Sheisty

by Baker, T. N.

"Nah, this bitch just think her shit is gold, mad 'cause a nigga ain't pay for that puss. Shit, she bleeds once a month like any other ho."

  "Let me go," I shouted once again.

  The next thing I know, Smitty was knocked the fuck out while C-God and Mike commenced to stomp Timberland prints all over that nigga. His boy's just stood there and watched until security came and broke it up. Since the club catered to the big money spenders, the bouncers bounced Smitty's ass right up outta there and we went back to our table to finish our drinks.

  My mother's party was packed. Everybody from the neighborhood came out to show love. I watched Keisha and Tucker out on the dance floor. They always seem so happy. Tucker reminds me of my father, because he treats Keisha just as good as my dad treats my mom. I remember when I was a little girl watching the two of them together in their own little world. It used to make me sick. She's always had him sprung and he's always had her attention. Mommy did look good as ever.

  She was rocking a leather skirt and top. No doubt about it, I get my body and looks from my momma. She has it going on with her light-skinned complexion, short honey blonde streaked hair cut, beautiful almond-shaped eyes and high cheekbones.

  Tiara Wright is her name and daddy been hooked on her since she was in high school.

  "Happy Birthday, Ma," I said.

  "Thank you baby, I'm so glad you're here, do you see what your father's done? Girl, I swear I knew nothing about this party.

  He had me thinking we were going out to eat," she said, smiling from ear to ear.

  I didn't have time to get her a gift. Besides, what do you get a woman that has everything. Dad owns six laundromats and brings his money home to her.

  My father was still pretty upset with me so neither one of us had much to say to each other. Sarcastically he made a few com- ments before asking me where my boyfriend was. I didn't bother to answer him, because I knew he wasn't really concerned.

  It's just his way of saying that if he was a real man he would of showed his face out of respect for not only my parents, but for me. Maybe my dad did know something I didn't, but I love C-God and I know he wouldn't play me.

  KEISHA

  "Baby, don't go out and do something stupid. You know I need you, but most of all, your son needs you." Those were the words that ended the argument between Tucker and me; before he stormed out of here wearing a bulletproof vest and carrying a gun. He's convinced that C-God is still fucking with Epiphany, but I know Epiphany is through with that trouble-maker.

  I can't argue with my man when it comes down to his life and our safety, so I respect and support any and all drastic measures he might have to go through to keep us safe.

  I've been calling E for days, but can't seem to get in contact with her. I pray she's okay. The sooner that loser, C-God, is out of the picture the better off we all are.

  Everyday there's different drama going on in our life. I swear at first I didn't want to move out of New York, because this is my home. Honestly, I've never been anywhere that requires flying.

  That's right, I'm just like most of the black people in the hood that have never been on a plane and think that going to the Poconos, Atlantic City, Great Adventures or Foxwoods Casinos is a real vacation.

  My wedding date is not that far away and as soon as we're married I'll be ready to kiss this city goodbye. The time has come. I can't speak for the ghettos in other states (most likely they are all the same) but here in the hood, the jealous ones will always envy; especially, when they know what you came from.

  They don't want to see you come up and trust me, it won't be long before they start scheming to take what you got.

  The money doesn't really matter to me, my family does. But, in this fucked up society you have to have both to be happy and do what you gotta do just to get by. Niggas don't want to bust their ass to get it. They want the easy way out; to them, that's either someone giving it to them or them taking it.

  I know Tucker ain't no angel. He chose street pharmaceuticals over a legit way of living--that fast money. One thing is for sure, he worked hard to get where he is without robbing or stealing from the competition. Shit, I spend many nights alone, worried sick about where my man is, while he's out grinding for this comfort zone he provides for us. Now, some shiesty ass nigga that grew up around my way (who just happens to be fucking my best friend) wants to take that away. Oh hell no, it ain't happening.

  EPIPHANY

  Today was a good day for shopping since that seems to be the only thing that keeps me happy. A week has passed since me and my so-called man spent some real quality time together. I mean, I understand his hustle, but he has to lay his head down sometime. My question is, where?

  Lately, all he seems to do is pull these fucking disappearing acts. Now my dad's comments about C, at my mom's party last week, really had me wondering what was really good. Maybe C-God didn't respect me. Fuck it... I am too pretty for this shit and if he doesn't realize what he has then, fuck him. It's time for me to do me. No sooner then that ' I'ma do me' thought crossed my mind, my cell phone started to ring and guess who it was. C-God, telling me how much he's been missing me and that he freed up his schedule tonight just for me. He let it be known that his working so hard was because of me. He wanted to give me the world. Now, who can argue that?

  Shit, those words were like sweet music to my ears. All those thoughts about ' doing me' were out the window. Still, I decided to go to the mall. Who knows, maybe Vicki Secrets got some new shit in--something sexy for tonight. On my way from the mall, I noticed Tanya walking towards her car and her belly was big.

  I wasn't sure whether or not I should speak, you know with how everything went down with me and her over C, but what can it hurt. Either she speaks, or she doesn't. Besides, I wanted to know who knocked her funny looking ass up anyway!

  "Hi Tanya, how you doing? Wow... look at you," I said, congratulating her on her pregnancy. She thanked me with an intimidated smirk on her face. She probably read right through my phoniness, like I cared. I didn't want to ask, but I assume she was probably due any day 'cause homegirl was huge. Pregnancy didn't agree with her looks at all. It made a bad situation worse.

  She seemed very happy, so good for her. I was so curious to know who her baby daddy was, but again I decided not to pry.

  Shit, as long as the bitch moved on, why should I care? "Okay, well take care and good luck," I said as I was leaving.

  "Epiphany, if you're really sincere, thanks for not having any hard feelings. I know you were really feeling C-God," she said.

  My heart dropped, I threw my bags down and charged at her ready to catch a case for beating this pregnant hoe's ass. She had to be lying. How the fuck could he do this to me... and with her?

  Tanya jumped in her car, locked the door and screamed, fumbling with her keys as I tried to kick a hole in her door. Then it dawned on me, the motherfucker never told her about us, nor did he stop seeing her. I calmed down and stopped to hear what she was yelling from inside the car, but she pulled off.

  I was furious and I knew she was gonna get to him before I did, lord only knows I had to calm down because I wanted to murder the bastard. Still sitting in my parked car in front of the mall, I called Keisha and the minute I started to tell her tears flooded my eyes. However, for some reason I wasn't getting the support I was expecting from my so-called best friend. She was cold and distant.

  "Listen, before you continue," Keisha interrupted, "I need to know if you knew anything about your lil' boyfriend having serious beef with Tucker."

  "What? How could you ask me something like that? Of course I didn't know and that's what I'm trying to tell you, I obviously didn't know a lot about that motherfucker." Not even caring about what went down with C and Tucker, I went on about what he did to me.

  Days went by without me answering my phone. I just wanted to shut the world out and all I could do was feel sorry for myself. Why me? When's my chance at happiness gonna come?

  Shit, I did everything he wante
d me to. I never cheated. I gave him the pussy whenever he wanted it. I go out and get drunk with him, even put up with his baby momma drama and now Tanya's gonna be #6.

  All these thoughts ran through my head as I listened to "Why Does it Hurt so Bad?" by Whitney Houston on the Waiting to Exhale Soundtrack, over and over again. I can't understand why he'd want to give her a baby and not me. I am 20 times better looking then her. What does she have that I don't?

  For instance, she stays in her mom's basement and I live in an apartment. She leases a Honda Civic and I own a BMW. She's more of a Filene's Basement, T.J. Max, and Marshall's type of shopper while I'm Bloomingdale's, Saks, and Nordstrom. Now, that's a big fucking difference. The more I compared myself to Tanya, the more frustrated I became. It felt like I was putting a puzzle together, but didn't have all the pieces.

  SHANA

  I finally moved into my first apartment. It's a small one bedroom in a basement, but it's mine. I still had a few things at my mom's that I need to get. While packing my stuff, I ran across several unopened letters from K.C. I didn't even know he had written me since he'd been locked up. The first letter said: Sha,

  By the time this letter reaches you I hope it finds you and your family in the best of health.

  As for myself, I'm doing the best I can considering my cir-cumstances. Listen, I know I'm facing a lot of time in here because the man has got me on some bogus conspiracy charges, but I am innocent and I'm gonna fight these bastards for my life.

  I have a lot of time to think in here and I could not let another day go by without writing to tell you how much I love you and I apologize for not treating you like the Nubian Queen that you are.

  You stuck by me during all the bullshit and I'll always love you for that. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

  A nigga needs you to drop me a line or come see me. I'll be waiting.

  Love always,

  Kalub Cright

  Something melted inside of me. My insides got all hot and shit, because deep down inside I had mad love for him. As hard as K.C. tried not to show it when he was out on the streets, I knew he loved me too. I had to see him and drop a few dollars on his books. By the time I got to the last letter his words were slightly different:

  Sha,

  Yo, shorty you really shitting on a muthafucka. I guess you ain't really give a fuck about me cause now a nigga fucked up and I can't even get a few words on some fucking paper from you yo, that shit hurts, word up. I took care of your bum ass when your people ain't do shit. I ain't never asked you for nuttin', it's all good though, a nigga see what's really good. U take care, breath easy baby girl.

  ONE

  I ain't even gonna trip 'cause these letters were dated back three and four months ago. He's only speaking out of anger

  'cause a nigga thinks I shitted on him. After making a call to the house where at least 75% of our black men reside, Riker's Island, I was told that he was transferred upstate. It took me a week to find out his exact location and information. But I had to see him.

  EPIPHANY

  Listening to him beg and plead on my answering machine several times a day didn't help much. It only made me weaker and more eager to hear what he had to say even though it wouldn't matter now after all the bullshit that went down. I wanted to talk to him and needed to hear what he had to say, his side of the story. As much as I tried to fight the feeling of missing his no good ass, I couldn't.

  It's a difficult situation when your heart won't feel what your mind needs it to. It's been 24 hours since my phone stopped ringing and the thought of C just giving up on me made my heart hurt. I checked my caller ID to make sure I didn't sleep through any of his calls, even though I really haven't slept much. I just needed to make sure. I would rewind and replay every message over and over again until I finally stopped fighting it and called him up.

  The first ring had my heart pounding. Second ring, it pounded even harder. Third ring and then his voicemail, my heart dropped into the bottom of my stomach. I hung up the phone wishing I never called him at all. Damn, I should've just picked up the phone. Maybe, he's with Tanya. I thought to myself feeling partly to blame for him saying, "Fuck it." Ring...

  Oh shit, that's my phone. I jumped up and ran to the caller ID to see if it was him, 'cause that would determine if I would answer or not. It was him. My heart started pounding again; I picked up, speaking in a tone that showed no pain.

  "Hello?"

  "Epiphany?" he hesitated, unsure that it was me.

  "Hey," I said.

  "Did you just call me?" he asked.

  That's the bullshit; he puts the ball in my court to start off the conversation. I threw it right back in his.

  "Well, I was out of town a couple of days, and I got your messages. So I was just returning your call." Yeah, I lied about being out of town but I wasn't about to let this nigga know that I was in the house all week, fucked up and losing sleep over him. "So, what's up C-God? What you gotta say?" I said, giving him and myself the benefit of the doubt to at least hear what he had to say.

  "I need to talk to you face to face," he said. Face to face is too easy. He's probably thinking if I see him I'll get weak. That's what that's all about and I'm not going for it.

  "Listen C, whatever you have to say can be said over the phone, 'cause I don't wanna see you. Oh, and no more lies please." I threw that in to let him know that I was fed up with all his bullshit. After an hour of listening to what he had to say, I learned that he just found out Tanya was pregnant, and it happened before we grew close. He also said he wasn't sure if it was even his. Although she said it was, he heard she was fucking with someone else. C also said he was gonna tell me once he knew whether or not he was the kid's daddy. He said I needed to know she meant nothing to him. I was somewhat convinced, but I didn't want to make getting back with me too easy. So, I brought up his beef with Tucker.

  "Yo, that was just a small beef over some nonsense. That shit has been squashed. So when can I see you?"

  "Whenever you want to," I replied eagerly, as excitement started to take away the pain.

  SHANA

  K.C. and I kicked it and everything is all good. Seeing him made me realize how much I really love that nigga and he needs me to be in his corner right now. Since he's been locked up, his peoples been shitting on him, so he's been on some fuck the world type shit. He said I was his first visit since he was shipped upstate and seeing me made a nigga feel like he had something to fight for.

  He was waiting on an appeal 'cause there was some foul play on the state's part, which means he might be coming home.

  But, his lawyer needed 10g's to proceed with the appeal. Three visits later, collect calls, some sneakers, underclothes, lawyers fees and about $600 dollars in commissary, he asked me to marry him.

  K.C. always knew the right shit to say to me, but being in jail made him more sensitive, respectful, and loving. With all that in mind, I said "Yes." I have a lot of shit going on in my life that he knows nothing about and I don't need him to know. His freedom card has been revoked. He's in there and I am out here tackling life everyday doing what I got to do to survive.

  It's funny how life takes its turns. When he was on the streets, he took care of me, but he also did his dirt. Now, it's my turn to take care of him. Not because I owe him, but because I love him and I'm a rider for mine. I no longer needed to fuck with C-God, now that I had my own connect with his supplier. I'm making twice as much as I did when I was working for him, but he served his purpose.

  Once he put me on, we ain't fuck around that much. It became mostly business, but we remained cool. You never burn bridges with a nigga like him. I like them thugs, but on the real that nigga's a lil' too self-destructive for me. He either gonna end up dead or in jail. I don't want to be caught up in that shit when it happens.

  Chasity was on some new shit, so I stopped fucking with her all together. That licky licky shit wasn't my thing anyway, them fucking chicks ain't nothing but a headache, wo
rst than a man.

  Shit, trying to keep up with that kinky threesome shit was wearing me the fuck out. Not to mention her jealousy when it came to me and C having sex, and not including her. The bitch would start getting all emotional and wanna fight me. I ain't with that.

  I'm making moves now and I ain't got no time for headaches. I had rings to buy. I never put that much thought into getting married, but I know one thing, if I wasn't paying for my own ring it would have been a much better one. Shit, they say that diamonds are forever and looking at how much they cost they should be.

  Picking out K.C.'s band wasn't hard at all, but every ring that I liked cost $3000 and up. So, I settled for a nice little diamond chip cluster that cost me $600 bucks. I didn't need people asking questions about no big ass rock on my finger. As I was leaving the jewelry store, I ran right into Keisha. She was the last person I wanted to see. Her expression was cold, and I know she had every reason to be salty. I hugged her and tried to play shit off, but she wasn't falling for it. She hit me with every question that she could think of. I told her I was going through a tough time and just needed my space. It wasn't personal.

  I did miss Keisha. She was always a sweetheart. I knew I could of at least return her phone calls. My problem wasn't really with her. I started to feel bad for cutting the only true friend I've known for half my life. With all that said I saw a look of true friendship in that girl's eyes, more than what I probably deserved.

  Keisha forgave me and even though it was too late to be in her wedding, I was gonna make it my business to at least be there. I owe our friendship that much.

  EPIPHANY

  Last night there wasn't a lot of talking going on between C-God and I. When I opened up the door and seen my man standing there, I forgot why I was even mad at him in the first place. As a matter of fact, I was mad at myself for staying away from him so long. From the time he walked in the door up until the moment he left, there was nothing but straight fucking, I mean lovemak-ing going on. His lovin' was definitely what Epiphany Janee Wright needed to get back on track.