A Soldier for Keeps

by Jillian Hart

  Yep, she definitely had to keep her defenses up with this one.

  Snow hammered his face as he swept Lexie into his arms. Hawk took her crutches and disappeared through the storm. White-out conditions, a heady wind and the snow was deep powder beneath his boots. Perfect skiing conditions. Some folks would pack it in and head home, but everything in him ached to catch a ride on the chair lift and hit the slope as hard and as fast as he could go.

  Maybe next time. He feared by the time he’d gotten Lexie back to her dorm and made it back up the mountain, they would probably have closed the runs. As it was, they would be lucky if the state patrol didn’t close the pass. Well, they’d cross that bridge if they got to it.

  In the meantime, her weight in his arms was sweetness. Not something he was used to feeling. A light shone out of the stormy shadows—the dome light. Hawk had the passenger door open, the crutches stowed, and the backseat ready for the patient. He told himself he was more than glad to lower her gently into the shelter of the vehicle. Snow no longer stung his face, although it did beat an angry rhythm against his back as he leaned over to help buckle her up. Her hair brushing against his chin felt like the finest strands of silk. His arms felt strangely empty as he took a step away.

  “All settled?” he asked, his voice unusually husky.

  “Very. Thanks.” Her grateful smile was pure wholesome charm. “Tell me you don’t drive the way you ski.”

  “If I do, then what’s wrong with that?” he quipped. She was teasing him. Well, he could do it, too. “Buckle up. I suggest you hold on to something.”

  “Funny. I feel so much better now.” She collapsed against the seat, exhaustion bruising her face. “My chauffeur is a comedian.”

  “Only an amateur comedian, but a good snow driver.” He closed the door, welcoming the numbing cold of the icy snow. It whipped his face, driving out the warmer emotions that had taken root in his chest. He had given up on love. It didn’t exist for him. He wasn’t good at it. He had no business feeling anything tender toward anyone. End of story.

  Besides, a girl like Lexie would never want anything to do with a man like him.

  “You okay?” Hawk asked, rattling his keys in one hand.

  “I’m good.” There were some things best left unsaid. “What’s the latest on the roads?”

  “Word is the pass is about to close.”

  “Let’s hope this isn’t going to be a short ride.” He waved his buddy off, who headed for the truck parked behind Lexie’s SUV. Snow had already accumulated on the side window, so he scrubbed it off with his sleeve before he dropped behind the wheel.

  It was going to be interesting. The wipers on high were not keeping up with the snow. He buckled in, his gaze straying to the rearview mirror, where she was right there in plain sight. Her dark hair was slightly mussed and dappled with melting snow. His heart began to beat faster as he put the rig in gear and put in a prayer for a safe trip. He hoped the pass would be open when they hit it or they would all be stuck at the lodge for a good while.

  “Is this your first time rescuing a skier, or is this how all your days off go?”

  “My days off are far and few between. Even now, I could be called in.” He released the e-brake and eased away from the curb. “I have packed injured soldiers on my back before, just not on skis.”

  “Giselle has only mentioned you in passing, but I know she worries about what you do. If you’re an Army Ranger, you get into a lot of danger.”

  “Now and then.” Most of the time, but that was harder to say. He figured a girl as sheltered and as sweet as Lexie might not want to hear about the details he could tell her. “It’s a dangerous world, and the military keeps me pretty busy.”

  “You’ve been deployed for a long time. Am I remembering right?”

  “It started to feel like a decade.” He circled through the lot, squinting hard for the signs that ought to point him in the direction of the highway. There they were, coated with snow. He couldn’t read them, but he knew he was on the right track. In the vehicle behind them, he could just make out the flash signal of Hawk’s truck.

  He took the on-ramp at a crawl. If any cars were on the road ahead of him, he saw no evidence of them. The windshield wipers beat a quick cadence. The defroster blasted air on high. “You know when you watch a movie that’s set ten years ago, and you realize how everything used to be?”

  “I do. How funny the clothes back then were, when they didn’t seem funny at the time. And hairstyles.”

  “That’s how I feel a lot of the time. I come back from a forward base in the desert and suddenly I can order pizza with cheesy sticks.”

  “I love cheesy sticks.”

  “And there’s more channels than I can count on the TV. There’s TiVo and call waiting and people rushing around in their cars without worrying about mortar fire. It’s great, don’t get me wrong, just surreal. At first. Until I acclimate, which is just about the time I ship out again.”

  “You probably get used to living a pretty sparse existence when you’re deployed. One of my friends, we used to room together, she married a marine. He did recon, and it sounded as if his life was duty, training and missions.”

  “That about sums it up. Free time can be ten minutes a day. Other days, that’s just wishful thinking.”

  “And you had an entire afternoon off and I messed it up.”

  “You did.” His eyes twinkled at her in the mirror. “Because you were a bad skier, here I am.”

  “Hey! I’m not a bad skier. It wasn’t me. Exactly.” She liked that he was laughing; it was a cozy, friendly sound. “There was this teenager. He got in front of me and wiped out. I couldn’t get around him in time.”

  “I remember that kid. He was hanging out off the side, scratching his head, like he’d decided to take the harder run, gotten around the first turn and realized he’d made a mistake.”

  “That’s the one. I’m glad he wasn’t really hurt, but I could have done without the broken ankle. I have to work tonight. I hate to think about what my boss is going to say.”

  “You can still be a resident advisor, right?” He peered straight ahead, concentrating on navigating the dark, snowbound road. “You aren’t lifting heavy boxes or operating big machinery.”

  “No, I have a second job. At the library.”

  “Two jobs?”

  “Graduate tuition at a private university is way expensive. I went to a state university for my B.A., but bad memories.” She could only see part of his face reflected in the rearview mirror. His frown of concentration was interrupted by surprise.

  “Kevin went to the same university?”

  “Bingo. My mom isn’t exactly happy about it. She thinks I have a better chance of finding a husband at one of the larger universities.”

  “A husband? I thought you weren’t looking.” His gaze met hers for a brief moment.

  Her heart ached at the hard flash of distrust. Like her, it came naturally these days. The feeling that you could be tricked all over again. “I’m not looking, no, but my mom is hopeful. She loved Kevin.”

  “Did she think he was the right guy?”

  “Uh, yeah. He came from a good family, not a well-off one, but respectable. He met her on parents’ weekend and charmed her, too.”

  “What pick-up line did he use on you?”

  Lexie watched the corners of his eyes crinkle just a little, as if he knew he was right on target. Okay, so she had been a little defensive about pick-up lines. “He told me his heart stopped beating the first time he saw my face.”

  “Isn’t that from a song or something?”

  “At the time I was too charmed to notice how shallow it was. He flashed his dimples at me and he was so attentive. He did everything right.” She remembered how whole her heart had been, how hard she had searched for the right guy. How had she made such a mistake? She had wanted to believe, for one thing, and he had done his best to make her believe. “But I think everything has worked out for the best. I’m h
appy at MCU.”

  “But you’re working two jobs.”

  “I don’t mind. A little hard work never hurt anyone, at least that’s what they say. But my mom—” She was talking too much. Revealing far more than she wanted to. Maybe it was the pain medication. Or maybe it was easier to talk to someone whom she would never see again. “I really disappointed her that I moved so far away. I’m gone all the time now. I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to hear this.”

  “Hey, I understand more than you know. I’m the biggest disappointment to my folks in family history.” He paused as flares alongside the road narrowed the three lanes to one. He hit the turn signal and eased to a stop behind a semi. “Sometimes you just have to take the hit and stick with your course. It isn’t easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is.”

  “Exactly. I have to find my own way, that’s part of growing into the person you’re going to be.” Listening to the swipe of the wipers and the crunch of the tires in the snow, she thought how strange it was to be with a guy she had so much in common with. “Why are you a disappointment to your parents? Aren’t they proud of what you do?”

  “That’s a loaded question. You know what I do, right?”

  “You protect this country.”

  “I do a very small part, but it’s mine to do.” He fell silent for a moment as they crept past the state patrol’s barricade, where one lane was still open. As far as she could see the road was single file, with red taillights twinkling faintly in the furiously falling snow.

  Finally he spoke. “I do what is necessary. My stepfather thinks it’s wrong to carry a gun and use it. My mother thinks I’ll turn violent, like my dad ended up doing. My sister thinks I’m going to get killed, so I should get out while I’m still breathing. And since my younger brother was killed last year on a mission, everyone pretty much agrees with her.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know about your brother.” She thought of Giselle, the sweet freshman girl who didn’t know what to major in, who missed her mom so much it hurt, who loved Bible study and knitting with her friends in the lounge. She remembered how Giselle had worried about one brother in the military. Lexie hadn’t known she’d lost another.

  It is amazing how deep we can bury our deepest hurts, she thought, aching for the girl and for the stoic man in the front seat. She never would have guessed the guy shouting “banzai” harbored a deep loss. She thought about how much time she spent glancing along the surface of her life and of others. It was the layers that mattered and what was hidden beneath. Those were the things so hard to see at first glance, and sometimes at all.

  “Was your brother a Ranger like you?”

  “Yep. He died in my arms.” His voice sounded hollow, like the spent casing of a fired bullet. He said no more as the twilight became night and the drive off the mountain more treacherous.

  He didn’t have to. She could feel his sorrow as if it were her own.

  Chapter Three

  “This is it.” The SUV’s headlamps spotlighted the sign tucked in an arrangement of carefully clipped hedges. “Whitman Hall.”

  This was the end of the line. Mission over. He’d gotten Lexie’s prescription at the pharmacy and delivered her here, safe and sound. The snow beat at them with blizzard force, but they had made it. He peered up at what he could see of the dormitory through the storm—red brick and yellow rectangles of windows shining against the dark. “What’s your floor?”

  “Four.” She paused over the click of a seat belt releasing. “The top floor.”

  “Maybe I had better see you up—or as far as they let guys go. You might need help.”

  “There’s an elevator just inside the door. I’ll be fine.”

  “Sure you will.” He unlatched his belt and shoved open the door. “But I’m helping you inside anyway. Hawk can park this for you in the lot. What do you want me to do with the key?”

  “You can leave it at the security desk. It’s just inside the front door.” She’d already hopped out of the vehicle and was balancing on her good foot. “I’m not sure how well snow and crutches are going to mix.”

  “You don’t have to worry about it tonight.” He gently took her hand, steadied her and lifted her into his arms. She was light and little, hardly a burden at all. If a small spark of tenderness flickered in his chest, he ignored it. He wasn’t that kind of man. “I’ll see you to the door. Got a hold of your crutches?”

  “Yes. Oops.” Her grip must have slipped because something bonked his right shin bone. “Sorry about that.”

  “I’m tough. I can handle it.” That made her almost smile. The spark flickered again. He tamped it down. Leaving the vehicle running, he marched through the knee-deep snow. The pathway up to the grand entrance was well lit, which made the going easy. “Are you sure there isn’t anything else I can get you?”

  “As if you haven’t done enough. I’ll be fine.”

  “It’s dinnertime. What about the dining hall? Are you going to manage all right?”

  “I’ll figure it out.” She watched him with her wide blue eyes intently, as if she were trying to see beneath the layers.

  That was no place for her. He shouldered open the heavy glass door, taking care with her. “I’ll give my sister a call. There’s got to be a house phone here somewhere, right? She can come down and get a tray for you.”

  “Are you always like this?”

  “Like what? In charge, you mean?” He carried her past the security desk.

  “No, I mean bossy.” Not that she minded. She was quite able to handle a strong-minded man. “I can take it from here, Pierce.”

  “You’re independent. I like that.”

  “I don’t like leaning on other people. I don’t know if that’s independent or just a sign I need therapy.”

  His laughter rumbled like thunder, and she didn’t want to like the sound or hear more of it. She savored one last moment in his arms, feeling his strength and capability. She felt humbled by him and somehow sad as he eased her down gently. She put her weight on her good foot and held his arm while he helped her straighten out her crutches.

  He was like a mountain. She sensed his honor and his integrity, the truths he hid beneath his quick grin and charming dimples.

  “I guess this is goodbye for now, Lexie Evans.” His hazel eyes warmed, revealing flecks of forest-green and pure gold. “Maybe I’ll see you again.”

  “Maybe.” It felt more like a promise as she watched him stride away with his shoulders unerringly straight and strong, strangely unreal, as if untouched by the life around him.

  College girls trailed in from the library or social events, flocked with snow, and their conversations punctuated with laughter. The security team—mostly male students—stood around, talking basketball with measured excitement. The scent of pot roast and baking bread wafted from the dining hall, where flatware clinked against stoneware and rang like a thousand bells.

  Pierce did not seem a part of it. He was an island unto himself as he strolled out the door. The snowfall and the night stole him from her sight.

  But not from her thoughts. No, there was no chance of that.

  “Lexie!” Amber McKaslin, one of her freshmen girls, skidded to a stop, a cup of soda in hand. “What happened to you? Are you okay?”

  “I’m perfect, except for the ankle I banged up just a little when I was skiing.” It would heal soon enough. “Are you on your way upstairs?”

  “Yeah, a bunch of us are going to watch a movie. Do you want to come?”

  “Thanks, but I’m going to get something to eat.” Her injury was starting to throb worse, in rhythmic, sharp beats. She would ask one of the kitchen workers to pack a to-go carton for her. “Maybe I’ll drop by later.”

  “Yeah, then you can see the sweater I’ve started. I’ve got the prettiest yarn.” Amber started walking backward and stopped. “Maybe I’d better come carry stuff for you.”

  “That’s nice. Thanks.” She positioned her weight on her crutches and moved forward. Alrea
dy she was back to her normal life, but it no longer felt the same. She glanced over her shoulder, knowing that Pierce was long gone but still, something within her looked for him.

  “At least we got some skiing in.” There was a thunk as Hawk closed the hotel door. The hotel’s latch clanked in the echoing room. “There’s always tomorrow.”

  “For you.” Pierce dropped the food bags on the small round table by the window. His room was modest, but serviceable. “Giselle has my day packed.”

  “Then you’re out of luck.” Hawk set down the drinks—extrathick chocolate shakes. “I’m hitting the slopes tomorrow. I report on Monday. I’m getting in what fun I can.”

  “I’ve got nothing but time.” He didn’t add that once his leave was up and he signed on the dotted line, he would be running from dusk to dawn, too. He decided to enjoy what leisure he had. It was hard earned. He took a seat at the table and hit the remote. The TV flashed to life, and he found a sports show as he dug his burgers out of the bags.

  “I’ve been thinking I might not re-up.” Hawk delivered that news as casually as if he’d been discussing whether or not to buy a new pair of boots.

  “What do you mean?” Pierce couldn’t register it. “You’re getting out?”

  “Considering it.” He looked unaffected, like he didn’t care either way.

  Pierce wasn’t fooled. You didn’t get to be a Ranger by not caring deeply about it. “That’s a big decision. What will you do if you stay out?”

  “Maybe my uncle can get me a job with the forest service back home. Think I’d make a good forest ranger?”

  “They don’t let you jump out of airplanes.”

  “That I would miss.” Hawk bowed his head in silent prayer.

  Pierce did the same. He had a hard time focusing with his buddy’s news still ringing in his ears. Quit the Army? Go back to civilian life? Pierce couldn’t imagine putting down his weapon or forgoing his commitment to serve.

  Lord, please lead my friend down the right path for him. And if You wouldn’t mind helping me along on mine, too, I would appreciate it. He thought of Lexie, probably warm and snug in her fourth-floor room, with her foot up. Please watch over her, too. Thank You for my blessings. Amen.