Til Death Do Us Party

by Vickie Fee

  I had followed Larry Joe in my car. When the newlyweds pulled up to Earl’s farmhouse, Larry Joe and I were sitting in the front porch swing with the front porch light on. The barn doors were closed, the back porch light was off, and the guests had parked their cars out of sight, behind the barn.

  “Hi, Mama,” I said, standing to embrace her as she reached the top step. “It’s so good to see you two.”

  “We had a wonderful trip, but it’s sure good to be home,” she said, giving me a big hug.

  “I want to take a quick look around the house while we’re here,” Earl said.

  He and Larry Joe shook hands, then Earl unlocked the front door, and held it open for all of us to enter.

  “Mama, since you’re here, Larry Joe and I have a wedding gift for you and Earl—and I just can’t wait to give it to you. It’s oversized, so we’ll have to go out on the back porch.”

  As soon as Earl and Mama had stepped onto the back porch, I hit “send” on a text alerting Holly we were ready. At her signal Harold and Kenny slid open the barn doors and switched on the lights that were strung across the rafters to illuminate the barn and the huge WELCOME HOME banner hanging above the guests’ heads. Mama squealed with delight and started granny waving to family and friends. The band began to play as we walked to the barn. The guest list of twenty-five friends and family had expanded to about thirty-five, and they were lined up to form a reverse receiving line as Earl and Mama made their way through the crowd.

  At the back of the line, my niece, Lulu, broke free from her daddy’s arms and ran toward Mama, calling out, “Grandma!” Mama leaned down to gather her into a hug, and my sister, Emma, walked up behind Lulu, holding baby Trey in her arms. Mama flung her arms around both of them and showered them with kisses, while Lulu clung to her legs.

  Earl smiled, keeping a respectful distance for the little family reunion. He looked over and gave me a wink.

  Larry Joe stepped onto the stage and took the mike. “Liv and I would like to thank all of you for joining us to welcome home the newlyweds. And, I hope y’all are hungry because Grills on Wheels is serving up enough barbecue to feed an army. Please help yourselves. The buffet table is loaded.”

  Naturally, Daddy Wayne was the first in line and others queued up behind him. Iced tea and lemonade were set up on a table beside the pulled pork barbecue, slaw, beans, and chips. A bar serving beer and wine was set up on the back porch.

  As people went through the serving line, Mama and Earl walked over to me. She wrapped me in one of her oversized hugs and said, “Liv, the party is wonderful . . . and I can’t even imagine how you talked your baby sister into coming. But this is the best gift you could ever have given me,” she said with watery eyes.

  “Oh, speaking of your wedding gift—come with me, please.”

  Both of them followed me to the pond and I used a remote control in my pocket that Harold, the electrician, had rigged somehow. It activated the battery-operated lights on a swan-shaped paddleboat, along with a lantern sitting on the little island in the middle of the pond.

  “Mama, this is my and Larry Joe’s wedding gift to you and Earl.”

  “What in the world?” Mama said, with a surprised but pleased look on her face. “Earl, did you ever?”

  “Liv, you’ve already done so much, with the party—” Earl said before I interrupted.

  “We wanted you to have something you could keep. Mama, in the original plans you wanted a gondola to ferry you out to the island for your wedding, and swans swimming in the pond. You two may not have exchanged vows on this island, but now y’all can pedal out to it anytime you want—without the help of a gondolier.”

  Mama hugged me and Earl wrapped his long arms around both of us.

  “You two better get back to the party. You are the guests of honor, after all.”

  “That barbecue is smelling awful good to me,” Earl said.

  About forty minutes later most people had finished eating dinner. Harold dimmed the barn lights a bit, and from the hayloft aimed a spotlight at the center of the stage.

  The band started playing “Teddy Bear,” and Little Junior, wearing the same jumpsuit he’d worn at the wedding, emerged from the shadows and leapt onto the stage. Mama clasped her hands together and shook her head in joyous disbelief.

  Lulu rushed to the front of the stage and started doing the bounce-up-and-down dance of a preschooler, while brother Trey clapped his hands in approval. Friends joined the dance, and so did Mama, twisting and swaying with her baby grandson in her arms. Uncle Junior walked over and her eyes flew wide open in surprise. He gave Mama a peck on the cheek and then kissed his great nephew on the top of the head.

  After a couple of upbeat numbers, the band slowed things down a bit, and Little Junior started singing “And I Love You So,” as he had at the wedding.

  Mama walked over and sat baby Trey down on my lap and grabbed Earl by the hand. They danced just as they had as the sun set on Lake Mead, nuzzling nose to nose like newlyweds do. I noticed my sister looking away. She took Lulu by the hand and quietly slipped out of the barn, walking toward the house. In a moment, I handed Trey off to Miss Betty and hurried to catch up to Emma.

  “Hey, does Lulu need a trip to the little girl’s room?”

  “Yeah. Sometimes she doesn’t think about it when there’s a lot going on. I figured I should make a pre-emptive potty stop.”

  “I could use a pit stop myself,” I said, falling in step beside her.

  Lulu slipped between us and skipped along, holding both our hands. I looked down and smiled.

  “I really wish I could see you and the kids more often,” I said. “I can’t believe how much they’ve grown.”

  “I know, me too,” Emma said, before going quiet.

  I decided to let a comfortable silence hang between us as we walked to the house. I directed Emma to the powder room. When they came back, Emma sat down in the rocker by the fire. Lulu sat on her lap, her head nodding forward, with heavy eyelids.

  “Would you like to lay Lulu down on the sofa or in the guest bedroom? Or would you like me to hold her so you can rejoin the party? I’d hate for you to miss Little Junior’s second act.”

  “When we were growing up I never would have imagined Little Junior performing—especially as an Elvis impersonator. But he’s really good.”

  “I know. And I’m just as proud of the fact he has a good heart. He was really good to Mama while we were in Vegas—well, to all of us. And he treats his girlfriend, Crystal, like a queen.”

  “What’s she like, his girlfriend?”

  “She’s really sweet and seems crazy about him. She’s also taller than him, and I’m guessing, about twenty years older.”

  “Wow. I guess love is a strange and wonderful thing,” she said. “Sometimes more strange than wonderful. Listen, Liv, you don’t have to worry about me being unkind to Earl. I know he’s good to Mama. And I understand she’s been lonely since Daddy died. Mama’s a social person. She’s not one of those people who can be truly happy on her own. Hobie helped me see that. But I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to be close to Earl the way you and Larry Joe are. Can you understand that?”

  “Yeah, Emma, I think so. And it’s fine. But you made Mama very happy just by being here tonight—and bringing the grandkids.”

  “I owed her that much. I haven’t come back to Dixie to visit as often as I should. Hobie helped me see that, too.”

  “I never realized Hobie was such a wise and sensitive man,” I said.

  “He has his moments. And then he has moments when I could kill him, too.”

  “You just described married life,” I said.

  “I guess so. I really hope Earl gives Mama more of those Mr. Wonderful moments.”

  “I can tell you that he has so far. And let’s face it, anyone who can put up with our mama has to be at least a minor saint.”

  Emma laughed. It was the first time I’d heard her laugh since she’d arrived. Lulu roused.


  “Why you laughing, Mommy?”

  “Because life is funny sometimes, sweet girl.”

  Emma, Lulu, and I started walking back to the barn, and we could hear Little Junior wowing the crowd with a hip-swiveling performance of “All Shook Up.”

  We rejoined the party and I sat down beside Di.

  I looked up to see Dave in the doorway of the barn. He took off his hat and ran his hand through a crop of thick, wavy hair as he walked over to Di.

  “Sorry I’m so late. Had an accident out on the highway.”

  “Oh, no. Was anyone hurt?” she said.

  “No, it just bottled up traffic until we could get the vehicles towed away.”

  After “All Shook Up,” the band slowed the tempo down again. Di rose from her chair as Dave took her hand. They walked to the center of the barn, where they began dancing very slow and very close.

  Epilogue

  The Grills on Wheels crew were bagging up the trash and loading up gear. I walked over to their van, parked beside the barn, to thank Billy and the guys for a great job with the barbecue dinner.

  I saw Mama standing by the pond, gazing dreamily at the water and thinking about either her new husband, or admiring her new swan paddleboat. I was leaning toward the boat. Either way, it made me smile.

  Suddenly, Mama screamed and shook her leg wildly while waving her arms over her head. It took me a moment to decipher the source of the distress. But by the dim illumination of the boat lights, I could see the movement of a striped snake winding itself around her lower leg. Emma and I ran over and started screaming, too.

  The guys came out of the barn and rushed toward Mama. Everyone gathered at the front of the barn to see what was going on. With quick strides, Earl walked calmly over and firmly grabbed the snake just below its head and yanked a couple of times. The snake unfurled and danced at the end of Earl’s extended arm. He walked out beyond the barn and tossed the still wriggling snake into a field.

  As he walked back toward the pond, Mama hurried over and embraced him, throwing her arms around his neck. Then she jumped back.

  “Earl Daniels,” she said in her thunderous voice. “That was a foolish thing to do. You could’ve been snake bit,” she said, before wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her head against his chest, her shoulders shuddering.

  “Now, Virginia,” he said, hugging her tightly. “Calm down, hon. It wasn’t poisonous. It was just a garter snake.”

  They started walking back to the barn and Emma and I fell in step behind them.

  “Everything’s fine, nothing to worry about,” Earl called out to the partygoers standing shoulder to shoulder in the barn entrance.

  “Don’t tell me snakes are nothing to worry about,” Mama said. “Have y’all ever seen the hole in Junior’s leg from when he got snake bit as a child. Junior, roll up your pants leg.”

  He complied and people gathered around to gawk.

  “I’ve been terrified of snakes ever since it happened,” Mama said.

  It had been quite a few years since we’d been treated to a viewing of Uncle Junior’s snakebite hole.

  “Is Uncle Junior married right now?” Emma asked.

  “No. Divorced.”

  “How many wives is he up to now?”

  “Four. But he’s only had one at a time—as far as we know,” I said.

  Uncle Junior bared his leg and stood there silently, while Mama explained in great detail exactly how it had happened.

  “Do you think he impresses the ladies by showing them the hole in his leg?” Emma said.

  “We’ll see. Wife number five could be standing right here in the barn.”

  Emma slipped her arm around my waist and we both laughed until it hurt.

  Party Tips and Recipes

  Tips for a Backyard Luau

  Not everyone can manage a true pit barbecue—roasting a whole hog in the ground, like they did at the Dixie reunion luau in the book. But anyone can throw a fabulous backyard luau on a modest budget.

  Invites

  Send out invitations with borders or covers featuring flip-flops or colorful tropical flowers or fun tiki images. Encourage guests to wear tropical print sundresses or Hawaiian shirts and shorts. Cool and casual. And welcome guests with leis as they arrive.

  Suggested Menu

  BBQ Pulled Pork (from restaurant or pit roasted) OR

  Grilled Chicken with Teriyaki Sauce OR

  Skewered Chicken and Pineapple Chunk Kabobs

  with Hawaiian Sauce

  Tropical Fruit Salad

  Cabbage Slaw

  Pineapple-Coconut Rice

  For Dessert:

  Cupcakes!

  Pineapple-Coconut Rice

  1½ cups uncooked long grain rice, rinsed until water runs clear

  1 20-oz. can crushed pineapple in pineapple juice

  1 3.5-oz. can unsweetened coconut milk

  3 tablespoons sweetened coconut flakes

  1 teaspoon red curry paste

  1 clove garlic, minced

  ½ teaspoon onion powder

  1 teaspoon grated ginger

  salt and pepper to taste

  GARNISH

  Fresh squeezed lime juice to taste

  ½ cup salted roasted cashews

  DIRECTIONS

  Drain can of crushed pineapple. Measure ½ cup pineapple juice. Add 2½ cups coconut milk. Pour liquids into saucepan and bring to a simmer.

  Stir in crushed pineapple and remaining ingredients (except garnish).

  Bring to a boil, cover, lower heat, and simmer about 20 minutes, until liquid is absorbed and rice is cooked.

  Take off heat and leave covered for 5 minutes. Fluff rice with fork, garnish, and serve.

  Yields: 6 to 8 servings

  Kahlúa and Chocolate Cupcakes

  1¾ cups all-purpose flour

  1¾ cups sugar

  ¾ cup cocoa powder

  1 teaspoon baking powder

  2 teaspoons baking soda

  ½ teaspoon salt

  2 eggs, lightly beaten

  1 cup milk

  ⅔ cup strong coffee

  ¼ cup Kahlúa

  ¼ cup vegetable oil

  ¼ teaspoon vanilla extract

  FROSTING

  ¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder

  2 tablespoons Kahlúa

  6 tablespoons hot water

  4 tablespoons softened butter

  4 cups powdered sugar

  DIRECTIONS

  Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line pans with paper cupcake liners.

  Stir together flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in large bowl. Add eggs, milk, coffee, Kahlúa, oil, and vanilla extract. Beat on medium speed for a few minutes.

  Divide batter evenly among cupcake liners.

  Bake 18 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean. Let cupcakes cool at least 15 minutes before transferring to cooling rack.

  FROSTING

  Add cocoa powder to a large mixing bowl and pour in Kahlúa and hot water.

  Stir until smooth.

  Add butter and blend with mixer on low speed until mixture is well-combined.

  Add powdered sugar one cup at a time and beat on low speed until sugar is incorporated.

  Turn up to medium speed until frosting is light and fluffy.

  Let cupcakes cool completely before frosting.

  Yields: 24 cupcakes

  Beverages

  Serve fruity cocktails—and don’t forget the little paper umbrellas, which add a lot of fun for very little cost. And be sure to have bottled water and other nonalcoholic beverages on hand to keep guests hydrated, especially in warm weather.

  Decorations

  Have fun with festive colored table coverings and napkins. Trim edges of tables with “grass skirt” fringe. Strategically place tiki torches and hang some paper lanterns. Make a table centerpiece or runner, featuring whole pineapples surrounded by paper tropical flowers, and coconut-inspired candle holders.

&
nbsp; Activities

  Play some Hawaiian music to inspire guests to get on their hula moves. Pass out hula hoops to those who have trouble getting their hips to swivel.

  And—limbo!

  Tips for a Movie Night Under the Stars

  Pick Your Flick

  Choose a film that fits your audience. Sticking with classics is the safest bet. And, if neighbors can see into your backyard, be considerate. Don’t show loud action movie explosions after most people have gone to bed. And keep it clean and family friendly, especially if youngsters live next door!

  (Tip: Encourage guests to dress as characters from the film—from gangsters to zombies!)

  Get a Projector

  Buy or rent a movie projector. There are good deals to be found for not entirely new equipment on Web sites like eBay and Craigslist. Rentals may be available in your area from audio-video equipment stores. You may be able to borrow a projector from a local church, with a security deposit. And some libraries even have projectors available to check out.

  (NOTE: For outdoor viewing, find a projector with an output of at least two thousand lumens. A higher output of lumens (three thousand or more) means you’ll be able to start your movie shortly after the sun sets instead of waiting for the darkness of nightfall.)