Love Me Like You Mean It

by Jaime Russell

  “Calm down, first of all. I’m at the emergency room with Jonathan.”

  “What?” I start crying as I find a bench nearby to sit down.

  “Reagan, he was hit by a car in front of the school. The parent wasn’t paying attention and drove up on the sidewalk. She hit three kids. Jonathan has a broken leg, and they need your verbal permission to operate to remove his spleen.”

  “He needs surgery?” Why am I not there? I should be there. I look to see someone out of the corner of my eye and its Max. “Who do I talk to?” I try to regain composure. “Hello, I’m Reagan Cramer, Jonathan’s legal guardian. I give permission for the surgery. Is it necessary?” The doctor proceeds to tell me about internal bleeding, and an enlarged spleen. I drop my head into my hand to cry. “Okay, when will this surgery take place?”

  “As soon as we can get him up there. We’ll also be taking care of leg. It was a clean break, so it will heal properly. I’m sorry to have to give you this news over the phone.” She tells me that Jonathan is being a trooper and hands the phone back to Cash.

  “Book me a flight now,” I demand.

  “Already did. It leaves in two hours, so you need to get to the airport now.”

  “I’ll find a way. Have Nic or Shawn pick me up. Can I talk to him?”

  “Aunt Reagan?” Jonathan sounds so weak.

  “Hey, buddy.”

  “Come home.” He starts crying which makes me start to cry.

  “Uncle Cash booked me a flight. I’ll be there before you’re out of surgery. I love you.”

  “I love you too.” He hands the phone to Cash, and I bawl like a baby into the phone. Cash is trying to calm both of us down.

  “I’ll see you soon.” I hang up and see Max standing there with Rob and Aaron. All three of them have a look of sadness on their face. “I need a ride to the airport now.”

  “What’s the matter?” I tell them about Jonathan as Max pulls me into him as I cry into his shoulder. “I’ll take you to the airport.”

  “No, you need to be here with Amanda to say goodbye to Thomas.”

  “I’ll take her. It will be easier for me to answer the medical questions that she is going to have,” Aaron tells Max and I nod.

  “I’m sorry, but Jonathan needs me more.”

  “Babe, I would go with you if I could. I love you. I’ll load everything up and head out as soon as I can. Be safe.” Max kisses me and wipes my tears from my cheeks.

  “You be safe too. I love you.” Aaron and I leave to head to the airport. I leave my clothes and stuff at the house because I don’t have time. Aaron tries to talk to me but I don’t listen.

  I get my ticket and hug Aaron. “Thank you for driving me. It was great meeting you and hope to see you in Miami soon.” He kisses my cheek and I find the gate I’m assigned to. We got there with ten minutes before I had to start boarding since we had to drive almost an hour to the airport. I pace in the lounging area as I text Cash to find out any new information. There isn’t any new information to tell me. I’m very anxious and just need to be with Jonathan.

  “Cash, let me talk to him,” I say the minute Cash answers the phone.

  “Okay.” I hear Jonathan ask who it is.

  “Aunt Reagan, where are you?” He sounds groggy so I know he is getting close to be taken up to the operating room.

  “Honey, I’m at the airport ready to board. I’ll be there by the time you get out of surgery. Calm down, and let them take care of you. Practice the breathing exercises that the therapist taught us. Breathe in, hold for three seconds then release. Do it a couple more times.” I hear them announce my flight over the speakers and I head to the check in. “Jonathan, I’m getting ready to board. So you go do your surgery. I love you, and everything is going to be fine.”

  Thank you, Cash, for first class. I find my seat and flop down. “Champagne?”

  “Yes please with some orange juice.” The stewardess goes about making sure everyone is in their seats with their drinks. I get ready to turn my phone off but see a text from Max.

  Max: I love you. Have a safe flight. Keep me posted.

  Me: I’m sorry that I’m not with you but I will keep you posted.

  I love you.

  I turn my phone off and close my eyes for the three-hour flight. My thoughts and dreams are plagued with Jonathan and everything that could go wrong with the surgery. I feel someone shaking me telling me to wake up. I look around and see that I’m the only person left if my seat.

  “Ma’am, we’re here.”

  “Thank you. Sorry about that.” We walk off the plane, and I look for the exit. I don’t have any bags but my purse so it’s easy. I turn my phone on to see who is coming to get me.

  Cash: They just took him back.

  Abby: I’ll be picking you up so look for the whale standing there with a smile.

  I can’t help but chuckle

  Max: Cash text me to let me know about Jonathan going into surgery. I’m leaving after I have lunch with the boys. Be strong.

  Cash: Still no news but Abby will be picking you up.

  Max: I think I got everything. I’ll probably be in tomorrow afternoon if I can’t drive it all night.

  Cash: Jonathan is in recovery. The surgery was a success.

  I breathe a sigh of relief as I look up and down the sidewalk to see if I see Abby. I spot her as she is holding a sign with my name on it.

  “Really?” I chuckle as I lean into give her a hug.

  “I couldn’t help myself. Cash says he is resting and we can see him soon. I’m sorry that he was hurt on our watch.”

  “It was a freak accident. I’m not mad just scared. The first time I leave him, he gets hurt.”

  “Like you said, freak accident. Max is on his way. How is he doing?”

  “Holding up pretty good for all the information that he was given the last three days.” I fill her in on the letter from his biological dad and Thomas.

  “That is crazy. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there with him, but I’m thankful that he had you.” Abby and I look at each other and nod. We drive in silence for the twenty minutes it takes us to get to the hospital.

  Max

  I clear my throat after the minister calls my name. I didn’t know that I was to talk during this, but I guess I’ll wing it. Aaron walks and nods, letting me know that Reagan is on the plane safe and sound. I wish I was with her, but I need to do this or I’ll regret it. I crack my knuckles as I lean on one foot and then the other. Thomas is lying there looking peaceful with a smile on his face. I smile at him then look at those attending this memorial.

  “I didn’t know that I needed to give a speech. He forgot to mention that to me. He knew I would tell him no because I hate talking.” Amanda laughs at me, and I smile at her. “Thomas saw me at many stages of my life since I was seven years old. He saw the angry teenager, moody kid, and scared adult. Thomas never gave up on him, and I’m alive because of him. One night, I was in a bad place with a needle ready to go into my veins. I called him up to say goodbye to him.” I look back at him with tears rolling down my face. I walk to the casket to touch his hand. “His words that night was, ‘Max, the world needs you. I need you.” I put the needle into my arm, but Thomas kept talking to me telling me how loved I am and how my perfect someone is out there. I didn’t believe him then, but I slid the needle out as I saw him walking through the alley. How he knew where I was, I don’t know. He grabbed it and squirted it out. Thomas took me back to his house let me sleep off the alcohol. I had a major hangover, did you think he was nice about it?” I chuckle remembering his antics that day. “He stood above me banging pots and pans together, throwing water on me, anything and everything to prove a point. Thomas saved my life, and I’ll never be able to thank him enough.”

  I turn Thomas’s casket and lean down to him like he could hear my whispers, “Dad, come back, I promise to do better.” Rob and Aaron are there to help me. “I can’t let him go.” I fall to my knees. I must be causing quite the s
cene. I’m a forty-one-year-old man crying, begging a dead guy to come back to life.

  “Max, come on let’s go get some air,” Rob whispers in my ear. I nod. The pastor starts to speak, and I stop in the doorway to listen.

  “Thomas was an amazing man. He would help anyone who needed it. He was proud of his two kids Amanda and Max. Those grandkids of his were the apple of his eye. Rest in peace, my friend, and keep watch over your kids.” He says a prayer and everyone stands to say their final goodbyes to Thomas.

  “Max, are you okay?” Amanda stands in front of me grabbing my face.

  “I’ll be okay. I need more time with him. I want him to see my kids.”

  “Max, he will see your kids. He is our guardian angel.”

  “I hope so.”

  “You know, it’s nice to see you all emotional. I wasn’t sure you had a heart.” She winks at me as she goes over to talk to the pastor. I can’t help but smile. I walk over to the pastor and thank him for his words today. We discuss a few stories about him and Thomas growing up. I love hearing stories about him. We shake hands and he gives me his card to me so I can call anytime I need him. I walk out and see Rob and Aaron there.

  “Thanks for being here with me.”

  “Max, we wouldn’t be anywhere else. You need us,” Aaron comments.

  “I’m lucky for friends like you. I’m glad that I punched that kid out for picking on you.” We laugh. “Should we do lunch first or pack first?”

  “Lunch so you can just leave from the house.” We stop in at Mama’s Diner. I miss their burgers. I wanted Reagan to see the family business and meet some friends of mine, but I know being with Jonathan is our priority. We sit and order our drinks from a waitress that I don’t know. Did my mom know my dad hire her? She is a young girl, probably early twenties, red hair, and boobs popping out of her uniform of white shirt, black plants, and scarf around the neck. I roll my eyes as she bends over to flip through the menu so her boobs are in my face. I order my usual of chocolate shake and double cheeseburger with the works.

  “I can’t believe Mom let her work here.” I motion with my head to the waitress, Rhonda.

  “I know,” Rob agrees with me. My mom walks into the diner and goes straight to the cash register. I get up to talk to her.

  “Mom.” She looks up with a smile on her face.

  “Max. What are you doing here?”

  “Eating lunch. What are you up to?”

  “Oh, I’m checking the daily receipts and making sure the staff is behaving. Did you meet the new girl, Rhonda?” She says her name loudly so she looks up from the counter and smiles. She walks over to us.

  “Hello, Mrs. Stephens. Is there a problem?” She looks at me with a sad look on her face.

  “No, I was talking to my son, Max, and asked if he had met you.” She winks at me. I roll my eyes. Now I know what my mom is doing. Rhonda has always been my type of girl. Did she hire her to get me to stay?

  “Well, hello, Max. You are much cuter in person.”

  “Umm, thanks. Mom, I’m going to be leaving today. Reagan’s nephew was hit by a car and is in surgery right now. I need to be with my girlfriend.” Rhonda hears the word girlfriend and leaves.

  “Maxwell,” my mother speaks my name like I’m about to get yelled at like a child. “I need you here. Why is she more important than me?”

  “Mom, I love you, and no one is more important than my mom, but Reagan needs me more right now. I’ll be back, I promise.” I kiss her on the cheek before heading back to my table. I let Rob and Aaron know about the conversation. Rhonda brings our food without eye contact.

  We finish our food, then head back to their place. As I pack everything up, Aaron and Rob are making plans to come down after Abby’s baby is born. I load up the truck and head on out.

  Coffee is my friend. I decide to call Sarah to see if she has updates on Jonathan.

  Reagan

  Abby drops me off at the front of the Miami Hospital. She lets me know that Cash is on the fifth floor waiting room. I run to the elevators. I’m hitting the button, whispering, “Hurry up.” The elevator finally opens, and I lunge myself in to get to the fifth floor. My hands are shaking and sweaty. I reach the fifth floor, and I don’t know where to go. I see someone in scrubs standing at this long, white desk so I walk over to her. “Excuse me?”

  The nurse, Shanna, looks at me. “Can I help you?”

  “I hope so. My nephew had to have emergency surgery, and my best friend is in the waiting room on this floor. I don’t know where to go or if I can see my nephew.”

  “Name?”

  “Jonathan Hess.” She walks around the desk and starts typing into one of the four computers. I finally notice behind her there are monitors of the floor. “Oh, Jonathan is still in recovery. His blood pressure is slightly low so they need to monitor him.”

  “Oh, my God, is he okay?”

  “This is normal for surgery, especially with how anxious he was beforehand.” I blush.

  “That was my fault. I was out of town, and he wanted me home. Is there a way for you to let him know that I’m here?” She nods. “Let me show you the waiting room where your friends are waiting.”

  “Thank you.” I follow her down the long hallway and she motions for a room where there is a door. I open the door and see Cash sitting with Nic, Shawn, and Joan. There are about a dozen couches and chairs all around the room with a TV on the wall. Cash is the first to look up at me, and I go running into his arms. I cry over my fears of losing Jonathan. My life would be over if anything happened to him. He is my world. Cash is trying to get me to calm down. I’m so upset from the crying that I start to gasp for breath.

  “Reggie, calm down. Slow your breathing,” Joan says in her calming voice as she starts to rub my back and pushes me toward the couch to sit down. “Slow breaths, in and out. Slow. Good girl.” I hug her and Nic comes to sit on the other side of me. She grabs my hand.

  “He’s okay. The doctors here are amazing.” Nic rubs her hands over mine. I look at her and weakly smile.

  “I can’t believe I wasn’t here. I should have been here.”

  “No, you can’t stop your life. You should be living in the moment and not waiting for something bad to happen,” Cash says, flipping through his phone casually. I look at him in disbelief that he’s so casual.

  “Cash, are you not upset or scared?”

  “I’m terrified. I saw him when I got the call.”

  “I’m sorry that I wasn’t here. I need to see him.” I stand up and start to pace. Abby comes in with coffee and donuts for all of us. I thank her as I take a coffee. I stare at the donuts and dig in. I didn’t realize how hungry I was.

  “Max is on his way. He called me while he was driving.”

  “How is he?” I’m curious since I left him before the service.

  “He’s good. He said the last week has been an emotional one but he’s looking forward to the future.” I blush because I know what future he is talking about. I need to talk to Jonathan first about it, but I know he’ll be on board.

  “Reagan, did you decide about Books a Latte?” Shawn asks me. Before I left, we had a discussion about me opening it up again.

  “Jonathan and I are going to be moving in the apartment upstairs, and I’m going to start the process of opening the store.”

  “Good for you,” Joan says. I take a deep breath and let out a sigh.

  “Abby, are you still interested in Books a Latte?”

  “Well—” She looks to Cash then to me “—yes.” She sounds so unsure.

  “Would you like to be my partner? I’m willing to let you buy thirty percent of the business. I’ll have fifty and Jonathan will have twenty. Since the business was mine and his parents, it’s only fair. His share of the profit will be in a bank account for college.” I laugh looking at Cash because we’ve already started that process when he was born. He has enough to go to college to be a doctor if he wanted.

  “I would love that. Are you okay
with that, Cash?”

  “I’m more than happy with it. You can even take the baby to work with you.”

  “Jonathan’s stuff is still in the office.” I wipe a tear from my cheek. It’s going to be hard being in that business without Kennedy and Jason, but this is a good way to honor them. “We can talk money and designs tomorrow. I’ll show you the space when I know what’s going on with Jonathan.”

  Nurse Shanna comes into the waiting room. “Reagan, Jonathan is back in his room. He is still sleeping if you want to see him.” I jump up from the couch and follow her. They stay back knowing we need this time alone. I walk into the room and see Jonathan hooked up to all these machines with an oxygen mask. I collapse on the chair next to the bed and cry. My baby, my nephew, my whole world is here looking like hell. I need to get my emotions in check, and I lean over to give him a kiss on the forehead.

  “I love you, my little cookie monster. I’m here now, so rest.” I look over him seeing the bruises on his face, black eye, and his leg in a cast. “I should’ve been here and not thousands of miles away. I can’t lose you.” Jonathan’s eyes start to flutter open. He sees me and smiles.

  “You came home.” He’s talking through the oxygen face mask so his voice is garbled.

  “I told you I’d be here. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here earlier. I’ll never go on a vacation again.”

  “Aunt Reagan, don’t be stupid. This would have happened if you were here. I’m okay. I needed you here with me and you came. I love you. Uncle Cash and Abby took good care of me. Uncle Shawn cried like a baby, it was funny.” I smile.

  “Oh, my sweet boy. When did we grow up?” We both laugh.

  “Where’s Max?”

  “He’s driving back now.”

  “Okay.” He seems content but starts yawning.

  “I’m going to let you sleep. I love you.”

  “Are you leaving?” Jonathan’s eyes get really big. I shake my head no and put my feet on the bed next to his good leg. We both sleep for two hours.