Loving Again: The Broken Hearts Club

by Michele Barlow

  Elena: What she said.

  Evie: I’ve got customers, thanks guys. You’re my rocks!

  Evie moved away from her phone since a few of her girls had started sending immature emojis eggplants, burritos, and hotdogs.

  An hour later, Hailey was dropped off by Tanya and her son Preston. The kids came tearing into the shop, both of them barefoot and covered in dried mud. Hailey had a handful of what appeared to be chicken feathers, and Preston was chasing behind her yelling, “I’m gonna eat you!” Which explained why Hailey was clucking like a chicken.

  “Wow, they look like they had fun,” Evie said laughing at the kids. Mud was just a step away from clay and it never bothered her so she let them loose in the shop knowing any muddy footprints could be swept up.

  “I can report that Honeybee did assure me that Hailey found those feathers on the ground and did not, in fact, pluck them from any live chicken,” Tanya said laughing while setting down Hailey’s bag and shoes.

  “Good to know. They seem… extra exuberant today,” Evie said, watching the kids stop their chicken game and move onto spinning around until they fell down.

  “They were taste-testing nature’s candy today,” Tanya said rolling her eyes.

  “Nature’s candy?”

  “Yup, they’re full of berries and honey. Basically, they’re running on pure sugar, just the natural kind. I’m going to see you at the alpaca farm field trip right? Please, please, tell me I don’t have to go alone with the sweet but militant vegan moms?”

  Tanya reminded Evie of her girls back in Colorado, and that was probably why they got along so well. They were moms on a mission trying to keep their kids alive, healthy, and most importantly, happy. Nothing more extreme than that.

  “Alpacas? How could I resist? And I’ll sneak some beef jerky in for the both of us.”

  “That sounds wonderful. Think I can sneak in some booze?” Tanya pondered tapping her chin.

  “Probably not, but we can meet up here afterwards and at least have a glass of wine.”

  “Deal! Preston, stop spinning, it’s time to go!”

  Evie ruffled Preston’s hair as he wobbled by waving goodbye. After they left, Evie closed up the shop and started prepping Hailey for the evening.

  “Baby, is it okay if Miss Mabe comes and stays with you for a little bit? I’m going to have dinner with the nice man that fixed our broken pipe to say thank you.”

  “A man?” Hailey was sucking on a bright orange popsicle, swing her legs on a stool Evie kept behind the counter.

  “Yes, a nice man. He helped mommy when the water leaked.”

  “Oh, that’s nice. You gonna kiss him?”

  “What?! No, why would you say that?”

  “You liked to kiss daddy, remember? You’d play that kissy game.”

  Evie did remember. Hailey would get jealous she was getting left out of kisses, so they’d pick her up in between them and kiss her cheeks noisily.

  “Yes, I remember. It’s been a long time since we did that.”

  “It was fun,” she said, licking her popsicle. “Is he your boyfriend?”

  “No! Just a friend, baby. Mommy doesn’t need a boyfriend.”

  “You were happier with daddy. Maybe you need one?”

  The logic of a four-year-old was hard to argue with. They saw the world very clearly. Mommy with daddy meant happy. Mommy without daddy was not happy. Conclusion, mommy needed a new man to make her happy again.

  “We’re pretty happy together, aren’t we? Just me and you, right?”

  “I guess, but you’re all alone. I have friends at school. You need friends. Boyfriends.”

  Evie didn’t feel like explaining the complexities of dating to her daughter. There was plenty of time for that in say, ten years or so. “Okay, I’ll see if Leo wants to be my friend.”

  “Good!” Hailey shouted.

  “Good, baby.”

  They finished out their day with Hailey molding some strange looking creatures out of clay. Some of Hailey’s creations had come out of the kiln and they put them on a display in a special corner of the shop. Evie made a pretty sign that Hailey had covered in hearts and glitter. It said: Works by Hailey.

  She loved seeing the pride in her daughter’s eyes as she saw the things she had created on display. She knew just how Hailey felt. This was what coming here and opening the shop was all about. Her and Hailey... Leo didn’t factor into those plans, and she had to remember that.

  Chapter 10

  Getting ready for a date was something that some people had probably honed to a perfect dance of curling irons and makeup. Evie had gone on her last official date in a pair of track pants and a stretched out college t-shirt, so it was safe to say that she was out of practice. Since Leo had instructed her to wear rain boots, she figured that a pair of jeans and a warm long sleeved sweater with a puffy jacket over top would suffice. She braided her hair at the sides and pulled it back. The makeup routine that she used to follow religiously had been replaced with a much simpler version.

  Hailey kept up a steady chatter of opinions on every step of Evie’s process. The little girl couldn’t understand why mommy didn’t want to wear the brightest red lipstick in her collection. After all, according to Hailey, red was the best color after pink, and purple, and yellow. Evie was keeping an eye on her seeing if this was just little girl fun or her daughter was reading more into it that she should have. For some reason, Hailey was oddly enthusiastic about her going out with a man. She’d like to pretend that her little girl didn’t know what was going on in the big picture. Then again, four-year-olds had a keen eye and could understand things they really shouldn’t.

  “Mommy, you look boootiful.”

  “Thank you. Are you sure you’re okay with Mabe watching you tonight? I already made you some mac- n-cheese and all you have to do is have her put it in the microwave to warm it up. I won’t be out late, just having dinner to say thank you to Leo for helping us out.

  “I want to meet him, too. We need a fixer around here.”

  “A fixer?”

  “Yeah, momma, a fixer to fix things. Daddy used to fix things, remember when he fixed my bike?”

  Evie did remember, because Isaac hadn’t secured the training wheels correctly and they had fallen off making Hailey fall too. Thankfully, all Hailey remembered was daddy getting a tool and making it better. Evie would love to tell her daughter that they could do just fine without a man in their lives, but she wasn’t so sure that was true.

  “You know, I bought a whole box of tools in case we need them. We can fix things ourselves.”

  “Mommy, they’re pink.” Her little girl said this with a certain amount of disdain.

  “Okay, fine. It’s good to have friends that know how to fix things. Let’s go down and wait for Mabe.”

  When Mabe arrived, she shuffled into the store carrying a large carpet style bag that only old ladies seemed to own.

  “Mabe, would it be easier to have you two stay down here?”

  “Are you saying I can’t make it up a set of measly stairs? What do you think I am? One hundred?”

  Evie wasn’t going to bring up the fact that she was pretty darn close. Holding her hand out, the three of them made it up the stairs and Evie got them settled with dinner and instructions.

  “Child, I think I can handle this. Go have a nice time. You know, Leo is a good man. Known him his whole life. He’s a keeper. That means you don’t throw him back once you caught him. You get my meaning?”

  Evie didn’t want to understand, but she did. “You are very pushy for a bookstore owner that carries a Mary Poppins bag.”

  “Pfft, she stole that idea from me. Now go, shoo, tell Leo I said hello and that he needs to come over and fix my squeaky door.”

  “Oh I see, I’m just your message delivery service.”

  “Yes dear, this has all been an elaborate plan to pass a note.”

  Evie went back downstairs and grabbed her purse that was under the counter. When s
he looked up, she saw a figure in the widow of the front door. She jumped and slammed her hand over her heart. She forgot how big he was.

  Walking to the door, she flipped the lock and opened the door.

  He was standing there, looking exactly as he had the night before. Rugged, strong, and very manly.

  “Sorry I scared you,” he said.

  “No, no. I should have expected you, I don’t know why I’m so jumpy.” Evie stepped out and closed the door behind her.

  “I figured you’d come down and I didn’t need to knock. Of course, if you planned on standing me up, you might have had a human popsicle on your porch in the morning.

  “Oh right, like you and Mabe would have let me do that. She’s pushy but adorable, by the way.”

  He didn’t say anything to that, he just smiled, reached out and grabbed her hand and started walking her towards a truck parked on the street.

  She liked having her hand held, it was a nice gesture, and it made her feel protected. It was silly, such a simple thing. But when she realized that no one had really held her hand except a child in the past year, it made it all the more special.

  Leo opened the truck door and helped her in. When he got in, she asked, “Where are we heading? I have my rubber boots on and the night is young.”

  “The beach. I’m going to cook you what I caught today.”

  “You fish or hunt?”

  “Fish, not that I won’t hunt, it’s just easier to get your food out of the sea.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever had a meal on the beach. I’ve been on picnics, but nothing that involved sand.”

  “I’m glad I get to show you something new.”

  They drove for a few minutes and came across a pull out on the side of the road. It wasn’t really a pull out, but it was wide enough that he could park. He came around and opened her door, helping her out. He grabbed her hand again like it was something he always did. At the back of the truck, he pulled out a medium sized cooler and a large bag.

  He was a quiet man who didn’t seem to talk unless he had to, and Evie found it calming.

  They walked to an opening in the grassy roadside. He went first and helped her down a steep slope. At the bottom, Evie found herself on a small, secluded beach surrounded by large rock cliffs. Near the top of the private beach was a large pile of wood resting in a pit that had been dug into the sand. There were also two low camp chairs and a grill leaning up against the woodpile.

  “You set all of this up?” She was surprised that he went to so much effort. She would have settled for a chain restaurant and food she didn’t have to cook herself.

  “Of course.”

  Obviously he had, stupid question, she blushed lightly. “This is really nice, Leo.” He just nodded and knelt to light the fire.

  Evie took a seat and watched the crackle of the fire. She zoned out a bit as Leo moved around. She was going to offer to help, but he seemed like he was on autopilot taking care of things, so she let him.

  Chapter 11

  Evie hadn’t scoffed at his choice of dinner locations, on the contrary, she seemed enchanted by the locale. Leo would often come down to this beach whenever he needed to have some quiet time. Not that he couldn’t have that anywhere, but for him, this place was where he could feel like he was the only person in the world.

  Now he’d shared it with Evie. He set up the grill and put out the salmon steaks to start cooking. He had made up a cold vegetable salad and had a bottle of wine. He offered her a glass and her distant eyes broke away from the fire and accepted it.

  While Leo cooked the fish over the fire. She asked him about the island and what he liked to do for fun. It turned out Leo was a solitary man that still managed to be part of the community. Evie had to wonder if Mabe dragged him out to be social. Evie was also impressed by his adept hand at cooking over a fire. The fish was cooking perfectly, and Leo had organized plates and napkins. Once the food was ready, he plated up the fish and salad for her. From the edge of the fire, he pulled a foil package that was near the coals and opened it to reveal a toasted loaf of sourdough bread. Handing her the plate they settled down to eat while they talked. Evie kept turning the conversation back to him. She liked hearing about his life on the island. In between talking, the rush of the waves would roll in and break their silence.

  She was thinking, the look in her eyes unfocused. It was as if she was checking out of the world and was somewhere else. He wanted to know why.

  “It’s nice down here, quiet.” he commented.

  “It is. The fire is warm and I like the crackle. I’ve always loved a bonfire. I think it’s my inner cavewoman that likes it.”

  Leo grunted in response. He had had the same thought about staring in a fire. He figured their ancestors used it as entrainment before being distracted by technology.

  “Thank you for coming out with me, Evie.”

  “I still don’t know why I said yes. I just, I like you. I know a woman isn’t supposed to blurt that out to a man. But I do.”

  “Why not blurt it out? It would make life way less complicated. Honesty gets you everywhere in my book. No guessing, no games.”

  “Okay; so, honestly then, why did you ask me out? We just met. You don’t know anything about me.”

  “I found you instantly attractive. After that, I also found you cute, funny, and kind. There was also something about you that made me want to step up and be there for you. I felt like you needed me.”

  “Leo, you can cut a girl to the quick. That sounds nice, it really does. I just don’t think I’m ready for that.”

  Leo decided to delve in. “Not ready? Bad divorce?”

  “No, a divorce would have been easier. Courts and custody fights would have made me mad and a little sad, instead of just… empty. Divorce brings pain and then sadness followed up with a healthy dose of depression. I’m a bit lost with what path I’m supposed to be following. It’s hard to know the rules because no one ever talks about how you are supposed to feel after you lose someone.”

  That told him plenty. “I’m really sorry to hear that, Evie. That must have been hard, and I’m guessing it’s still hard.”

  He wasn’t going to push her to talk, but he’d listen if she wanted to.

  “I guess after the initial numbness wore off I was more angry at myself. I had never even considered the possibility that my husband could die. I mean, we had a perfect life, and I mean that. It was perfect. Maybe that’s why the universe wanted to punish us. We had a great marriage, a beautiful daughter, a nice home. It was almost too easy. We were happy. Why couldn’t we have stayed happy?”

  Leo gave the fire a poke. “I can’t answer that. I don’t know why things like that happen. It’s not fair, but I don’t ever remember getting a promise of a perfect life. I’m a spiritual man, meaning I think we are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for, and the world around us will test us to remind us of that fact. Not in a bad way, just that we need to remember that we are tough and resilient. It’s a reminder we need.”

  “You know, I never got that promise either. Maybe I should have asked for it in writing. I think that because I hadn’t thought about it and my husband had, it made me feel like I wasn’t as present as he was. Does that make sense? After the accident... it was so strange. He’d made sure things would be easy for me to take care of. I didn’t do that for him, I never thought that it could happen. I was so sure that my life was set in stone. Then one day it fell apart in a catastrophic way. My family and his family were amazing. Then they became too helpful, too smothering. I don’t blame them, they were helping, or at least they thought they were. I finally decided that if I was ever going to be a good mother I needed to not have everyone treating me like I should be in mourning for the rest of my life.”

  “I can see that. Each person gets to decide how best to move on. If there were real rules about it, very few people would be able to follow them.”

  “I love my family, and my in-laws. They are awesome and he
lped out so much. Then I started to realize that even though my husband had let me go, which I truly felt he did in a letter he wrote, our families were so determined to keep him alive in spirit that it was constantly brought up. Don’t get me wrong, I think about him all the time. That’s the worst part. We didn’t have some angry breakup so I could hate him. He didn’t cheat on me, abuse me, or treat me bad in any way. One day he was gone. I wasn’t sure what to do with all the love I had left inside of me for him. I channeled it into my daughter and I keep his memory alive for her. But he can’t be a constant part of my day anymore. My family thought I was trying to forget about him. I wasn’t. I just didn’t think I needed to announce to everyone I was a widow.”

  Leo kept quiet, nodding his head in response as he poked at the fire.

  “I’m sorry I blurted all that out on you. You probably want to run away now. I wouldn’t blame you. Hey, better you know now that I’m all messed up right? Honesty?”

  “You aren’t messed up, Evie. I could sense you had a serious loss the first time I met you.”

  “You could? How?”

  He wondered if he should reassure her that it wasn’t obvious to everyone. But he could see it written in her eyes and in the smallest movements she made.

  “You think you’ve moved on, but you are still carrying it around. You’re just ignoring it now. I’m not judging, not my place. But I think that although you made a move away from your family by yourself, you still might need some support.”

  “I’ve got Mabe,” she laughed sadly.

  “And now you have me. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. We all have people in our past that changed who we are. No matter what their titles were, the emotions are the same.”

  “You may be right. What do you call your former spouse when they pass away? I get the fancy title of widow. But I don’t want to call him my ex, because that sounds like we are divorced. I don’t want to call him ‘my dead husband’ either, because that’s just morbid.”

  “You could be hopeful and call him your first husband that passed away. That tells people he died but you are hopeful for a future with another husband. You seem like the type of woman that could get lucky and find love more than once.”