Love Me Like You Mean It

by Jaime Russell

  Reagan

  I wake up from the nightmare of the day my sister was murdered that has plagued my dreams every day since it happened. I haven’t had a nightmare since Max has been in my bed. He’s like Thor protecting me from the evils of the world. I jump into the shower to get rid of the sweat and try to calm my nerves before starting the next leg of this trip. I throw my hair up into my messy bun as I replay walking into the fitness center to see Max on the floor, clutching his chest. It scared me, and when he told me it was because of me, it crushed me. I hope that I’m not pushing him too much wanting to get to know him better.

  I pack up my stuff and look at myself in the mirror one more time—I see a very tired girl wearing jeans and blue t-shirt. I’m not sure what the weather is going to be like when we arrive in Pennsylvania so I grab my pink Victoria’s Secret hoodie in case it’s cooler than what it is now. I send a text to Max to see if he’s awake, and he says yes. He’s heading to the truck, so I let him know that I’m heading down too.

  “Good morning, doll.” Max pulls me into a hug and a kiss that makes my knees weak.

  “I love this greeting, maybe we should sleep separate more often.” I smile up at him.

  “Um, how about no? You would’ve liked my wake up call for you.” I blush imagining his hands all over my naked body.

  “Are we eating here or going out?” I need to change the subject because I can imagine his wake up call.

  “Let’s eat here.” We walk hand in hand back into the hotel to eat. It’s a nice room of about twenty square tables that seats four. The food spread is to die for: pancakes, waffles, eggs, bacon, sausage, muffins, donuts, yogurt and fruit. I have to sample a little bit of everything. Max laughs at me as I put my plate down on the table then head back up there to get my coffee and apple juice. “Hungry?”

  “Starving,” I mumble with a mouthful of eggs.

  “I can see that.”

  “Oh, you’ve never seen me really eat, have you?” Max shakes his head. “I can eat Jonathan under the table most days. I’ll regret it later since I can’t really work out until we get to Pennsylvania, but whatever, I’m on vacation.” I raise my drink to him. “Cheers to not working out for a week.”

  Max decides he wants to drive until lunch then I can drive the rest of the way so he can make some work calls and check in on Thomas and his dad. I decide to check my voicemail since I left my phone in the truck while I ate breakfast. It’s my boss.

  “Reagan, are you not coming into work today? This isn’t like you to not show up.” What? He fired me. I call back to see if I can talk with him.

  “Spencer, do you not remember firing me on Friday when I called off?”

  “Yes, but I didn’t really mean it.”

  “How was I supposed to take it?”

  “I was mad that you left me hanging. We’re already short-staffed, and I needed you to work. I was taking a long weekend.”

  “Well, Jonathan needed me, and he’s my first priority. Besides, I decided to get the store back up and running.”

  “So you’re just leaving me?” I can hear his voice coming and going so I know that he’s pacing.

  “Well, I’m out of town for the week because I thought I was fired.” I look at Max who is watching me out of the corner of his eye. “Why did you fire me?”

  “You’re out of town? You never go out of town. Is Jonathan with you? I was just upset. I needed the day to take to heart what you had said, and everything that was happening. Will you come back?”

  “Can I think about it?”

  “Yeah, take the week to figure it out. What about your schedule? I’ll mark you down for vacation this week.”

  “Thank you. I have my schedule in my phone. I’ll contact them and reschedule. I’ll stay on a month, but you need to find a couple of replacements, and I’ll train them. Spencer, I’m gone in a month.” We talk a few more minutes, and I hang up. “So you heard?”

  “Does this mean that you won’t be moving and opening the store?”

  “I am opening the store, but I need to redo it. I need to find an architect and an interior designer to help me first before I can open. We’re still moving above the store; it’s going to be difficult at first. Are you still going to stay over at my place once in a while?”

  “Of course, you’re not getting rid of me that easily, woman.” I laugh at him.

  “Isn’t your office down the street from my business anyway? So you can sleep in even longer because you need your beauty sleep.” Max sarcastically laughs at me as he grabs my leg to squeeze it. We drive for a few hours, talking about life in Miami, Jonathan, and his new business venture with Sarah. Max tells me that he will help me with redoing the store. We stop for lunch at a local diner then get back on the road as I drive. I want to talk to him about his past, but I’m worried that it’s going to cause another fight or panic attack.

  “You have something on your mind?” Max asks me as he is scrolling through his phone.

  “Always something on my mind.” I smile at him then look back to the highway ahead of me.

  “Want to talk about my past?”

  “I do, but I’m worried about you and bringing it up.” I’m biting on my lip because I’m nervous.

  “The past gives me nightmares, and it isn’t pretty. My biological father killed my biological mom. He was sent to prison where he died still serving his sentence. Felicia, his girlfriend or wife, who knows what she was to him other than the young girl he was caught with on that day that changed my life, came by with a letter from him. I bounced from foster home to group home until I was placed with Abby’s family. I grew up with a lot of brothers and sisters because they were foster parents to so many kids.”

  “What did your biological dad say to you in the letter?”

  “I don’t know.” Max shrugs. “I never read it. I packed it because I was moving. I actually brought it with me to read when I’m really drunk.” He laughs at himself, but I can tell that it isn’t something he finds funny.

  “Okay, well I’ll be with every step of the way, so you won’t be alone in it.”

  “Thank you. Why don’t you stop at the next exit for us to gas up and stretch?” I do as I’m told. We stop to gas up, get drinks, and take a break. We’re about two hours away from his friends’ house. I am a nervous wreck because I’m about to meet his family. You usually wait months not days before that happens, but hey, nothing about us is normal.

  Max

  Coming out of the bathroom at the gas station, I run my hands over my face. “Penny for your thoughts?” Reagan says as she pushes her body off the building to stand in front of me so I can look into the eyes of who is plaguing all of my thoughts. Can I be good enough for her? Can I be a father figure to Jonathan? My hands are instantly drawn to her hips as I roughly pull her toward her and descend onto her mouth. When my lips find her, I can't hold back. Still holding onto her hips, she pushes me back into the bathroom, never leaving her lips. I push her up against the door and lock it before anyone can disturb us. The gas station bathroom is not the place where I want to have sex with Reagan, but the need far outweighs the cleanliness.

  “Max,” Reagan moans into my lips. “I need you inside me,” she says to me with flush cheeks and swollen lips. She looks around the bathroom. It's cleaner than the ones we've seen throughout the trip. Reagan pushes me away as she unbuttons her jeans. I stop her from removing her clothes. I slide my finger into her pants and can feel that her thong is wet. I kiss her neck as I use my finger to rub up and down her pussy through her thong. Reagan moans as she tries to wiggle her hips to remove her clothes. I stare into those beautiful hazel eyes.

  “Clothes stay on. Trust me.” Reagan just nods. “Now, where was I?” Reagan stands there leaning against the door, waiting with her arms crossed, giving me the look with the eye brow raised. She decides to take matters into her own hands, literally. I watch as her French-manicured finger disappears into her jeans. Reagan closes her eyes, head back, and back arched
, lost in the moment. I’m standing there in awe of the sight before me, and I’m torn. Do I just keep watching or do I help finish her like I had intended to? Reagan answers my question when her hips move forward.

  I grab onto her wrist to stop her. I move my hands into her jeans and lower them to her knees. I’m on my knees eye level to her sweet, pink, glistening pussy. I run my tongue over my lips, reminding me what I do right before I devour my food. I lunge forward, finding her clit while I grab her ass cheeks to hold her still. I find that clit and nibble on it, kiss it, and lick. I remove my hand from ass cheek so I can continue my assault on her clit while I get inside her. I shove two of my fingers into her wet pussy. I’m not gentle with her as I pound into her with my fingers wishing it was my hard as steel cock. My tongue keeps up the assault on her clit and Reagan’s head is going from side to side as she just keeps repeating, “Oh, God,” over and over again. I can tell she is close as she clamps down on my fingers and her hips buck forward.

  With my arm wrapped around her, I keep a hold of her. Reagan’s breathing starts to accelerate as the noises of my fingers being inside her wet pussy are growing louder. One of my favorite things about getting Reagan off is how beautiful and primal she looks. Reagan’s hair starts to come out of her bun, hair falling around her face as her eyes are glistening on the light from the pleasurable sensation of coming. She parts her lips, licks them, then tries to catch her breath. She is beautiful. My thoughts are interrupted by her screaming my name and knees buckling. I’m so lost in her face that I don’t pay attention to keeping her up, and she comes crashing down on me. Reagan places her face into my neck and sighs. “Wow.”

  “You okay?” I ask, kissing the top of her head.

  “Better than okay.” I feel her smile on my neck. We lie there for a few seconds before the mood is interrupted with pounding on the door. Reagan is lying completely on me, still with her jeans and thong around her knees. “Oh, my God,” she whispers. She jumps up and struggles to pull up her pants because she is either embarrassed or nervous that someone is outside. I’m smiling as I stand. “What are you smiling at?”

  “You.” I wash my hands and see her buttoning her pants—our eyes meet. When I see Reagan, I see it all: kids, marriage, and a bright future. “I love your hair and face. They have the ‘just fucked’ look.” Reagan gasps as she pushes me away from the sink to look at the mirror. She’s using her fingers to try to tame the wildness of it, and I don’t think she can so she throws it back up into a ponytail and splashes water on her face. I’m standing there adjusting myself in my jeans and trying to figure out how to go out without anyone noticing. “Ready?” Reagan nods as she opens the door, and we walk out hand in hand. The older man standing in front of us mumbles something before slamming the door shut. We laugh getting back into the truck.

  We drive for a few minutes before I see Reagan out of the corner of my eye switching between picking at her nails or chewing on them. I turn off the radio. “Reagan?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Are you okay, babe?”

  “I’m nervous.” Reagan turns to me like I should know this.

  “Why?”

  “I’m about to meet your friends and family. These people are very important to you. What if they don’t like me? What if I say something that makes me feel stupid or ignorant?”

  “My opinion is all that matters. If anyone doesn’t like you, I don’t care. You’re with me not them. Besides, you’re the first girl to be introduced to them as my girlfriend, they already think you hung the moon. They are probably going to drop me and keep you.” I chuckle.

  “But …” Reagan puts her face into her hands.

  “But nothing. Stop worrying over something that you can’t control. If they don’t like you, it’s on them, not you. You’re perfect to me and for me.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay? Really?” My voice has a hint of unsureness, but it doesn’t hurt to ask her.

  “No, but I can fake it.” It’s Reagan’s time to smirk. I roll my eyes and laugh.

  “Would you prefer to stay in a hotel for the week?”

  “Yes. Are we going to? No. I want to get to know your friends. Besides, Rob and Aaron are the two that play online with Jonathan, right?” I nod. “I need to get to know them. I’m protective of him and need to trust the men in his life.”

  “I can understand that. Speaking of, what’s the deal with the Don situation?”

  “I didn’t realize that we were speaking of him.” She smiles at me. “There isn’t much to tell. I married him when Kennedy died, got divorced because he didn’t want to play house. Jonathan got older, he kept getting promoted, and needed to show he was a family man. He comes around to take Jonathan to sporting events.” Reagan shrugs her shoulders like it’s no big deal. “He’s moving soon.”

  “Any feelings left?”

  “Yep. Hatred, mostly. I let him come around Jonathan because I thought that was what he needed but soon realized it was just best to keep the circle small with Cash, Shawn, and Matt, Sally’s husband, and now you too.”

  “I’m glad I made that circle.”

  “Me too.” We pull onto the street where Rob and Aaron live. I want to drop off our stuff then head to the nursing home.

  “Would you be upset if I stayed here while you went to go see Thomas? I think you need the time alone,” Reagan asks me.

  “I would love for you to meet him, but it’s entirely up to you.”

  “I want to meet him, but the first visit needs to be you two. You don’t think Aaron and Rob would have a problem, do you?”

  “Nah, they might like it.” We pull into the driveway and Rob’s BMW is there so I know someone is here. “I need to say something before you meet them.” Reagan looks from the house then to me. “Don’t hold them against me.” She hits me and tells me that wasn’t nice. We get out and head to the door. Aaron and Rob are standing on the porch. “What’s up, fuckers?”

  “Such language, asshole.” Rob is the first one to give me a hug.

  “This is Reagan. Rob and Aaron.” I did all the pointing and they hug each other. They lead us inside into the basement apartment. “Is it cool that Reagan hangs out here while I head to the nursing home?” Rob brings his hands together as rubs with the diabolical grin.

  “Of course it is. I figured that you two stay here so you can come and go as you please.”

  “Thanks. Marshall is coming in on Friday, so we’re staying in a hotel with him and Patty to spend time with them.” I think Rob and Aaron can sense how nervous Reagan is because she stands in the kitchen while the three of us talk about Abby, things going on with a few of our mutual friends, and decides to leave us alone for a while. They offer to take us out to eat; I tell them that I’ll let them know what the plan is for dinner.

  “You okay?” I bring my arms around her shoulders, kissing her temple.

  “Stop asking me that question.” Reagan swats my arms. “I’m okay just out of my comfort zone. I didn’t sleep well; I might nap while you’re gone.” We talk a few a minutes before I get ready to leave. Jonathan is calling her on FaceTime, so I use that as my cue to leave.

  Max

  I pull into an empty parking spot at the Grey Lane Nursing Home. The outside of the building is painted grey with dark green shutters. It’s more like an apartment building than a nursing home. I think that is one of the reasons we chose this home because it wasn't a big adjustment for Thomas. I look over to see the dozen glazed donuts since he's a retired cop. He still laughs about that stereotype but enjoys it. I jump out of my truck and wipe my sweaty hands on my jeans. I know when a parent or grandparent gets older there is that chance this is the last time to see or talk to them. It's always bittersweet because they are suffering but you're also selfish because you don't want them to leave you. I take in a big breath and as I release, I feel my chest tightening. I'm just not ready to let him go or say goodbye. I need him. Jack Stephens pops into my head. Can I make amends for the sake of Abby? I
shake the thoughts of Jack out of my head. Thomas is my priority right now; life will have to wait. I grab the donuts, slam my door shut, and head into see him.

  I notice the red-headed nurse who is always on duty when I arrive; I often wonder if she lives here. “Well, looky here, Faye. We have ourselves some eye candy today.” I chuckle at Lois as she nudges Faye who is working the main desk with her. Faye is in her late fifties so her hair is gray, and the lines are truly forming around her eyes and mouth. She always looks exhausted.

  “Not just any eye candy but my favorite. Come give us some sugar, sugar.” I lean in and kiss them both on the cheek. I pull from behind my body two single red roses for each of the ladies.

  “For my two beautiful flowers. How are you ladies doing?”

  “Oh, it's beautiful, thank you, Max.” Faye grabs me to hug me while cutting off my circulation in my neck. I hear her sniffle as she releases me. Lois is standing there wiping a tear from her eye.

  “You're a great guy, Max. How is Florida treating you?”

  “Very good. I met a fabulous woman who just happens to be with me.” Lois and Faye are looking behind my back. “She's back at my friend’s place resting. She thought I needed to see Thomas by myself first. Reagan’s amazing, and so is her nephew Jonathan. You’ll meet her soon. How is he doing?” I need to change the subject before I get the 100 questions.

  “He’s in pain today. Don't be surprised if he's an ass to you.” I nod. I tap my fingers on the desk before pushing off and head down the hall. I'm outside his room when I hear him yelling about something. I open the door to see him standing, staring outside the window. Thomas is wearing blue sweatpants and a black t-shirt with the hat that his grandkids bought him.

  “I don't care what you think, Stan. Arrest the man so we can finish the damn paperwork. If I'm late for dinner, it's my balls not yours.” I look around to see if he's talking to someone, but there is no one here.