by Ruchi Kokcha
To Vagmi, the brighter side of my life.
Contents
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
About the Book
About the Author
Copyright
1
What one sees in the world outside is often a reflection of the internal landscape of one’s mind. There were no birds chirping on the still branches of the trees outside Avik’s bedroom window. Green leaves were scattered over the brown welcome mat outside his door. No one could tell that there had been a storm the previous night amidst the silence that enveloped the street until one saw the aftermath.
Avik woke up feeling restless and noticed the chaos all around him in his one-bedroom ground-floor flat in Mumbai. The bedroom looked more like a laundry, thanks to Mumbai’s rains. Two cords, heavy with clothes that refused to dry, were strung across the room, bisecting each other just below the fan. A heap of washed clothes lay on the beanbag, waiting to be ironed and placed in the wardrobe. In the laundry bag, the clothes waged a war against each other, fighting for space as the pile continuously grew day after day.
Avik frowned at the laundry on his way to the bathroom. He looked into the deep black eyes that stared back at him from the mirror as he brushed his teeth. Mumbai had sapped his vigour over time, like the sun evaporates a pond, little by little. He was thirty but looked older. Thanks to his busy schedule at work, he often skipped meals and had no time to exercise. Of average build, he could be called fit if he wore a loose t-shirt or a kurta, but his paunch was clearly visible in the shirt and pants he wore to office every day.
Avik showered quickly, wrapped himself in his cotton towel and rushed to the ironing board, on which he had laid out his favourite grey shirt and black trousers after ironing them last night in preparation for today’s meeting. His utilitarian wardrobe was full of dark-coloured shirts and trousers that could bear the grime and soot of city life. It was the only effort he made to look smart.
The sight of the kitchen sink was obnoxious to him. He did not feel like cooking. There was neither the time nor the clean utensils to make breakfast, as the maid hadn’t turned up in four days. He looked inside the stinking refrigerator, threw away half a loaf of stale bread and a bunch of foul-smelling vegetables and checked the expiry date on the milk carton. He gulped down milk straight from the carton, an easy option. The mess was getting on his nerves.
Making his way around his cluttered flat was difficult. Even more challenging was finding a matching pair of socks. His shoes were covered in sludge from the previous day’s rains. There was no point in polishing them because of the water-logging problem in his neighbourhood, but he did it anyway. He combed his hair into the centre-parted style that he hadn’t changed in ten years.
Avik locked the mess inside and took a few steps towards the porch, ready to leave for his office, when the beauty of the chaos outside gripped him. He took a deep breath, taking in the fragrance of faraway places that had blown in with the storm in an attempt to cleanse himself of the stench he had been subjected to inside.
It is after the most furious winds have passed that one can see life as it really is: total chaos, he thought. He felt the chaos reverberating within him as he walked briskly towards the main road, hoping to find a taxi soon.
His gait had been a little clumsy ever since the operation he had had in childhood to remove the extra digit on each foot. One noticed his slight limp only if one paid careful attention, but Mumbai was not a city that waited for anyone’s heedfulness.
Avik did not want to be late for the meeting with Dheeraj Sahay, his boss, who had hinted the previous evening that an important assignment would be given to one of the journalists. Despite working at a reputed magazine for a long time, Avik was still waiting for his big break. He was desperate to earn this opportunity; he was sure it could change his life, given what Sahay had implied.
As he sat in the taxi on his way to work, he stared out of the window, watching the buildings flash past him, thinking about how he had left so much of his life behind in his struggle to become successful, to rise above the fight for bread, butter and a space in Mumbai’s local trains, to enjoy the finer things in life. So much time had gone by without a taste of the success he was always waiting for. His life was comfortable in a mediocre way, but he desired much more than that.
Outside his office building he saw Sonia, his sexy colleague who was one of the leading contenders for the assignment. Sonia had moved to Mumbai from London three years ago after her divorce. An impetuous decision based on physical attraction had done her no good as far as nuptial bliss was concerned, but according to her, the failed marriage had taught her a valuable lesson. She now stayed away from emotional attachments but was a master of utilitarian friendships.
Avik knew that Sonia would go to any extent to snatch an opportunity she was interested in. She believed business was best conducted when devoid of ethics. Morality was something that pulled a person down.
He, on the other hand, believed himself incapable of stooping low for the sake of his job. His conscience was something he prized more than his career. It was for this reason that, despite being in the line for ten years, he had not made a significant mark, while it hadn’t taken Sonia much time to be on a par with him. He wanted success, but on his own terms.
‘Hey! All set for the meeting?’ Sonia asked him as she sashayed towards the entrance to the office building in her black suede pumps.
‘Yeah, sure.’ Avik tried hard to hide his lack of assurance.
‘Do you have any idea what the assignment that Sahay talked about yesterday is about?’ he asked as they entered the elevator together.
‘I have no clue, but sources say it’s so huge that it can change the course of one’s career,’ she said in her half-baked British accent as she stepped out of the elevator and walked into the office.
Her words left him thinking. This is the chance I have been waiting for since the beginning of my career. I have to make sure Sahay chooses me, he thought as he swiped his access card and dashed inside.
Avik paced up and down the conference room while Sonia sipped her black coffee. Sahay was expected at any minute. Avik observed Sonia as she stood beside the window, examining her finely polished red nails. She wore a knee-length fitted black dress that accentuated her curves. Her Louis Vuitton purse hung from her left arm.
Why does she have to dress so sexily on important days like this? Avik thought. It becomes so hard to divert Sahay’s attention from her.
Sonia finished her coffee and sat down. She gave Avik a pouty smile as she crossed her legs.
There she goes. What an attention seeker. She knows how desperate I am for this assignment. Her smile says it all. Avik forced himself to return her smile.
The wait was hard for him. He felt that the longer Sonia observed him, the more nervous he would appear to her. He sat on the chair right next to hers to avoid her hazel eyes that were submerged in make-up.
‘How are you both doing?’ Sahay said loudly as he came striding through the door.
Avik stood up and moved to the chair right next to the one Sahay took and opposite Sonia’s.
‘Are just the two of us in the running for this assignment?’Sonia asked Sahay in a sugar-sweet tone.
Sahay nodded. ‘My best two.’ He winked at her, irritating Avik.
‘And what is it about?’ Avik asked in an attempt to get Sahay’s attention before Sonia stole it, as she always did.
&n
bsp; ‘Brace yourself, guys. I want one of you to cover the story of Kalki Rajput’s death,’ Sahay declared, clearly excited.
Avik and Sonia exchanged sceptical glances.
‘But this is such an old story. Why would anyone still be interested in it?’ Sonia asked, tapping her nails on the table, having lost interest already.
‘Yes, the story is six years old, but is it a complete story? No. Think about it. Every channel broadcast the news of her death, every journalist gave his or her perspective about the case, but no one was able to discover what actually happened, and till today it remains a riddle yet to be solved,’ Sahay replied, sipping his tea.
‘Have any additional facts come to light about the case?’ Avik inquired, wanting to show Sahay that he was a better bet for the assignment than Sonia.
‘No, all we have are some speculations.’
‘Oh come on! How can we pursue a story with only speculations to go by?’ Sonia demanded.
‘What speculations?’ Avik asked as he took out his pen and notebook to take notes.
‘One, it might have been an accident, although I don’t think it was. Two, Kalki committed suicide on finding out about her husband’s extramarital affair. Three, Mr Rajput might have gotten her killed, for the same reason,’ Sahay listed out the theories one by one.
‘Was there any witness besides her daughter? Ananki Rajput was present at the scene, but she’s been in an asylum ever since her mother’s death,’ Avik said.
‘This is such a waste of time,’ Sonia said as she got up to leave, upsetting Sahay.
‘Sonia, are you giving up on this assignment so easily? Where is the tigress that does not hesitate to rip into a story?’ Sahay asked, his voice rising.
‘This story is a dead end. The only person who knows what happened is now insane. It isn’t possible to get the truth from her,’ Sonia said as she walked towards the door. She had lost the enthusiasm that had exuded from her earlier.
Avik, on the other hand, wasn’t ready to give up.
‘Sonia is right. We can’t take Ananki’s word for anything. Who would believe a madwoman’s story?’ he asked Sahay.
Sahay scratched his chin thoughtfully for a few minutes before smiling crookedly.
‘In order to make people believe it, all we have to do is print it.’ He guffawed.
Sonia gave Sahay a vexed look, opened the door and left the room. Sahay stood up and put his hand on Avik’s shoulder, clearly waiting for a positive response from him.
‘Let me think about it,’ Avik looked at him and said.
‘All right, take your time, but let me remind you, if you are able to successfully pursue this story, it will be the crowning jewel of your career. Keep in mind the fame, the status and the perks it will bring.’
Avik walked slowly to his cubicle, which was adjacent to Sonia’s.
‘Sonia.’ Avik pulled his chair close to hers. ‘What do you think about the story?’ he asked softly.
‘I already told you what I think about it. This assignment is doomed,’ she replied as she touched up her make-up.
She put her make-up kit back in her bag and started checking her email, paying little attention to Avik.
‘Should I go for it? Don’t you think I have waited long enough?’
‘I don’t think it will bring you any success,’ she replied, her eyes still fixed on her computer screen. ‘Also, are you ready to move to Delhi for the sake of this story? Who knows when that mad bitch will bark. I am going to have a smoke, you coming?’ Sonia said as she stood up.
‘No, you carry on,’ Avik replied, forcing a smile, although all he felt was desperation.
Avik had given little thought to the fact that he might have to shift to Delhi. Leaving Mumbai would mean leaving his world behind and returning to the pandemonium he had left a long time ago.
‘How will I convince Trisha?’ he murmured, loud enough for Sonia to overhear.
‘Long-distance relationships never work,’ she said as she pulled out her Louis Vuitton wallet, a lighter and a pack of cigarettes from her purse.
‘We’re going through a rough patch. Moving to Delhi would be the end of it,’ Avik told Sonia.
‘Of course it would. When a relationship is new, people make efforts. They take time out from busy schedules to spend time together. The actual test of a relationship comes after the waves of infatuation have ebbed. Other things take priority. The relationship can wait but a deadline won’t. You better think twice before accepting the assignment,’ Sonia said and left.
Avik left work early. He wanted to be away from the hustle-bustle of the office to think clearly, to calm the turmoil in his mind. There was only one place that could absorb all his negativity – Chowpatty, the sponge of Mumbai.
Avik took off his shoes, stood on the wet sand and looked around. He walked towards a bunch of kids playing football. He longed to join them, having almost forgotten the last time he had played any sport. The kids welcomed him to the game. After playing for an hour, he felt less stressed.
He waved goodbye to the kids and walked towards the sea. He sprawled on the sand, the incoming waves lapping around him, washing the dirt off his shirt. He lay there till he could feel the tide rising around him, submerging him, purging him of the uncertainties that battled in his mind.
Avik was clear about what he had to do. He dialled Sahay’s number.
‘I will leave for Delhi tomorrow, but I have a condition.’
‘What is it?’ Sahay asked.
‘I will not stay with my mother. You will have to arrange accommodation for me.’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ Sahay assured him and hung up.
Sahay walked up to Sonia, who was standing at the window in his office, and wrapped his arms around her from behind, his erection pressing into her.
‘You are such a dog.’ She giggled as he started to unzip her dress.
‘I could never send you to Delhi, honey. What would I do without you?’ he said as he turned her around, kissing her slender neck, pressing her ample bosom into his chest. ‘Come on, show me that tattoo you got in Bangkok.’
‘Tattoo? What tattoo?’ Sonia pushed him away, feigning ignorance.
‘Darling, the entire office knows what you did on that official trip to Bangkok, thanks to the two idiots who accompanied you.’
The previous month, Sonia, along with two of her juniors, Prashant and Nysa, had gone to Bangkok to cover a conference. On the last night, the three of them had gone out and gotten quite drunk and as they were walking down the streets, Sonia had caught sight of a tattoo parlour. She had insisted on going in and getting a tattoo. She had chosen to get a little sword, right next to her crotch.
Prashant and Nysa were embarrassed when Sonia had walked out of the changing room in a robe that she had forgotten to tie shut. She was naked from the waist down it. The tattoo artist had made her sit on a reclining chair, with her legs spread so he could work on her. When he had started to ink her, Sonia could not help but cry out. Her cries had been a mixture of pain and pleasure, shouts followed by moans that had made Prashant hard; he hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her for even a second. Almost all of her eye make-up had been washed away by tears by the time the tattoo was done.
Sahay did not let her go till he had seen the sword in all its glory.
Avik called Trisha on his way back home. He wanted to meet her and tell her about the decision he had taken.
‘Can we meet?’ he asked as soon as she picked up.
‘Avik, not today. I am really tired and need to sleep. I woke up at 5 in the morning to work on a presentation and have not had a minute’s rest. Is it important?’
‘It is important, maybe not for you but for me.’ Avik was piqued by her reply.
‘Can you not wait till tomorrow? I have to deliver a presentation, after that I can meet you for lunch or coffee.’
‘It can’t wait till tomorrow. It’s urgent,’ Avik said, emphasizing the last part.
‘Oka
y, tell me over the phone,’ Trisha insisted.
‘I can’t tell you over the phone. Can you not spare just ten minutes for me from your busy schedule?’ he almost shouted.
‘I can, but not today. I said I would meet you tomorrow,’ she yelled back.
‘Your tomorrow never arrives. It’s either now or never. You decide,’ Avik said and hung up.
Trisha called him back immediately.
‘Fine. But only for half an hour,’ she said.
‘Okay, I will pick you up in ten minutes.’
Trisha could not understand Avik’s urgency. We spoke last night and he was fine. What has happened to him all of a sudden? she wondered.
Trisha was twenty-nine. She was a strong, independent woman and had been working in advertising for the past seven years. She was passionate about her work. It was what had attracted Avik to her in the first place. But over time, their relationship had taken a back seat, for which both of them were to be blamed equally.
Perhaps he has succumbed to his mother’s wishes and decided to marry a girl of her choice, a simple girl who can look after her son, not like a wife but like a mother. I can never be the daughter-in-law she wants. Moreover, I don’t plan to be someone’s daughter-in-law right now. We talked about this and he was fine with it. Has he changed his mind now under her influence? she wondered as she washed her round face, looked in the mirror, combed her short, stylishly cut hair and applied lip gloss on her thin pink lips.
Avik gave her a missed call. It was time to meet him and clear the clouds of doubt that hovered over their relationship. She rushed downstairs. She hugged him as if she had not seen him in ages, knowing something bad was about to come. She looked at him with dark, unblinking eyes.
‘Not here,’ he said almost in a whisper, avoiding her fervent gaze.
Her eyes had always been one of the greatest sources of inspiration for him. He could see himself in them with crystal clarity.
Trisha was not a woman who would agree to everything that her man said or believed. She corrected him when she thought he was wrong, guided him when he needed help, encouraged him during times of despair and appreciated him when he met with success.
