paper windows that used to be a sliding door. She went down in a heap on the porch, stunned that I had thrown her.

  "I am sorry for the mess I made, Tamazusa-sama,” I said as I bowed humbly.

  The maids looked shocked and Fuse disappointed. I thought that she was upset that Helga had behaved so badly. She rose to her feet slowly and bowed to Tamazusa and Samojirou. “I fear that I must tell my daughter by marriage of the mess that has been made in her home."

  Helga stood up slowly. “You fight well,” she said, sounding surprised.

  "I train every morning with my lord's samurai,” I stated. I didn't do it here, because I didn't want to deal with Shino's samurai, because the fewer people who knew Inuzaka Keno was here, the better. I actually was looking forward to being Sakura again, since I had missed being her in the Northlands. “I know that you are not happy here,” I said. She looked angry but nodded her head slowly. “When this is all taken care of, we can send you back there if you want."

  "You will?” she asked, trying not to sound suspicious of the offer.

  "Edo is actually a port, and we do trade with your people,” Tamazusa said. “We can send you home when this is all over."

  "I'm sorry that you are not happy here,” Fuse said with regret. “But I also think that you should try harder to be so."

  "You bathe constantly, the food is strange, and I miss my own clothing,” Helga said in a rush. “I don't know what my place is here!"

  "Ah,” Fuse murmured and nodded her head. “That is hard to know, wherever you are,” she acknowledged. “You must make your own place."

  "There is nothing for me to do,” Helga said, her eyes bright with tears. I felt sorry for her, because I just realized she must have been acting the way she was because she felt so miserable. That didn't make me like her any better. She reminded me of Anya too much to like her. “I try to find things to do, but no one talks to me in a tongue that I understand. They all shoo me away, like I was a goat that was going to get into the wash!"

  I couldn't help it. I snickered when I heard her say that. Fuse shook her head and started to leave. Helga scrambled to her feet and followed her out.

  Tamazusa and Samojirou watched the maids help me dress and do my makeup. I sensed there was something that Tamazusa wanted to tell me, but I couldn't guess what. I didn't think she was upset about Samojirou's decision to send me to Edo. In fact, I thought he had probably talked it over with her. I couldn't be angry about that, though. They talked about a lot of things like that.

  After I was dressed, Tamazusa dismissed the maids with a smile. I had my ha
ir pulled back in a simple bun and I wore a light yellow kimono with a pale orange under-kimono, with very little makeup. I was sad to realize I felt more comfortable dressed up as Sakura than I had wearing the kimono and hakama of a man.

  "You look delightful,” Tamazusa told me when they were done. She had gone back to wearing a simple black kimono, looking elegant and composed as always.

  Samojirou said nothing, but the look in his eyes was enough for me. He preferred to see me dressed like this, so I wouldn't be in danger. That was something I was going to have to talk to him about.

  "There is another reason I want to send you to Edo,” she shared quietly. “While I may not have control of my kuni, there are a number of places that I have gold and other resources stored. I want you to access them. When I am in control again, I'm going to need that money to pay for the cost of the war that we are now in."

  "Will they release it to me? How am I going to get it to you?” I asked her.

  "There are a number of scrolls hidden in your baggage that can be used to access the funds. They are letters of introduction to those who you need to contact,” she said briskly. “And you can make arrangements when Aboshi contacts you."

  "As my lord wishes,” I told her formally. I hesitated for a second, “I'm not angry, honestly. Samojirou-sama and I discussed the matter last night."

  "I saw that,” she said dryly. “In fact, your discussion seems to have been very intense."

  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to hide my blush. Samojirou looked slightly abashed by her comment, but smug also. I tried not to roll my eyes. I was proud that she trusted me to do this for her. It made me feel like I was contributing something to her cause.

  "I will take my leave of the two of you right now,” Tamazusa said. She smiled slightly. “I do fear that all the maids’ work will be wasted as soon as I go."

  She was right.

  * * * *

  I wasn't surprised when Mason showed up at the room Samojirou and I were staying in. I thought he was bored and at loose ends. I didn't mind the company, though. There was no way I was going to be part of planning the war we seemed to be in the middle of. For one thing, everyone else had centuries of experience with this stuff. And I didn't think I could do something like that. It wasn't that I thought I was stupid or anything like that. I just knew it wasn't something I could do or that Samojirou or Tamazusa wanted me to do.

  "You not planning the war?” he asked.

  "No,” I told him shortly.

  "I think that the two of them are tickled fucking pink if you stayed out of this mess,” Mason said. “Hell, I bet that Samojirou slapped that white face on you so fast your head spun."

  "That isn't funny, Mason,” I said sharply.

  "It wasn't supposed to be,” he growled at me. “But fuck, Tamazusa's been talking to me about shit, mainly so that I won't stick my foot in it any more than I usually do."

  "And?"

  "She explained to me why your boyfriend has the tranny kink with you,” Mason said. “And shit, don't tell him that I said this, but I think that it's a good idea."

  "I'm so glad that you approve of it,” I said sarcastically, “Did you ever think that I just might like dressing up like that?"

  "You like it?” Mason asked me, looking very surprised. “Even the pimp shoes?"

  I frowned at him, trying to figure out what he was talking about. “You mean the formal geta that I sometimes wear?"

  "Them tall sandals that I don't know how you don't break your neck walking in things, yeah,” Mason said.

  "Real tayuu wear taller sandals when they make their procession in the pleasure quarters,” I explained. “I saw it once. It was impressive."

  "What the fuck were you doing there?” Mason demanded, acting like I was a child or something. “Shit. I don't want to know. And I ain't ratting you out to Fuse-hime about it."

  "Mother has seven other sons. I think that she's figured out that we've all visited the pleasure quarters at least once. I think that Genpachi lives in them, practically, even the one in Nara."

  "Which one is he?” Mason asked.

  "The one who reminds me of you a lot,” I told him with a grin. “We all laugh about the fact that you aren't his avatar."

  "Wolf's got one that has no sense of humor,” Mason grumbled. “They're kinda alike."

  "Dousetsu's just shy,” I said, feeling that I needed to defend the man. “He's been very nice to me."

  "Mother?” Mason asked me, getting back to something that I had said earlier.

  "Fuse-hime asked me to call her Mother,” I shared. “I know that it sounds and looks odd, but she feels like my mother. Not that I'm forgetting about my biological family, it's just that I've been cut off from them for so long that it feels good to have one again."

  "I still can't see Samojirou taking you to a whorehouse,” Mason said skeptically, getting back to the start of our conversation, even if he did look really guilty. When the Trust originally captured me, Wolf hadn't been on that assignment alone, trying to find out who had broken into the company's servers. Mason had been driving the car.

  "Samojirou-sama took me there to see her,” I said.

  "To...” Mason started.

  "Not for that,” I said, trying not to sound angry at him. I wasn't really. He was at least trying to understand. I didn't think that Wolf ever would. “But to see her procession. Tomiko is one of the highest ranking tayuu in Yoshiwara, the pleasure quarters for Edo. She's someone who is just amazing to watch. I learned a lot about being a tayuu from just watching her. I think that if she could have, Yoshinoko would have taken me there when she was training me."

  "Who?” Mason asked.

  "Yoshinoko was my teacher for being a tayuu, a girl, really, for Samojirou-sama,” I said. “I liked it. I actually think that I like being Sakura more than I like being me."

  Mason looked a little disturbed, but there was something in his eyes that told me that he understood. I had been the Trust's prisoner for four years, most of that time frightened and abused. Not always physically. Most of the time I had been everyone's favorite target to yell at because something had gone wrong. Who wouldn't want to be someone else after that?

  "What's a ‘tayoo'?” Mason asked, mispronouncing the word badly.

  "A tayuu is a woman who is a courtesan,” I explained. “There are several ranks of them in the pleasure quarters. Tayuu is the highest rank. A house can only have one of them. The next lowest rank is oiran. Below that are the women who are just prostitutes. All of these women belong only in the pleasure quarters. They only get to leave there if a lord or a rich merchant buys out their contract to live with them. Or if they get too old for the customers. Then they either run their own house or become a procurer in the countryside. Tayuu and even some oiran are able to retire without having to do that if they are lucky and very careful with their money."

  "He's dressing you up as a hooker?” Mason blurted out in horror. “The ice bitch wasn't pulling our leg with that one? I thought that she was full of shit on that one."

  "You sound like Shinbee or Sousuke,” I snapped. “Samojirou-sama respects me. This is something that amuses both of us. And it does keep me safe. Though after this, I think that Mother is going to have to spread the rumor that Inuzaka Keno has retired from the world, just so that I won't be constantly challenged. Even if they don't know where I am, there will always be the fools who would spread lies and force me to challenge them."

  "So you figured it out,” Mason said. “And I don't think that the other two think that you have."

  I shrugged. “I know that both Tamazusa-sama and Samojirou-sama don't want to worry me. I don't know everything about who I was, but they'll tell me eventually."

  Mason nodded, and I knew Tamazusa had told him. I opened my mouth to ask him what my ancestor—what I had been like, actually—and then shut it again. I didn't want to know yet. And I saw the relief in Mason's eyes that I wasn't asking. “I don't think that you should tell Wolf, either,” I said
carefully. “Because I don't think that he'd understand. I don't understand a lot of what happened, and I grew up with legends like this, such as the Tales of the Heike and the Forty Seven Ronin."

  Mason shifted and looked uncomfortable for a second. “Fuck, I know that we hadn't really had time to talk about shit. And I know that the other two are busy too. But I want to be the one that tells you this. We're moving in with Tamazusa when this is all over."

  "What about you going back to the real world?” I blurted out.

  "Trust fucked us over like they did you, kid,” Mason said tiredly. “Right now, I don't know if there is a way back for us. We've been here a long time."

  "You have,” I said, now that I thought about it. Before I had been worried about getting Tamazusa back to Nippon. Not to mention I had been exhausted for most of the time Mason, Wolf, and McGann had been here. Then I had been glad to see them and just didn't want them to go back.

  "We were screwed from the start,” Mason told me. “Hell, Wolf's worried about his grandfather, which might be the only reason he would be goin’ back. Stayin’ here ain't bad."

  "There's a war going on,” I warned.

  "But we know who our enemies are, here,” Mason said. “And shit, would you believe that the fuckers from the Trust are among them? So it's like they brought the war to us."

  Only Mason would sound happy about something like that.

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  Chapter Twelve

  Mason

  Faster than I thought it could happen, the bunch of them had a plan, got organized, and then were off to war. And shit, that was a scary thing. I thought what probably helped was that there was nothing like a standing army here. Everything was organized around the lord who was your boss. Keno's family had samurai and other people who owed them soldiers and supplies, stuff like that, but nothing like having a platoon or two of guys sitting around, waiting to jump into the next shitstorm because they were told to since you pay them a ton of money to do so. There was some sort of organization they tried to explain to me, and all I did was nod my head a lot and try not to look too confused. It didn't fool them. But they also seemed to have a hard time understanding that the Trust had a ton of mean fuckers whose only job was to go out and kill things.