Obsessed

by Ruchi Kokcha

  ‘Maybe someone did, but your girlfriend who was supposed to pass it on stole it away from you,’ Avik teased.

  ‘Oh no! I swear to hereby forsake all my girlfriends. From now on I will only enjoy the company of my boy friends,’ she laughed.

  ‘How many boyfriends do you have?’ Avik asked, trying to flirt with her.

  ‘See, there’s the catch. I said “boy friends” not “boyfriends”, who are very few, I must add,’ she said and giggled as she turned to the waiter to give the order for both of them.

  She remembers what I like, Avik thought as Khyati ordered his favourite dish and a pitcher of beer.

  As they shared the fried pomfret, Avik learnt that Khyati was doing her PhD in psychology. He saved her contact number, knowing he might need it soon. When he told her that he would be covering a story on someone with a mental illness, Khyati said that she would be more than willing to help him out.

  When they left together, they realized that it was evening already. She rushed to take the metro to Dwarka while he had other plans.

  There was something about Connaught Place that fascinated him. The countless white pillars of the shopping arcades stood erect in eternal glory. The green lawns of the Central Park added to the beauty. The cool spray from the fountains was refreshing. Delhi indeed has a charm no other place in India has, he thought as he sat in the park.

  He stayed there for a while, looking at young couples arm in arm, kids playing football on the grassy slope and hundreds of pigeons fluttering through the air. It filled him with peace and positivity.

  It was late when he got up to leave. The thought of going back to the dungeon that was his studio apartment vexed him. He called Sahay and insisted that he move him to another apartment. To put him off, Sahay asked Avik to stay in the flat till he could find something better. However, Avik didn’t fall for the trick and said that he would move to a hotel till a better apartment could be arranged. Sahay had no choice but to agree. He wanted this story at any cost.

  Avik was pleased. This was perhaps the first time that Sahay had agreed to any of his demands. It seemed that the Ananki Rajput story was as important for Sahay as it was for him.

  Sahay’s dependence on him gave Avik a strange sense of achievement. For the first time he realized his own importance.

  The success of this assignment depends solely on me. I can’t fail this time.

  On the way back to the flat, Avik speculated about the possible reasons for Ananki’s madness.

  He felt a shiver of anticipation at the thought of meeting her.

  How will the meeting go? Will I be able to break the ice between her and the world? Or will her story remain locked in her mind? he wondered as he gazed at the purple-red sky.

  He had no answers to any of these questions. He knew he would have to wait till they unfolded. Right now, all he could hope for was a positive outcome.

  Avik checked into a hotel of his choice. Sahay seemed upset that Avik was staying in a hotel on the company’s expense despite having his own house in Delhi. Avik, however, made it clear to Sahay that it would not be possible for him to work on the assignment from his own home, given the inquisitive nature of his mother. Most of the times, Avik didn’t quite like the questions his mother had in store for him whenever he went to stay with her, especially related to his relationship and marriage. He was sure that this time would be no different. It was better to have a different accommodation.

  Avik’s father had passed away ten years ago and as his mother was on her own, he could not bear to see her suffer for any reason.

  Shakuntala was a graceful woman. Once a teacher in Aligarh, she took voluntary retirement after her husband’s death to move to his house in Delhi, as per his last wish. The move was welcomed by Avik as he was fed up of being bullied by his cousins, with whom they had lived in Aligarh.

  Avik thought that Shakuntala was the perfect Indian woman. Her crisp cotton saree, her long hair neatly tied in a bun, her big red kumkum bindi, which she did not wear after her husband’s demise, her soft voice, her love for making her home look beautiful, her excellent cooking, her fine taste in music, all of this made her the ideal.

  Avik knew it was hard to find all these qualities in one woman. He had always believed his father to be a very lucky man. He particularly admired his mother for bringing him up almost single-handedly. It pained him to think that in return, he was not able to take care of her as he should. The only thing he did for her was to send her half of his salary every month so she could live a comfortable life in Delhi, even though it meant that he was left with little to indulge in luxuries. He had just enough to buy books and spend on a good time with friends every now and then.

  Avik decided that he would pay his mother a surprise visit for dinner. On the way, he felt a strong urge to see her happy. It was a strange urge, as if after tonight he would not remain the same, as if tomorrow would change everything. He stopped at a flower shop.

  ‘They are for my mother. She has always loved them more than roses,’ he smiled as he told the florist to make a bouquet of twenty-one purple carnations.

  Shakuntala welcomed him with open arms and glistening eyes. He had never seen her cry, except on the day he lost his father. He had always felt that her dewy eyes kept within them some secret that she never shared with him. Something he dared not ask her.

  ‘How do you always manage to prepare dinner so quickly, Ma?’ Avik asked as he sat at the table, waiting for his mother to serve him.

  ‘I have a magic wand with me. You know what it is called?’ Shakuntala had been asking Avik this ever since he was a little boy.

  Just like always, he pretended he did not know the answer.

  ‘The magic wand is called love,’ she said and smiled as she served him his dinner.

  Avik could tell that his mother was happy, which made him happy too. He was glad that she did not ask him about his work in Delhi. He did not like lying to her and he could not tell her the truth. So it was best not talked about.

  She showed him a vase she had recently painted. It was a beautifully done piece of artwork. He smiled fondly at her and went back to the couch, not knowing when he fell asleep.

  It was his mother’s chanting in the morning that woke him up. He felt refreshed and much better than he had the previous day. She had prepared his favourite aloo paranthas for breakfast.

  Will I ever find a woman who understands me as well as Ma? Someone whom I don’t have to tell things, someone with whom I can share a silent channel of communication, just like the one I have with Ma, Avik wondered as he listened to her chanting in her sweet voice.

  She finally asked him at the breakfast table, ‘Is everything fine?’

  He knew she had sensed that something was wrong. Despite knowing that it would not satisfy her, all he could do was nod his head in affirmation.

  He stood up to leave and touched her feet. She planted a kiss on his forehead. He hugged her, not knowing when he would be able to meet her again. It felt like a final farewell to him.

  ‘Goodbye, Ma,’ he said with a heavy heart and walked out.

  Avik went to meet Khyati that afternoon at her flat in Vijay Nagar. Her father had helped her with the down payment for it, but she managed the EMIs by spending wisely and renting out the two spare rooms to paying guests. The flat had beautiful interiors and reflected Khyati’s love for ethnic décor.

  Avik learnt that apart from doing research for her PhD, Khyati was assisting a psychiatrist, Dr Tarun Bhalla, on a part-time basis. She was the epitome of the modern Indian woman: strong-willed, independent and with the zest to succeed on her own terms. She was single and not ready to mingle unless her mind clicked with the man.

  As Avik sat talking to her, Khyati perceived a certain anxiousness about him. She could not help but ask the reason for it. Avik knew there was no one else with whom he could share his concerns. She could help him with this case. He told her that he had not been able to make much progress as far as Ananki Rajput was
concerned.

  Khyati had only one thing to say, ‘Get hold of her psychiatrist first.’

  She was right. It was important for him to get acquainted with Ananki’s case history before he met her.

  ‘I can help you with this case. Any kind of aberration in the working of the human mind fascinates me. I would love to study her case,’ Khyati readily volunteered to assist him.

  ‘Okay, then let’s visit Ananki’s psychiatrist together. It is indeed quite depressing to be alone in Delhi. Your support will give me some much-needed confidence,’ Avik said, placing his hand on hers.

  As soon as Avik got back to his hotel room, he pulled out the list of important contacts Sahay had given him. He saw that Dr Vijay Kaul had been looking after Ananki’s case since November 2006, soon after Kalki Rajput’s accident and death. He had a private clinic in Greater Kailash. Avik called the clinic and fixed an appointment with him as a patient. He was not sure whether he would be entertained if he told the truth and he could not afford failure right at the start.

  That night as he lay in his bed, he felt a sense of comfort at having finally taken the first step towards his goal and at the thought that he was not alone.

  3

  The appointment with Dr Vijay Kaul was at 11.00 a.m. Avik met Khyati an hour earlier so they could discuss how to broach the subject of Ananki with the doctor.

  ‘We should tell Dr Kaul the reason for this meeting right at the beginning,’ Khyati suggested as they headed to the clinic in an autorickshaw.

  ‘No, if we tell him, he might not entertain us at all.’ Avik shook his head as he scribbled down the questions he wanted to ask Dr Kaul.

  ‘I had a word with Dr Tarun this morning and he advised me not to keep Dr Kaul in the dark even for a moment. With his experience, he’ll know immediately that you are feigning an illness. The last thing you want to do is raise his ire,’ Khyati warned Avik.

  He said nothing, as they had arrived at the clinic. Dr Kaul’s assistant asked them to wait in the reception area. They were early and the wait was difficult for Avik. Every passing minute increased his nervousness. Khyati nudged him, a sign for him to relax. He tried to divert his mind by focusing on the room.

  Three huge bronze-coloured couches took up half the space. Amidst them was a round glass table piled high with health magazines. The reception desk was placed in one corner. In the opposite corner, a water cooler and coffee machine rested on a marble counter. A huge poster depicting the human brain caught his eye. Initially, the poster disturbed him, but the more he studied it, the more engrossed he became in it. How can such a small space hold such an infinitely vast amount of knowledge, imagination, memories and dreams, he wondered, staring at the poster.

  His eye was next caught by a black-and-white photograph in a golden frame on the wall in front of him. Avik pointed to it to ask Khyati if she knew who the man in the photograph was.

  ‘That’s Dr Alfred Adler, founder of the school of individual psychology.’

  As she was telling Avik more about the doctor’s work, a male voice interrupted her.

  ‘He was the first major figure to break away from Freud’s psychoanalysis to form an independent school of psychotherapy and personality theory. Hello, I am Dr Vijay Kaul and you seemed to be quite interested in psychology, else you would not have known Dr Adler.’

  Khyati smiled and told the doctor briefly about her field of study, which broke the ice.

  Dr Kaul was a short, bald man in a grey suit. His belly made him appear rounder than he was. He wore round spectacles with a golden frame and the matching chain that hung from them was looped around his neck. Avik was distracted by his ears, which he thought were too large for the doctor’s face.

  Dr Kaul invited them both into the consultation room. He seemed to be interested in what Khyati had to say, for in most cases only the patient was allowed in to see the doctor.

  ‘Please be seated, Avik,’ the doctor said, shifting his attention from Khyati to him. ‘How can I help you?’

  Avik exchanged a quick glance with Khyati. She nodded slightly in affirmation. He took a deep breath and decided that it was the right time to tell Dr Kaul the motive behind this meeting.

  ‘I have come to you with an objective and not an ailment, and only you can help me,’ Avik said and paused to see the doctor’s reaction.

  Dr Kaul was surprised. He removed his glasses, opened the file lying in front of him and skimmed through the patient form Avik had filled in, giving him a piercing stare when he was done.

  ‘So you are a journalist. If you wanted an interview, you could have told me as much. There was no need to turn up as a patient. Or did you want to see for yourself how capable or incapable I was?’ Dr Kaul smiled scornfully as he said those last words.

  Avik sat quietly, not knowing what to say. Nervousness made him clutch the arms of the chair tightly. He thought it would be better to come to the point right away.

  ‘It is Ananki Rajput’s case that has brought me to you,’ he said in a low voice.

  Dr Kaul started. He looked upset.

  ‘How dare you?’ he demanded angrily, before stopping himself in an effort to regain his composure. He took a deep breath and continued, ‘I am sorry to disappoint you, but I will not be able to help you regarding this matter. You may leave now.’

  Khyati stood up, but Avik remained seated. He could not leave without learning at least a few facts about Ananki.

  ‘Look, Dr Kaul, this case is really important to me,’ Avik pleaded.

  ‘How does that matter to me? I cannot break the rules just because something is important to you. Now if you will please leave me alone. Thanks,’ Dr Kaul replied, pointing towards the door.

  ‘I have put everything at stake for this case. Getting to know Ananki is my only hope for uncovering what actually happened. You are a very successful man. You may not understand the sacrifices I have had to make so I could come to Delhi to try and solve this mystery. It’s crucial to my career,’ Avik beseeched the doctor.

  Khyati looked from one to the other and placed a hand on Avik’s shoulder, a sign for him to get up.

  ‘That does not give you the right to put another person’s career at stake,’ Dr Kaul responded angrily.

  ‘Dr Kaul, I would never reveal that you were my source. Not even to my boss.’

  Khyati squeezed Avik’s shoulder in an attempt to make him get up, but he remained immobile.

  Dr Kaul turned his choler on Khyati. ‘I would have expected more sense from you, young lady. Being knowledgeable about this profession, how could you think you would be able to extract a patient’s history from me? Surely you know confidentiality is one of the basic rules of psychiatric practice. Tell this gentleman to leave at once, else I will have to ask security to throw him out.’

  Having said that, Dr Kaul got up and strode out of the room.

  Khyati quickly followed him. But Avik remained in his seat. He felt he had been checkmated at the very first move.

  He felt like a failure. His hope of proving his worth had left the room while he was left sitting there, clasping the arms of the chair he was seated on. He was on the verge of a meltdown when Dr Kaul’s assistant came in to tell him that Khyati was waiting for him outside the clinic.

  He picked himself up and left without looking at the assistant. He walked past Khyati who looked worried, but he made no effort to speak to her. She followed him, trying to keep pace with him. The more she tried, the faster he walked. He did not want her to be a witness to his pathetic self. They walked for about half an hour, one behind the other. Then Khyati stopped and called his name, panting for breath. Avik looked back; she was trailing him by almost a hundred metres. He ran back to her, took out a bottle of water from his bag and made her drink.

  ‘I am so sorry, Khyati. I was just so upset.’ Avik was full of remorse.

  ‘It’s okay. Let’s get an autorickshaw. I can’t walk anymore.’

  They returned to his hotel in silence. She ordered room s
ervice and Avik got himself a beer from the mini fridge. The meeting had exhausted both of them. It was dusk, but Avik had not spoken a single word since they had sat in the autorickshaw.

  His silence worried her.

  ‘Can I stay here for a while?’ Khyati asked him, not wanting to leave him alone in this state.

  He nodded. Relieved, she smiled at him. ‘Okay, now enough of this tragedy king avatar. Let’s watch a movie,’ she suggested, unzipping his laptop bag and taking out his laptop and hard disk.

  Avik was surprised by how much she had changed since she had first moved to Delhi. She had been a simple girl from Aligarh. Sheltered by her conservative family, she had hardly spoken to anyone.

  Delhi has done her good, he thought.

  Khyati suddenly asked him about Trisha. ‘Is Trisha planning to visit Delhi too?’

  He smiled at her as she selected his favourite Bollywood movie, the classic Pyaasa.

  ‘Delhi is not on Trisha’s priority list,’ he replied, his eyes fixed on the laptop screen.

  Khyati was watching him closely. She had liked him ever since they had been in school together. When she had moved to Delhi for college, she had had no friends or contacts in the city. Except for Avik. They had become good friends after they had cleared their senior secondary exams.

  Avik had pursued a degree in journalism while she had studied psychology. Every day they would take the same University Special bus to North Campus and chat all the way. Bunking lectures to go watch movies, roaming the streets of ‘K-Nags’ – they did it all together. She was the one girl he felt comfortable with and she was aware of it. No matter how much she liked him, the last thing she had wanted was to upset their equation.

  Khyati wanted to lighten Avik’s mood.

  ‘Do you remember the time when you forced me to come to one of your “eat, drink and be merry” parties?’ she asked, waggling her eyebrows and smiling.