Never Again

by Lilliana Anderson

  “See, I don’t get that. All the time growing up, I wished for a sibling. Then here you are with one and you hardly ever talk.”

  I shrugged. “That’s family for you, I suppose. Don’t get me wrong. We love each other fiercely, but we do take each other for granted all the time.”

  “Maybe we should take a trip to see him some time in the next year. The skiing is good in New Zealand, right?”

  A smile crept across my features. “You sure you want to make plans with me that far into the future?”

  He lifted his brow. “Baby, we were having a discussion about kids yesterday.”

  “I was just trying to see if we were on the same page—or at least in the same book. I’m not pressuring you for a commitment or anything.”

  “What if I want to be committed to you?”

  Running my hand over the thick sand on his chest, I thought more on what a commitment between Bran and me would mean. “Then I think we need to talk about how that’s going to work.”

  “I can quit the internship. All problems would be solved that way.”

  “I can’t ask you to do that, Bran.”

  “I’m offering.”

  Taking a moment to look at him—really look at him—I considered the man who had pushed his way into my heart with his brutish and boyish ways. There were a lot of qualities I loved about Bran. I loved his strength, I loved his command. I loved his tenderness, and I also loved his vulnerability. When he cared, he cared with his whole being. I didn’t need to know everything about him to see that. His actions told me everything I needed to know. I wanted so much with him.

  “How about we table this discussion until later?” I suggested. “Right now, I want to enjoy the sun and finish burying you in the sand. Then, I want to go back to the hotel and have my wicked way with you.” I bit my lip seductively.

  “Sure. But you’re going to have to help me shower and wash all this sand off.”

  “I’m counting on it. All that soap, my hands gliding over your skin…I’m getting excited just thinking about it.”

  “Oh baby. Me too. I think you might need to add a little extra sand at the crotch zone.”

  “Down boy.” I smiled, patting the growing area. It was so easy to refocus this man’s mind. I felt so wanted by him.

  “I can’t with your tits in my face like that.”

  Laughing, I swayed a little closer. He growled and snapped his teeth at the air, unable to reach without breaking out of the casing I was applying.

  “This might help.” I gathered the sand between my hands and set a mound of it on his chest, sculpting it in two large piles.

  “What are you doing here?” He laughed, his chest bouncing, jostling my creations.

  “You like my breasts so much, I thought I’d make you your own.” I topped them off with two shells for nipples.

  “Ohhh, I like these,” he joked, cupping his hands around the new additions to his chest.

  “Don’t move! You’re wrecking the whole thing.” Laughing, I stood at his feet, holding my phone in preparation to take a photo.

  He made a kiss face for the first shot, then I shifted angles to take a few more and instead captured shots of him erupting out of the sand and shaking it all off like a dog. I squealed as it landed against my skin and stuck to my sunscreen.

  “Stop, you’re getting it all over me!” I threw my phone inside my canvas bag to protect it from his onslaught.

  “Then I should probably wash you off.” Charging for me, he bent down and caught me at hip height, flinging me over his shoulder and running for the surf.

  Squealing with laughter, I leaned down and slapped his arse, beating on each cheek like a set of drums.

  “Oh, you’re gonna get it.” I squealed as I fell, landing in the water with a splash, the noisy rush roiling against my ears. When he pulled me to my feet, I was still laughing. The smile only dropping when he kissed me hard. Waves crashed against his back as his held me tight and vanquished my mouth. It felt like something out of a movie. It felt unreal. I was standing in the surf being devoured by the hottest man I had ever laid eyes on—out in the open, no hiding—and I felt happy. Carefree. It made me feel positive about our future. Bran made my world better.

  “Let me guess, you were the popular guy all the girls lusted after and the guys wanted to be friends with.” Sitting back in my chair, I looked over the rim of my glass of red wine. The restaurant was full of chatting people. A pleasant hum of conversation flowed through the air. The entire room lit a soft yellow that mimicked the glow of candlelight. String instruments played music through hidden speakers, and waiters were eager to please without being obtrusive.

  So far, it had been a perfect night. In another day, we’d be flying back to Melbourne. I honestly didn’t want to leave. I felt warm, safe and healthy up here. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. This weekend away was just what I needed to release my worries and gain some perspective about the future of Bran’s and my relationship. We both wanted one—that much was certain. But so far, we hadn’t done a lot of talking about the logistics. We were talking, a lot actually, learning things about each other we’d yet to explore. We spoke about growing up and going to school, the places we liked and books we’d read. Even though it was only surface knowledge, I realised how much I liked him as a person. Sexy Adonis aside. Each time one of us brought up a serious topic, the other steered the conversation along more playful avenues and we ended up naked. We were both as bad as each other, always avoiding facing just how complicated things really were between us. Depth over distance. It had worked for us so far, we’d allowed ourselves to fall for each other in a protected little bubble without really focusing on what was going to happen when that bubble burst. But, here we were. It was happening around us, and yet we continued to evade. Everything left unsaid was turning into a knot in my chest.

  Toying with the stem of his wineglass with two long fingers, Bran smiled and shook his head. “I was the opposite at school. I was the guy everyone feared. I was always bigger than everyone else and looked a lot older. When my parents sent me to boarding school—”

  “Your parents sent you to boarding school?” I honestly didn’t think that was a thing anymore.

  “Good ole Melbourne Grammar.”

  “Gosh. They would have been so close. Why didn’t they let you commute? There are plenty of excellent private schools in Melbourne.”

  “Tradition. Generations of Sharp men went there, and they wanted me to undergo the full ‘character building’ experience. Besides, I wasn’t there very long. I attended several different boarding schools around the country.”

  “Why was that? Were you a troublemaker?”

  He grinned, focusing on his wine glass. “Because of my size, there was this rumour that I was perhaps a little simple in the head and had been held back as a result. A group of them tried to gang up on me and, I suppose you could say I taught them a lesson they wouldn’t forget. Instead of suspending me, they accepted a donation from my father and transferred me to another school. Whispers followed… I was an angry kid. The pattern kept repeating. Eventually the rumours suggested I was more of a danger than anything else. From then on, most were very kind to me. But I could tell they were only behaving that way because they were afraid. So, I focused on my studies, kept mostly to myself.” He smirked as he met my eyes.

  “You had no friends?”

  “I had friends. I just wasn’t popular in the classic sense of the word. More…revered for the weight of my punch.”

  “Sounds like you’ve lived a very transient, if not lonely, life so far.” My heart broke a little at the thought.

  “It hasn’t been so bad. I keep my possessions to a minimum so I don’t mind moving around.”

  “Is that why you live in that hotel? Because you don’t want to put down roots?”

  He shrugged. “It’s not that I don’t want to put down roots, more that I haven’t found a place I’ve connected with.”

  “You don�
��t feel connected to anything now?” I blurted, my mind racing. What did that mean? That he was just biding his time with me until it was time to leave again? Had I been reading all of this wrong? The idea felt thick in my throat.

  Smiling, he reached across the table and took my hand. “If you’d let me finish, the next two words out of my mouth would have been ‘until now’. I can see myself building a life with you.”

  Building a life with me. Oh, how I’d longed for those words when I was young like him. They still felt amazing as they touched my ears with their gentle promise, but I couldn’t help questioning them.

  “Why me, Bran? There are thousands of girls closer to your age who don’t have the life experience to have the many hang-ups I come with. Why choose me over them?”

  He took a mouthful of wine then licked his lips before answering. “I’m not interested in girls. I never have been.” Studying my expression, his eyes shone with desire.

  “I see. Is this a thing for you?” I pointed between us. “Have you always preferred an older woman?” I was trying to get answers without giving away the fact I knew that there had been at least one other inappropriate age and power relationship in his past.

  “I’ve always been mature for my age. I like a woman who is more mature as well.”

  “So, this started young?” My worries mounted. I didn’t know how I felt about being another in a string of older female conquests. He wanted me now, but what happened when I was too old? Would he go find some other thirty-year-old to take my place? I picked up my fork and poked around at the remaining pasta on my plate, trying to force my fretting mind to quiet down. Jack had really done a number on me. I could jump from discussing the future to seeing it all crumple through my fingers in a matter of seconds. “Did you ever crush on one of your teachers?” I tried to keep my tone light and inquisitive.

  He grinned. “Doesn’t every boy at some point?”

  Deflection. I knew that tactic well. “I suppose they do.” Taking a moment to realign my questioning, I chewed on my pasta thoughtfully. “Did you ever act on one of those crushes though?” This was the moment where he could tell me about the woman in Brisbane. I almost didn’t breathe while I waited for him to answer.

  Turning away, he laughed. “That would have gotten me into trouble now, wouldn’t it?” Yes. Perhaps even sent to a catholic university in a different state and placed into an internship where your father thought he could keep an eye on you. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t say them. I couldn’t. If I did, I’d have to explain how I knew. And that would lead to a conversation about Jack. And that would be it, bubble popped. In a panic, I scrambled for something less confronting, yet still baiting to say. I wanted him to trust me with his indiscretions. How was I supposed to share my history with him if he wasn’t going to do the same? How were we ever going to be any more than we were if we didn’t open up to each other?

  “Your colourful academic record tells me that trouble is your middle name. Let’s not forget you had no issue slipping into a secret affair with me. Seems you enjoy pushing boundaries.” I lifted my brow, my eyes locked squarely on his.

  His jaw tightened slightly as he leaned a little closer, lowering his voice. “Calling this an affair implies that I’m sharing you, Cora. And we don’t share, do we?”

  I shook my head, suddenly feeling very alert and aware that this conversation had reached its end point. “No. We don’t share.”

  Keeping his eyes on mine, heat simmering under the surface, he lifted his arm to call our waiter. “I’d like whatever chocolate cake you have wrapped up to go. Make sure you include a lot of cream.”

  “Yes, sir.” The waiter retreated as fast as he appeared.

  “We were talking.”

  He grinned lasciviously. “I’ve had enough talking. I’d rather remind you who you belong to while I lick chocolate and whipped cream off your body. Are you going to object?”

  “No,” I whispered, pressing my knees together. Opening up was going to have to wait. Again. Apparently, I had an extremely sweet tooth that needed to be fed.

  27

  “How do you do that thing with your tongue?” I asked, a grin stuck to my face after being the recipient to one of Bran’s gifted wakeup calls.

  We were in our giant, obscenely comfortable bed in a suite at the Sofitel. Sunshine filled the room and the scent of salt water filled the air. Our last morning in paradise.

  “You mean this?” He stuck his tongue past his lips and vibrated it. It moved so fast it blurred.

  I tried to copy but just ended up blowing raspberries. Laughing at my attempt, he pulled me closer then rolled so he was on top of me, kissing me languidly, using that tongue as a gentle force.

  I hummed contentedly, my fingernails scraping against the smooth skin of his back, making him shiver and his flesh bump. I loved how big he was, how small he made me feel beneath his strength. I also loved that there was a slight vulnerability to him. It was as though he needed me as much as I needed him, and there was a real fear of having this fall apart and getting hurt as a result. It wasn’t so much what he’d said that brought me to that conclusion. It was the way he looked at me, an emotion hidden in the backs of his eyes. I recognised it because I was feeling it too. There were things we weren’t telling each other. Things that were bigger than the risk to my job and his standing within his family. And yet I felt claimed by him completely, taken in the most primal way possible. Despite the things we didn’t know, I wanted to lose myself to the urge; to allow myself to be claimed and to claim him in return. The consequences were huge, but I didn’t want to hide anymore.

  For the first time in my adult life, my job was a distant second to the desires of my heart. Becoming a Crown Prosecutor wasn’t the be all and end all of my legal career. The OPP wasn’t the only facility in the country that could benefit from my skills. If being with Bran meant that I needed to get another job, then so be it. People altered their career goals for love all the time…

  Love.

  Is that what this was?

  Searching Bran’s eyes while also searching inside myself, I honestly didn’t know. I’d thought I loved Jack all those years, but this felt completely different. It didn’t compare. My relationship with Bran was…intense. From the moment we met and every day since, Bran and I have been a spark.

  “I don’t want us to be secret fuck buddies anymore,” I whispered, my fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

  A smile played at the edge of his lips. “You still thought that’s what we were?”

  “We haven’t exactly defined it as anything else.”

  “Well, let me make one thing very clear.” He bowed his head and playfully bit my collarbone. “You are one hundred per cent”—he took a hold of my breast, sucking to refresh the love bite he liked to keep there—“unequivocally”—he shifted and did the same to the other side—“irrefutably, mine.”

  I giggled, my hands going into his hair. “Is that so?”

  “Mm-hmm.” He took my mouth in his, breathing me in. He made me feel drunk and off balance. Like I didn’t know which way was up. I always wanted more, loving and needing the way his arms kept me steady.

  “I think that when we get back, we need to stop hiding,” I whispered.

  “I agree,” he returned, running his nose alongside mine.

  “There are people we should tell first. To try and lessen the damage. And I need to tell y—” My words were cut off as his mouth sealed over mine, his hands moving over my body arousing me. It was getting hard to focus.

  “Shh,” he whispered, his hand cupping between my legs. “There’s only an hour till we have to check out. We’ll figure out the rest later.” The moment his fingers found their way inside, I quit thinking and surrendered to his delectable control.

  When we arrived home, the cab dropped me off outside my apartment and waited while Bran said goodbye. We were spending a rare night apart while he caught up on his studies before exam
s.

  We still hadn’t had that conversation about telling his father about our relationship, or the one where I told him I was in the middle of a divorce. Each time I tried, he silenced me with a kiss or changed the subject. Admittedly, it was kind of odd. I knew why I didn’t want to talk about Jack, but why was he so against any sort of conversation relating to his father? Adrian’s reaction to our relationship was the top reason on the list of why we’d kept things quiet for so long. And honestly, I wanted to talk it all out. It was playing on my mind. The fact I hadn’t mentioned Jack to him in the four months we’d been together was beginning to feel duplicitous. It was fine at the start, because I never thought we’d last this long or fall this deep. But now that we had…I needed to get it off my chest.

  But how was he going to react?

  I was afraid he’d flip out. And for that reason, I decided it best to wait. I would call my attorney the next morning and find out if she’d had any success quashing the use of the information gathered in that folder. At least if she’d managed that, it would give me until after Bran’s exams to lay it all on the table. That seemed a less stressful timeline; I’d never forgive myself if he reacted badly then failed his semester. No. It really was best to wait…

  “Tomorrow’s your birthday, right?” he asked, leaning against the cab as he brushed my hair back from my face.

  “How’d you know that?”

  He grinned. “I have my ways.”

  “That memory of yours, huh?”

  “That, and Nick was collecting money to get you something from all the juniors.”

  “Oh, did you put in?”

  “Of course.” He pressed a soft kiss to my lips and I sighed.

  “The big three-oh. I was kind of hoping to pretend it wasn’t happening.”

  “No. You should celebrate. Let me take you out to dinner.” His fingers brushed lightly along my jawline.

  I tilted my head a little to the side, my overactive mind still analysing every nuance of our relationship and questioning it. “How do you afford this stuff? The internship doesn’t pay and I can’t imagine your father being OK with you paying more than your fair share in Queensland…” The question had been playing on my mind for some time. He lived in a hotel and never seemed short of money when it came to living his life. I’d barely paid for food since we started seeing each other. Now, he was happily standing outside a cab with its meter running without any regard for the mounting price.