"We didn’t though Tay. We had a lot of shit that last year we were together and fought more than anything else. There is no going back or reconnecting it. I need us to remain civil and that is that. We are in the same industry, we will always be in one another’s faces regardless, but that is all."
"I don’t see it that way." She scoots closer to me and my heart is beating fast. Not from nervous hope, but nervous anger.
"Stop." I say and stand. "You need to leave. I am going to send you the papers to divest any rights to Axe. We never married, it was I who told the judge you would be his mother. Any rights though few, I need divested. You come in here and tell me that you have regrets and made the wrong choice." I cup my hands over my face trying to calm my voice. "You failed us both, betrayed us both and any regrets you have are for you to reconcile. Alone."
"So, what? Because you told me to leave, refused to fight for us-"
"What the actual fuck are you thinking? Fight for you?" I yell, all calmness now gone. "I did fight, I put everything into us. I never went a day without you knowing how much you meant to me. I repeatedly told you that I was where I wanted to be. You did it, you broke it and there was never a chance I would fight for you after that. Never!"
I yell and she jumps from the table and into me, grabbing me and kissing me, begging me to keep her. "Let me show you Cal..." She was fighting my hands as I pushed her back from me.
"Stop, or I will make a scene." I demand.
She ignores my threat and grabs my face. "Stop telling me you don’t want me Cal." She tries to kiss me, gets her lips on mine as I am ready to push her back, when everything went to shit in a really bad way.
Jen
I follow Noah into the PIT as he bitches the whole way in after the traffic nightmare. He parked the new baby, the Cuda and dashed down the stairs and into the PIT. I got in there shortly after him after texting Carrie I would be to get Axe shortly.
I had left my Escalade at the PIT last night and had asked Noah to take me in because Cal was busy with getting everything ready for the show tomorrow. I pause though when I see the Lambo and what looks like Tayla's car.
I know damn well the Lambo is his, but the Range Rover Tayla drives, could be anyone’s. I try not to think the worst, but I am prepared for whatever play she is trying to make on him and Lex right now.
I only saw him for a few minutes this morning, not nearly enough time because he had an interview at the Complex which they booked for the show tomorrow.
I feel the butterflies invade my stomach when I recall how he touched me this morning and the fast and seriously intense quickie we had in the shower. I always wanted Cal, but the way I craved his touch now was borderline crazy.
What I see when I walk in the PIT though stops me when I hear yelling I can’t make out, then begging?
I storm toward the sound and see Noah yell to me seconds before I walk in...and look at the crushing sight before me.
Tayla has Cal's face in her hands, his are on her shoulders as she kisses him. His eyes are open and he sees me, shoving her back with too much force as she stumbles onto Noah's table.
"Where is Noah?" I ask, my voice calm-dead almost.
He called for me, but I don’t think he knows what I know. Not yet anyway.
"This, I can explain." Cal says, he is breathing hard like he is winded from reconnecting with the ex? It wasn’t hard to imagine, but I still struggled with what was happening in front of my face. I believed him.
"No..." I say and take a step back and feel the crushing blow of the truth.
"Jen, this is not-"
I cut him off, pain evident in every feature. “I can’t do this with you.” I have tried so hard, I know I have, but seeing him with her, kissing her? This is the one place I feel the safest and that leaves me with nothing to explain.
“This is not what you think Jen.” Cal says and comes after me. I am trying to get out of here and my keys are missing, and I can’t find Sully, Noah or Asa. I try to make my way to the roof because it is most likely where they are.
“I’m going to go…” Tayla says from behind me and my blood runs cold.
“Why are you even here?” I ask and stop, knowing it gives Cal the edge to get me close again, and I can’t walk away if he so much as makes eye contact.
“She’s going through a hard time…” Cal answers for her when she doesn’t answer me. I feel his fingers skim my hand and his touch tempts me to forget what I saw.
I look at him and the pain I feel by those words is evident in my stare and everything shatters including my restraint. “Then she needs to go to Black!” I scream and they both flinch. I look at Tayla. “He isn’t yours anymore!” I scream again and yank my hand from Cal’s.
“Well, neither is Black.” Tay says and her lip quivers as she says it and I want to slap her.
“How is that his problem?” I ask but honestly? I don’t care anymore. “Know what? You stay, I will leave.”
“Jen?” Cal yells for me, but I booked it out the back door. “Jenny?” He yells again, and I know he is chasing me, but I cannot let him see me hurt. I have never let him see what loving him, being neglected by him, has done to me. I won’t start now.
“What the fuck pet?” Sully asks and stops me from running, even though I am fighting to get out of his arms. Cal and Noah and Tay all have their people, but I have mine and they are here with me now.
“I g-g-g-gotta g-g-go.” I sob and fear that door opening on me and him seeing what it all has done to me. I am safe with these guys seeing my heart exposed and bleeding, but he can’t… he just can’t.
But, that door flew open before I could get away and shame, like a tsunami came over me as I tried to hide my pain from him. Sully pushed me aside until I was in Asa’s arms. I feel his hand on the back of my head, shielding me as best he can from Cal. “Oh, whatever you did to cause this is reason enough for you to run from me pretty boy! I am two seconds away from breaking your million-dollar fingers.”
Asa wasn’t kidding either. I might be the black mark that smudges the TAT world, but these guys saw me, knew me and never judged me.
“Asa, get her out of here.” Sully says, and I feel Asa nod as he pulls me to my Escalade.
“You, stay right the fuck here Cal.” Sully’s voice cut off immediately when Asa closed the door and I didn’t dare look out the window.
“Take me to Noah's.” I say and keep my head down until I know we are a good mile away. And I fall apart.
Cal
“You know damn well I am not a threat to Jen.” I say to Sam, though it is clear he is on her side right now. I get it, I get her fear and why she is upset. Shit had to look bad, but I can make it right.
“Then let her go and calm down. No harm no foul.” He shrugs his shoulders like what just went down was no big deal. It’s a big fuckin deal.
I feel the ebb of fear creep in and I feel like there’s this huge weight on my chest and if I don’t fix this shit now, it will fester and infect every good thing in my life right now. “She saw Tay kiss me.” I say and wait for him to flip out on me or break my jaw or some shit.
“So?” He says and takes a drag of his smoke, letting me go as he leans against the door.
I pause with the lack of concern, confused by it. “What do you mean so?”
“Why would she care? I know she wants you happy and to either get over it and move on or forgive her and move forward.”
“Did she say that?” I ask and look to Sully, needing to confirm what I already know. She has kept this thing between us a secret.
“In not so many words.” He kicks off the wall and comes close, looking me over and I see this… for lack of a better term, a light goes off. “Hoe-lee she-yit!”
He is staring at me, like he just figured out the truth of a secret that’s been eating him alive. “You're in love with her.” He doesn’t ask, he says it so matter of fact and I am confused.
I shake my head no and look up to the sky… for who knows w
hat. I can’t even process why this shit is always so damn dramatic. I always figured if I fell for a girl, she would want me back and that was that. Sure, as shit wasn’t the case though.
The summer after high school I dated Jenna, didn’t put up a fight the minute it ended and she left for college. It wasn’t a romance I would look back on and reminisce about, we just went on with life. No sorrow, no destruction.
Tay was a tornado on my life and tried her best to destroy me. I am sure I would suffer injuries from the damage she caused for the rest of my life. How it ended caused major sorrow, major destruction.
Now I am here again only it is Jenny. Our history surpasses Jenna and Tay combined and I am still confused as ever. Only now that confusion is joined by pure true fear, that she will run far away from me.
“I can’t answer that Sull. I have never been here Sam. Not even with Tay. This whole thing is tricky and the shit that plagues my mind over her is the shit I keep letting get in the way.”
“Like what?” He asks and I know he won’t run off and gossip. That isn’t why I am uncomfortable talking about it. “Dude, I am far more understanding of a guy’s fuck ups than you’ll ever know.”
“The only thing fucking my game up is my head.” I look to him and motion to his cigarette. He hands me one and I light it, inhaling the Turkish tobacco like a lifeline. “The past, all the shit in our past twists inside me like a fucking poisonous vine and that vine has thorns that shred me, but I got passed it all. Now my fucking past comes to ruin it all."
He looks at me like I might be crazy. No might, its officially happened and I have lost my shit. So much that I don’t notice Tayla coming out the back. "Cal?" She says and I swear to God, I am the last person she should be around.
Sam must catch the tension and steps back until he is beside Tayla and it sets me off. "Why? Why every time I get pissed does everyone step close to a female like I might hit them or some shit?" I yell and take a purposeful five steps back. "There! Can I fucking talk now?"
"Cal, I know you aren’t hitting anyone, but you never want the shot that anything could escalate."
"You just fucked my life up beyond all belief with that shit you pulled!" I yell and I don’t bother with the fight or the argument anymore.
I need to find my firefly.
Cal
I pull up to Noah and Bright’s looking for Jen. If she went anywhere other than home this is the place. Noah and I are in a better place these days, better than ever before. Jen could influence that though.
She and Noah were the very closest of friends and Noah has a hard time taking anyone’s side other than the girl in tears. That girl being Jen... I was so fucked.
Bright yells from inside knowing it was me when I hit the gate that took me to their driveway.
I walk towards the sounds coming from the kitchen to find Noah, Raleigh and Bright all there.
"Hey honey." Raleigh says and gives me a hug. I half expect him to lick my neck or goose me, the fact he doesn’t is telling.
I reach for a chip and dip it in the bowl of lime salsa Noah is always eating and waste no time. "She here?"
"She was..." He says and shuts his laptop looking at me with a bitter smile on his lips. "Winna tell me why you were making out with Tayla?"
I roll my eyes and link my fingers behind my neck, clearly annoyed. "Please dude, not even with your mouth."
He laughs without humor. "You wanted nothing but her not too long ago."
He leaves is words hanging in the air between us and I know what he implies by them. "I don’t think I have ever felt what I feel now Noah, so stop giving me shit."
He quirks his brow at me. "And what’s that?"
I groan, wishing like fuck he would just once not be the overbearing over protective asshole he is naturally and be on my side. "A mixture of raw fury, nausea and fear. All the fucking time."
"Well, that’s par for the course fuckface." He says and I swear to God, I will kill him.
"Anyone else not currently holding the title of Jenny Pope fan club president want to chime in?" I look to Raleigh and Bright for help.
"Oh honey no. Nope. I am like second chair for that seat. I side with sugar daddy on this one." Raleigh, God love him, is twisted and lives beyond the place the rest of us do and gives zero fucks to what he should or shouldn’t say.
I can hold in my laughter when he says it and I know that Noah, though probably annoyed often by Ral's constant pursue of swinging Noah to the all-boys team, he loves the kid and he is family.
All of us. One big dysfunctional family.
"Because you are on my side I won’t go into how fucking annoying you are right now."
Ral laughs him off and looks at me. "Money bags, as daddy like to call her might choose sides." He motions to Bright and both she and Noah bust up laughing at him continuing to call Noah daddy.
"One day he is gonna deck you Ral." I say and take a seat at the bar beside them.
"No way." He shakes his head dramatically. "Daddy Warbucks loves me too much. I am the gay kid he and Bright will never have. They relish me with affection and money like all screwed up, sexually confused kid’s parents do."
I laugh out loud at his words and the way he is so hyper-verbal when he rants. "Only you are twenty-four and not confused in the slightest."
"I will always be confused..." He winks at me twice and starts laughing when Noah slaps the back of his head.
"Bright... Help me out here?"
She turns to look at me, a soft smile on her face that reassures me. "For the record I am team Beckett." She looks at Noah who winks at her making her blush. Not that long ago I never thought I would see him domesticated with a pseudo kid and planning a wedding.
"I think in this though I can be biased. I wasn’t around for you and Tay and all the drama that went down. That history is moot to me because what I know of her is foul. I wasn’t a fan when she hired me for Noah nor was I on that epic Thanksgiving that she completely ruined any image I could have of her."
She comes to Noah's side, pushing Raleigh on his chair to get on Noah’s lap. "I didn’t like her then and I don’t like her now. I just respect everyone’s continued involvement of friendship with her outside of my two loves here. Jenny on the other hand, was always accommodating and helpful and kind so I would naturally defend her over Tay."
Fuck my life she is on team Pope too. "And me? Where am I in all your thoughts and opinions Bright?"
"I am on team Dorian." Noah and Raleigh both make shocked sighs and Ral even imitates a gag and I pull his hair and he screams like the valley girl he is acting like.
"Look I love and adore Jenny. I trust her implicitly and she is one of my closest friends. But, I know a thing or two about being your worst enemy and you are your worst enemy. I need to know why the hell you would kiss Tay and fall back down into the rabbit hole she threw you in." With far more compassion than I deserve she looks at me softly. "She destroyed you Cal. We all watched idly by as Jenny put you back together piece by piece. So why? Why even let her close enough to hurt you again?"
"I didn’t let her kiss me and sure as shit didn’t kiss her back. Black dumped her and she was looking for me to support her and comfort her when she called. I told her I was at the PIT waiting to get tattooed. While she was hoping I would take her back in, I was ready to divest her rights in Axe."
"Ohmigawd!" Bright squeals while Ral gave an, 'MmmmHmmm." Noah just looked at me, searching for any sign of bullshit.
"I care about her...I chose her." I say and point my stare at Noah. "Feel me...?"
He nods once and looks away. "Yeah, I feel you." He taps Bright’s hips so she will stand and kisses her on the nose before directing me to follow him down the hall.
We stop in front of he and Bright’s room and I see Jen lying asleep on the top of their made bed. I want to be pissed that she was here the whole time, but seeing her exhausted in the only safe place she could find ripped my heart out.
I step in the room a
nd close the door quietly. I scoop her into my arms as she startles awake. I place her face in my hands and kiss her forehead. "I want to explain what you saw if you will let me Jen."
Huge tears spill from her red rimmed and swollen eyes and I can only kiss her softly. "I am so sorry firefly."
Jen
I wake up when Axe is tapping me a million times on my forehead and it is barely light outside. 'What's up son?' I sign not even sure if he could see my hands.
'Daddy?' He asks for Cal and I look around the room, recognizing I am in his bed.
I shrug and look around, seeing it is eight am and realizing the blinds are drawn. Panic sets in wondering how long he has been running around looking for his dad. 'Did you just get up?' I ask and roll from the bed to turn the light on.
He nods yes and takes my phone off the charger to start playing Candy Crush. I press the alert button that makes an awful loud buzz and a green and white light flash in the room. Cal installed these when we learned he was losing his hearing. He didn’t care if it was temporary or permanent, he installed them anyway.
Axe looks up at me annoyed I interrupted his game. 'I am going to make breakfast. No phone until you eat.' I sign and take my phone. He starts throwing a tantrum on the bed and I fold my arms watching, bored by the antics. Once he sees I am not caving he looks at me.
'Why not? I can play and eat.'
"Why is because I said so and no you won’t play and eat because it is poor manners." I sign and speak as he stomps off the bed and walks toward me.
'Manners for who mom?' He signs and I try not to smile at the attitude he throws as he argues looking like a little boy too old for his age.
'Me.' I sign in the same dramatic fashion and pick him up. 'I want a gentleman, not a brat.' I sign, but smile so he knows I am joking.
He folds his arms and digs in to ignore me. I let him, it's a phase and I know that and I refuse to cave into him. He is the son of a millionaire Rockstar. If we allow it he will be raised as an entitled and selfish kid that has everything handed to him. It is something Cal and Tayla wouldn’t allow and something I won’t allow either.
Fix Me_TAT_A Rocker Romance Page 20
