by Malone, M.
She leaned closer and kissed him. Softly. Sweetly.
“Goodnight, Nick.” Then she snuggled against his shoulder and let out a soft sigh, the warm puff of air tickling his skin. After a few minutes, her breathing evened out. He looked down and was startled to see that her eyes were wide open and locked on his face.
“You’re still awake? I thought you’d fallen asleep.” He stroked her cheek with the side of his thumb.
“I think I love you,” she whispered.
Everything inside of Nick stopped at that moment. His thoughts. The questions he’d been about to ask.
His heartbeat.
“I think I’m dreaming,” Nick said finally.
Raina squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t have much experience with love. It made my mom so bitter. Most of my relationships have been more about sex than feelings. So I always thought how could I believe in something that I’d never seen? It just seemed like some fairy tale that couldn’t possibly come true.”
Nick’s heart twisted at the raw pain in her voice.
“But these past two months with you I’ve seen it. I’ve seen a mother who dotes on each and every one of her children and loves them for their differences. I’ve seen brothers who stick together against the world. I’ve seen how you take care of me even when I’ve given you plenty of reasons not to want to. If this isn’t love, I can’t imagine how it could be any better.”
Nick wanted to say something but everything inside him was still too jumbled for him to form a sentence. He’d loved her for so long but he didn’t think he’d fully understood her until now. She projected the image of strength so convincingly that most people never saw how scared and vulnerable she was underneath. Afraid to try, afraid to trust, and most of all, afraid to believe in love because it seemed like too much to hope for.
He’d thought he’d come to terms with the possibility of her never returning his feelings. Love wasn’t something that was based on a reciprocal exchange, he’d reasoned. Over time he’d hoped she’d develop fondness for him, but he’d started to think that’s all it would ever be.
Which would have killed him slowly from the inside out.
But she was finally getting there. Thank God. He wasn’t the most spiritual person but in that moment, he felt like he needed to say thank you to a higher power. I think I love you wasn’t the declaration he’d hoped for, but it was a hell of a lot more than he’d been expecting when they hadn’t even been married three full months yet.
If she could even think of loving him, then he was the luckiest man on the planet.
Raina was watching him and must have interpreted his silence as him being upset.
“I’m so sorry, Nick. I wish I could just say it. You deserve someone who can love as openly as you do. Someone who’s perfect for you.”
Nick pulled her against him and held her there, comforted by the steady beat of her heart against his and the soft scent of her skin. Raina seemed to be under the impression that he wouldn’t want her love if it wasn’t perfect.
But Nick knew that there were plenty of things that he’d done wrong in their relationship. Times when he’d been impatient or selfish or hadn’t loved her as well as he could have. There was no such thing as a perfect love and he didn’t want there to be. They’d worked hard to get from a place of distrust to where they could share their hearts without fear.
He’d take their messy, chaotic, disorganized love any day of the week because it was real.
“I do deserve that,” he said finally. She tensed against him and then tried to push back. He tightened his arms around her, holding her still.
“But I’d like to think I also deserve to be loved by the woman I’m in love with. So, if it’s okay with you, I think I’ll stick around a little while longer.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
A FEW WEEKS later, Raina woke up feeling like roadkill. October was usually mild in Virginia, but there had been a cold snap that had taken them all by surprise. The last week she’d been sick with a cold that left her a snotty, exhausted mess. She’d been worried about giving it to Nick, but he’d laughed at her concern.
“I never get sick,” he’d claimed smugly, then promptly came down with it himself.
After a few days of them both being miserable, she’d finally started to feel human again. Until today. She tried to roll over and go back to sleep but she was too hot and agitated, so she finally decided to just get up. As soon as her feet hit the ground, she raced to the bathroom. She barely made it to the toilet before she threw up.
“Oh my God,” she whispered. She stood staring at the mess in shock before doing a quick mental calculation. “I never thought I’d be so happy to barf.”
She rinsed out her mouth and then retrieved her phone from her night table. She had to double- and triple-check the date before she believed it. Even then, she still didn’t want to get too excited.
Her period could be late for any number of reasons.
She puttered around for the majority of the morning. Food was out of the question because just the thought made her nauseous again, so she read a little of a memoir she’d been trying to get into. She took a nap in the afternoon and when she woke, groggy and dizzy, book open on her chest, it was after three. Nick would be home in a few hours or so. Once he got here, she could do the test.
Her eyes jumped to the clock again. Three whole hours.
“Oh for crying out loud.” She slammed the book down and marched upstairs and into her bathroom. Most pregnancy tests admonished you to wait until your period was several days late. But she couldn’t take it any longer. If there was even a chance of finding out if she was pregnant now, she had to take it.
Otherwise she’d spend the day going slowly insane.
She pulled open the cabinet below the sink. She’d bought several brands of pregnancy tests when she and Nick had first started trying. After testing the first month, she’d always gotten her period early so she hadn’t used any more.
This was the first time she’d been late in ages.
She went back downstairs for a cup. A few minutes later, she’d performed the tests (just in case one malfunctioned) and had them all lined up on the sink. Each had one pink line to show that the test was in process. She was supposed to wait and see if a second pink line developed. If it did, she was pregnant.
If it didn’t, then… well, she’d cross that line if it happened.
The minutes ticked by at a glacial pace. When the timer on her phone went off, she knelt and peered at the first test. There was a second line but it was so faint that she thought she might be imagining it. But when she looked at the second test, two lines were clearly visible. She picked up the test and did a small jig.
She was pregnant. Finally.
After a fierce mental debate, she decided not to call Ridley yet. Nick should be the first person to find out. He’d been just as nervous as the weeks passed as she had been. She debated whether to call him at the office, then discarded the idea. Telling him over the phone wasn’t as much fun. She wanted to see his face when she told him. It gave her an incredibly feminine sense of pride to be able to tell him he was going to be a father.
She went downstairs to wait for him to come home.
But when six o’clock came and went, she wondered if she should have called Ridley after all. She was bursting with the news and she wanted to talk about it with someone. Someone who’d understand how much it meant.
After another hour passed, she started to get mad. “Where is he?”
She stomped down the stairs to the main level. When she saw it was empty, she went down another level until she reached the basement. Sam looked up from where he was pouring himself a club soda at the bar.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
She figured she must have looked just as pissed off as she felt. “Nick hasn’t called, has he? I don’t have any messages, but he’s two hours late.”
Sam shook his head. “No, I haven’t heard the phone ring. It�
�s only eight o’clock. He probably had a meeting run late or something.”
Raina gripped her phone. “You’re right. I’ve gotten spoiled with him coming home so early.”
Sam gave her a pitying look. “I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”
Raina didn’t even bother answering, just ran back upstairs. How desperate did she appear, acting like he was missing just because he was a little late? He was probably stuck with some overbearing client, trying to figure out how to get away.
As she passed the hall mirror, she skidded to a stop and looked at her reflection with distaste. “I can at least try to pretty up a little.”
Maybe it was a good thing that Nick was late. It would be a nice change for him to come home to something other than a tired, cranky wife.
She bathed and shaved her legs, taking time to put on makeup and do her hair. She was in the middle of tying her hair up in a knot on top of her head the way Nick liked it when the bathroom door opened.
“There you are. I was looking for you.” He crossed behind her and pulled her into his arms. “You look beautiful. What’s the occasion?”
She turned around and placed his hand against her lower abdomen. “This is. I think creating life deserves a celebration.” Nick’s mouth fell open and he stood staring until she poked him in the stomach.
“Well, say something.”
He let out a whoop and grabbed her in a bear hug. “Oh, shit!” He put her down gently. “I shouldn’t have done that. I forgot myself for a moment.”
“Nick, I’m not made of glass. I’ve been walking around and doing all the normal things I usually do, including jogging and kickboxing. The doctor said I can.”
“What kind of doctor is that? Kickboxing? We don’t need to be kickboxing.”
Raina crossed her arms. “We aren’t doing anything. I’m just doing my usual exercise routine. But I’ll switch to something gentler now. I already bought some pregnancy workout videos. I want to be careful now that I’m carrying little Nicholas Junior.”
Nick leaned down and framed her face in his hands. “You have made me so happy, you know that?”
Raina closed her eyes. “You have, too. Just by being you.”
“We do need to celebrate. As a matter of fact, why don’t you come by the office tomorrow and I’ll show you around? You could come later in the day and I’ll take you to dinner. It’ll give you a break from my cooking.”
Raina squeezed him around the waist. “Are you fishing for compliments or what? Your cooking is amazing and you know it.”
Nick grinned. “I’ll talk to my assistant about rearranging my client meetings.”
“That sounds nice.”
“I want you to be a part of my world and I want to be there for you, too.” He let out a shaky breath. “You’re really pregnant. We’re going to have a baby?” At her nod, he got down on his knees and lifted her shirt.
“We’re going to have a baby,” he whispered against her stomach.
* * * * *
IT WAS MORE than a week before Nick was able to rearrange his schedule enough to take an extended lunch break. On a humid Monday morning, Raina drove to Nick’s building in one of the few commercial office parks in New Haven. She parked in the open lot designated for visitors and then took the elevator to the fifth floor. It opened into a modern, spacious reception area decorated in shades of cream and blue. The young woman behind the desk had her back to her, furiously pressing the buttons on a copy machine.
“Come on, I just want to send a fax. How do I get it off the scan function? I hate this stupid thing.”
Raina wasn’t sure if she should interrupt. It looked like the young lady was on the verge of declaring war against the machine. Just as she was about to call out, the woman turned and then jumped.
“Oh no. How long have you been waiting?” she cried.
Raina waved her away. “Just a second. Not long.”
The girl’s shoulders slumped. “Good. There was another lady who made the biggest fuss because I wasn’t here when she got in for her meeting. I think she complained to my boss.”
Raina leaned over and said, “She sounds like a bitch.”
The girl giggled before she seemed to catch herself. She sat down behind her desk and looked up at Raina with a bright smile. “Um, sorry about that. You must be with Davis Development.” She tapped a few keys and then shook her head. “I actually don’t have your appointment until three p.m., but I’m sure Mr. Alexander will make time.”
Raina took off her sunglasses. “I don’t have an appointment, actually. I’m, uh… Well, I’m Nick’s wife.”
The girl’s mouth fell open. “You’re Raina. Ridley’s twin. With the sunglasses, I didn’t realize.”
Raina looked at her closer. “You know my sister?”
“I’m Kaylee,” she said, holding out her hand. “I’m in Jackson’s newest group, Divine.”
Raina accepted her hand with a smile. “What a small world. Is that how Jackson discovered you? Were you singing at the office Christmas party when he found you or something?”
Kaylee shook her head. “That would be a much cooler story than the real one. My friend Sasha asked me to sing backup for her group when one of the members dropped out. We did a few small gigs at clubs and several restaurants and Jackson’s assistant saw us at one of them. That’s how I met your sister. At the studio with Jackson.”
“So how did you end up here?” Raina leaned a hip against the desk. She didn’t get the chance to shoot the breeze that often. As weird as it was, it was surprisingly refreshing to just chat with someone.
“Your husband hired me as a favor to Jackson. Which was really nice of him since I’ve never done this type of job before.” She gestured toward the copy machine behind her. “As you just saw.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure everything out.”
Kay blew out a breath. “I hope so. Anyway, let me go peek in his office and see if he’s still on his conference call. It was supposed to end twenty minutes ago but last I knew, they were still on.” She got up from behind her desk and walked to a closed door a few feet away.
Raina closed her eyes and massaged her temples. She’d spent the morning reviewing more footage of her show. Now that she was taking a break from modeling, it was alarming to watch how hectic her schedule had been. She’d been doing it for so long that it had become second nature, but watching from an outsider’s perspective, it didn’t look as exciting and glamorous as it sounded.
The production technicians were trying to cut the material in a way that presented an interesting “story,” they’d explained to her. But Raina was starting to get worried. The network had only picked up the first six episodes of the show. If they couldn’t find enough interesting material to use, they wouldn’t option any episodes after that.
Now that there was no wedding to film, there wasn’t much left for future episodes. Her agent had already called and asked if she and Nick were willing to be filmed, which she’d immediately declined. Steven had been willing to go on air but somehow she doubted Nick would be interested in having cameras following him. He was very poised in front of the media but he also guarded his family fiercely. Having cameras following him would affect them, too.
Something she knew he’d never agree to.
Surprisingly, Raina felt just as protective about her in-laws. Julia wore clothes that were comfortable and fit her round figure, but they were definitely not designer fashions. What if someone made fun of her? Although when she thought on it, Julia would probably deal with a nosy camera crew by just feeding them until they were all good friends.
But what about Bennett? With his slight stutter and awkward demeanor, he could become a target of ridicule. Her hands clenched into fists. It enraged her to think of anyone targeting him because of his association with her.
“Raina, sorry to keep you waiting.”
She turned at Nick’s touch to her elbow. He looked stressed but handsome, as usual. Her eyes traveled over his dar
k blue pinstriped suit. By the time she got back to his face, his eyes were amused.
“Does my fashion sense meet with your approval, sweets?”
She ran a finger down his tie, then moved the knot slightly to the left. “The suit is divine. What’s in the suit is even better.”
Nick pulled her close and whispered in her ear. “I’m supposed to be romancing you and taking you for a civilized lunch. You’re making me want to forget my good intentions. There are so many other things we can do with this hour.”
“Oh no. You aren’t getting out of this that easily. You promised to show me around and then take me out. So…” She grabbed him by the hand and tugged him toward his office. “Show me your world, Nick.”
* * * * *
NICK PULLED OUT her chair and Raina sank down into the wrought-iron seat gracefully. After a quick tour of his office, they’d walked down to a sidewalk café a few blocks from Nick’s building.
“I never asked you this before, but what made you decide to open your office in New Haven? Wouldn’t it have been easier to get clients in Norfolk or Virginia Beach? Or go up to D.C. like Elliot? Not that I’m not happy you’re here.” She turned and accepted a menu from the waiter who’d just approached the table.
Nick waited patiently as their server rattled off an impressive list of specials and took their orders. Once they were alone again, he picked up her hand that was resting on top of the table. He’d been touching her like that all afternoon. Just casual little touches, but he couldn’t seem to stop.
He was doing his best not to push after her I think I love you declaration but at moments like this, when they were just hanging out and sharing their lives, it was so hard not to show how he felt.
“I thought about going to other, more metropolitan areas. I would have gotten more clients, twice as fast. But my family is here and I didn’t want to go that far.”
