by Malone, M.
He sighed. So much for not thinking about her.
“Would you like anything, Nick?”
He looked up from his cards to see Ridley offering him the platter. She’d been calling to give him daily progress reports, but it was always done in a terse voice. She also hung up on him as soon as she was done.
“I thought you were mad at me.”
“I am. But that doesn’t mean you need to starve,” Ridley replied.
The others looked up, surprised she’d mentioned it. They’d all been dancing around the topic all night. They’d asked him about work and talked about sports, but avoided all mention of his wife or his impending fatherhood. He should have counted on Ridley for getting right to the point.
Especially when she’d made no secret of the fact that she didn’t think staying away from Raina was a good idea.
“I’m not really mad at you, Nick. But I can’t pretend I’m not disappointed.”
Nick cringed. Her disappointment hurt more than if she’d yelled at him.
“How was she today?” Since they were already talking about it, he might as well get his daily update. The fact that his brothers were hanging on their every word didn’t even matter. There were no secrets in this family anyway.
It was annoying at times, the way they all knew each other’s business, but he was also glad for it. His parents had been calling and visiting Raina ever since she left the hospital and he’d even heard that Bennett had dropped by to bring her the DVD box set of some show they both enjoyed. It was reassuring to know that no matter what, his family considered her one of theirs.
He wanted that for her whether she forgave him or not.
“Well, she was able to keep her pill down. So that was a win. She’s pissed that Sam won’t give her back her cell phone. I told him to keep her away from electronics so she won’t work. But I’m also kind of paying her back for stealing my phone when I was in the hospital. She even had my cell phone number changed so Jackson couldn’t call me. Talk about overbearing.”
Nick smiled, remembering. “That’s my girl.”
“Is she your girl? Because you’re not acting like it.” Ridley put the platter down on the side table against the wall.
“She thinks I don’t love her. She thinks I was just using her. I’m not sure how to prove that love exists to someone who doesn’t believe in it. I tried that already and you saw what happened.”
He dropped his cards on the table. There was no point playing a game of chance when he knew from experience that Lady Luck was definitely not on his side.
* * * * *
RAINA MIXED THE cupcake batter, watching with obsessive interest as the butter and sugar blended into the flour mixture. She turned the speed up on the electric mixer a little and then stopped it. She’d already prepared the cupcake pan with colorful pink and blue liners.
After swiping a bit of stray mix from the edge of the bowl with her finger for a taste, she poured the mixture into the cupcake pan. She was careful to leave room for them to expand at the top.
She’d learned her lesson about that the hard way.
A giggle bubbled up as she remembered the look on Nick’s face when he’d seen her monster muffins. Just as quickly, her smile faded. Her anger at Nick had disappeared over the the last few days.
Or maybe she just missed him so much that she didn’t care about being mad anymore.
It was only eight o’clock and she was already on her third batch of cupcakes. The past few days she hadn’t gone out or responded to calls or emails. Sam respected her privacy and left her to stew, only bothering her to make sure she ate her three meals a day.
If it hadn’t smacked of desperation, she would have asked him to hang out with her. He wouldn’t mind, he’d even said so. But every time she was about to ask him she changed her mind. He was her security chief, not one of the girls. He shouldn’t have to navigate her hormonal surges or placate her in the midst of her depression.
Maybe you deserve to be depressed.
Every time she thought about how she’d treated Nick, she wondered if her feelings were just what she deserved. She’d accused Nick of being selfish but most of the time they’d been together, Nick had put her needs before his own. He’d rearranged his schedule and habits to try to help her get pregnant. He’d stopped riding his motorcycle because it scared her. Would a selfish guy do that?
Over and over again, he’d put her needs first. She’d accused him of using her for his own gain but how could he when he’d never even asked her for anything? He admitted he’d thought about it, but he’d never done anything to draw attention to himself or play off her fame while they were together. He’d had many opportunities to do that if he’d wanted to. But he’d been at home with her every night, cooking her dinner and making her laugh.
Raina stood in the middle of her kitchen, looking around at the mess she’d made as if seeing it for the first time. Nick had been wrong about a lot of things, but he’d been right about her.
I don’t make it easy for people to love me.
Hadn’t she reached for the phone several times that day to call Ridley, only to stop herself before she could dial? She’d reasoned that her sister was finally happy with Jackson and didn’t need to be dragged down with Raina’s problems. But those were just excuses.
Excuses not to reach out.
Before she could change her mind, she picked up her cell phone and hit the second speed dial.
“Raina! I’m so glad you called. I’ve been so worried about you. I’ve been calling and calling and no one picked up.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been dodging everyone’s calls.”
“Are you all right?”
“No. I’m not. I think I’m not. I need you, Ri.”
“Oh, sweetie. I’m coming over right now. See you in a minute.”
Ten minutes later, Ridley knocked on the door. Raina pulled it open and gestured for her sister to come inside. “Hey. Sorry about calling you out of the blue like that. I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.”
Ridley gave her a quick hug. “No, I needed to get out of there. It’s poker night so there was way too much testosterone at my house.”
They walked into the kitchen. Raina had forgotten that quickly how much of a disaster it still was. “Let me just clean up a bit.” She moved some of the baking cups she’d used and the bag of flour from the kitchen island so Ridley could sit down.
“Um, Ray. What happened in here?”
Raina couldn’t think of anything to say so she just blurted, “I’m making cupcakes.”
“You are? I didn’t know you could bake.”
“I can’t. Not really.”
Ridley walked over to the oven. The timer only had a few minutes left. “They smell really good. I’m hungry, too.”
“They’re chocolate cupcakes. I have milk, too.”
Ridley bumped her arm affectionately. “I’m really glad you called me. I feel like I’m always calling you and dumping my problems on you. It’s nice to know you need me, too.”
Raina laced her arm through her sister’s and lay her head on Ridley’s shoulder. “Of course I need you. I know I’m not the easiest person to love, but thanks for never giving up on me. I’m going to do better. I’m finally learning that it’s okay to need help sometimes.”
The timer went off and Raina jumped.
“I’ve got it.” Ridley stuck her hand in the oven mitt Raina had left on the counter and pulled the oven open. She pulled the cupcake pan out carefully and placed it on the stove.
“They look perfect,” Ridley remarked. “Just like the ones you see in the bakery. I can’t believe you made these. I’m so proud of you, Ray.”
“I finally got them right.”
In the days since Nick had moved out, she hadn’t been twiddling her thumbs. She’d organized her cupboards and annoyed Sam with her obsessive cleaning. Nesting, it was called. Whatever the case, she hadn’t been sitting around crying. She’d been strong. But in th
at moment, bonding with her sister over cupcakes, Raina started to cry.
Ridley dropped the oven mitt and raced to her side. “Oh no, sweetie, what’s wrong? I thought you wanted to learn to make cupcakes?”
“I did. But he’s not here. I finally got it right and he’s not here.” Somehow just the thought made her cry harder, in big gasping sobs that made her chest hurt.
Ridley enfolded her in a tight hug and rocked her back and forth. Raina felt like she was free falling off a cliff. Her sister was the only solid, stable thing in the avalanche of emotion and she held on with both hands.
“You miss your husband. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I love him,” Raina wailed. Part of her wanted to curse these damn pregnancy hormones but a tiny, smug part of her knew that what she was saying had nothing to do with her pregnancy and everything to do with her heart.
Ridley cupped her face and grinned. “You think I don’t know that? The two of you have been crazy in love with each other since you met. You just didn’t know what to do with it then.”
Raina shook her head. Just the thought of Nick made her simultaneously happy and sick to her stomach at the same time. It was a cruel fate that her last memory of him was watching him walk away.
She wondered if he was still working himself into the ground trying to find funding for the Alexander Foundation. Was he eating right and getting enough sleep?
Did he miss her?
“I don’t even know how he’s doing. What if something bad happened to him? I wouldn’t even know.”
“Nick is at our house right now,” Ridley said.
Raina gripped her sister’s arms. “He is?”
“Yeah. He’s been staying at his place in Virginia Beach. I’m not going to lie. He doesn’t look good. He looks about the same as you do.”
Raina sighed. “Then why did he leave? How could he do that? After everything we’ve been through I thought we would stick together through anything. But he never came back.”
“He did that for you. He thinks your relationship is too stressful for you to handle right now. You were really upset.” Ridley led her to one of the chairs at the kitchen island. “As a matter of fact, you should be sitting down. You’re supposed to stay off your feet.”
Raina sat and laid her head on her arms. “I just feel like everything is falling apart. Nick is gone. The network decided not to pick up any additional episodes of my show. I don’t know what to do.”
“Who are you and what have you done with my real sister?”
“Huh?”
Ridley crossed her arms. “I know you’re going through a hard time but this is not you.” She gestured at Raina. “Where’s the girl who told me to seduce Jackson? Where’s the girl who doesn’t care what anyone thinks and was brave enough to start her own fashion column when she couldn’t find work?”
“She’s gone,” Raina mumbled.
“I don’t believe that. If the network is balking at picking up more episodes, then shop it elsewhere. If no one else wants it, why can’t you produce it on your own? Put it on the Legs blog so people can watch online. I bet you’d attract enough advertisers to cover the cost.”
“I could do it myself,” Raina repeated absently. She sat up as she considered the idea.
Half of the reason she’d declined to film more episodes of the show was because she didn’t really like reality shows. There wasn’t much real about them. Just people with too much makeup on acting as outrageous as possible to attract viewers. That was what the networks wanted to see—drama and bad behavior.
She wasn’t interested.
But if she did it herself, she could take it back to her original vision. If she filmed some candid video herself, she wouldn’t even have to hire a camera crew. She could show her fans what her life was really like and share with them the things she was trying to do in the future.
A true behind-the-scenes look at her life.
“When did you get so smart?” she asked Ridley.
“I’m learning that sometimes if you take a chance, things will work out the way they’re supposed to. Before Jackson came to see me after I was shot, I was on my way to go get him. I just never made it past the door. But I was on my way. Nick isn’t going to come to you. He’s gotten this crazy notion that you can’t handle the stress of him being here. You have to fix this. This is real life. Strong women don’t wait to be saved. Sometimes we have to do the saving.”
Raina leaned against her sister and closed her eyes. “I am really proud of the woman you’ve become, Ri.”
Ridley beamed. “Good. Then take my advice and go get your man!”
* * * * *
THE NEXT DAY Nick logged onto the Alexander Foundation website. He’d been getting email confirmations all morning for new donations. Usually donations came in at a trickle. It was rare to get more than a few in a month unless he’d been speaking at an event or had paid for advertising.
The main webpage for the site showed that he’d received twenty donations in the last hour.
He hit the button for the speaker on his phone. “Kay? Did we run the advertising in the Virginia Chronicle yet?”
“No, that’s not slated to run until next week.”
He glanced back at the webpage. Twenty donations wasn’t anywhere near enough to get him out of the hole they were in, but it was quite a jump from the usual.
He went back to the investment plan he was working on but he left the website open so he could see if anymore donations came in during the day. Maybe one of the donators would leave a comment that would give him a clue where they’d learned about the foundation.
He worked on several client files and then checked the donation page of the website again around lunchtime. His eyes widened when he saw the visitor count. The page had received over ten thousand views since he’d last checked. He looked at the donation meter and his mouth fell open.
They’d received over thirty thousand dollars’ worth of donations.
He scrolled through the comments. Most of them were pretty generic.
Happy to donate to such a good cause!
Here’s my contribution.
Heard about this on the Legs blog. Happy to donate!
With trembling hands, Nick opened a new browser window on the computer. He did an Internet search for “Raina Winters Legs Blog” until he found it. Then he clicked on the page.
Just then Kay’s voice blared through the speaker on his desk. “Mr. Alexander, your next appointment is here.”
He fumbled with the button until he managed to engage the intercom. “I need a moment, Kay.”
Then he scrolled through the entries on the site. The first page was an introduction from Raina with several pictures from her most recent modeling jobs. He clicked on a few of the menu items at the top. There was a gardening column and a guide to dressing for different body types. He clicked on the last menu item labeled “About Raina.”
He heard his office door open but didn’t raise his head. “Dammit, Kay. Not now! They’ll have to wait,” Nick snapped.
“Well, I hope that’s not how you talk to the poor girl most of the time.”
Nick spun in his seat. Raina stood just inside the doorway, her hand still on the knob. He could see Kay standing in the background.
“I told her not to tell you that I was your three o’clock appointment. I wasn’t sure if you’d see me otherwise. Is it okay that I’m here?” Her voice was strong but she looked a little uncertain.
“Of course it is. I’m just surprised to see you.” He stood and met her in the middle of the room. “How are you? You look amazing.”
She was wearing a loose white T-shirt and denim shorts. She was still thin, much too thin, but her eyes were bright and the flush was back in her cheeks.
She’d never looked more beautiful to him.
“I’m doing much better. I’ve been eating the blandest food ever. I’ve never been so tired of chicken broth and toast but at least I can keep it down.”
She pressed a hand against her lower abdomen and a pang went through Nick as he thought of their child. He was going to miss seeing Raina’s body change as the baby got bigger. He was going to miss everything. Like he missed her.
“Our baby is the size of a lime now,” he blurted.
Raina smiled softly. “I see you’re still reading that pregnancy book.”
He looked at her until she met his gaze. “I still care about what happens to you. That hasn’t changed. That will never change.”
Raina crossed the room and launched herself at his chest. “I’m so glad to hear you say that. I’ve done nothing but think about the things I said to you. I was so stupid. You’ve never asked me for anything. All you’ve done is give, give, give. If anyone is the user in this relationship, it’s me.” She looked up at him, her eyes wet. “I never should have accused you of using me for money, Nick. That was vile.”
“Nothing has ever hurt as much as thinking you didn’t trust me. All I want is to be everything you need, Raina. From the moment we met, I’ve been trying to be a better man. For you.”
“You are all I need.” She put her arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. “I realized how stupid it was that I ever listened to anything Steven said. It was just so much easier than trusting that this could be real. But he did have one good idea. He said he’d assumed you’d asked me to put an ad for the foundation on my website. Which was a great plan, actually. So that’s what I did. See?”
She pulled him by the hand over to his computer. When she saw that it was already on her website, she looked up at him. “You already saw it?”
“No, I was about to take a look. That’s why I was so impatient with the pushy client who couldn’t give me an extra five minutes.”
Her lips twitched. “Well, you might as well just watch it.”
He sat in his chair and pulled her on his lap. She leaned over and used the mouse to scroll down the screen. Then she clicked on something and a video started to play.
