Powerless (Book 1): Powerless

by McCreanor, Niall

  Guiding the girls to the extraction point, Tom awaited the return of the team. Checking his watch and seeing there were only two minutes until the charges were due to go off, he knew something was wrong. Wanting to go and help, he knew he couldn’t leave the girls. They were too vulnerable, most being too young to use their powers and Annie’s power had begun to wain from exhaustion. He knew he couldn’t leave. So he waited, and in waiting he could hear the charges he set explode and illuminate the sky from quite a distance away.

  Waiting for any signs of his comrade’s return and guarding the girls, he radioed for the chopper to come, as it did not look good. The chopper came quickly and Tom helped the kids on board. As he helped the last on, Tom turned and ran away from the chopper back in the direction of the village. The chopper waited for him but he did not return alone, emerging from the tree line with someone sprawled over his shoulder. Tom ran towards the chopper that now hovered above the ground in anticipation of his immediate entry. Tom threw the body of the man into the chopper and jumped in. Holding the man at his feet safe, he let out a breath of relief. The co-pilot of the chopper rolled his head round and asked shockingly, “Is that it?”

  Tom was struck with sadness and couldn’t reply but nodded his head in confirmation.

  “Who is it? I need to radio it in!”

  “It’s Sergeant McKay,” Tom replied as he sat back in his seat and looked out from the chopper at the devastation left behind.

  The subsequent military inquest into what happened that night found McKay to be at fault for leading his men into the village before Tom called it in, despite his protests that Tom should have been found at fault for the disaster. Tom’s actions won him the medal of valour; McKay’s actions cost him the lives of 14 soldiers and nearly ended his career. He was transferred to another division and Tom was promoted.

  *

  Lee shied away from the fact that his brother had an elevated profile, not wanting to add to his own, but the two brothers remained close into adulthood even though they didn’t see each other as often, as Tom travelled a lot with his job. Each time they saw each other, whether it had been just the night before, a month before or 6 months, it was as if they had never been separated. Conversation ran smoothly, jokes bubbled between them and they both felt secure in the knowledge that they had each other’s backs, both physically, mentally and emotionally. Philip had brought them up to value family above all else and this came as naturally to them as the abilities that they did or didn’t have.

  Lee grew comfortable within his routine, working in the paper for a few years and also playing the markets in secret, growing his nest egg. By his twenty-eighth birthday, through hard work and persistence, he became a senior editor at the paper and had enough money to last him two lifetimes, although he continued to maintain a modest lifestyle, finding it not only allowed him to live unnoticed, but was also a lifestyle he enjoyed, given his upbringing.

  Despite his financial and professional success, Lee couldn’t escape a lost feeling in himself. The persona reflected outwardly was that of a relatively successful man, but inwardly at times he felt empty. Unfulfilled by TV dinners and midnight stock market trading, he began to feel burdened once again with the secret he carried. Removed from the human touch he craved so much but had to avoid, he kept people at arm’s length. He often found himself longing for more and began to think that the longing that yearned inside him would be cured when he found another person to share part of his life with. Lee was very careful not to let anyone know of this feeling. It was less that he was looking for love but rather that he craved companionship; someone with whom he wouldn't feel like so much of an outsider, someone he didn’t have to hide from. Lee was in effect seeking his counterpoint.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  On a day like any other, he stopped to get a coffee in in the same shop that was his refuge when he needed. Normally he would get it to go, unless evading the police, but as it was raining on this day, and having ignored the advice given to him earlier by the weatherman to take an umbrella, he opted to sit awhile and drink in the neighbourhood until the rain lifted.

  The rain seemed to persist as if to keep him from leaving and by now any remnants of the heat that had been in the end of his coffee had long dispelled and the foam that was Lees favourite part of a coffee was now crystallised with the sugar, coating the base of the coffee cup. Lee put the cup to the side and stopped thinking back about the past, letting a deep breath out as he relaxed his shoulders back and released the growing tension in his neck. Instead he turned his attention elsewhere, trying to enjoy what remained of his day off.

  Sitting by the window he watched the world pass for a while and found himself daydreaming. He watched the people, some on their own and some with friends, lovers and families. His family was strong, supportive and always there for him, but it wasn’t enough. He wondered if this was a selfish thought, as he had a family that so many people could only dream of. Not only were they supportive and loving, but he was also fantastic friends with both his brother and father, and never got bored or frustrated with their company. What he was frustrated with was that this was it. There was no one to hold hands with as he walked through the rain. No one to hold an umbrella over protectively. His parents had been lucky enough to have true romance and while it had been snatched away from them far too early, they still had it. For those few years they were everything to each other, and together they created two new lives and a whole world for their little family. Could Lee ever hope for such a thing? Could he ever be accepted for the person that he was, deep down, and let someone love him, powerless as he was?

  Watching the rain bounce off the window he noticed how people were seemingly dancing through the rain in desperation not to get wet. The futility of this endeavour made Lee smile quietly to himself. Whilst lost in his thoughts, he failed to notice the girl sitting across smiling at him from behind her book. As he continued to daydream the girl began to laugh at him. Her laugh was so endearing it brought Lee’s eyes to meet hers, playing with an old dull locket that sat around her neck as the warmth of her smile emanated out. Slightly startled and embarrassed, he adjusted his demeanour. The girl continued to smile at him and after a moment she said, “Are you enjoying yourself?”

  Lee responded to the girl with a warm inviting half smile, “Yea, I kind of am I suppose...”

  Standing up and walking towards him, it was only now that Lee was able to take in what he was faced with. He couldn’t take his eyes from her beautiful big eyes and warm smile, as she sat down by him.

  “Hi I’m Jennifer, Jennifer Patzner...”

  Conversation flowed naturally and he learned that she actually worked in the coffee shop and was on a break.

  He queried about the book she was reading and she paused, looking him straight in the eye and smiling. It was so refreshing for a guy to actually take an interest. She wasn’t oblivious to her looks and was quietly confident of her feminine features, but recently she had come to feel completely fed up of guys only being interested in flirting as she shied away from human contact. But she had too. As soon as she spoke of something close to her heart or made a remotely intelligent comment she could see the light fade from their eyes. Yet here was this man, holding her eye contact and seemingly completely interested in what she had to say. She dove straight in to telling him all about it.

  “The Picture of Dorian Gray. It is one of my all-time favourite books.” Lifting the book in her hand she flicked through the pages of the battered old copy and continued to tell him about the story. “It’s about a young man who sold his soul for eternal youth. His secret had cost him so much in his life, all for the pursuit of an eternal state of ecstasy.”

  Lee saw similarities with the secret Dorian Gray had to keep and the secret he kept himself, although he felt no such ecstasy. Lee's upbringing made him into an analytical and logical man. The only art form he really enjoyed was music and he found Jennifer’s openness and knowledge of all art forms endearing as sh
e spoke with pure passion from the heart. Her eyes sparkled, as she got lost in what she was saying. Never had he met a woman so captivating.

  He didn’t want to seem like the empty shell of a person that he felt like, so he focused on things that brought passion into his life. He told her about how close he was to his family and how both his brother and his father were real inspirations in guiding him to become the man that he was. He explained the main piece of wisdom that his father tried to instil in him and how it was a very basic piece of information that his father would repeat to him countless times, with the words, “Trust your gut, it won't lie to you, if something doesn’t feel right it's wrong.” Lee went on to talk about how his father opened his mind up to music and how listening to music together was how they spent countless nights when Lee was growing up.

  The conversation went on for another forty minutes. It flowed easily between them, each one picking up where the other left off, inspired by their words and looking deep into their own lives to find points of similarity. Without even noticing they were building up a network of common ground, becoming more and more trusting with each tale they told. They both exchanged stories of growing up, their careers and everything in between.

  Jennifer paused for a moment, toying with the cup in her hands before looking up at Lee with big eyes. He could tell she was contemplating saying something, but he kept quiet for fear of unintentionally putting her off. Instead he simply held her gaze and tried to encourage her with his warmest smile. She bit her lip and looked down at her cup once more. Then, taking a breath in, she playfully teased Lee about the fact that she had seen him come in and out of the coffee shop on a few occasions, but always seeming in a hurry, too much of a hurry for him to see her and to notice the fact that she was quietly trying to catch his eye. She looked down the whole time she spoke, only looking up to see his response as she finished speaking. She looked heartbreakingly beautiful at that moment, with her mix of insecurity and playful eagerness.

  “How could I have missed that?”

  Jennifer shyly looked down at her hands, “Well I guess you just weren’t looking.”

  She then paused for a moment, taking a sip of the drink she had been using to warm her hands. “But to be fair this is the first time I've actually seen you sit in with your drink. You are normally in and out of here. Suppose I can thank the rain for making you take a moment to yourself.”

  Through a burgeoning smile Lee gleefully proclaimed, “I’m glad it rained today.”

  The smile she gave in return was instant, and Lee could see the tension visibly release from her shoulders. He knew that whatever was between them was mutual.

  After a while Jennifer was telling Lee a story about when she was young and trying to fit in at school, and she dropped her book. At that moment both she and Lee reached to pick it up. His hand seemed to reach out and meet hers half way to picking up the book. Lee gave a little chuckle as if to say how absurd the scenario was.

  Looking at her he declared, “There is no way we are that cheesy.” and smiled warmly.

  Jennifer’s expression on the other hand was a mixture of confusion and intrigue; she nervously pushed her hand alongside her head and back down to the top of her neck. Gazing up at Lee she said, “I know this might seem odd, but would you hold my hand for a minute.”

  Lee, taken aback by how forward this girl he had just met was, answered, “Eh… Yea… Sure.” and placing his hand in hers, Lee became lost in her eyes; not being able to look anywhere else even though Jennifer’s eyes firmly fixated in the direction of their intertwined hands.

  After a few seconds Lee took a deep breath, drawing her attention back to him, staring him in the eyes.

  “I don’t know what it is, but there is something very different about you...”

  Lee laughed nervously and replied, “I hope that's a good thing...”

  “It’s more than good...”

  He suddenly contemplated that what she was saying might have something to do with his power or lack thereof, so reluctantly withdrew his hand from hers. He didn’t know what her power was, and while he knew many people’s, there was no telling whether she had a power that he had ever experienced before. A touch of dread seeped into his chest as he contemplated this, the very thought of it contradicting how he felt about her so far.

  Jennifer, once again playing with her locket, watched Lee as his facial expression betrayed the range of emotions he went through in a matter of mere seconds. She could tell that there was something hidden inside of Lee; a secret that he would not be sharing with her anytime soon. She wondered whether it was simply a past gone bad, affecting his present and future, or if it was something more sinister, perhaps something relating to his power, whatever that might be. She composed her face, giving a gentle smile with her eyes. The last thing that she wanted was for this sweet, intelligent man to withdraw from her, after they had spent the last hour getting to know each other at record speed. So she completely changed the topic, circling back to aspirations of what they wanted to do with their lives, what inspired them and just about every other topic under the sun. She had a feeling that the two of them would never run out of things to talk about.

  Seeing her once again rub the locket on her chain and the obvious emotional attachment she had with it, Lee enquired, “That’s a lovely locket, have you had it long?”

  “Yes, I’ve had it since I was little; my dad gave it to my mother.” Her demeanour and tone saddened “When he died, my mother gave it to me to help comfort me. I have worn it every day since; I literally never took it off after she put it on.” Opening the locket, peering at the old reproductions of her parents inside, keeping it close she hid the pictures from Lee’s line of sight as, having only just met him, sharing this part of her life wasn’t easy, and brought no comfort.

  Seeing her discomfort and relating to her pain, Lee proclaimed, “I am so sorry, losing a parent is hard. I never knew my mother.” Sharing this small piece of himself both reassured and consoled her.

  The conversation ended as Jennifer was called back to work, but they exchanged numbers before parting. As she was sauntering away she peered back and through a half smile and with bright eyes she said coyly, “Now don't lose that number. I don't give it to every boy I meet...”

  With that Lee reassured her, “Trust me, I won't...” and left the shop. Lee struggled with the concept of holding back his intentions towards Jennifer. He was both excited and scared at the prospect of meeting a girl like her, somehow sensing a safeness with her, someone who didn’t push for answers to questions Lee could not feel comfortable with.

  He called her within the hour of getting her number, but was worried that his angst would be viewed as a negative in her eyes. He had shied away from true affection and intimacy for the previous years of his life, scared of letting anyone too close for fear they would learn his secret. He put aside his nervousness and picked up the phone, after entering her number wrong three times due to nervousness he began to wonder if she gave him a wrong number. But he knew that this was unlikely and that the person she was wouldn’t be inclined to do something like this. He was also certain that she wasn’t an Italian restaurant as that was who he had called three times.

  He attempted to dial a fourth time. Slowly entering each digit and then double-checking to see if it was right. After checking the last digit he hit the dial button and tentatively waited. The phone rang a couple of times and then it answered. A soft voice said “Hello.” Lee could tell her voice already and it seemed familiar.

  “Hi Jennifer. Its Lee from the coffee…” She interrupted him happily before he could finish.

  “Hi Lee, how are you?”

  It was with this conversation that Lee was finally able to be connected to another person outside his small family. The sound of Jennifer’s voice, the easy conversation, everything about her made him relax and feel, for once in his life, that he wasn’t missing out on something that everyone else had.

  Jennifer found Lee
’s vulnerable yet paradoxically confident nature intriguing and the strength of feeling that Lee felt was mirrored in her. With nothing holding them back, the two began to date each other. This was to be the start of the first proper relationship Lee was to have since leaving college, so some of the waters ventured remained uncharted to him. They began to see each other regularly and quickly grew comfortable in each other’s company. The relationship may have started off slowly as he would always shy away from certain topics in order to conceal any clues as to his abilities and lack thereof, but the strength of feeling between them developed at an alarming speed.

  Lee could never quite dismiss the feeling that Jennifer would eventually have to know about his powerlessness, but he felt so at ease in her company that he frequently pushed the thought away from the front of his mind, preferring to be in the present moment with her. Jennifer on the other hand was excited to be with Lee and seemed to want to accelerate the relationship whenever she could.

  Finally she had found her match; someone who stimulated her physically, mentally and emotionally and she was not shy about showing how much she wanted him in her life. Lee couldn’t help but notice her attempts to move things forward; simple little things like wanting to meet his family early in the relationship and talking about their future together. Whenever he became aware of this happening he tended to slow things down.

  He would often say to her, “It's not about the speed in which it takes us to get to the destination; it's about the journey...” When Jennifer heard this she knew that his intentions were true and she just needed to be patient with him.